It was my sophomore year of college, living in the dorm with a roommate who was a scholarship girl as well. Whereas I regularly scrounged for change to put gas in my car, many of the girls on the floor came from families who had money and, either consciously or unconsciously, flaunted the disposable income their families had.
One evening I was studying for an AP exam when my roommate came in and began digging through our meager stash of snacks.
"Ruth Anne, do we have any more of those fudge rounds?" She asked.
"Don't think so." I said, not looking up from my book.
"Damnit!", she cursed. "All we have is ramen noodles. I'd kill for a can of ravioli."
I laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Shit, I'd sell some ass for a whopper and a milk shake." She said, just adding to the absurdity.
She poked around a little more and announced she was going to the student center to see if she could bat her eyes and have a guy buy her a burger at the grill.
"Tramp." I called after her, jokingly.
"Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do." She said, closing the door as she stuck her tongue out at me.
I continued studying but her words repeated in my head. For weeks I had been stressing over my lack of funds. The job at the coffee shop barely covered my car note and insurance these days but I didn't have time for another job while keeping up with my school work. One of the girls on my hall worked as a stripper and made good money but that felt very exposed to me, like everyone would know who I was and what I looked like naked. There were rumors that another girl did some porno work and had made good money, but again, that leaves you open to everyone seeing you and knowing.
Having everyone I knew potentially see me naked was too much. Besides, my grandmother would die if she ever found out. I knew sex sells and a young attractive girl could use that to her advantage.
I'd immediately discounted stripping and pornography, but until Megan's comment, I'd never thought of prostitution. As I studied, the idea kept swirling around in my brain. Oddly enough, what I kept coming back to was the illegality of it, not the moral aspect. I'd had sex a number times and it would just be sex, only with some stranger; I kept thinking, "How bad can that be?".
So, as an experiment, I jumped over to my browser and went to an online ad site where people often post personals. I'd browsed the casual hook ups section before with friends laughing at the ridiculous ads guys posted hoping for a reply and wondered what kind of responses the women on there got. So I typed up a short ad, similar in wording to others I'd seen, and submitted it.
"Nineteen year old female college student seeks generou$ daddy type for fun and frolic. Please be drug and disease free, preferably non smoker."
Surely I'd get some response, and hell, it's not illegal until I take money for sex. Right? I put the words "daddy type" to discourage the younger guys who might be more inclined to want to start some sort of relationship or worse yet, start stalking me.
Within ten minutes I'd gotten fifteen responses, most of whom wanted to meet that night. I wasn't ready for that, as this had just been an experiment, I told myself. I closed my email and continued my studying.
The next day in class, I opened my computer and went to my email. I was surprised when a flood of new messages came in, all responses to my ad. There had to be at least a hundred. Quickly I tabbed away before anyone saw my inbox of elicit messages, my heart thudding.
Back in the privacy of my dorm room, I began sifting through the responses. I almost deleted them all but decided that I'd continue the experiment through this batch of responses. Many of the emails contained a photo of a disembodied penis and a number more had face photos. Then one jumped out at me because it sounded like it was written by someone with some sense, not some horny guy looking to get a quick piece of ass.
Of course that's what this was all about now wasn't it? I was selling sex. I was selling my body to some man I'd never met so he could have sex with me. But that was only if I went through with it.
The email that stood out was from a man named Philip. He wrote that he was 57, divorced and lonely. He would like to meet me for dinner and see where things went. He included a photo and I guess he wasn't bad looking for an older man; he was a bit on the heavy side but he looked clean.
I deleted the other messages and marked his as unread before beginning to study. But as I studied I couldn't focus. My mind kept going back to Philip's email and eventually I toggled back to my email and hit reply.
Hi Philip,
Dinner sounds wonderful. Can we meet at SportWings at 7:00 tomorrow?
I hit send and went back to studying.
When I checked my email about an hour later there was a reply.
SportWings at 7 tomorrow is great. What do you look like? So that I will recognize you.
P
I hit reply:
I am 5'5" long dark wavy curly hair. I'll be wearing a black dress.
As I hit send I thought, "Ruth Anne, what the fuck are you doing?" Surely, I didn't plan on actually meeting this man, did I? Maybe i did....and maybe I might actually wear a different outfit just so I could back out when he didn't recognize me.
I tried to study that night but that was impossible. I slept poorly and class the next day was long. Finally, time rolled around for me to get ready if I was actually going to do this. My hands were trembling so badly that I could barely put my makeup on. I wore more makeup than usual with bright red lipstick. Looking in the mirror before walking out the door, I thought that I looked pretty amazing. But I still felt like I was heading out the door to something that I'd never come back from.
I nearly backed out and turned my car around several times on the way to the sports bar. When I walked in, I saw Philip sitting alone facing the door. I made eye contact and he waved timidly. I smiled and his face lit up as I walked toward him.
"Philip?" I asked.
"Yes." He said standing up and offering to shake my hand and opening his arms like he didn't know to shake or hug me. It was obvious he was nervous too.
I shook his hand and he pulled me closer for an awkward hug.
As we pulled apart I introduced myself.
"I'm Ruth Anne." I said and cursed myself instantly because I should have made up a fake name.
"Hi Ruth Anne." he said. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"You too."
"I waited to order until you got here....are you hungry?"
The truth was I was anything but hungry. I felt like I'd throw up if I ate anything. Even though nothing was happening now and nothing had to happen, I still felt like I had already sold my body to this older man.