Becki's Story
My apologies for taking so long to get my next story published. Between several illnesses and other delays, I finally have this ready.
The characters in this story are flawed, just like you and me. Sometimes they make bad decisions as they struggle to live their lives. Sometimes they make life changing decisions, not always positive. All characters and situations are complete fiction, a product of my fertile imagination. Any similarity to actual people and situations is purely a coincidence. All constructive criticism is welcome.
_ _ _ _ _
Robert and I were married eleven years ago after two years of courting. Our son Ian is now six. For most of our thirteen years together I thought we had a storybook relationship, that we were living happily ever after. About three and a half years ago I started seeing flaws in that belief.
Rob and I have always been an outdoor couple. For our honeymoon we spent eight weeks driving around the wilds of Alaska, camping anywhere we could find an open spot to pitch our tent. One of my great joys was sharing our adventures together whether that was rafting through the Grand Canyon or hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada. I believe having shared experiences is a foundation to friendship and a romantic partnership.
About two years after Ian was born, Rob started going off on his own. We are both college professors and that year he decided to go to Jackson Hole during Spring Break for a week of skiing without me. He was oblivious to the fact that he left me alone with our child, that somehow his break was more important than mine. That summer he pulled a similar move -- hiking the Oregon Trail with two buddies and leaving me at home for two months. I was hurt and angry. I felt I was no longer his partner, but rather a servant to care for his offspring and home. This callous, exclusionary behavior has been an ongoing issue.
When I confronted him, he was always conciliatory. He'd say we'll do something together at the next opportunity, but the next opportunity was always about him and never about me. Our sex life, although never fabulous before this, evaporated into nothing. I was pretty sure that he was having an affair and I told him so. Rob pooh-poohed my concerns and told me I have nothing to worry about.
This past Christmas Break, Rob announced that he was going off skiing the day after the holiday. I lost it and started threatening him that he would lose Ian and me if he went through with it. I was tired of being his doormat. Rob just sat at the kitchen table with a shit-eating grin on his face which infuriated me even more. When I had exhausted both my fury and my voice, I sat down and glared at him.
He reached out and took my hand, "Becki, you need to know that you are one of my best friends."
"BEST FRIENDS! I'm your fucking wife!"
"Yes, but you aren't my lover."
The fury began to build again and Rob raised his hand, "I would have thought you would know this by now, but I'm gay."
Of all the things I expected, this was not one of them. I felt as though I had been punched in the gut. Here was a man that I was pretty sure was as straight a heterosexual as they get.
I gathered myself, "That's horseshit Rob and you know it. You've got a girlfriend."
"Correction -- boyfriends. I'm serious. I imagine you're thinking that if I'm gay, then how was I able to make love with you all those years." I nodded. "Well, I am a pretty good faker. I found out that the best way for me to get off was to think of you as a man."
I searched my brain to remember the last time he did something really hetero, like going down on me or sucking on my breasts. I couldn't. In fact, most of our sex has ended up with me on my hands and knees, doggy style. I'm not into anal, so that wasn't an option, but I could see him thinking like that.
Rob continued, "Becki, I don't want to break up our family. I want to be here with you and Ian."
"Then why are you running off with your buddies, excuse me - boyfriends all the time?"
"Because I need the sex. I need to get fucked. I need to fuck."
"Just not me."
"I'm sorry Beck, you're a beautiful woman, but you just don't do it for me. I need a cock in me. I need a tight male ass to fuck."
My head was swimming, "I need some time to think."
_ _ _ _ _
In the week after Rob dropped his bombshell on me, I struggled to keep from falling into a deep depression. I did convince Rob not to go on his vacation so we could rearrange our lives. He provided me with the contact information for his boyfriends and I checked it all out. Sure enough, Rob was telling me the truth.
Initially, I thought I wanted a divorce, but Rob convinced me that staying at least in the same house would be good for Ian. We also decided that all arrangements would be written down. We agreed that Rob would stay in the house, but not in our bedroom. He took over the guest room. We also established that neither one of us would bring any lovers back to the house. The idea was that it would be less confusing to Ian. That was easy for me since I didn't have anyone, but it annoyed Rob. Still he kept up his end of the bargain. We also arranged that we would alternate weekdays being responsible for Ian, which included dinner. I didn't know what I was going to do with my days, but I'd think of something. I was thinking that some dinner dates might be nice. Our final agreement was to have alternating weekends with Ian. That would change when Mother's Day or Father's Day came along, otherwise the pattern would continue. For longer vacations and holidays, we would negotiate those as the time came.
One thing that I made Rob take care of was explaining his sexuality to Ian. In turn he also had to explain why our family arrangement had changed. Call it cowardice on my part, but none of this was my doing. I wanted Rob to take full responsibility for what he had done to our family. Nevertheless, I resolved that I would not allow these changes to impact my motherhood role.
It was the first week in January and my Winter Break was slipping away. Ian was back in school. I decided I needed to get out. Not to date or anything, but just to be with other people. I was incredibly lonely and my depression was impacting my ability to do research. I couldn't focus for more than a couple of minutes at any one time. Thus one of my chief activities during breaks was severely disrupted.
I went out for coffee with one of my good friends from the college, Caitlyn Marsh. I couldn't bear to tell her about Rob so instead I just listened to her tell me about a guy she was seeing. She's a good friend, but not someone I could rely on every time. I got the feeling that I could only do something with her once a week or so.
The next day I had lunch with Rich Esposito, another colleague. The best way to describe Rich is that he is a pretty boy. He's in love with himself and thinks the rest of the world shares his view. He's always been nice enough, but I never realized how much of a narcissist he was. I wanted to open up to him, but I never got the chance to fit a word in edgewise.
The following Monday I met a guy that I found on a dating website. That date was an unqualified disaster. I didn't wear anything revealing, but he couldn't keep his eyes off my chest. It isn't like I am well-endowed. I'm very average in the boob category. Plus, the entire time he was hinting at sex after dinner. Luckily, I had met him at the restaurant and he didn't know where I lived. I thought he was creepy enough to follow me home so I took a circuitous route to ensure that didn't happen.
On Wednesday I had lunch with Alison Livingston, another colleague from the college. At first she wanted to know all about my life and so I opened up to her. Within minutes I realized that I had made a mistake. She became bored and changed the subject. My search for friendship was not going well.
By that Friday I was at the end of my rope. Depression had set in and it felt like there was a large weight pressing down on me. It seemed every time I reached out to make a friend, my effort was in vain. So, when in doubt, go to the one person who will never let you down. I called my Mom.
She knew something was wrong the moment I said, "Hi Mom." I explained the situation and she just listened. Twice I had to ask if she was still there. She assured me that she was taking it all in.
After a half hour of me talking punctuated with fits of sobbing, she said, "Sweetheart, you need to be having contact with people you trust. It has to be all about trust. Not for sex. Not for anything but trusted companionship. Don't go to any of those dating websites. Do you have anyone like that? A trusted friend?" I was thinking. "How about that nice man that came to the party you threw us when we were up before the pandemic?"
"Rich?"
"Wait. Is he the one with the perfect hair?"
