*Author's Note: Growing up ugly isn't easy. I know that firsthand. I also know what it's like to go through a complete transformation. The way people relate to you in the world of before and after is unbelievable. Same person, completely different reactions. Girls who used to nearly run to the other side of the hallway in high school to avoid even the possibility of me saying 'hello' to them were suddenly inviting me to parties, dances, and to 'just hang out' or...whatever.
During my transformational period, I had the biggest crush on a girl named Vera. I wore braces on my horribly protruding teeth, and was still maybe 40 points overweight. Vera was a girl almost no attractive guy would have considered pretty let alone beautiful. Even most average guys would have thought, "Yeah. Okay. Maybe."
But I thought she was very pretty in spite of her black glasses, teeth that were straight but ever-so-slightly protruding in front, and a chest that hadn't blossomed even at the age of 18. She was sweet, kind, thoughtful, and someone I wanted to kiss so badly it hurt.
Looking back, I can't help but wonder what life with Vera might have been like. This is one possibility.
******
"I know you're hurting, but I'd give my right arm to have a wife as beautiful as Sarah," his younger brother told him.
"I had her, and yet here I am still single and living alone."
"Yeah, but you gotta admit she was hot as hell."
"Would you stop with the sophomoric commentary? Please?"
"Listen, you're my best friend, bro. I'm not trying to give you a hard time or make you any more miserable than you already are. I'm just pointing out a fact."
Justin and Joel Anderson had been best friends...and also brothers...all their lives. Justin was 37 and two years older than his little brother who was actually slightly taller and heavier than Justin.
This was the way they supported each other. They didn't do deep, 'how does this make you feel' kinds of talks. They tended to use sarcasm and even dark humor to help each other get through whatever was bothering them at the time.
Lately, it was the way Justin's girlfriend, Sarah, had bailed on him. If it hadn't been so painful, it would've been funny. Funny as in right out of some Lifetime Movie funny.
Sarah had always been a handful. She was beautiful and knew it. Keeping her happy was nearly impossible, though Justin had nearly made it his life's mission to do so. And yet no matter how much he gave or how hard he tried, or how much money he spent, it was never enough.
And then one day Sarah informed him she'd met someone. Someone from Italy. Someone tall, dark, and handsome. As Justin sat there listening to her say the words, it sounded like someone reading from a movie script. Until she said she was leaving with him when he returned Rome in two weeks. She did tell Jason how sorry she was and how much she really liked him, but that didn't stop her from leaving with Sergio, or whatever his name was.
That had been nearly two months ago, and Justin was still hurting. Of course, he'd never say that, but he didn't need to. Joel knew. He always knew. And when Joel was 'sucking wind', Justin also knew.
Both brothers were very attractive guys and always had been. They looked a lot like the twins on a show called The Property Brothers, although they weren't 6'5" like the stars of that show were. But they did have that really great, dark, thick hair, the athletic body, the great smile, and at 6'2" and 6'1", respectively, they were both also taller than average.
Being attractive had always been a blessing, and both brothers had never doubted that. At least not until Sarah Carpenter, a woman at least Justin's equal in terms of looks, had so casually abandoned him. The kicker was that he was seriously thinking about proposing to her in the near future. Never married, Justin was finally ready to settle down and start a family, making the blow to his ego that much worse.
He and Joel owned a small contracting business together, and things were going gangbusters at work. So were things with Sarah until Flavio, or whatever his name was, had stolen her right out from under him.
So, also for the first time, Justin began seriously questioning whether being a very attractive guy was really a benefit or more of a curse. In the past, when he'd had zero interest in anything beyond hooking up, it had been an unequivocal advantage. But as soon as he started thinking about something longer-term, he couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't quite so advantageous as he'd always assumed.
"Dude, it has nothing to do with how hot you are. It has everything to do with the chick. Sarah was a stuck-up bitch. She was all about Sarah, 24/7. I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen," Joel told him.
"Yeah, you're probably right. But damn she was hot! And even hotter in bed," Justin added, having 'switched places' with his brother.
Joel smiled then told his brother, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe sex isn't everything."
Justin would have normally said something sarcastic in reply, but because, for the first time in his life, he really did want to have a family, he didn't.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but...you might be right."
"As usual," Joel quipped.
Justin thought for a moment then shook his head and said, "I don't know, man. Maybe it isn't just Sarah."
"No, it was. Trust me, bro."
Justin looked at his younger brother, who was often right, and decided he was right. He had to be. It was Sarah. Selfish Sarah. Yeah, that was all it was.
It didn't take Justin long to find another woman he and his brother thought was just as attractive as Sarah, and one who seemed to be a whole lot less self-centered. Why, then, did it feel like he was expending just as much energy to keep her happy and getting just as little in return as he had with Selfish Sarah? And it was that question he kept asking himself as the days wore on—literally—with this new woman.
When he mentioned it to Joel, his little brother surprised him by saying, "I get it now. I understand what you mean. It's like you're having to pull teeth or something, you know? When all you want is sex, it's no big deal. You just take 'em home, scrog the shit out of 'em, then say 'goodbye' on the way out. But as soon as you get serious, they start sucking the life out of you. Makes me glad I'm not anywhere close to wanting to settle down myself."
"Your time's coming, though. And if the way we tend to see the world the same way is any indication, I'd give you maybe two more years until 'the urge' hits you, too," Justin told him.
"Gee, thanks, buddy. Did you know 'buddy' was only half a word for guys like you?"
Justin laughed at the reference to him being a 'buddy...fucker' which wasn't true, at all. But that was the way they talked, only it was usually much worse.
"So I'm thinking about calling this whole thing off," Justin said.
"I don't blame you. I'd jump ship, too."
"And then what? If Sarah was the problem before, what is it this time?"
"Maybe you just hit the reverse jackpot. You know, two losers in a row. It's possible."
"Yeah. You're right. It is possible. But what if...what if the problem really is with them? What's the common thread? Why are both of them so damn hard to make happy?"
"Hell, I don't know. Maybe it's just the way women our age are, you know? Maybe they think that's what a serious relationship is supposed to be like. They look gorgeous for us, put out in bed just enough to keep us hangin' on, then expect the world in return."
"So the world they live in is one where we give and give and they just take and take?"
Joel shrugged and says, "Beats the hell outta me, bro. I'm not the one lookin' to settle down, remember? I'm just throwin' shit against the wall. If somethin' sticks, you're free to use it."
Justin didn't respond so Joel asked him a serious question.
"Have you run this by Dad?"
"What? No. Why would I do that?"
