We raised our glasses, "To us," I said, before clinking with Ellen. My wife's glass slipped in her tipsy hand and spilled half its contents onto the crisp white linen tablecloth. "Careful love, that's 10 bob's worth of champagne at these prices!"
"But how much is it costing us Oliver?"
We paused, then both said, "Nothing," and started laughing.
She'd entered competitions and quizzes for years and only ever won a few household items, but three months ago Ellen scooped the big one; a week's all expenses paid, first class cruising in the Caribbean. We'd cruised before so we thought we knew what to expect, but the entire experience from the chauffeur driven ride to the airport, unlimited baggage, turning left when boarding the plane and sleeping in a proper bed in the sky, made it feel so different. The rich did what we did, just better.
Our suite on the ship was the size of the downstairs of our house. We felt a bit intimidated by one or two passengers we met at breakfast on the first day. Typical Brits with a bit of wedge who want to work out if they are above, or below you in the pecking order. I didn't want that crap on holiday, so I requested we should not be seated with Brits. We ate with Brazilians, Japanese, Germans, Mexicans and Americans; none of whom were interested in how we could afford to be travelling first class. Our confidence restored, the garden designer and his school administrator wife sat in our evening wear in the fine dining supper restaurant on our second night at sea.
A glamorous group of couples occupied the circular table at the end of the intimate restaurant. A Spanish man had been holding court most of the evening. My view of him was obscured by the corpulent American opposite him. I caught occasional glimpses of his stunning wife as she leaned over to reach for wine and water. The first time I saw her I thought she was a famous Spanish actress who had been with the famous American actor with almost the same surname. I liked her because she seemed intelligent, funny, interesting, and unconcerned about her beauty. The second time I could see it was not her, but she could have been her screen double. Her eyes caught mine, and I looked away embarrassed. I realised she must get so much crass gawping. By now I was sure her husband was a famous Spanish actor, my wife's favourite. We had not seen him in anything lately. A younger generation of leads were taking roles he had 10 years ago. These days he did character parts and voice overs for animations, but he was still genuine A list material.
My wife had her back to the group, and had not seen him. I said nothing because I did not want her acting as crassly as I had. But along with everyone else she heard his slurred voice say; "I will wager $10,000 dollars that I can name all seven James Bond's in the right order." "All seven?" queried his fat guest, glancing up from the plunging bodice of his dinner companion. At that moment, the actor's wife leaned into my view for more water and I tried to get her attention. She looked up and was about to look away when I shook my head and held up six fingers. She looked puzzled, so I held them up again. The woman understood. I mimed writing. I did it again, and she caught on. "Hurry with the wine Lola, we are all thirsty," said her husband.
She sat down again. "Jose, everyone knows there are only six actors who have played James Bond." The American groaned." But can you name them all and remember the dates? Just for fun. I'll even help you, when I get back from the ladies' room."
I pulled the dessert menu out of its holder and scribbled on the back and folded it small. She reached my table by the time I'd finished. I accidentally knocked a napkin on the floor and she stooped to pick it up. I put the folded paper in her hand. Our eyes met. She was stunning close up. "Are you sure?" she said, sounding nervous. "Trust me," I replied. She nodded and went out to the toilet.
Lola returned as Ellen opened her eyes from a little doze. My wife is a lightweight drinker. She looked at Lola as she passed. "Oliver, you let me fall asleep. Is she that actress you like?"
"No love, but she looks very much like her."
The group had shuffled around in their seats and now I could see her husband. They sat down and the American reminded them of the wager, and they all filled in the names and dates of actors who had played James Bond on paper furnished by their attentive waiter.
My answers to Lola said,
To date, six actors have portrayed James Bond in the official series. They are:
Sean Connery (1962-1967; 1971)
George Lazenby (1969),
Roger Moore (1973-1985),
Timothy Dalton (1987-89),
Pierce Brosnan (1995-2002),
Daniel Craig (2006-Present).
A signed menu from your husband to my wife, Ellen would be nice.
Sorry for gawping
Oliver.
I hoped she had a good memory for facts. She let him fill in his own answers, then replaced them with hers. The maรฎtre d' was summoned and did not flinch at the request for a set of envelopes and a tablet computer. The entries were sealed and when the tablet arrived a website was agreed upon and the answers checked. Surprise, surprise, Jose and Lola were the winners. She glanced up and smiled at me. That was the cue for their dinner party to break up. Several couples were turning in, but Jose buoyed by his success was keen on the nightclub. When they had a private moment, I saw Lola lean over and whisper in his ear and he looked in our direction. My wife was more sober now and clocked him. "Oliver, do you know who that is?" she said with her eyes on stalks. I watched him scribble something, and moments later a waiter was at our table with a bottle of Tattinger and a signed menu bearing the inscription:
'
To Ellen, a beautiful and clever lady. With my love and thanks.'