You want to know what happened? Alright. Just try not to interrupt. I need to concentrate.
I can remember like it was yesterday. It all started one fall morning when I was sitting at my computer writing.
"Thank you, young man," Teresa said, twirling strands of her wavy blonde hair. She looked down at the young, muscular FedEx man, squirming out from under the kitchen sink. "It's so kind of you to take a break out of your busy delivery schedule to help me. My husband never seems to be around. I want to give you something for your trouble, but I'm afraid I don't have any cash in the house. Would it be alright if I gave you a blowjob?"
"Aargh," I thought. "I need to stick to science fiction." I was frustrated after struggling with a writer's block for an entire week. And my decision to try my hand at erotica wasn't working.
I picked up the binoculars again and impatiently looked out the window. "Damn, nothing yet," I said.
My room, located directly over the front door of our house, was the perfect perch from which to spy on all the comings and goings along our street. I had inherited the bedroom Penny and her ex had converted into a home office. Add some high-powered binoculars, and I enjoyed the perfect spectator sport.
The house, two lots down, had consumed my attention from the moment I moved in with Penny. I had noted every weekday morning at ten o'clock a vehicle, from a variety of companies, parked in front of that house for thirty to sixty minutes. UPS, FedEx, Amazon, even a car with a Jimmy John's sign on it. I usually had Penny and the kids, Zach, Jr., ten, and Angel, eight, off to work and school by that time. Penny is my sister. She had insisted I come to Portland, Oregon to live with her after her very painful divorce. Being an accomplished author, I lived the flexible schedule she needed to help her with the kids and household duties, while she concentrated on getting back to work after years of child rearing. I could have said no, but I never had been good at saying the word "no" to my older sister, or to women in general, for that matter.
Besides, weekdays I had the house completely to myself. I could write without anyone around to witness my ineptitude at doing housework. That is with the exception of one other family member, Judas. Judas was the lab retriever Penny had gained custody of in the divorce. He was always sneaking around looking for trouble. But I wasn't worried about him talking.
At any rate, it was 10:15 and getting past time for another delivery down the street. I looked and looked. Still nothing.
Then the doorbell rang. I followed Judas down the stairs to answer the front door. We were presented with an attractive older woman who looked to be in her 50's or 60's. She had red hair with a few streaks of white that made her look kind of like Cruella DeVil. She also had piercing, hazel green eyes with a raised eyebrow that made conversation uneasy. A wrinkle or two gave her age away, but she was amazingly thin and fit. She was actually hot. Flirting with her hourglass figure was well practiced, like a woman familiar with promiscuous adventures. She stood before me shifting her weight to one side. One arm was resting across her abdomen. It was supporting the other with her fingers up in the air. And in place of holding Cruella's smoking cigarette holder, she was dangling a Pyrex measuring cup.
Before either of us could speak, Judas buried his nose in the woman's crotch. Focused on looking me over from head to toe, the woman wasn't the least bit distracted by the dog. She just casually petted him on the head.
"Judas, cut that out!" I shouted. The dog ceased, leaving the woman's crotch to rub his body along her leg. He obviously was familiar with her.
The woman said, "It's ok, Sweetie. I just love gentlemen who know what they want." She was attempting to speak in what sounded like the pretense of a southern drawl and talking at me like she was reading lines for a scene in a play. She said, "I'm looking for Zach. Wouldn't happen to be here, would he?"
I scratched my head wondering what she would want with a ten-year-old. Then I deduced she was referring to his father, Zach, Sr. and said, "Oh, he's not here anymore. He and Penny got divorced."
"Oh really?" she exclaimed, "I hope that's no reflection on lil' ole me. So, who might you be?"
"I'm Jeannie's brother," I divulged.
Then she came back with, "Oh, my. I don't remember Zach mentioning anything about a brother. But then, we didn't really talk much. And I can't say I mind there being a brother. No, definitely not," she said, eyeing me up and down like she was evaluating a new dress she might want to get into. There was something about her that made me suspicious that wasn't the first time she had seen me.
I said my name while offering to shake her hand, "Hi. I'm Will...Will Robinson." She cracked up laughing. When she had adequately recovered, I asked for hers and what she found amusing, like I didn't already know.
I said, "Yeah, I know. 'Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!'" The scourge I had suffered all my life.
"No, sweetheart," she said. "My name is Robinson, too! I'm Maureen Robinson. God, I hope we're not related. That would spoil all the fun." The flirtatious southern belle accent was actually starting to turn me on. "And don't you dare call me Mrs. Robinson, Ma'am, Mother or any other such nonsense," she instructed, "Maura will do quite nicely, Handsome. That's how all my special friends refer to me."
Just when I hoped she had sufficiently enjoyed herself at my expense, she surprised me again declaring she lived down the street and had spotted an extremely attractive young gentleman at my address that surely must be me. I squeamishly recognized her residence as the truck stop I had been secretly observing the previous couple weeks. I only prayed to god she wasn't recognizing me looking through binoculars from my upstairs window. Speechless, I let her go on, informing me that she was widowed and available. After that I was too dumbfounded to speak. We stood in uncomfortable silence.
She was forced to speak again, "Well, Sugar, aren't you going to invite me in? I think we must be starting to look conspicuous out here. What will the neighbors say?"