Underneath It All
The personals ad, titled
New to These Parts,
read "Girl-next-door type (blonde, wholesome-looking), mid-30s, seeking new acquaintances in a new townâfor
friendship and fun
."
Thus, we open communications with a string of finely-crafted emails; the first one casually friendly in tone, then a sequence designed to welcome, encourage, coax, and, ultimately, seduce. We write these notes togetherâyou set the tone, I do a first draft, then we edit collaboratively (this is the point at which you add your magic touch).
Girl-Next-Door-or, G-N-D, as we've dubbed her-responds to you positively, almost enthusiastically, so you move forward, and after several phone conversations, a plan is put in place.
We arrive at the unbearably cool, downtown hotel fifteen or twenty minutes before the agreed meeting time, and enter the lobby barâunlike those guests who need to call attention to themselvesâfrom the side, not the center steps. Surveying the layout, we choose a corner booth, just outside the bartender's line of sight.
G-N-D is already sitting at the bar when we arrive, looking a little uncomfortable, anxious, trying to blend in. Her blond (as advertised) hair is styled in a crisp, blunt-cut bob, with obviously high-end highlights She has a youthful, WASP-y face that won't betray her age for another ten yearsâtoday, she could be anywhere from 28 to 45. Even perched on a barstool, it's clear that her posture is goodâhelpful when one is only 5'2" or 5'3," as I'm guessing she is. Her short, black sleeveless dress hugs her trim figure, and shows off her shapely legs and toned arms. She has the body of a frequent gym-goerâshe could be a lady of leisure, or an upscale, not-so-wholesome, hot, soccer mom.
(OK, I have a dirty mind. But you know you love it.)
The bartenderâa smug, 28-ish, good-looking, white hipster (you know the type)âmakes small talk, throwing in a few literary references to impress her. He's seen more than his fair share of bar patrons who look like her; right now, he's wondering if she might be the next one whose hotel room he discreetly slips into, after his shift ends. (He always slips out, an hour or two later, in time to make last call at his local pub, where he regales his friends with tales of conquest.)
It's time.
At the bar, you order us two glasses of wine, and casually sidle up to G-N-D to initiate contact. After chatting for a couple minutesâduring which you and she look the bartender up and down, smirking conspiratoriallyâyou invite her to our booth.
<< I notice (as I'm sure you do) that the bartender looks
you
up and down, wondering if you're staying in the hotel, too. One day, in the not-so-distant future, you will invite him upstairs, where he will discover a few very unexpected things about himself. But that's a story for another time. >>
Making your typically astute introductions, you sprinkle in a few compliments to G-N-D about her hair and dress, and then ask how she "got such sexy arms." She seems more at ease than I would have expected. (Still, I sense a tension within her, something like restraint.) Then you pause, and your voice, though still warm and inviting, becomes more seriousâit's a tone that conveys absolute honesty.
"Veronica, we just want
you
to be completely sure you're comfortable here, meeting up with us, like this?"
"Oh my, yes. I already feel like I've known you forever!"
"Thank you, and that's very sweet of you to say."
As you steer us back into a "normal" conversation, we learn that:
a)
she was a twenty-four-year-old virgin when she met her husband (a former athlete),
b)
she has only ever been with him, since they married 13 years ago,
c)
she used to work in broadcastâwhere she and her husband metâbut left to devote more time to him [primary duty: arm candy at business functions and events], along with doing some charitable work, and
d)
she'd also hopedâthough that hope was now dwindlingâto "be a mom." (Her husband was less enthusiastic about this idea, as he already had two kids, now college-age, from his first marriage, and was "not sure he had the energy to keep up with a baby." She was pretty sure that really meantâthough he'd never say it out loudâthat he didn't want to have to compete for her attention with a baby.)
Half an hour later, we've also found out that she
thought
he might have cheated on her earlier in their relationship, but now she's quite certain of it. Waking up one day, suddenly feeling the pull of age, she knew she wanted to "have some new experiences," before falling into a well of regret and emptiness. (OK, I may have embellished that a bit...) You divert the talk, in your customarily brilliant style, back to an article you read about "what romance actually looks like," and "expectations we place on our long-term partners," then ask,
"Do you mind if I ask what kind of a relationship you have with your husband?"
"It's fine, I suppose, normal, like you said, for a couple who's been together awhile."
"I mean, in the intimate sense, in the sense ofâ"
"You mean, like, sex? Like do we
do it
a lot?"
"Well, not exactly. Are you still attracted to one another? Do you still spend,
shall we say,
intimate
time together?"
"When we were first marriedâI was practically a kidâI
think
we did it a lot. I think it made him feel like he was in college again, like he was a senior and I was, like, his freshman girlfriend."
"Mmm, yes... Things
do
change over time."
"I mean, how much is
a lot
? When it comes to, you know, like, sex?"
I excuse myself to the restroom. It's a little bit of a walk from the booth, but it's a straight shot. I know your eyes are following my progress, with just a hint of lust, subliminally guiding her to do the same.
In the stall, I drop my pants and immediately begin stroking myself, recalling the sight of her tanned, shapely, bare legs, and visualizing other parts of her, which are currently hidden under her short dress. Sufficiently erect, I stuff the rigid organ back into my pants, rearrange things to create a subtle, but unmistakable, silhouette, then quickly head back to the table.
We've positioned Veronica to face in the direction of the restroom, and I see her glance up as I approach. She blinks a couple of times, making it clear that she's spotted my hard-on; her eyes linger for a second or two, then her focus is back on you. As I get within earshot, I hear you quietly drilling down.
"...and can I be very blunt with you?"
"OK."
"Do you still think about
fucking
him?"
She glances at me again, looking a little uncertain (or maybe embarrassed at your matter-of-fact use of the word "fucking"), and says, in a hushed tone,
"Um, Iâ. Once in a while, I guess. But it's usually when he's not around; quote-unquote away on business, or something like that."
"Mmm hmm."
"Funny, I hadn't thought about that before."
"Equallyâmaybe moreâimportantly, does
he
still think about fucking
you
?"
"Um, if he does," she hesitates, "he doesn't, like, show it very much. Sometimes after he's been out having beers with his friends, maybe he gets, like, a little more touchy-feely, or-? I don't know."
You stand up to let me back into the booth; we change places, so that I end up between the two of you, and for a split-second,
1)