"When a person does not give up on sex, sex does not give up on the person." (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
Tania sat on an air mattress beneath the old apricot tree that was one of the trees that constituted the orchard part of the garden. Beyond the orchard and screened from her sight by a high brush fence was the swimming pool from which emanated the cries, squeals and laughter of the young people, Peter, her son's friends.
She thought a trifle enviously of the young girls, their beautiful bodies clad in tiny bikinis, and the young men with their equally scanty swimming shorts through which their virile manhood could to seen clearly outlined.
Later their young bodies would be entwined in acts of love; Peter would have one of the girls stay overnight - she had not denied him that right – and she would hear their soft whispers and then cries and groans of ecstasy.
She would be alone in her bed, her only consolation a dildo. Hers was a self imposed celibacy.
* * * * * * * *
The noise beyond the brush fence began to subside and Tania could hear breathless whispers and an occasional giggle. Then even the whispers ceased and she heard cars being started and then driven away.
Peace reigned and Tania closed her eyes, listening to the buzzing and hum of insects and the flutter of birds in the trees.
She was beginning to drowse as a preliminary to sleep, when she sensed she was not alone. She opened her eyes.
"Alex! I thought you'd all gone."
"No."
He was wearing only his swimming shorts and she could see his penis, erect as it had often been in her presence, straining against the fragile confinement of the cloth.
"Why didn't you go with the others?"
"I think you know why."
Yes, she knew why. This moment had been long coming; it was a moment she had dreaded and yet ached for desperately.
"Yes, I know why, Alex."
She was wearing only a simple shift beneath which she was naked. She took hold of the hem and raised it up, drew the garment over her head and dropped it beside the mattress, and shaking back her ruffled hair lay back again on the mattress
Alex took off his swimming shorts. Tania looked up at him, seeing his long hard penis with its purple heads and light brown shaft. She could see that already there were little drop of pre-cum glistening on its head.
She parted her legs and for a few moments Alex stood looking at her womanhood.
"You're very beautiful," he murmured.
Tania touched the lips of her vulva invitingly; "Yes, darling."
He lay between her wide spread legs, probing for the entrance to her vagina with the head of his penis.
Tania guided him in and as the head of his penis passed over her pubic bone and into the sweet warm depths beyond, he groaned, "I love you...I love you..."
"Oh my darling...my love..." Tania gasped passionately.
* * * * * * * *
Tania first met the ruggedly handsome but surprisingly gentle Alex, at a very vulnerable time in her life. She had been thirty nine when Peter brought him home to meet her. He and Peter were studying chemistry, but Alex was getting near the end of his course, and while Peter intended to follow the track that would lead to research, Alex aimed to become a pharmacist.
It was clear that Peter liked and admired Alex, and soon Alex had joined the group of young people – Peter's friends.
Although it was clear that Alex was well received within the group, he seemed to stand a little apart from them.
At first Tania thought that this was because he was slightly older than the other members of the group, but as she got to know Alex she realised it might have something to do with his background.
He did not know his birth mother or father, and had been brought up in a number of foster homes. Some of those homes had been either hopelessly inadequate or outright abusive, at one point leading to a public scandal.
Intelligent and determined Alex had battled his way through to university, but his experiences had left him a trifle wary of people, and unwilling to commit himself too deeply to a relationship.
Tania was able to sympathise with him because she too had experienced difficulties in her life.
At thirty nine, on the surface she looked like a minor success story. The owner of a flourishing beauty salon business, with no lack of money, and herself a woman of considerable beauty, that success had cost her two failed marriages.
With the forties looming she was questioning whether it had all been worthwhile. When she had first started the salon at the age of twenty five she had flung herself into making it a success and had become obsessive about it.
It was this obsession that had led to her neglecting her marriage. She would arrive home exhausted from work, and when her husband tried to make love with her she would say something like, "I'm too tired tonight, and I've got an early start in the morning."
The end of her second marriage had been particularly acrimonious. She remembered what had been almost her husband's last words to her.
"It's bloody bizarre isn't it, you look good enough to eat, but you're a cold sexless bitch."
His words had stunned her. It is true that we rarely see ourselves as others see us, and she had never thought of herself as cold and sexless, but then, she hadn't thought about that part of her life really seriously. After hearing those words she did give that aspect some thought.
And so at thirty one years of age she found herself a husbandless successful business woman with a ten year old son to bring up. Since the business was so successful and well established she began to have time for other things in her life.
In some respects her son Peter had been her salvation. She needed to give and receive affection and it was to Peter she gave, and from him she received. But this wasn't enough.
Her energy no longer drained by the business, she discovered – or more accurately rediscovered – her sexuality.
The discovery that she was a woman with sexual needs gave rise to ambiguous feelings concerning the gratification of those needs.
She was not a woman who could accept casual sexual relationships or one night stands. She needed, and knew she needed, the love and affection that give rise to the most satisfying sex, yet it was the very closeness of such a relationship she feared.
There was no shortage of men who were willing to enter into a sexual relationship with her; young and old; handsome and ugly; fat and thin; married an unmarried; there was no difficulty there. Her difficulty was the fear of another failed relationship which at her age would seem more disastrous than the first two.
To meet her sexual needs she resorted to a dildo, but how much love and affection can one give to, or receive from, a battery operated, vibrating length of plastic? If the dildo met her physical need, it did nothing for her deeper emotional needs, and the orgasms it induced left her weeping depressed.
Thus she lived in self-imposed celibacy.
* * * * * * * *
Since she would not risk another close relationship, it seemed that celibacy was to be her life-long fate. When she had reached the dreaded forties this fate took on a darker tone when Peter announced his intention of pursuing further studies overseas once he finished his present course.
Tania realised that if things followed their natural course Peter would never return home. He would probably get married, set up his own home and have children. As Tania saw it the only close relationship she had would have disappeared from her life, or at least, would now take a back seat.
It was the advent of Alex in her life that gave it an unexpected, and for her frightening, new direction.
That she found this gentle young man attractive was understandable. He was good looking and treated her with quiet courtesy. When visiting Peter he often sought Tania out to talk with her, and when she heard of his background she had felt compassion for him.
