Ana 5

"You're going home, Anabel."

The warden's words hit me like a wrecking ball. Home? I never thought I'd hear it. I thought I was forgotten, and I'd gotten pretty used to it. I hadn't gotten a call since day one. I thought no one cared about me.

"You ready to get out of here?"

I should be, shouldn't I? I'm actually terrified. And angry. And confused. Just overall a mess. I guess I was already a mess, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

"I guess so," I shrug.

"Your mother is on her way right now. I have a fresh set of clothes waiting in the bathroom for you."

"Okay. Can I go and say some goodbyes?" This is going to suck.

"Of course, sweetheart." The warden beams at me from ear to ear. She's oblivious to the fact that this is sad. And I hate being called sweetheart. That's what my enemies used to call me before I found out they were using me.

"How much time do I have?" I shift uncomfortably where I stand.

"She'll be here in about twenty minutes."

***

I step into my room to find my roommate and best friend Sheila hanging upside down from the bottom bunk bed. Her crazy blonde hair dangles in front of her face. I'll miss that unbrushed mop.

"You in trouble?"

"I don't know." I stare at the ground.

"Oh shit, this is serious, isn't it?" She gets up from the bed way too fast and stumbles toward me. "Is it Tess?"

There's another patient named Tess, here. She was my worst nightmare when I was first admitted. She was the reason I dreaded this place until I learned later that she felt threatened by me. We both ended up in here for the same reason, but with a different backstory. Rep is everything to her. Actually, it's everything to almost everyone in Silk River Mental Institution.

It's crazy to think that Tess is way less scary than returning to a place I used to call home, now. "Sheila, I'm leaving."

There's a beat of silence before she finally sighs. "Well finally, huh?" She chuckles and shoves her hands in her scrubs. "We knew this was going to happen."

"I didn't!" I throw my hands in the air. "Maybe I had hope that someone would come for me, or even call, but I gave up on that months ago. Now all of a sudden, mommy wants me back and I'm just supposed to be happy?!"

"This place has changed you," she puts her hand on my shoulder. "You wanted nothing more than to go home when you first got here."

"It wasn't the place that changed me, Sheila. It was the realization that I really am all on my own."

Then Sheila smacks me across the face. Hard.

"Ow! Bitch!" I immediately smack her back. Harder.

"Damn!" She stumbles back a little while holding her cheek, laughing. "Well, you damn sure couldn't do that a year ago."

I stare at her, confused, watching her shake herself off. "What gives?"

"First," she gets serious, "I want you to know that you are absolutely not on your own. Maybe I can't leave with you, but I'm always going to be rooting for you whether you know it or not. Wherever you are in life, whatever decisions you make, I want you to know in your heart that I am supporting you. Always.

"And second, you were not that tough when you got here. This place sucks, but it definitely made you stronger. I don't think you have anything to be afraid of, anymore."

Sheila starts to make some gesture, like she wants to push my tangled hair from the front of my face, but she quickly drops her arm. It confuses me, but her words move me.

"I don't know...at least I knew what to expect, being here for so long. But thank you, Sheila. I don't want you to be far forever, you know. You're getting out of here, eventually, too.

She rolls her eyes. "You know I would've been out of here if I had anywhere to go."

"No, no. You haven't left because you still think you're crazy."

"I know I'm not gonna win this argument, but I still have to fight you on this. I am crazy."

"No, you're not."

"How do you know?"

"I've been in this confined space with you for damn near two years." I cross my arms, confidently. "I think I know you."

"Yeah," she scoffs, "not really."

Sheila never told me why she decided to check herself into Silk River. Something deeply personal, I always assumed. To me, though, she seems like she has her head screwed on straight. Just not her hair. Seriously, why won't she brush that thing?

"Well crazy or not, you will always be my best friend. I love you, asshole," I punch her in the arm.

She inhales deeply, "Remember when I said I wasn't a hugger?"

I smile and nod.

"Please come here."

She didn't have to tell me twice. I threw my arms around her neck, and we stayed in a silent, comfortable hug until the warden called me. It was the longest and closest I ever was to Sheila. I honestly thought we'd never split. Wishful thinking, I guess.

"You know, someone else, here, is going to miss you." Sheila whispers. "You might want to pay him a visit."

***

I've only been at Liam's door a couple times. The first time, I'd snuck past guards in the middle of the night and barged into his room after he took my Klondike Bar. They're a treasure in this dump and it was the last one in the vending machine. I didn't leave his room until very early the following morning. He's chased after me ever since I got here. At first, I wanted no parts of him because he used to get caught for somehow getting ahold of alcohol. It made him violent. I would see him swinging on guards and cursing out his friends for trying to calm him down.

Sheila says that ever since he laid eyes on me, though, he hasn't given a crap about drinking. I think he just wanted something else to fixate on. If only we hadn't caught each other on a lonely night.

I triple knock on his door and hear feet shuffling over to my direction. A second later, the door slowly creaks open, revealing Liam's face. He gives me a sleepy, but warm smile.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Cruella?"

I ignore his usual greeting with the nickname given exclusively by him. "Can I come in?"

"Please." He pulls the door wide open to let me inside. "I thought you'd never ask, again."

"About that -- this is the last time I'm coming in here. I'm leaving."

"Shit, really?" He shuts the door and approaches me. "Like, right now?"

"Half an hour." I look up into his dark brown eyes. "I came to say goodbye."

"Wow," Liam steps closer to me and places his palm on the side of my face. "You leave your mark on me and then just disappear, like that?"

"Stop pretending you love me, or something. We had a couple nights."

"A couple of long nights," he corrects, caressing my cheek. "I'm going to be in this room, every night, wishing you'd sneak back in here." When his lustful gaze drops to my lips, I know what's coming.

I close my eyes and feel his lips meet mine. I feel the passion radiating off of him, and I match his energy.

Then he pulls back out of nowhere and locks eyes with me. "So, you just came to say goodbye?"

I saw this coming, too. "Liam, I still have to get ready and sign some stupid paperwork."

"That's not a no," he began kissing my neck, slowly.

"Liam," I sigh.

"Please," he whispers. He's never been afraid to beg me and it's honestly one thing I enjoyed about him chasing me.

I allow him to kiss me and touch me for another minute, before I stop him and went for his lips, again. The truth is, Liam and I both know I don't feel the same way he feels. He very well may be in love with me, but I've only used him to fill some void in me. I don't know his story, but I think he's a good guy, deep down. He's not a bad lover either, I just don't want him like he wants me. I don't want anyone -- I can't stand people.

Nonetheless, I take the lead and have us stumble onto his bed. I let him strip me, completely, before he pauses to look at my body.

"I'd hate to find out that someone else will get to touch you." He traces my cleavage tattoo and runs his fingers down my stomach.

"You're gonna have to forget about me, after this."

"Never." Liam makes intense eye contact with me while he strips himself. I watch his abs flex while he snatches his shirt over his head. He's got jet black hair in the form of bed head that has curls loose curls dangling in front of his eyes. He works out all of the time and he does look really good. Other girls here, agree, but I don't thirst after him like they do. He just does not get me going like I do to him.

Once we're ready and he's on the bed, I slowly straddle him and place my hands on his chest. He's usually on top, but being in control gives me hope of getting off. For real.

I rock back and forth on him, slowly, so I can feel all of him going in and out of me. I feel good...like the type of good you feel when you sprint from your car, through winter's harsh and freezing air, into the heated lobby of a nice hotel. It's not the type of good I'm looking for, though. I know I have nerve saying that, as Liam was my first and only, so far.

I know he's on cloud nine, though; the lines of restraint are already forming on his forehead.

"Don't hold back, now," I pant, going faster. "This is a farewell-fuck."

I go from rocking to bouncing up and down on him, which drives him crazy. He's trying his hardest to hold on. He tries to grip my hips in a way that would slow me down, but he's getting weaker by the second. He's getting close, so I use my voice to egg him on.

"Liam..."

"Stop," he begs.

While I'm aware he's having more fun than me, I enjoy the power I have over him. I continue. "Liam..."

"A-Ana, please..." he stutters.

I seal it when I take his hand, spread out his fingers, and put the first into my mouth. I never understood this kink, but it does the trick, just like last time. I throw my hand over his mouth to muffle the incoming orgasm.

And then it was over. I roll off of him while he lies there, panting for breath. When I start picking up my scrubs and purple grippy socks, I hear Liam let out a big sigh.

"I hope you know this isn't goodbye. When I get out of here, I'm coming for you."

"You'll have to find me, first." I slide my clothes back on and head for the door. "Take care of yourself, Liam."