Celebrate My 75Th Birthday

Getting older is something that almost everyone either fears or hates.

Most of them don't consider that we all get older every day! And that percentage-wise we age slower and slower as we get older. One year for a guy 100 y/o is ONE percent. For a 10 y/o it is TEN percent. And a lot of our aging is due to injuries and illness- we are about the same for a year, get the flu and look a year older when we recover.

Not to mention those who die from illness long before 100. Or kill themself either on purpose or with drugs, alcohol and tempting danger. Does anyone really think it is an "accident" when an idiot spends a fortune to freeze to death trying to get to the top of a mountain? The smart ones just go to Nepal and drink and fuck cheap whores and come back with a great story of the view from the summit. I hope at this point that going to Nepal was a wasted expense. By the way, next time someone claims he climbed Everest, ask him what the name of the guy was who carried him to the top! Then laugh.

And if he sputters and has a picture to "prove" he did it himself, ask him to say this in Nepalese:

"There is a school near my grandmothers house".

When he tries to explain that he was in Nepal for months and never learned to speak ANY Nepalese, just say "sure you didn't".

Anyway, while other old guys are swimming the Hellespont and otherwise trying to check off items on their "bucket list", I have a bucket in the garage with a post-it on it that says "Don't kick this".

As a result, I recently celibated (sic) my 75th birthday. And by celibated, I mean that I fully intended to let the day go by without any effort to get my wife to give or receive sexual attention, and probably would not have even tried to masturbate. Instead the most amazing day unraveled and I was totally unprepared for this, maybe because I do not keep up with social media and did not know what younger people are thinking (and doing!).

It turns out that among women under 40 and over 18 on or before Jan 1,2000, there is a sort of myth that has developed. It is NOT a secret, the day after my birthday I started researching and googling and there was lots of information about this myth about how to reform and rejuvenate your life (if you were a woman who was 18+ at the turn of the century).

The myth is this: a woman who has been disappointed in love can somehow cleanse her soul by having sexual relations with a male who is EXACTLY 75 years old. I could not find any similar myth for males who had sex with older women on their birthdays. Myths are fascinating because there is often something very real about a myth (usually how it got started?) - but that real part is often not mentioned in the myth itself.

For this myth, which I will explain in more detail later, the important part is for a woman who has been disappointed by "sex" (usually by men her own age), to actively SEEK OUT sexual pleasure and demand it from a stranger (unless she just happens to have a good male friend who is 74, and she can wait for the 75th birthday to roll around.

Consider how "seeking" and "seducing" MIGHT change a woman's life if she had never been able to ask for what she wanted sexually. The "exact birthday" part may be a distraction- maybe because of the verisimilitude added, maybe because old guys might be easily seduced you a young woman, or MAYBE because an old guy might be sexually incompetent, and thus spend a lot of time trying (foreplay) but never actually be able to have intercourse (or take a long time with it). Again, this might be a first for a young woman: more attention, more foreplay, more activity - and maybe SHE would have to get more active if he wore out... also a possible FIRST for a young woman? My limited experience is that women need to get active if they hope to get the stimulation they need to really ENJOY.

The 75th birthday (24 hrs, not before or after that) has all kinds of explanations attached to it and they all seem like total BS, but for sure that eliminates any long term sexual relationship and also eliminates any male who is very likely to be sexually competent. I hope by this point you care less about the myth and more about how I learned that it existed.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for about 9am on my 75th birthday and was planning on going to bed early. My wife went to bed at 9 and I goofed around and did email and watched some TV I had recorded and looked at pornhub.com and eventually was showered and ready for bed before midnight. But I got a text from an age appropriate woman friend, who had been a lover years before, that her grand-daughter wanted to talk to me for a few minutes and could I do that please even though it was late. I phoned her and said, "Sure, put her on the phone", but Mavis explained that her grand-daughter had actually come to my house and was waiting by the back door. And when I looked, there was a strange lady at the French doors that lead to the patio.

When I say "strange", I mean I had never seen her before, but she was not strange looking, she was actually beautiful, and dressed in what I guess is called a summer dress. When she saw me looking at her, she waved and turned the doorknob (but it was locked). I unlocked it and she came in and whispered "Hello, I'm Wendy... did my grandmother tell you about me?"

I started to say yes, but then said, "She told me you wanted to talk to me."

"Is that ALL she told you?"

"Yes. She did not explain why, and she did not explain anything more, can you do that?"

She then asked if June 10th (which was the next day) is my birthday and when I said YES, she asked to see my driver's license.

I asked "why" and she said, "to make sure you are 75". I guess I must have been tired because that question did not seem totally bonkers. "Can you please show me your DL, or maybe a passport if you don't drive any more?"

"YES I DO DRIVE.." I got my DL from the bedroom without waking up my wife. When I showed it to her, she asked if I could be the first one to kiss me on my birthday. I realized it was past midnight, and the request did not seem ridiculous, so I said yes. But she did not just kiss me- I expected a kiss on the cheek and instead she sort of took control and moved me to the sofa and pushed me down on it. She curled up in my arms and spent a lot of time getting me to hug her "just the right way". It's not like she was hurting me- she was beautiful and smelled good, and she had lovely long brown hair and brown eyes- I was enchanted by her femininity, and was totally willing to go along with whatever she wanted to talk about. I had still not been "kissed the first time at 75" when she was still changing positions and explaining how to wrap my hands around her and hug her. That must have consumed 10 minutes, at which point she was stretched out and curled up in my lap, and pulled my head down to her, with her hands around my head, and began kissing.

I realize as I write this that my wife and I used to kiss a lot, but when my wife decided she did not want sex- she quit kissing because she had learned that kissing me was likely to lead to a lot more than kissing. I found myself remembering that as this woman was kissing me. First teasing, then kissing one lip, then the other, then both and her tongue barely touched along my lips... and this was NOT what I expected when she asked to be the first to kiss me on my birthday.

I still did not know her name, but eventually managed to ask- while she was still exploring my lips and commenting on how kind I was to agree and how soft my lips were, and how strong my arms felt (they are half as strong, but I did not argue). Her name was Angela, but despite her ardent attack, she did not bother to include her last name (why not, I know who her grandmother is).

After a lot of this kissing- she asked me if I liked her. "What's not to like?"

Every time I tried to kiss her, she sort of evaded me and totally controlled the kissing, but even so she must have known I was diverting blood flow to the "South 40", which to correct the metaphor was actual more like 20, not 40. I was wearing pajamas and she could feel my penis swelling because her head was ON it. I suppose I should not have been surprised that she turned enough that she could start kissing THAT.

Maybe I am paranoid, but I found myself looking around for a camera- assuming this was some trick by my ex-lover Mavis. I considered tossing the blanket we kept on the sofa over her head, but before I could get too deep in worries, Angela had asked me "do you like my body?"

"I wanted to have a snappy reply, but simply asked "why"?

"Because I want you to touch me."

She had beautiful bare legs and as she was asking me, she had pulled her skirt up so that it was apparent she was naked below her skirt. "Did Mavis know what you wanted to talk to me about?" She laughed and explained, "Grandma knows that I recently got divorced, and that I feel like I am not lovable enough, and she knows about the triple-quad (75) principle. I am lucky to be here with you- I assumed you would not have time for me"

While I was listening to her, I had begun caressing her naked skin and her dress seemed to fall off without any obvious effort by either of us. She was totally naked in my arms and seemed anxious to redirect my hands, and then my lips, to various parts of her anatomy. She was calmly directing me, and as she did so, she never lost attention to my penis. I knew I was impotent, but it turned out that I was not totally impotent and with persistent stimulation I was not really impotent. She rubbed her wet finger along my lips and now I was really stiff- her scent made it impossible to think about anything else.

I did not expect to have intercourse with her. I did not have a condom. I had not had intercourse with my wife for more than three years (Valentine's day 2016), but after Angela had her third orgasm, she was intent on having as much "good luck" from my 75th birthday as she could, and she mounted herself facing me as I sat there wondering and enjoying. She reminded me to have both arms around her and to hug her tight, and as I did so- her vagina hugged my stiff penis tight and urged it to explode. She pushed against me, gyrated her hips in an amazing way, and when she started having another orgasm, the rhythmic pulsations of ejaculation began.

Everything about Angela was amazing, and I was certain that this was a "one time only" event, and I would probably never see her again. She put her dress on, gave me one more long hug, and said, "The rest of my life is going to be amazing- all because of you."

I laughed and said,"Ditto". It was 1 am and as I let Angela leave by the patio French door, I realized there was another woman waiting there. Angela stopped at the door, pulled the other woman in, and introduced her to me (first names only) and explained to me that "Please be so kind as to share your good luck with my best friend Mia".

Mia was even better looking than Angela, but had some kind of artificial scent that was NOT human, and must have used some kind of terrible douche because her pussy tasted like peppermint - but was so soft and wet and lucious and so enjoyed my attention that I am not complaining- only suggesting to any woman who might read this that she is better off with a healthy uncontaminated vulva and vagina- natural is perfect if it is healthy, not infected.

I did not get an erection for Mia, but she managed to rub up against my half stiff penis in a way that seemed to work for her, and was very pleasant for me- I did not have the same sexual tension that I would have had when I was younger, but the whole experience was so pleasant that I would enjoy doing it EVERY DAY, even if I never got an orgasm (but hopefully I would if I needed to?).

It was past 2 am, and nobody else was waiting outside. I was sleepy the next morning when we got a quick toast breakfast and went to the doctor's office. I had been 75 for all of 8 hours, and had more beautiful women than I had in any 5 year period of my life (in one day). But I was about to discover that the nurses and other female personnel at my doctor's office were totally aware that it was my 75th birthday. Later I would ask my wife about the triple-quad myth and she really knew nothing at all. But women with disappointing sex lives totally knew about it and if they did not totally believe, they were willing to take a chance in case there was something to it.

And I think there probably was something to it. Why do women get disappointed by sex? Why would a woman have sex with a man, and NOT enjoy it. Then do that again and again until the man decided he didn't want to do that any more- even though she NEVER wanted to do it "that way".

I did check and there are no more magic birthdays for me (I don't expect to get to 100, when apparently there is enormous competition by women to get access to the birthday boy).