The future of technology is upon us. If companies do not invest in tomorrow's systems today they are doomed. High-Tech directories are littered with the names of businesses that are no longer trading. Hardware and software developers need to continually monitor the horizons of zones of interest and concern themselves with more significant issues than password security.
Compiling phrases such as 'What is the name of your ugliest child?' or 'How old were you when you stopped trying?' are for people who cannot see that their world will shortly evaporate.
The next generation of data processing will be based on new protocols currently under development. These Formalised Meta Languages will enable cross-platform seamless integration with all devices and media.
These will incorporate the Boner Wave effect to reduce the consumption of memory and power and thus diminish the global reliance on cobalt, a major component of batteries for high-drain electronic devices.
*
"You can't embarrass me."
'Oh dear', thought Phil. His girlfriend was challenging him; this was going to be awesome.
"You know that. You can't do it". They were in the local supermarket, doing their weekly chore shopping. Chantelle was extraordinarily gorgeous with a mane of glossy auburn hair flowing over her shoulders.
Always perfectly made up, dressed to kill even for a shopping trip. Heels, sprayed-on tight jeans and a T shirt casually off one shoulder to show a brightly coloured lacy bra strap meant that she attracted looks from men constantly. Damn, he was punching above his weight.
They approached the pharmacy counter and Phil braced himself. He was a software developer by training and like many of that industry was inclined to self-obsession and could be uncomfortable in public situations. However the rewards to be gained by meeting the trials set by Chantelle were substantial and physical and he was now coming out of his shell where he had spent his youth hiding.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Then loudly and confidently he announced deliberately for everyone around to hear "I think we're out of contraceptives. Which are your favourites?"
Damn, he'd embarrassed himself as the other customers in the aisle turned to stare. Phil could feel himself reddening.
Chantelle however was unfazed. "I've had enough of condoms, I don't like the taste; have they got any caps?" She spoke just as loudly.
"How about the spermicidal gel that you stick up inside yourself? You tried it once, you loved it." He couldn't admit defeat this early.
"Have you seen the price of it? I'm not paying that much for sex." Everyone within sight was looking at them now.
"OK, if you feel like that, We'll just go bare-back." He grinned to himself. Right smart-ass; top that.
"I'm not risking getting pregnant again, you'll just have to stick it up my ass." That was it, she had him beat. She always defeated him at this sort of thing.
Quietly he walked past the contraceptive display and picked up a tube of toothpaste, which was all they actually needed.
* * *
Spring was in the air and Phil was due some time off work. He headed the team of programmers at a tech company, which was now at full stretch with orders for his revolutionary product. This was a form of electronic computer memory known as Write-Only Memory that could write store data on a device to produce 'Eternally Inaccessible Storage' known as EIS.
Development of the product with the associated hardware had been a long tough haul for Phil. Though his work was at completion and the project had been handed over to Manufacturing and Sales departments, the inevitable bug reports and revision requests would soon roll in. In the meantime he anticipated a quiet couple of weeks before the shit-storm. Ever onward, the world of ICT never sat still, it would soon be time to devise another TLA.
The management suggested a weekend conference break combined with team-building exercises. Phil had no intention of spending more time than necessary with that bunch of neck-beards and swiftly booked some time off.
He thought that he had just the idea for a short holiday, "Chantelle, do you fancy going on a break?"
"Sure, any time. What have you in mind?"
"I dunno, a few days away. Nothing fancy, just a hotel break in the countryside. I'll get something booked."
Chantelle studied him. He was always trying to prank her, it was time to get one back over him. He obviously had a period of fornication planned -- not that there was anything wrong with that -- but she had learned that it paid to be careful and not take anything he said at face value.
He was good looking, now that she had dragged him somewhere decent for a modern haircut and organised his wardrobe. Unfortunately he knew it and was always checking to see how he looked whenever he passed a window or mirror. Six feet tall and muscular, a good square jaw. She loved to smooth her hands over his thighs and feel the skin rippling to her touch.
She also loved to see him blush and knew that he wasn't as confident as he liked to make out. At work he was surrounded by nerds and shaggy-haired introverts but his outward appearance belied his profession.
"So where are we going?"
He paused. "I'll let you know when we get there. It'll be a surprise."
'Here we go', she thought. 'Let's organise a surprise if he wants one...'
* * *
A week later and they were packed and getting into his car with their cases. "Are you telling me where we're going now?" Phil still hadn't announced where they were staying.
"No, wait until we arrive. I'll tell you when we get there"
"Well before we go, I have a surprise for you."
Phil stopped dead. Her surprises were usually devastating and he had made plans. "What do you mean?"
"We have to stop off first, a couple of streets away."
A feeling of dread came over him. He didn't want this trip ruined.
"Come on, get going. I'll tell you when we get there." She laughed, turning his words against him.
Phil put the car into gear and set off, following her directions. He stopped the car outside a house and Chantelle alighted. She knocked on the front door and it opened; a plump elderly grey-haired lady wearing a floral dress and sensible shoes came to the car dragging a case behind her. "Phil, you've met my Grandma before; she's been feeling lonely so I asked her if she could join us on our holiday."
Phil was dumbstruck. What he had planned definitely did not include Grandmas. "But we can't take anyone with us."
"I've asked her now, I can't tell her to get back in the house. Don't you like my Grandma? Are you worried she's going to cramp your style?"
It wasn't a question of not liking her, the whole thing was just impossible. "Where we're going we can't take her."
"Of course we can. She's a right character, loves a laugh. Game for anything is my Gran." And with that the car door opened, the woman sat on the rear seat and placed the the case alongside herself.
Automatically Phil drove off again, Chantelle alongside him with her grandmother on the back seat. He couldn't think straight, this was impossible. "The thing is, the resort I've booked is for couples only."
He glanced at his girlfriend who was grinning triumphantly. "What place is that? I've heard of 'no children', but I've never heard of 'no grannies'. And by the way, April Fool!"
Phil groaned. He'd planned this himself as an April Fool but he'd ended up being the idiot.
This was all wrong. Chantelle was looking hot; the seat belt was between her breasts so that they protruded even more than usual. She was wearing a short skirt with bare legs; normally he would be looking for a secluded place to pull over and jump her, but with her ageing relative in the car he had no chance of such fun and games.
Chantelle's grandmother was a spritely lady and the owner of a raucous laugh; he had met her the previous Christmas at a party where she had become quite drunk and danced around the room. Then she had fallen over and had to be carried home. His unabating memory was of her lying on the floor with her legs in the air, showing a short pair of stockings and a large pair of pink panties..
On this day however the old lady was sober and on her best behaviour. "Listen to me, Philip. You can't call me 'Grandma', it does nothing for my self-esteem. Call me 'Margaret'. Everyone else does except for Chantelle. Now I understand that this is a mystery trip and were not allowed to know where until we reach it. So I'll say no more about it."
He carried on driving, irresistibly drawn to his destination. He fancied himself as a sharp wit but he had absolutely no idea how to resolve this dilemma. All too soon they arrive at the resort and the sign above the entrance was bright and there for everyone to read: 'Sealands Sun Center.'
* * *
Chantelle opened her door and read the sign. "Are you shitting me?"
Her grandmother got out of the car and said "Are we there yet?"
Phil stayed where he was, and said "This isn't going too well."
Chantelle caught hold of her grandmother's arm, "Grandma, we need to discuss things. This seems to be a naturist resort. I don't think that this is appropriate. We need to find somewhere else. Phil, what were you playing at?"
He shrugged, "This was supposed to be an April Fools, in case it's not obvious. And it was only supposed to be the two of us."