Age and Virility: Misguided Wishes

Elderly Fantasies: Age versus Virility

Jonathan Sawyer

Marilyn Pevolitch

was tall with very shapely legs and full breasts. Her hair was wavy, blond and fell down over her shoulders. She had listed her age as 38 on the web site although she seemed younger.

For weeks she had stood at Richard Lockhart's bedside and manipulated his legs in the slow, deliberate way she had learned when she was a nurse in the Army, years ago, and assigned to the rehabilitation ward at a veterans hospital

At present, to earn additional income for her daughter and young son, she worked on the side as a medical assistant and "sexual consultant or therapist" for home patients. During the day and some evenings, she was a waitress at an upscale restaurant where she could earn hundreds of dollars in tips on a good day.

She had answered Richard Lockhart's advertisement on line and found the conditions satisfactory. She understood fully that in addition to administering physical therapy, she would also be erotically massaging his body and penile area according to his instructions.

She would first begin her therapy clothed in a very feminine nightgown and then at his signal she would undress and continue in the nude. Richard's pyjama bottoms would also be taken off and she would carefully fondle his penis and testicles. As an old man, his sexual response would be much less vigorous than it was in his youth.

If there was no immediate erection, she would continue until he experienced a full sexual reaction with or without ejaculation. Richard could also caress her breasts and body as she stroked his genitals and abdomen.

There would be at first no penetration anticipated, only a mutual caressing to evoke pleasure and satisfaction as determined by Richard, the client. If Richard should have an orgasm, Marilyn would stop her therapy and clean up his ejaculate. There would always be towels spread beneath his body so it would be relatively simple to wash him off.

This could well be the story of a frustrated, sex-obsessed old man who was vicariously reliving his youth through a hired "sex therapist," but Richard was also looking for passion and equilibrium in his life before it was too late.

This was only the start of their relationship that would have several twists and turns down the line.

If you throw a stone in a calm lake, the ripples will continue until they hit a shoreline or some other obstacle.

________________________________________________________

Not too long ago, there was an elderly man we'll call Richard who, each morning in order to maintain a certain flexibility of his legs and hips, did exercises in bed before arising. His wife would assist him, manipulating his limbs in various directions. The joints were stressed to their limit but not excessively. Since he had been experiencing knee and hip problems, this was a type of physical therapy that proved to be successful and something he looked forward to.

In addition, he would exercise them by himself, stretching them in various directions to enhance flexibility. After a short rest period, he would get up, make the bed with his wife, and then think about the details of getting dressed, showering, shaving, and making a selection of clothing for the day.

Normally, prior to his retirement years ago, these would be automatic concerns; he would think more about what the day held for him, not about what shirt or pair of pants to wear.

As a retiree, he experienced a complete freedom of choice in his activities but that was coupled with a lack of self-worth. In America, you are what you do in an economic and social context.

However, as the days, months, and even years went by, he felt that the morning exercise routine was effective in strengthening his abdominal muscles.

Indeed, when he looked in the mirror, his growing paunch had diminished and he noticed that his body's silhouette had slimmed down. His upper torso was more muscular than it had been.

He was routinely working out in the basement with weights and using his recumbent bicycle and treadmill. It was harder to put on and take off his tee-shirts with his newly acquired bulk.

If he could get his body to firm up, he surmised, he might be sexually attractive to women...possibly of all ages.

It was an illusion, of course. There were other signs of old age: crepe-like skin on his arms, cheek jowls, "turkey folds" hanging under his chin, and baggy eyes, just to name a few.

Even at his advanced age, he fantasized about the firm and sensual bodies of young women that were displayed shamelessly online in a multitude of venues--some on pornographic sites, others scantily dressed to advertise pills and creams that would guarantee sexual fulfillment for impotent or aging customers.

One could reclaim youth in this manner, according to the promotions, and satisfy even the most demanding female of any age.

In magazines and online advertising there were enticing pictures of gray-haired men in bed with voluptuous and much younger females who were smiling at their lovers. Special pills had transformed their libidos and aging bodies into instruments of sexual dynamism.

This story is an old man's fantasy, the dream of someone far beyond his prime but desperate to regain the virility of his youth.

To achieve this goal, he had purchased online male enhancement products and was disappointed in their efficacy. A few seemed to be effective for a while but the results were primarily psychological.

He was in a sense battling Nature. Age gradually weakens human stamina in many areas. This loss of vigor was symptomatic of the great arc of life...what physicists call "entropy"...youth, middle-age, and senescence or: the progressive and energetic development of the organism, maintenance of its basic functions, and the physical decline that progressed bit by bit in old age.

Some people were blessed by their genetic heritage and enjoyed good health in their later years; others encountered harsh conditions and were plagued with disease and disabilities.

Richard was in decent health in the final stages of life but mentally resisted any acceptance of his limitations.

This fanciful tale—similar to the Faustian legend that was very common in world literature--begins when Richard's wife, all of a sudden, chose to take a break from her conjugal duties after many years of marriage. She had found a compatible place of refuge with an elderly woman, a long-time friend, who, in order to fill up her days, went from one ladies' meeting to another. Out of compassion and solidarity she let Richard's wife, Lynda Jane, stay in her guest bedroom during this separation.

Lynda Jane's friend, Rebecca, had declared herself a vegetarian many years ago and this culinary preference limited her selection of restaurants. Richard's spouse was an avowed meat lover which complicated food choices. These two women were not suited to be with one another for a long period of time.

After his wife's departure which was the result of multiple arguments and bitter accusations over a period of years, Richard had to take stock of his situation.

He would have to do the laundry, cook meals or at least provide nourishment in some form for himself, and do the shopping in supermarkets.

As a matter of fact, his wife had left him alone years ago for about two and a half months when she traveled abroad for professional reasons. After a few days of adjustment, he had managed to survive by structuring his life between work and household duties.

He was now free to go and do whatever he wanted; according to his plan, he would order meals to be delivered twice a week, and would order take-out from a good restaurant for the third day.

The rest of the week he would heat up frozen meals that were tasty and very easy to cook. He knew, with a little ingenuity, he could survive in the face of adversity.

His wife was the product of a strict Catholic upbringing and every person in the family had a specific place and function. Human value, in their world, was measured by faith and productivity and not the passive life style that Richard indulged in, even if there was no reason for Richard to be active. He had been retired for over sixteen years.

Even after multiple adjustments, Richard suffered from loneliness and knew he could find companionship if he attended the "singles" get-togethers at his church or simply went online and searched for people about his age who were also lonely and seeking someone to help them fill up the hours, especially in the evening.

He was initially dubious about the Internet sites. There were stories about scams and people being abused or deceived by criminals who used these platforms to take advantage of the elderly. They preyed on those who had lost a spouse, who were divorced, and simply didn't have the opportunity to meet potential mates for many reasons.

The subscribers were willing to befriend people they knew nothing about and were very vulnerable to abuse as a result.

Richard was not in robust health. He had undergone a massive heart attack a few years before. The cardiologists had placed aortic stents in his arteries and given him a new lease on life.

As one foreign-born cardiologist had said by his bedside in the ICU, surrounded by attentive residents, this patient is lucky to be alive: he survived the "widowmaker" of a heart attack.

He could perform routine tasks but he was a little leery about having to be sexually active after many years of not having any sex at all.

His marriage had been empty—what psychologists would characterize today as "sexless" or "asexual"; in fact, Richard was discouraged from making advances by a wife who had many excuses for not wanting to engage in sexual intimacy.

She would even physically push him away and belittle him if he attempted to initiate any sex play when they were together in bed.

The "message" he received--not so subtly--was that enough was enough; it was time to admit they were old and should be focusing on other matters.

Being intimate was the exclusive domain of the young or middle-aged. When hormones had lost their usefulness, it was time to consider other distractions.

In addition, she suffered from vaginal dryness even though she used special creams to offset this condition. She had tried once to take hormone pills but the results had been negative, even unpleasant.

She indulged in these tactics of dissuasion because she had every assurance he would not respond violently or even berate her verbally. He was a quiet and sensitive man who detested confrontation.

He became her convenient whipping boy if anything went wrong. She knew he would never get rid of her. Who else would look after him? cook his meals and run errands during the day? To her he was the shadow of the assertive and active man she had once known.

His reticence to be outspoken and vindictive was a guarantee of her personal security. She was much younger than he was so she could benefit from her energy. She showed no sympathy for his likes and dislikes. He would simply "take it" and she reveled in the power she wielded over their collective destiny.

She had even stopped kissing him with passion other than an occasional peck on the check or lips.

Nonetheless, she viewed her wifely duties as limited to maid-like services: cleaning up, doing laundry and ironing, going with him to social functions, and doing grocery shopping.

Erotic pleasure was a duty that had been reserved for her child-bearing years. She had performed adequately and acquitted herself during that period of their conjugal life.

Their only child, a daughter, Jennifer, lived in California far, far away. They saw her and her family upon occasion but not frequently. Their grandchildren rarely came to visit. If there were financial problems, Richard and his wife were the first to be informed. They had become estranged from themselves but served as a safety valve for other family members.

Lynda Jane communicated by e-mail and texting with her daughter; Richard had limited skills with the computer so he let his wife serve as the familial intermediary. He only knew how to e-mail. Texting was a skill that he had not mastered.

He would often dream about a pill or substance he could take that would erase all the unhappiness and frustrations he experienced in his everyday existence. He needed a magic wand to give him a few years of relief and equilibrium.

For Richard It would be almost miraculous to wake up with energy and a positive outlook on life. He rarely enjoyed performing the duties and obligations he had taken on around the house; his search for sensual pleasure seemed out of reach. A mild depression ruled his life.

Richard and his wife were viewed as a cohesive couple by people who thought of them as satisfied and well-suited for each other. Marital longevity was proof of compatibility.

He tried to mitigate her fury during the evening hours which could at times be volcanic when she had drunk too much. For years now, the evenings had become contentious and unpleasant. She would rant and rave, saying ridiculous things that she didn't really believe. She would occasionally scream out: "If you don't like it here, go live in the lake cabin!" It was a weekend hideaway they often frequented and would invite friends and family members to visit with them.

She would loudly accuse him of being indifferent to her needs. She was above all a "slave" to his demands. He should learn how to cook; then he would be useful! They needed to get out more! All he did was read and listen to classical music!

She would plaintively appeal to Richard's sense of compassion by insisting they seek out a nursing home as a convenient place to spend their final years. There, meals would be prepared by other people and she wouldn't have to worry about house care.

Life would no longer be a challenge for her. It would be reduced to eating in a communal dining room with strangers from all walks of life. No young children would be allowed--only on visitation days.

Their world would shrink to fit the confines of the assisted living facility. The initial down payment and monthly upkeep/service fees would be very expensive. Richard acknowledged he wasn't ready for that sort of life, not just yet.

Richard and his wife no longer sat together in a loving way on the couch as they used to do. If they listened to music, the sound had to be turned down to a very low level. Anything loud was bothersome and she would protest.

Nonetheless, the nightly news programs that she watched regularly were turned up to a high pitch. Richard would often have to adjust the sound or leave the room on a false pretense to escape the blaring television.

If he tuned in to his favorite conservative channels on TV, she would find an excuse to be occupied elsewhere. Republicans were inherently bad people and that was that. There were times when she would make an obscene gesture at the screen as she passed by.

In the most bizarre manner possible, Lynda Jane relegated "dead" composers or artists to the dust bin of musical or artistic history. Only living composers, artists, or singers had any aesthetic value in her opinion. The dead artist's work seemed devoid of true value without a living, creative presence keeping it alive. Richard had long given up trying to contradict this assertion. It was so preposterous that it only evoked anger in him at her lack of aesthetic sensitivity and clarity.

This twisted logic truly saddened him. At times, he began to doubt her sanity. After one of her tirades, he admitted to himself that he pitied his wife. He feared these outbursts were the first stages of dementia.

Richard was isolated in his personal life. There were no close friends he could turn to, only acquaintances. Many of his confidants of years past had stopped communicating or had passed away. His heart problems had not been cured...although, according to his cardiologist, he could lead a normal life if he didn't challenge himself physically. As the Greeks once said, do everything in moderation to enjoy a long and satisfying life.

His body was telling him precisely what he could and could not do as far as exercise was concerned. Nonetheless, he refused to give in to old age.

So many in his family had aged "gracefully" by refusing to be energetic or do challenging mental puzzles or exercises. They had followed the entropic arc into senescence with acceptance and resignation. They looked their age and assumed that was the way things were.

As his father once said, Richard remembered, "when I was young, I was a skinny fella. When I got older, I was heavy-set and I couldn't do anything about that either."

Richard was searching for a supplement or pill that might give him back his youthful energy or at least the feeling of being able to enjoy normal, everyday activities. His medical exams had indicated he was a healthy individual, but he was most likely affected by a mild psychological neurosis. At least, that was his opinion.

He needed someone who understood his eccentricities and would provide him with a feeling of belonging and acceptance.

His wife's nagging was not an effective strategy; it was a means of bullying, of trying to wear down the resistance of a partner. It was similar to laying siege to an enemy that had to be attacked from all points.

This tactic had worked in the past, his wife reasoned, why not try it again and again until finally the obstacle—her husband--would surrender and she could have her way. She felt no sense of shame: he was weak and deserved her admonitions.

Richard was not fooled by these tactics anymore; he had seen them too often. He had learned to stand his ground and demand they talk in a rational and cool-headed way about a number of issues.

It was then that his wife would simply fall silent and retreat into herself, plotting her next attack. After all, "wimps" like her husband couldn't take excessive pressure. She had worked hard to satisfy his needs, even during their retirement years.

All his deviations from what she considered to be the "norm" were archived. They would be used at the appropriate moment during arguments as bludgeons to make her points against him.

Some mishaps even went back to their courtship days when he had acted up and done stupid, raunchy things after having a few too many drinks. As all husbands learn very quickly, their wives have long memories of misbehavior and irresponsible antics from times past.

One morning as he was doing his leg exercises in bed in the absence of his wife, Richard decided he would go online and see if he could find someone compatible to fill in the emotional gaps in his very confined life.

However, at his age, an elderly woman would not be cooperative or able to fulfill his wishes. It would have to be a much younger companion...a woman who would be willing to experiment with sensuality and who could tolerate the limitations of an elderly man with obvious restrictions in mobility and sexual expression.

However, when they discovered his age and limitations, very few young women would agree to be his therapist and part-time lover, even for a generous sum of money.

In his mind he felt capable of sexual intercourse, but he knew he couldn't meet the expectations of the very young and their physical suppleness.

To register online he needed a photo of himself and a description of the sort of woman he was searching for. He could do a "selfie" but those always distorted his features. If he included a professionally made photo that had been retouched, everyone would be suspicious of the real individual behind the photograph.