Just coming out of the shower and looking into the door mirror, I grin a little bit thinking of an earlier conversation I had with my business partners. Half of the morning they were discussing shaving their junk to make them look bigger. I remember being a little annoyed, but then I shrugged it off thinking 'Whatever helps them sleep at night'. But it got me thinking, so I just tried it.
"Looks kinda cool," I said to no one, "Doesn't matter though, I've got it."
I kept thinking as I put my boxers on that it really didn't look that bad. At 35, I'm supposed to beyond that kind of personal grooming, but I would give it a try for a while. I knew that it wouldn't really change the skill set at all, but it might get some good attention. At the time I didn't know the personal attention I would get would be so soon.
It seems that sometimes a shower fixes all. I got a call from my son beforehand and had to speak to his mother afterward.
After bitching, and carrying on about one out of her encyclopedia of issues, I wasn't in the best mood. But that's ok. I was in a better mood after cleaning up. I guess it cleans the mind too. I went down to the kitchen to grab some juice. I was going to kick back and watch the late show. I don't get into those windbags very often, but there was something about that night's show I wanted to see. As I was pouring my juice I heard a noise in the yard space between my house and the neighbor. It was a bit of rustling and what sounded like someone trying to get a door open. I like my neighbors and I wanted to check it out. After turning the kitchen light off, I went over to my back screen door and looked out. Sure enough there was someone trying to break in to my neighbor's back door. I treaded lightly across the floor and went to my main door on the other side of the house. I was planning on coming around the other side, to outflank them.
When I came around the house I saw the shadowed figure. I didn't think it would be much of a struggle, since the person looked about eight inches shorter than me. I knew with my special forces training, I could take them. Then they would have to just be carried out of here when the police came. Slowly I crept up to the intruder who was heavily involved with trying to get the door open with what seemed like a coat hanger. Talk about low brow. My heart raced as I came within a meter, then just a bit closer.
"Come here fucker!" I exclaimed as I grabbed the person from behind.
Quickly I used a head lock with my other hand in front of their mouth and pulled them away from the door. They lost their footing and I had to pull them back. With this body next to me, I couldn't help noticing that this intruder was not a guy. I know the curves of a woman well. Not to mention the smell. But I didn't know what kind of danger this person posed, so it did not change my intent. I flung her around and pressed my hands around her arms. But there was enough light from my house in this backyard area between houses to see who the intruder was.
"Jan?" I asked with surprised as I let go of her.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" she exclaimed.
"I thought you were someone breaking in" I said with a lowered tone. "You are breaking in, why?"
"It's me," she panted as she adjusted her clothes, "I live here remember?"
"Yeah I remember," I said, "But what the hell are you doing breaking in to your own house?"
"Um...I forgot my key," Jan said.
"Why not just knock on the door?" I asked as I put my hands out to my side.
"Well," Jan started, "No one is home."
"Oh yeah," I said, "Your parents are gone this weekend."
"Yeah and I can't find my key," she said with a smile.
"Come to think of it, Jan, you are supposed to be in by midnight," I said folding my arms.
"I'm eighteen and three fourths or so," Jan said with sarcasm, "I shouldn't have to."
"Wrong, missy," I smiled, "You are still living in your parent house. If they said eight, it would be eight. If they said never, you'd stay home. Their house, their rules even if you're fifty."
"Whatever," Jan said, "You got a key, just let me in already."
I couldn't help looking at her. Even in the dim light I could see her plainly. Her curly brown hair that went below the shoulders of her medium frame seemed just a bit out of place. She wore a form fitting one piece black dress that came off her shoulders. It barely went halfway to her knees. I don't see how she could actually sit down and maintain any dignity. She might have well been wearing nothing at all. Her attire left very little to the imagination. After calming down a bit I remembered how tight she felt, up against me as I first pulled her away from the door. But I knew I was supposed to have a little dignity too. However, I'm not over the hill yet.
"You know you don't have much respect for your parents do you?" I asked.
"Yeah, but I should be able to do what I want," Jan said, "I'm old enough to do what I want."
"Yeah ok," I said as I looked her over again, "You can vote, own property, and everything else...you can't do as a minor."
"Yeah that's not all, opens up some possibilities huh?" Jan smiled.
"Your parents should know about this," I said as I put my hands to my side and headed back to my house, "I'll get my key."
"No wait!" Jan said as she pulled my arm.
"Why?" I said as I turned around, "You were actually on your way out, weren't you?"
"No," Jan defended.
"And you forgot something. So you were already out dressed like that," I said as she backed off a bit.
Now closer to the light of my own house she was more visible. It was even harder to keep my eyes off of her. I was never really in to a girl that dresses like a tramp, but for some reason I couldn't help thinking about it. I knew I had to get it out of my mind.
"Speaking of being underdressed," Jan said, "Do you always go running around outside in your underwear?"
"I wasn't planning to but I couldn't exactly go and find clothes when I thought someone was breaking in to your house, now could I?" I asked.
"Well I guess not, but why? Wait, um," she hesitated, then opened her mouth wide, "Your getting aroused aren't you?"
"What?" I said defensively.
"Looking at me...you're...just...it's right there," she said pointing to the front of my boxers.
"What?" I asked looking down at myself.
"The blood flow is going south, ya know," Jan said as she pointed.
"Grow up," I said defensively, "Don't tell me...don't even tell me you never saw a guy in boxers before. You are not exactly a choir girl."
"Yeah so I have more than a mental image so what," Jan said, "So I'm wearing this dress. It's tight, and...there isn't much of it, but come on, you're like forty five or something. Aren't you supposed to have some control over it?"
"Thirty five smart ass. I am not aroused," I said, with frustration,
"Don't try to turn this around on me."
"I was kidding, you look young," Jan grinned.
"Well we'll just discuss it with your parents later," I said.
"Ah just wait, sorry," Jan said quickly.
I noticed her for sure. Who in their right mind wouldn't? I saw her form and looked her over carefully. But I was far from arousal. At this point I thought that she was just trying to get me to back off and forget about it. I thought that she wanted to try to turn things around so that I would stay quiet. In my experience this is a rather common tactic when backed into a corner.
"Nothing unusual here," I said, "Why don't you focus on something else."
