Note: There is a fair amount of character development in this tale, as it is a mostly true story of friendship and love that developed between a younger woman and a man who is twenty years older.
*
"Hey Sean, are you available?" It was my boss Janelle calling from next door. I was tempted to ignore her. It was late, it was Friday, and I wanted to simply get home.
"Yeah, Janelle, I'm here. On my way," I responded as cheerily as possible. As I turned the corner, I could see Janelle showing another woman some of the work I was doing for an upcoming exhibit at the small museum where we both worked. As for the other woman, I didn't pay much attention, until she turned around.
"Sean, this is Erika," Janelle said with a smile. She will be heading our new interactive children's initiative.
I know this is cliche, but at that moment I really was tongue tied. I had never seen such beautiful blue eyes. What was even more stunning, however, was the fact that those blue eyes beautifully, and incongruously, enhanced Erika's beautiful Latina features and coloring. She had to be wearing contacts, I told myself.
All of sudden I was embarrassed. I was frozen looking into Erika's eyes. They were warm and magnetic, but I realized that I must look like a perv to this much younger woman.
"Younger" was right. As for "woman," well that was a category Erika barely fell into. She looked 18, and couldn't be more than 22. There was something so sweet, and so strong, about Erika, and I was struggling to stay professional.
I couldn't help noticing that, in addition to being so much younger than I (at 40), Erika was also much smaller. She couldn't have been more than five feet tall, while I topped out at just over 6'4".
I also noticed that, in spite of her petite stature, Erika's breasts were gigantic, but then I quickly looked away, towards the ceiling, pretending to be deep in thought. I had never been obsessed with the size of a woman's breasts, but with Erika that all changed.
In the end, It was easy to have a friendly, professional, and innocent conversation with Erika. She was kind and, oddly, she was also interested in my planned upcoming exhibit. I found myself asking her so many questions about her background, training and professional goals. I was fascinated by her abilities, insight, and lack of pretense.
I wish I could share that Erika I soon became good friends, but that would be the stuff of fiction. She was almost 20 years younger than I was, and "good guys" of my chronology steer clear of young women. So, instead of becoming close friends, Erika and I ended up being friendly peers, and working on a few committees over the next few years.
Still, it was nice to see that Erika appeared to respect me professionally, and maybe even liked me as a person. (I assumed that I was probably close to her parents' age, and guessed that I was probably a nice old man in her eyes.) She was always so kind, and never failed to ask me questions about my work and my kids.
The day Erika left the museum, three years later, was a sad one. I couldn't help but feel I had missed out on something better with Erika. Perhaps it was only a deeper friendship. I was sure it wasn't romance. I was too old for this cute millennial.
Three years passed, and I moved a few hours away to take a director's position at another museum. My first day there my life was unexpectedly interrupted in the best way possible.
"Sean, I'd like to introduce you Raelynne and Erika. They will be working with you, serving as our liaisons with local school districts and other groups who visit the museum."
I didn't hear anything else that my new assistant Jon went on to say. I actually got butterflies in my stomach. Was I really getting a second chance to know Erika? I kept trying to push my feelings away, but I was losing the battle.
Erika's happiness to see me was shocking, to say the least, but it also wasn't helping my situation. I was like a deer in the headlights, thrilled to see that she was excited for me to join the museum as a new director. Her blue eyes sparkled, her smile was so sweet, and I felt like I was starting a journey that would take me home.
In the weeks that followed, Erika and Raelynne came to be the best friends I had ever known. Erika was so smart and kind, and Raelynne was hilarious. They both were loyal and supportive beyond anything I had ever known. We were quite the trio, doing everything together. Even outside of work.
I was falling hard and fast for my friend Erika, but I tried valiantly to be more of an older brother, or even an uncle type of friend to both her and Raelynne.
At dinner one night, I awkwardly asked them about their romantic hopes. Trying too hard to be an "older friend," I then offered my most sage (i.e., stupid) advice. It was truly awkward.
Raelynne said she was looking for someone like Erika and winked at her, and they both laughed uproariously. This was Raelynne's way of avoiding the topic. She hated talking about men and dating.
Erika quickly turned somber, though, and with discomfort, told us she wanted someone within five years of her age, who was also a "bad ass" with lots of money. My heart sank. I already knew I had no hope of being with her, but to be ruled out like that hurt. It also made me angry to hear that she needed a lot of money. This didn't even sound like the Erika I knew. I vowed to never talk matters of the heart with her again.
In spite of that awful evening, Erika and I actually grew closer. She was truly my best friend. Another co-worker even told me how amazing it was that Erika could connect deeply with me as a father figure. Ouch.
One Friday night, at our favorite dive bar, after Erika and I had downed a number of drinks, Raelynne informed the two of us that we were lucky to spend time with her, as we were both, "barely worthy," of being her friends. It was hilarious, but maybe this was due to the alcohol we had just consumed. Still, I swore I saw something more than friendship in Erika's amazingly blue eyes. My heart jumped into my throat and I had to change the subject fast.
"Umm, Erika?" I struggled to ask. "How much does it cost to buy colored contacts?"
Erika looked, confused, then pissed, and then relieved when I broke out laughing. "What the fuck?" she queried. "The blue in my eyes is real. My mom is Mexican, but my dad is Irish. Somehow the recessive genes won."
After more laughter, and a few more drinks, a sober, designated driving Raelynne ushered the two of us to the door. She took our money to pay for drinks and tip. Meanwhile we headed outside to wait for our long-suffering friend.
Walking out the front door with Erika, I was immediately embarrassed to find myself gawking at two lesbians who were making out in front of us on the sidewalk. "I'm assuming you enjoy some benefits in dating a dude that tall," the one woman said, winking at Erika. It was my turn to turn red.
I answered, without thinking, "I wish. We're just friends."
Immediately I felt humiliated. Erika now knew.
Thankfully, Raelynne exited the bar at that point, and shooed us to her car. The ride home was fairly quiet. Raelynne seemed to sense something big had happened. Thankfully, I was soon in bed asleep.
"Hi Sean!" I had hoped to sneak into my office without Erika seeing me.
"Good morning Erika," I answered. I was still embarrassed, but grateful that she was apparently still my friend.
Then, for the first time ever, I stared at Erika's tiny ass as she turned away. What was I doing? It was like the floodgates had opened. I started thinking about how her tiny ass contrasted beautifully with her huge breasts and cute, petite stature.
