Note: There is a fair amount of character development in this tale, as it is a mostly true story of friendship and love that developed between a younger woman and a man who is twenty years older.
*
"Hey Sean, are you available?" It was my boss Janelle calling from next door. I was tempted to ignore her. It was late, it was Friday, and I wanted to simply get home.
"Yeah, Janelle, I'm here. On my way," I responded as cheerily as possible. As I turned the corner, I could see Janelle showing another woman some of the work I was doing for an upcoming exhibit at the small museum where we both worked. As for the other woman, I didn't pay much attention, until she turned around.
"Sean, this is Erika," Janelle said with a smile. She will be heading our new interactive children's initiative.
I know this is cliche, but at that moment I really was tongue tied. I had never seen such beautiful blue eyes. What was even more stunning, however, was the fact that those blue eyes beautifully, and incongruously, enhanced Erika's beautiful Latina features and coloring. She had to be wearing contacts, I told myself.
All of sudden I was embarrassed. I was frozen looking into Erika's eyes. They were warm and magnetic, but I realized that I must look like a perv to this much younger woman.
"Younger" was right. As for "woman," well that was a category Erika barely fell into. She looked 18, and couldn't be more than 22. There was something so sweet, and so strong, about Erika, and I was struggling to stay professional.
I couldn't help noticing that, in addition to being so much younger than I (at 40), Erika was also much smaller. She couldn't have been more than five feet tall, while I topped out at just over 6'4".
I also noticed that, in spite of her petite stature, Erika's breasts were gigantic, but then I quickly looked away, towards the ceiling, pretending to be deep in thought. I had never been obsessed with the size of a woman's breasts, but with Erika that all changed.
In the end, It was easy to have a friendly, professional, and innocent conversation with Erika. She was kind and, oddly, she was also interested in my planned upcoming exhibit. I found myself asking her so many questions about her background, training and professional goals. I was fascinated by her abilities, insight, and lack of pretense.
I wish I could share that Erika I soon became good friends, but that would be the stuff of fiction. She was almost 20 years younger than I was, and "good guys" of my chronology steer clear of young women. So, instead of becoming close friends, Erika and I ended up being friendly peers, and working on a few committees over the next few years.
Still, it was nice to see that Erika appeared to respect me professionally, and maybe even liked me as a person. (I assumed that I was probably close to her parents' age, and guessed that I was probably a nice old man in her eyes.) She was always so kind, and never failed to ask me questions about my work and my kids.
The day Erika left the museum, three years later, was a sad one. I couldn't help but feel I had missed out on something better with Erika. Perhaps it was only a deeper friendship. I was sure it wasn't romance. I was too old for this cute millennial.
Three years passed, and I moved a few hours away to take a director's position at another museum. My first day there my life was unexpectedly interrupted in the best way possible.
"Sean, I'd like to introduce you Raelynne and Erika. They will be working with you, serving as our liaisons with local school districts and other groups who visit the museum."
I didn't hear anything else that my new assistant Jon went on to say. I actually got butterflies in my stomach. Was I really getting a second chance to know Erika? I kept trying to push my feelings away, but I was losing the battle.
Erika's happiness to see me was shocking, to say the least, but it also wasn't helping my situation. I was like a deer in the headlights, thrilled to see that she was excited for me to join the museum as a new director. Her blue eyes sparkled, her smile was so sweet, and I felt like I was starting a journey that would take me home.
In the weeks that followed, Erika and Raelynne came to be the best friends I had ever known. Erika was so smart and kind, and Raelynne was hilarious. They both were loyal and supportive beyond anything I had ever known. We were quite the trio, doing everything together. Even outside of work.
I was falling hard and fast for my friend Erika, but I tried valiantly to be more of an older brother, or even an uncle type of friend to both her and Raelynne.
At dinner one night, I awkwardly asked them about their romantic hopes. Trying too hard to be an "older friend," I then offered my most sage (i.e., stupid) advice. It was truly awkward.
Raelynne said she was looking for someone like Erika and winked at her, and they both laughed uproariously. This was Raelynne's way of avoiding the topic. She hated talking about men and dating.
Erika quickly turned somber, though, and with discomfort, told us she wanted someone within five years of her age, who was also a "bad ass" with lots of money. My heart sank. I already knew I had no hope of being with her, but to be ruled out like that hurt. It also made me angry to hear that she needed a lot of money. This didn't even sound like the Erika I knew. I vowed to never talk matters of the heart with her again.
In spite of that awful evening, Erika and I actually grew closer. She was truly my best friend. Another co-worker even told me how amazing it was that Erika could connect deeply with me as a father figure. Ouch.
One Friday night, at our favorite dive bar, after Erika and I had downed a number of drinks, Raelynne informed the two of us that we were lucky to spend time with her, as we were both, "barely worthy," of being her friends. It was hilarious, but maybe this was due to the alcohol we had just consumed. Still, I swore I saw something more than friendship in Erika's amazingly blue eyes. My heart jumped into my throat and I had to change the subject fast.
"Umm, Erika?" I struggled to ask. "How much does it cost to buy colored contacts?"
Erika looked, confused, then pissed, and then relieved when I broke out laughing. "What the fuck?" she queried. "The blue in my eyes is real. My mom is Mexican, but my dad is Irish. Somehow the recessive genes won."
After more laughter, and a few more drinks, a sober, designated driving Raelynne ushered the two of us to the door. She took our money to pay for drinks and tip. Meanwhile we headed outside to wait for our long-suffering friend.
Walking out the front door with Erika, I was immediately embarrassed to find myself gawking at two lesbians who were making out in front of us on the sidewalk. "I'm assuming you enjoy some benefits in dating a dude that tall," the one woman said, winking at Erika. It was my turn to turn red.
I answered, without thinking, "I wish. We're just friends."
Immediately I felt humiliated. Erika now knew.
Thankfully, Raelynne exited the bar at that point, and shooed us to her car. The ride home was fairly quiet. Raelynne seemed to sense something big had happened. Thankfully, I was soon in bed asleep.
"Hi Sean!" I had hoped to sneak into my office without Erika seeing me.
"Good morning Erika," I answered. I was still embarrassed, but grateful that she was apparently still my friend.
Then, for the first time ever, I stared at Erika's tiny ass as she turned away. What was I doing? It was like the floodgates had opened. I started thinking about how her tiny ass contrasted beautifully with her huge breasts and cute, petite stature.
Somehow I pushed forward with my day. When I got home that night, however, things weren't so easy. I had always been so respectful of Erika. I was even protective of her. Yet now, here I was, alone on a Monday night, wondering what she would look like without her clothes on.
Entering the kitchen, I grabbed a couple cold beers from the refrigerator and headed to my bedroom. I locked the door, even though the kids were now away at college. Old habits die hard, they say. Alone with my thoughts, my mind wandered once again.
It was a hot night, and I quickly slid out of my clothes. Lying naked under the cool fan, lights off, I imagined Erika looking at me with her beautiful blue eyes, tan skin, red tinted brown hair, and that incredible smile. Then I started thinking about her breasts. I had never done that before. I felt a bit guilty.
Like I said, Erika is about five feet tall, but I was sure she needed at least a DD bra. Her breasts and curves, combined with her strong little arms, cute ass and incredible legs, were a combination that now consumed my mind with lust. I was on fire, giving way to long suppressed desire for this woman who had become my best friend.
In spite of my professionalism at work, I had seen a lot of the casual Erika in our time outside of work. (Without ogling.) Erika's "social clothes" were a lot less conservative than her work clothes. At work there was never a hint of cleavage to be seen, but on the weekends Erika was all about deep plunging tops, very short shorts, and amazing high heeled shoes.
I slid my hands across my own tall frame, tweaked my nipples and groped my cock.
My back arched just at the thought of Erika pulling her shirt off, and wiggling out of those short shorts. I had to work harder to fantasize after that, as I had obviously never seen Erika nude. As the clarity of the fantasy grew foggier, I went back to imagining that I was looking into those amazing blue eyes. I began to stroke my cock, longing to be with my best friend.
I was hard and ready that night, and I came very quickly. Immediately embarrassed following the short afterglow, I turned my TV on and watched an old episode of Cheers to take my mind off of things. Down deep, though, I felt I had betrayed Erika with a cheap masturbation fantasy, but I soon fell asleep.
"Why are you ignoring me, and why won't you look at me?" I looked up and saw Erika standing in the doorway to my office, a sad smile on her lips.
"What?" I weakly responded.
"Look," Erika went on, "You're my best friend, but sometimes I don't get you. What the f-" and then she stopped herself.
Erika had the mouth of a sailor, but she always tried to control it at work. I thought I saw her eyes grow misty for a moment, but she quickly turned and left.
"Fuck" I said aloud to no one.
I was letting my embarrassment get in the way of my friendship with Erika. If only I could tell her how I felt. There were understandable limits on what was proper to say since we worked together.
That's when my obsession to find a new job took hold. I realized there was basically no hope for romance, but she was my best friend and I couldn't keep anything secret from her anymore.
Later that afternoon, I called my old boss at the small museum back home where Erika and I had first met. I had been e-mailed the previous week about an assistant curator position they had open. (The hope was the I could recommend someone to them.) It was way below my experience level, but there aren't many positions available at my level.
Janelle, was shocked when she heard that I was interested in an assistant's job, but she assured me the board would want me back. I don't know if anyone has ever been as happy as I was to get such a job. It came with a loss of prestige and salary. So what? I was now free to tell Erika, if I could ever get the nerve to do so.
Erika and Raelynne began to tear up when I told them that I would be moving back home to my old museum. Then, on my way home, I called Erika. Slightly stumbling over my words, I lamely asked if she would want to meet and help me pick up some moving boxes. She quickly agreed to meet.
