My Turn to Enjoy Another Man
Michael and I had been married for 20 years when I found out that he had been unfaithful. Even though I always suspected that this would happen, I asked for a divorce because our relationship was dead or dying. The first couple of weeks following our breakup were awful, as they always are, but I surprised myself at just how quickly I came to terms with the position I found myself in.
Truthfully, I did not miss Michael as much as I thought. We took the divorce proceedings very slowly, not wishing to bring any animosity into what had been a good friendship for so many years. In the meantime, our circle of friends rallied around me knowing that I was alone and they wanted to allow Michael to find some breathing space in his new relationship. His new partner was 10 years younger than him and I have to say that I struggled with her age and the feeling that I was washed up at the age of 50.
After a couple of months, I decided to take the plunge and took up the invites from our friends to parties and dinners. It felt odd being there without Michael but our friends were very hospitable. Several times they tried to fix me up with one of their single male neighbours but they just weren't my type and I wasn't ready for any sort of relationship at that time. After several months the invites stopped. I later found out that several of the husbands in our group had been indiscreet about me and their wives were concerned that I was attracting unhealthy levels of attention.
I had resigned myself to living quite a lonely singular life but in a way, I was happy about this. I was enjoying my newfound freedom, engaging a little bit of travel and other sedentary pastimes. The girls who I work with are much younger than me with some in their early 20s. Every Monday morning I would listen to their talk about the weekend and part of me envied them.
One day, Karen, my closest colleague, suggested that I go out with the girls to celebrate her birthday. I didn't really want to take the invite but I felt awkward for Karen's sake. I chose to drive that night and didn't drink any alcohol but the evening was better than I expected. The girls were such a friendly bunch but no matter how hard they tried I could never feel that I was one of them. What surprised me was that the young men who they attracted seemed to want to talk more to me. Even when I explained that I was much older than them, they would not be put off. They seemed to be more relaxed with me and less inclined to show off. I didn't think this was a problem at first until Karen approached and said that I was the talk of the gang because of the attention I had attracted all evening. It really meant nothing to me because I hadn't anticipated going out with the girls again but the following Friday, they asked me to join them just for a few drinks around the town. I instantly said no thank you but as Friday approached I persuaded myself that it wasn't such a bad option.
I don't know what got into me that Friday night but I began to felt feel very anxious and rang Karen a couple of times to say that I might have second thoughts about going out. Karen is an amazing girl and encouraged me just to come out and enjoy myself. I was unsure what to wear but all week I had passed a clothes store in the town where a display had taken my eye. In an impulse, I drove to the shop. There was an outfit in the window which used to remind me of when I was the same age as Karen. It was nothing special, just a short black woollen skirt but the blouse was really stunning. It was made from a see-through black material but around the bust and the collar the material was opaque.
I bought the outfit and feeling still slightly unconfident I passed a shoe shop and noticed some lovely black boots with shiny silver zips. The heels were far higher than I was used to wearing but I thought, 'what the hell. I might as well go the whole 9 yards and buy them too.'
When I got home, I grabbed a couple of drinks for courage and then got ready. The girls at work used to tease me because they were very keen to shave their pubic areas and I used to chastise them for being too vain. However, I decided it was better to adopt the attitude that if you can't beat them then join them and I shaved the whole of my pubic area.
Lingering in the bath, I giggled to myself about how silly I felt but the action of shaving aroused me more than I expected. I wasn't sure whether it was the alcohol or my changing mood but I began to feel more daring. I applied more makeup than I was used to and I decided to dress without any knickers.
Just before I left the house, I had a good look at myself in the mirror. I am lucky that I've still got a lovely slim figure and shapely breasts even though I generally cover them up with thick jumpers. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that the tops of my holdups were only just showing so I pulled down my skirt. One last look the mirror and I was ready to go.
Karen and the girls were complimentary about how I looked. One of them jokingly said, 'We aren't going to get any attention tonight. AGAIN!.'
While everyone laughed, I think that this girl meant it and was just a little annoyed. After we went to a few pubs I felt that the night was just a waste of time. The girls weren't talking to me so I decided to go home early but Karen persuaded me to go to one last pub where I met my ex-husband's long term female friend, Janet. I had known Janet for over 20 years but she was very close to Michael. She told me that Michael's relationship with his young girlfriend had ended and that if I wanted, she was sure that Michael would be keen to resume our relationship.
I suspected that he was using her to communicate but I did not let on. Janet knew that she was pushing an open door. Michael had been a good husband and part of me felt that I should forgive him.
Janet asked if she could give me some more advice to which I agreed. She said that if I was inclined to start again with Michael, I should leave it a few months until after Christmas. He wasn't interested in other women and never had been until his affair so Janet thought that he needed time to steady himself and perhaps realise that resuming our relationship was still possible and desirable.
'But what am I going to do', I asked Janet. 'I'm just feeling in limbo and the thought of spending time on my own for several more months is starting to wear thin.'
'Do what I would do,' said Janet. 'Play the field'.