Comments and constructive feedback are always appreciated.
This is the story of a wife who visits a therapist to discuss the sexual dysfunction in her marriage and life, as well as the journey of sexual awakening that ensues. I wanted to try something a little different in my writing approach, so this is told over the course of a series of therapy sessions. There is a lot of discussion on emotions and motivations, in addition to the obligatory gratuitous sex scenes.
Session One
"Good afternoon. You're Audrey, I presume?" the blonde-haired, long-legged therapist asked. She looked up from her clipboard and adjusted her thin wire framed glasses to peer at the dark-haired woman who just entered her office. She was a new patient, and the background and reasons she listed were vague, only referring to generic marital issues.
"Yes, I am. And are you Dr. Sandrine?" Audrey assumed as she nervously shook the therapist's hand. Her 5'2" frame felt diminutive compared to Dr. Sandrine as the therapist stood up to greet her at a full height that reached nearly 6 feet tall in her high heels. The psychologist's hair was cut short, and she carried a stern air of authority, an almost clinical nature about her, although the online reviews from female clients on her ability to diagnose and help her patients work through their issues were glowing.
Dr. Eleanor Sandrine motioned for her newest patient to take a seat on the sofa. She watched as the petite brunette clutched her purse as she sat down. Her new patient's reticence was clearly visible, although Dr. Sandrine was used to helping introverted clients open themselves up to engage in frank and honest conversations.
"Is this your first time seeing a therapist?" Dr. Sandrine hazarded an educated guess.
"Is it that obvious?" Audrey responded sheepishly, almost embarrassed.
"I've been doing this a long time," the 48-year-old Dr. Sandrine explained. "For over 20 years now, so I've practically heard and seen it all. There's nothing to fear. I'm only here to help you. But I can't help you unless you help me to help yourself."
"I know," Audrey acknowledged. "That's why I selected you. Because of your experience, and because you're a woman. I thought you might better relate to my situation to help me through my issues without passing judgement."
Dr. Sandrine studied her new patient. Audrey was nicely put together. She was dressed professionally in a pencil skirt and blouse. Her two-inch heels were functional, as were the nylon stockings she wore. Her face was timid, but her eyes were large and round with a kindness that drew you in. She wasn't young, but she was far from old. Her figure was healthy, perhaps 120 pounds on her 5'2" frame. Audrey's brown hair showed early signs of fading, perhaps the first hints of grey creeping in.
"So, tell me about yourself. Why are you here?" Dr. Sandrine asked.
"Well, I'm Audrey Sheehan, although I guess you already knew that," the brunette stammered as she pointed at the paper on the psychologist's clipboard. "I'm 43, and I've been married to my husband for 16 years, and we've got three kids. He's a consultant, and I'm a manager at a data management company."
"That all sounds delightful, as if you've got the prototypical perfect life. But you wouldn't be here if life was all peachy keen, now would you?" Dr. Sandrine dryly answered.
"I'm sorry; I'm nervous," Audrey apologized.
"No need to feel sorry. I'm here to help."
"Thank you. I appreciate it," Audrey responded. "I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just come out with it. You see, about a month ago, my husband said that he wanted to have an open marriage."
Audrey paused and looked to gauge Dr. Sandrine's reaction.
"I take it this was an unexpected surprise?" the therapist guessed.
"Yes, my world was turned upside down," Audrey confessed. "My confidence was shattered. I thought maybe I brought it upon myself, that I was somehow to blame. I mean, our sex life had slowed down after we had kids, and I thought maybe I wasn't being a good wife, that I wasn't fulfilling his needs."
"Perhaps he already had someone else he wanted to pursue?" Dr. Sandrine sagely suggested.
Audrey's embarrassed smile told the therapist that her instincts were correct.
"And how did you respond to your husband's request for an open marriage?" Dr. Sandrine pressed on.
"I tried to tell him no, but he was insistent."
"Did you eventually agree to an open marriage?"
A guilty look overtook Audrey's face. "I was scared to lose my husband. I didn't want my kids growing up in a divorced household."
"It's not an easy choice. I don't judge you, Audrey," Dr. Sandrine reassured her. "I just help you understand yourself better. To recognize self-destructive tendencies or realize your own self-worth. Maybe open your eyes to new ways to look at things and understand your own motivations, so you can face your fears. But before we go any further, let me make one thing clear. I can't fix your life or help you by myself. All I can do is help direct you, but if you want things to change in your life, then it has to come from you. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, I understand," Audrey agreed.
"Good. But before you go any further, I have to ask. Should this really be couples therapy? I mean, I can consult with you, but it's best if you work on your marriage together and directly with your husband."
"I'm worried there's something wrong with me," Audrey explained, carefully choosing her words, "and I think I need to fix myself before I can fix my marriage."
Dr. Sandrine accepted Audrey's response. "Very well, then. So, you've agreed, if only tacitly, to an open marriage. But how exactly would that work?"
"What do you mean?"
"You have kids. You have your own relationship with each other still if you intend to remain married. Are you really sure that jealousy won't become a factor? Do you need to vet any extramarital relationships with the other beforehand? Are you both committed to practicing safe sex? Do you need to make sure the other spouse is available to watch the kids while the other is with someone else? What if you both have plans at the same time? There are a myriad of potential landmines and complications I could foresee."
Audrey looked dismayed after the scolding over her naivete. "We talked a bit and basically came to an understanding. I don't want to know if he's taken on another lover yet, but I gave him permission to stray out of our marriage vows. He just needs to not flaunt it in my face."
"And what about yourself? Do you have any intention to test the waters in an open marriage?" the psychologist inquired.
"That's why I'm here. Before my husband proposed it, the thought of going outside my marriage never even crossed my mind."
"Do you still love your husband?" Dr. Sandrine asked.
"I've been pondering that question for weeks now, and I've decided yes," Audrey sighed. "He has his faults, but so do I. The open marriage request was a shock to my system, but he's still a good father to our kids, and even though we don't seem to be physically compatible, he's still my best friend. It may sound odd, but I'm not giving up on our marriage. Our relationship is imperfect, but what union doesn't have its ups and down. For better, for worse, as we swore in our vows, as I recall. Marriage is about compromise, and as hard as this change is, I'm working to accept it."
"You mentioned that you have not been sexually active in your marriage. If you could resolve those issues, would your husband take back his open marriage proposal?"
"We've tried, but I'm afraid we're just not sexually compatible," Audrey responded.
"Why is that?"
"I might not be here if I knew the answer to that one."
Dr. Sandrine pulled her reading glasses down on her nose. "Have you tried spicing up your marriage? Perhaps a little role play could rekindle the flame."
Audrey just shook her head. "I'd just feel frightfully silly dressing up in a wig and pretending we were strangers in a bar. It's just not for me."
"Are you really okay if your husband sleeps with another woman? Be honest with yourself."
Audrey sighed deeply. "I've tried to tell myself that he just seeks a physical outlet for his sexual desires, that he'd just be in a no strings attached relationship, and that he's still coming home to me, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt?"
"Have you told him this?"
"No," Audrey admitted.
"Why not?"
"I did a lot of soul searching over all this. We were out to dinner the other week, and he joked around with the waitress, and I felt an intense jealousy watching him openly flirt with another woman. I seethed, but then it led me in an unexpected revelation, namely that turnabout is fair play."
"In what way?" Dr. Sandrine inquired.
"Meaning that both of us were free to have sex outside our marriage, and that realization somehow unlocked something in me."
"And what was that?"
"Initially it was a lust born out of jealousy," Audrey explained. "If my husband no longer wanted to sleep with me, then I could indignantly find another man who did. If he slept with one woman, then I could sleep with two other men."
"I'm concerned," Dr. Sandrine interrupted. "That sounds like a potentially self-destructive path, one born of spite and blind to the harm you'd inflict on yourself. Do you still feel that way?"
Audrey nodded her head. "Our sex life has devolved to the point that he can hardly even get it up with me. I felt so depressed, wondering how hideous I must look for him to no longer be attracted to me."
"They make a little blue pill for that now," Dr. Sandrine helpfully pointed out.
"I think after over 15 years of marriage and three kids, even a little blue pill might not make my husband sexually attracted to me anymore. Honestly, we both share the blame. Between kids, their school, and my work, sex was the farthest thing from my mind for years on end. I was so busy, I barely even had time to ever think about sex for years."
"You said earlier that you wanted to work on yourself, but I really feel couples therapy is what you need to work through your marital issues," Dr. Sandrine insisted.
"I haven't told you everything yet."
