Dealing with the Loss

I've rewritten the end for those who wanted more in the way of closure.

*

I had lost my wife a little more than a year ago. I'd loved her more than life itself and with trying to put the pieces together and raise my young son, romance was not really on the agenda. In fact, it was the last thing on my mind.

After several months there had been a few blind dates. Well meaning friends arranged dinner with women, usually divorcees, with kids, who seemed to be looking for what I called "instafamily." After one or two awkward dates they talked of "where it was all going," etc. I just wanted company and someone to talk to at that point.

When certain "urges" did return, they came back full force. It was like being 14 or 15 again. I thought about sex continually. It was odd, overwhelming, confusing. Oddly, I could pinpoint the exact moment the shift occurred. I was at the mall and watched a woman with a body that would make the most grown man feel underage. A tight t-shirt with no bra and a jeans that looked like they'd been painted on walked out of a lingerie store. Her nipples were hard. My thought was: "That's a bit extreme for the mall on a Tuesday morning, lady." A week later I saw a similar scene and the thought was: "Damn. What I wouldn't give to titty-fuck her." The force of it shocked me, and I was glad I was sitting in the food court enjoying a coffee and not walking. It took several moments for things to return to normal as it were.

After this I began to visit chatrooms and enjoyed some cybering, which seemed perfect. It took the edge off and there wasn't the pressure of a relationship that I truly didn't have the time for and knew I wasn't truly ready to be a part of. Some online asked why I just didn't call an escort and get the real deal. I thought of it, but as a teacher, getting caught in a police sting would have meant the end of a career.

One night, while looking for a willing online partner, I found Stephanie, a young widow from Oklahoma. She was kind of a female version of myself. Young kids, bad fix ups, without the time or desire for a true relationship.

Cyber with her was amazing. She was sweet and wonderful and we had great conversations about anything and everything. And, she had this incredibly sexy way about her. Even when the talk turned purely toward sex it would start sweet and rather prim. As she became more turned on, however, the more hot and dirty it bacame. It was sexy to read the transformation as it happened, to see the words change from "I love the way you kiss my neck" to "fuck me hard, fill my pussy, do it, cum deep in me" may have been one of the most erotic experiences of my life.

We had to meet, she said, and I agreed. We'd get together on long weekend and see what happened. It was not about love, we agreed. It was not about a relationship. It was about taking care of one another and feeling safe in doing so. We'd check into a hotel, both with our our own rooms in case the online chemistry didn't make the jump to real life. We'd have dinner. Go to our rooms. And, we'd think about it for the night. That was the plan. If the magic was there. It was there. If not. We'd go our own ways.

I met her in the hotel restaurant. She was wearing the same modest blue belted dress she'd worn in some of the pics she'd emailed me. She did not have a model's body. She was voluptuous and nervous and she had a smile that was warmer than I'd dare to imagine.

The dinner conversation was nervous and awkward but soon warmed, and was comfortable before long and eventually turned to sex and our online fun.

"You are very good at turning me on," she said. "You were such a gentleman until it was the right time not to be. It's sexy to talk to someone online who knows how to do that and not just start with 'hey baby. Wanna see my cock?"

"I can't imagine that being a turn-on?"

"Believe me. It's not." We both laughed about how absolutely terrible some of the lines were in cyberland. She took a deep breath and arched her back slightly. "I knew we'd get along when you said you had 'bust lust.' That is the one thing I know I can bring to the party."

I smiled and looked appreciatively and what she called 'her best asset.' She had 38DD breasts. "What was it you said once? That you liked 'women and bars to have a well-stocked top shelf.'"

"Well you certainly meet that description," Is said. "There's no doubt there." I sighed. "So inviting. And you, dear lady. Miss shy and innocent who turns into a tigress. You really surprised me the first time...in the best way possible, but you were a total shock."

"You bring it out of me. I was never like that with my husband. There were times I wanted to be, but he'd have been overwhelmed. He was pretty conservative.

"I have to say you let me be more — I don't know — out of control than I could ever be with my wife," I told here. " She was sweet and warm and lovely and the sex was good — always good in fact. But it was never...I don't know...it was always making love and that was amazing. But sometimes I just wanted it rough and ready."

"That's what has been so hot about you," she said. "You've given me both."

We finished dinner, and I walked with her. In the elevator she gave a awkward kiss that turned slow and deep and perfect. I felt that wonderful feeling like the bottom had fallen out of the world and wondered if she was getting as wet as I was hard.

She opened the door of her room.

"I loved dinner," she said, and kissed me again, even longer than before, and her tongue met mine.

I pushed her to the door of her room and pinned her hands over her head as I kissed her hard and deep, my tongue playing over hers again.

"Should I go?" I asked.

"Don't you dare," she said.

I pulled open her dress and kissed my way across the tops of her breasts, desperately inhaling the perfume she sprayed in her cleavage. I unhooked her lacy bra and pushed it up out of the way. I kissed harder along her neck back to her mouth as my hands fondled her full warm tits. My fingers brushed over her nipples as my tongue played over hers. Her nipples stiffened and she pushed me down to her breasts...

"lick them, suck them. Suck my nipples. Hard...bite them...not too hard...mmmm."

I felt them stiffen against my tongue as I sucked her nipples deep into my mouth and swirled my tongue over them. I pushed her breasts together and sucked and licked them.

"You said you loved breasts," she giggled.

"I do, and your's are incredible. I let my teeth ever so lightly scrape down her stiff nipple and she sighed deeply.

I began to kiss my way down. slowly, my lips tracing along her ribs as I parted her dress farther. I kissed her again deeply on the lips and told her to keep her hands above her head. my tongue traced her her lips down.between her breasts. Lower to her slightly rounded tummy, lower, pulling her dress open and seeing the sexy french cut panties she was wearing....."So sexy."

Lower still...kissing her through her panties and taking in the warm wonderful scent of a woman's desire again. The lace dampened from both my kisses and her want. I pulled them down. She'd shaved. We'd talked about how I'd never been with a woman who shaved her pussy.

I found it incredibly sexy and kissed her pussy like it was her lips. my lips pressed to her wetness sliding fully. my tongue pushing to core of her want.

She shuddered as I began to lick and I felt her hands in my hair.

"Yes. She hissed. mmm Ohhhhh eat my pussy. Tongue fuck me. Suck my pussy David. Do it. Ohhh fuck. Don't stop. Please don't stop."

I loved the taste of her and pushed my tongue deeper and then sucked her clit deeply as I traced her pussy lips with my fingers then slowly let my fingers tease her.....

I smiled up at her, let my finger slip from her and smiled as I licked her wetness off.

"Delicious," I said.

"David." She said she leaned heavily against the wall and raised on foot, placing it on a table.

"Yes?" I asked.

"FUCK ME, NOW!."

I tore her panties down as she clawed at my pants and boxers. We were in a lust fueled frenzy. Neither of us having been with anyone in over a year. Letting the pain of losing loved ones out in a gush after having to be strong for our kids and others.

Her warm hand pumped my cock as I finger fucked her pussy, feeling her wetness begin to run in full. She guided the head of my cock to her pussy, her hands clasped my ass. I kissed her fully and deeply and plunged as deeply into her as I could. We both moaned so fully it was nearly a scream.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Oh. yes. Ohhhhh please. Please. Give it to me. Give it to me." I did. My hips rocking to hers, pinning her to the wall. I could feel the warmness of her enveloping, me, squeezing my hard cock with her pussy. I could not help but hold her tighter and literally ram myself into her with each stroke. Her lips were at my hears urging me on. "Yes. I need it to. Fuck me. Use me. I need to be fucked I need to feel your cock in me."

Our kisses were deep. I sucked at her lower lip nibbled her neck as I pumped deep in her tight warm wetness. "I needed your pussy for so long. I needed to fill you. Feel you," I whispered to her. I sucked at one of her hard nipples, pulling at it. "Yess. Do it. Suck them. Lick them. " I felt it grow even harder.

The throb of her pussy around my cock grew stronger, and I could feel her hands caressing my ass and pulling me hard into her. I reached down to tease her clit as we moved together and the action of hips became frenzied.

She began to tremble. "Ohhh David. I'm gonna cum on you. I'm going to cum on your hot cock. Fuck me. FUCK ME!!!" She began to shake and moan softly and I could feel her pussy grip me tightly.

She shocked me as her finger teased the crack of my ass and pushed at my hole. We'd mentioned this on the phone as fantasy at one time. I felt myself tense, and she did too.

"Cum with me. Cum in me. You know it's all right. (She'd had her tubes tied after her second child) Do it. CUM in my pussy baby. Give me your load. Pump me. Fuck me like I'm fucking you."

She pushed her finger just inside me and I began to tremble with her. We barely held one another up as I began feel the warm jets of cum leave me and fill her pussy. Our pain, and passions mixing.

We collapsed onto the bed and laid in a peaceful silence for several minutes — perhaps the only peace we'd known for many months.

The remainder of our weekend was spent sight seeing and in bed. Sometimes we made love with a warm tenderness and a familiarity that was surprising.

Time ran out on our three day weekend, and it was time for me to go back Ohio and for her to head back west. I watched her sleeping early on the morning or time together ended.

I watched as she finished packing her suitcase. I felt mixed. I knew neither of us had the emotional reserves for a relationship, but it felt so damn good to be with someone again, to feel skin on skin, to know the taste and smell of a woman again. I hoped she thought the same about being with man again. This had been a respite from a year of mourning and sadness and responsibility.

"I guess it's that time," she said. I nodded and carried her bag to the car. I knew it would be hard to watch her leave, but I wanted to be the one that drove her to the airport, not leave her to a hotel shuttle or cab.

She stood at the door and looked back at the room to be sure she hadn't forgotten something. I wondered if she was remember the same things I was....the first night when passion overwhelmed us and we went at it against the wall. The next morning when we'd made gentle love in the queen sized bed and I'd painted her toenails afterward...the late night romp where we'd relived what it was like to be young lovers. I'd felt her breasts up in the back of a movie theater while she teased my cock through my jeans. We had sex in our rental car in the corner of the hotel parking lot, we'd even used a condom just for fun...the afternoon when we'd come back from sight seeing and she'd gone down on me in the shower, letting me cum in her mouth — something I knew she rarely did...and something I hadn't experienced in years. Later that night I'd returned the favor, telling her to just relax while I explored her with my tongue and left her trembling in ectasy.

I 've never talked of that weekend to friends or family. They'd think it was shallow. They'd only see it as a sad exercise, going off for a weekend to get laid. But, it was more.

Without Stephanie, and that weekend, I'm not sure I'd have ever had the confidence to begin my new reality, to start living instead of just existing. I've never seen Stephanie again, but we did still cyber for a number of months afterward. The meetings online became fewer and fewer as our new realities as single parents became roles we fit more into. We both met people in real time and we leaned less and less on one another, fading from one another's lives, but I still keep memories of our three day weekend close.