A Summer of Slow Transition

Ch. 8. The Realization, Understanding, and Acceptance of "Self":

Pam woke up to a glorious morning and in an equally glorious mood. For the first time in months she had awakened completely absent of any feelings of conflict or remorse. Those had been replaced with the exhilarating sense of total emotional freedom.

Bob had bought her a record album for her birthday of a group that she'd heard for the first time just before the previous Christmas. She had fallen in love with the song and the sound of the group, but couldn't find the 45 RPM record in any of the music stores at the time. The song was called "California Dreamin", and the group was called "The Mamas & The Papas". When she received the album she was thrilled, and played it ad nauseam.

Pam immediately got out of bed, went to the stereo, put that album on the turntable and played a particular song called "Go Where You Wanna Go". Every time the song ended she'd lift the needle and start it over again. She did this a number of times before she let the album play out. Then she headed to the shower.

While showering, Pam was so consumed with this feeling of euphoria, she did something she rarely did. She began singing in the shower. Not just casually singing, she was singing so loud that if she had houses on either side of hers, anyone in them would've been able to hear her. She just kept repeating the first verse, over and over:

"You gotta go where you want to go ... Do what you want to do ... With whoever you want to do it with."

She hadn't felt, or acted this care-free since she was a pre-teen. She was thoroughly enjoying this old feeling.

All of these new sexual situations that had suddenly presented themselves to her had awakened that part of her "id" that had been suppressed, consciously or subconsciously, by her. She may have remained ignorant to this side of her sexual needs and desires, had it not been for it being brought to the surface by the urging and encouragement of her husband. Pam didn't have the formal training, nor the advanced intellect to properly analyze all of this, and didn't attempt to venture too deeply into it. She just knew she was enjoying it all and tried to rationalize and understand it the best her limited abilities allowed.

Pam was obviously in an outstanding frame of mind and felt good about everything. There were just a few things that she needed to make sure she did. After getting dressed and making a pot of coffee, she sat down and began to formulate her "game plan", so to speak.

She thought to herself, "How do I continue and not give anyone involved the impression that I'm just a common, everyday horny slut? I need to find a way to maintain a sense of common decency and propriety, both internally and externally, while insuring that same decorum be kept by everyone else as well. I need to give the impression that my interactions are a direct result of their initial individual actions; that they're seducing me and not vice versa. That's quite the balancing act you're creating for yourself, Pamela Taber. Can you do this? Is it possible? I don't know, but the challenge is exciting."

She then began the remainder of her morning as she always did, combined with feeling exceptionally good about everything and bursting with confidence, for the first time in quite some time. She, once again, felt absolutely good about herself.

Pam wanted to accomplish some things around the house that needed to be done, but she also didn't want to let another vacation day go by without enjoying some personal alone time away from the house. She thought, "It's still mid-morning. I can get some things done around here and still have time to spend a few hours in the sun, at the beach. She loved going to the beach, especially when she could go alone and just concentrate on pampering herself.

She made herself a light breakfast. While doing so, she also made a few sandwiches to bring to the beach. "I can buy a cold drink at the shack near the beach," she thought. There was a soft cool ocean breeze blowing today. She had opened most of the windows and opened both doors, leaving the screen doors unlocked. It created a nice cross breeze that freshened up the house and kept the temperature comfortable while she did some household chores.

After doing a few essential things around the house Pam took a very quick shower, just to rinse off the morning workout and freshen up a bit before heading to the beach. She was in her bedroom towel drying her hair, still in a naked state. She heard a voice call out, "Pam? It's Charlie. Can I come in for a minute?"

"Oh, shit," she exclaimed softly. "Uh ... yeah, come on in, I'll be there in a minute," trying to sound cheerful, as she shouted out.

Before heading towards the shower, she'd gathered up some clothes, along with what she had been wearing that morning and tossed them all in the washer. She quickly grabbed a pair of undies and put them on, then covered herself with the bath towel. She thought to herself, "It's not like we haven't seen each other naked." She then walked out to greet Charlie; scantily wrapped in her towel, wearing just panties underneath. Her short, wavy, sandy blonde hair was still damp. Completely personifying that natural "All American, Mid-Western girl," aura she projected, Charlie just looked at her and began slowly shaking his head from side to side. Pam looked at him quizzically and asked, "Is something wrong? Why are you shaking your head?"

"There's nothing wrong. It's just that you're such a radiant gem," Charlie replied, with an amorous smile.

"Oh, shush, you silly old man. What's up?" Pam asked.

"Silly, horny old man, my dear, let's get that clear. Do you have any plans for today?"

"Just getting ready to go to the beach. Why?" Pam asked.

"Oh ... never mind then, it's not all that important. It's just that I have a number of things to do, and will be away from the house the better part of the afternoon. Walter doesn't want to come along, so ... I just thought that you wouldn't mind periodically checking up on him, but ... forget it, you're busy. "

"Don't be silly. It's not like I need an appointment or reservation to go to the beach, it'll be there waiting all day. When are you leaving the house?" Pam inquired.

"In about an hour or so."

"I wasn't planning on staying longer than a couple of hours, so, Walter will only be alone for not much more than an hour. I can check on him as soon as I get back. You go do what you need to do and don't worry. Your brother will be fine and in good hands ... I'll take good care of him. Now, the quicker you leave here, the quicker I can head out to the beach and get back for Walter. Scram," as Pam began waving him away with the back of her hand.

"Thanks, Pam. It's not like he's incapable. He does live alone, but he's not familiar with anything in my house. I'll try to get back as quickly as I can."

"Take your time, I'll make sure he gets everything he needs ... Walter and I will do just fine, don't you worry." Pam let out that naughty giggle, only Bob knew the meaning of.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," Charlie said, as he walked out the door.

Pam went back into the bedroom, hurriedly removed her panties and tossed them on the bed. She put on her two piece bathing suit and threw an over-sized T-shirt on. She grabbed her small beach bag and did a quick inventory of its contents. "Let's see; wallet, money, keys, my Bain de Soleil, mustn't forget the sandwiches, and something to read. Oh, yes, and my watch, to make sure I get back in time to check on Walter," she thought aloud. Satisfied she had everything, she grabbed the large beach towel she'd put out, put on her sandals and sunglasses. She made sure both doors were closed and locked and jumped in her car. "Now to bathe myself in this wonderful sunshine all alone for a few hours," she happily thought.

Pam headed out to a small public beach nearby she had never been to before, rather than the one she'd originally planned on going to. Being aware of her promise to Charlie, she wanted to be closer to home to conserve time and still allow herself to get some appreciable time under the sun.

The beach wasn't a very popular beach, but it served the purpose and wasn't very crowded, which suited her just fine. She found what seemed like a suitable spot, laid out her beach towel, placed her small beach bag down, removed her T-shirt, sat down and took out her suntan lotion. She applied a thin coating of the lotion on her front side and laid on her back. She stretched out to allow every exposed part of her body equal access to the sun's rays, closed her eyes and drifted off into a semi-unconcerned state. Approximately 45 minutes later she opened her eyes, grabbed the book she had brought, rolled over on her stomach and began reading. In the process of changing positions, she'd noticed that there still weren't very many people there; only a few older couples, a sprinkling of males and females that appeared to be alone like her, and also one very old man walking the shoreline, whom she'd noticed when she first arrived.

A short while later she was interrupted by a, "Hi, I've never seen you here before. New to the area, or just visiting?"

She looked up and saw this man she guessed to be in his mid to late 30's, and said, "Hello ... just visiting," somewhat ambivalent, and returned to her book.

He then said, "I figured that. Not many young people come here. This is a favorite spot for retired folks. It's refreshing to see a young pretty girl gracing the sand here. Are you visiting for the summer, or are you here on vacation?"

"I'm on vacation. Now if you don't mind," Pam said, in an annoyed tone and looked back at her book.

She hadn't lied in either of her answers. She was just visiting the beach, and she was, in fact, on vacation. She just simply answered with the same words the man had used in his questions.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you. It's just that there are rarely people here, particularly those closer to my own age. I just thought I'd say hello and possibly have someone to chat with". He spoke in a pleasant manner and was very gentlemanly.

Pam felt bad for being so rude to this man, who obviously was just being friendly, polite and showed no disrespect to her. She looked up at him, smiled politely and said, "I'm only here for another 10 minutes or so, then I have to go. Sorry."

"That's too bad, I understand, however. Nice talking to you. Enjoy your vacation. Oh, by the way, I'm Jonathan." He then stuck out his hand to shake.

Pam sat up and shook his hand and said, "Pamela ... nice to meet you Jonathan, and thank you."

Jonathan left and Pam started gathering her belongings. Jonathan's statement about the beach, did not go unnoticed by Pam, and she thought, "Hmm, favorite spot for retiree's huh? I'll have to remember that when I feel the need for change. Nice tidbit of information to store away."

Her eyes, once again, came upon that same old man, still walking along the water's edge. She wondered and thought, "What a poor old lonely man. This is probably the only enjoyment he gets for the day." She kind of felt sorry for him. He wasn't of large stature, with his slouched shoulders and slightly bent knees. He walked slowly, almost with a purpose. His head was constantly looking down, like he was searching for something. Occasionally he'd stop and bend over, rustle the wet sand with his fingers, pick up an object and carefully examine it before letting it fall back to the sand. He reminded Pam of a sandpiper foraging for morsels at the shoreline. From that moment on, he would be known to her as "Curlew", she decided, after the species of sandpiper she'd become familiar with since childhood while visiting her grandparent's small beach cottage every summer. There was something dauntingly mysterious about him that completely fascinated Pam. "The name fits perfectly ... I can't just call him 'Old Man'. He needs a distinct and separate name ... seeing there's been a number of 'Old Men', who've recently entered my life," she thought to herself.

Pam got in her car and headed home singing, "Go where you wanna go", softly to herself, pleased that she had taken a few hours just for herself. "A day well spent," she thought.

Pam arrived home, placed her beach stuff down and looked at the wall clock and thought, "Great, if Charlie left when he said, then Walter's only been alone for not more than an hour and a half." She walked to the rear of her yard, opened the gate leading to Charlie's yard and went to the open back door with the screen door shut. She called out into the house, "Walter, it's Pam, I've come to see how everything's going and how you're doing."

"Yeah, come on in, Princess. I'm in the living room."

Pam walked in and found Walter sitting on the couch, just putting the newspaper down on the floor. Walter was wearing a short sleeved shirt, half buttoned and outside his baggy old men's shorts with its elastic waistband. She walked over to him, smiled and said, "How's everything going? Anything I can help you with?" She sat next to him and casually placed her hand on his left leg just above his exposed knee. She couldn't help but notice, on the inside of his other leg, the long, graphic outline of his cock, covered only by the thin material that molded around it tightly. It extended almost all the way down to the leg opening. She hastily looked back up to his face.

Walter took in a deep breath through his nostrils and said, "Mm mmm, you smell absolutely divine."

"Oh, that's just my suntan lotion. Look, if you're all set here for the moment, I'm going to run back home and shower off this lotion. It shouldn't take long, then I'll come back and spend some time with you." Pam then got up and started for the door.

"Hurry back, I'm not going anywhere. I've already read this newspaper twice, inside and out," Walter softly shouted.

As she headed back to her house she thought to herself, in amazement, "Holy crap! That thing is huge! And fatter than I ever imagined," as she felt those all too familiar electrical tingling charges at her vulva and a bit of moisture developing between her labia.

She grabbed one of the sandwiches she'd not eaten at the beach, poured herself a cold drink and sat at the kitchen table and had her lunch. "I'm famished," she said aloud.

While eating, her thoughts went back to "Curlew". She wondered, "Is this a daily ritual of his? What could he possibly be looking for, if anything? He must live close to that beach, he doesn't look capable of driving a car for any appreciable distance. Heck, we're nearly four miles from the closest market. He mustn't live alone." As quickly as her thoughts went to the old guy, they went back to matters of immediate importance, like taking a well needed shower.

Once out of the shower, Pam grabbed the panties she'd left on the bed. She knew she'd worn them for less than a half hour previously, when she was surprised by Charlie's visit. She then put on a pair of loose fitting shorts and just a T-shirt. She was getting ready to go back and see how Walter was doing when she remembered the sandwich she hadn't eaten and thought she'd bring it to Walter. With sandwich in hand, she headed back over to Charlie's.

When she got to the rear door, she once again yelled out, "Yoohoo, Walter? It's your friendly neighborhood deli delivery girl."

"Welcome back, Princess. Come on in. Deli delivery?"

"Yeah, a nice big fat roast beef and cheese sandwich. I hope you like rye bread," as she went to the kitchen. "I'll put it in the fridge, for when you want it, it's fresh, made today and wrapped."

Walter countered, "No, bring it right here and I'll have it now ... I haven't eaten yet. How could I resist a kind, thoughtful offer like that from such a lovely lady?"

Pam brought it to Walter, who seemed like he hadn't moved, since she left earlier. "I'll just put it on this T.V. tray. You want something to drink with it?" displaying that radiant smile she possessed.

"There's some iced tea in the refrigerator, I'd appreciate a glass please. Pour yourself one too and come join me."

"The roast beef is sliced paper thin, with a hand full just plunked on the bread. I've put some lettuce and a slice of sharp cheddar cheese on top with a little bit of spicy brown mustard. I hope you like it. It's one of my favorites." She went back into the kitchen to get their drinks.

When she got back, Walter said, "I told you yesterday that I liked eating spicy things, I'm sure I'll enjoy this very much, thanks."

Pam saw that his dick hadn't seemed to move either, and was still being displayed in all its wondrous glory, tightly wrapped by the thin material of his shorts. After placing Walter's glass on the tray, she sat in a chair close to the couch. The distinct features of his cock were still clearly visible, as she sipped her own drink. She wanted to touch it, feel it, to caress this awesome display of manhood. She reminded herself, "Don't be assertive. He must feel like he's the seducer. You must allow him to make the advances."

She sat back a little, allowing her legs to part enough to give him an unobstructed view of her own clearly defined vulva.

As Walter ate, she noticed his periodic, casual glances at her crotch becoming more frequent. She reveled in the notion that she was, once again, providing some pleasure to this lonely old man, albeit merely visual at this point. Pam sat back and just enjoyed observing being observed.

Walter had now finished his sandwich and was emptying his glass of its contents. He put his glass down and said, "That was, by far, the most superior sandwich I've ever eaten ... absolutely delicious. I thank you."

She was somewhat expecting his next sentence or question to be, something like, "Now, what's for desert?" She quickly banished the thought, thinking, "No, he's too polite and refined to use such a trite and weak line like that," even by her young and inexperienced standards.

She stood up and began removing his plate, napkin, and glass, along with her own, and brought them to the kitchen, saying, "Let me put this stuff away."

When she returned, Walter had folded the T.V. tray and placed it on the side of the couch. Pam returned to her seat. Walter, appreciatively looked at her and said, "Thanks ... that was excellent. Why don't you come and sit beside me?"

Pam smiled, got up and sat alongside him. Walter slid closer, leaned towards her and kissed her on the cheek. His soft kiss gently moved to the side of her neck, causing a pleasant pins and needles feeling all over her body. She slightly tilted her head to the opposite side, giving him more access to her neck. Walter continued softly massaging her neck with his lips. She felt his warm breath as he whispered, "You are a fantasy come true. Truly something I frequently imagined happening, but never thought it would ever be possible."

Pam said, "I'm happy I can make you feel good again this way."

"You haven't stopped making this 70 year old man feel good since my birthday party." He then reached over with his outside arm and placed his hand on one of her tits and began gently fondling it. Pam made that hissing sound, caused by inhaling through her mouth with her teeth almost touching each other. Walter then put her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and began rolling it between them. Pam moaned seductively, signaling how she was enjoying and responding to this physical attention.

He then slid his hand slightly under her T-shirt. She felt the warmth of his large, wrinkled hand lightly rubbing her flat, firm young stomach. She was beginning to feel the strong, familiar sensation of her labia swelling and blood filling her clitoris. Before Walter's hand reached her naked tit, she could feel the wetness begin to ooze from her vagina. He was still tenderly kissing her neck and ear as his hand slid up her stomach to one of her breasts and began to manipulate his hand in such a way that it made her begin to feel submissive and wanting. Walter, once again whispered, "Let me help you remove your shirt." She straightened up a little and he pulled her T-shirt over her head, causing her young, perfectly sized, tits to lightly sway and jiggle from being released from the restraints of her shirt. She, again, leaned back and Walter immediately placed his mouth on a breast and began nibbling on her nipple.