I've rewritten the end for those who wanted more in the way of closure.
*
I had lost my wife a little more than a year ago. I'd loved her more than life itself and with trying to put the pieces together and raise my young son, romance was not really on the agenda. In fact, it was the last thing on my mind.
After several months there had been a few blind dates. Well meaning friends arranged dinner with women, usually divorcees, with kids, who seemed to be looking for what I called "instafamily." After one or two awkward dates they talked of "where it was all going," etc. I just wanted company and someone to talk to at that point.
When certain "urges" did return, they came back full force. It was like being 14 or 15 again. I thought about sex continually. It was odd, overwhelming, confusing. Oddly, I could pinpoint the exact moment the shift occurred. I was at the mall and watched a woman with a body that would make the most grown man feel underage. A tight t-shirt with no bra and a jeans that looked like they'd been painted on walked out of a lingerie store. Her nipples were hard. My thought was: "That's a bit extreme for the mall on a Tuesday morning, lady." A week later I saw a similar scene and the thought was: "Damn. What I wouldn't give to titty-fuck her." The force of it shocked me, and I was glad I was sitting in the food court enjoying a coffee and not walking. It took several moments for things to return to normal as it were.
After this I began to visit chatrooms and enjoyed some cybering, which seemed perfect. It took the edge off and there wasn't the pressure of a relationship that I truly didn't have the time for and knew I wasn't truly ready to be a part of. Some online asked why I just didn't call an escort and get the real deal. I thought of it, but as a teacher, getting caught in a police sting would have meant the end of a career.
One night, while looking for a willing online partner, I found Stephanie, a young widow from Oklahoma. She was kind of a female version of myself. Young kids, bad fix ups, without the time or desire for a true relationship.
Cyber with her was amazing. She was sweet and wonderful and we had great conversations about anything and everything. And, she had this incredibly sexy way about her. Even when the talk turned purely toward sex it would start sweet and rather prim. As she became more turned on, however, the more hot and dirty it bacame. It was sexy to read the transformation as it happened, to see the words change from "I love the way you kiss my neck" to "fuck me hard, fill my pussy, do it, cum deep in me" may have been one of the most erotic experiences of my life.
We had to meet, she said, and I agreed. We'd get together on long weekend and see what happened. It was not about love, we agreed. It was not about a relationship. It was about taking care of one another and feeling safe in doing so. We'd check into a hotel, both with our our own rooms in case the online chemistry didn't make the jump to real life. We'd have dinner. Go to our rooms. And, we'd think about it for the night. That was the plan. If the magic was there. It was there. If not. We'd go our own ways.
I met her in the hotel restaurant. She was wearing the same modest blue belted dress she'd worn in some of the pics she'd emailed me. She did not have a model's body. She was voluptuous and nervous and she had a smile that was warmer than I'd dare to imagine.
The dinner conversation was nervous and awkward but soon warmed, and was comfortable before long and eventually turned to sex and our online fun.
"You are very good at turning me on," she said. "You were such a gentleman until it was the right time not to be. It's sexy to talk to someone online who knows how to do that and not just start with 'hey baby. Wanna see my cock?"
"I can't imagine that being a turn-on?"
"Believe me. It's not." We both laughed about how absolutely terrible some of the lines were in cyberland. She took a deep breath and arched her back slightly. "I knew we'd get along when you said you had 'bust lust.' That is the one thing I know I can bring to the party."
I smiled and looked appreciatively and what she called 'her best asset.' She had 38DD breasts. "What was it you said once? That you liked 'women and bars to have a well-stocked top shelf.'"
"Well you certainly meet that description," Is said. "There's no doubt there." I sighed. "So inviting. And you, dear lady. Miss shy and innocent who turns into a tigress. You really surprised me the first time...in the best way possible, but you were a total shock."
"You bring it out of me. I was never like that with my husband. There were times I wanted to be, but he'd have been overwhelmed. He was pretty conservative.
"I have to say you let me be more — I don't know — out of control than I could ever be with my wife," I told here. " She was sweet and warm and lovely and the sex was good — always good in fact. But it was never...I don't know...it was always making love and that was amazing. But sometimes I just wanted it rough and ready."
"That's what has been so hot about you," she said. "You've given me both."
