How quick things have moved on in the 30 years since I last saw Beth, hand written love letters (I still have the ones she wrote), replaced by e-mails and texts, mobile phones taking the place of hours standing in a phone-box, pockets full of 2p pieces, trips to the cinema mostly replaced by streaming.
For my part, I had got married, had children and divorced, I had a good job, a demanding one, so much so I had no social life, no close friends per say, just colleges, so I found myself alone at night with just my computer to keep me company. F.B. Became my companion, reuniting me with long lost friends, I even joined their dating site, where I enjoyed the intimate company of several women, whenever I felt the need, no strings attached. One day, an old team mate of mine posted a picture of me, in my prime, fighting my way to becoming a Welsh champion. It wasn't the action shot that drew my attention, it was the background. Sitting there was Beth, holding my mascot teddy, the one she gave me, her hands wrapped around it, like the way she used to hold me. It brought back memories, mostly good, some bad.
So it got me thinking, I wonder what she's doing now, I knew she had married and had no idea of her surname, so I entered her maiden name. A large list appeared, I scrolled through, rejecting all until lo and behold, there she was, older, bigger, but her face was instantly recognisable, my Beth. I considered sending her a friends request, but on reading her profile, I found out she owned a shop in a village about a 20 minute drive away, so I decided to pay her a visit. I waited outside making sure the shop was empty before going in, she had her back to me when I entered, busy putting things back in a drawer,
"I'll be with you in a moment." She called out to me.
"That's okay Beth, I've waited 30 years to see you again, a few minutes longer is going to make no difference." I replied.
She turned to face me with a look of shock and surprise on her face,
"What the hell?" Was all she could stuttered,
I Lied,
"I was just on my way back to the car, when I looked in the window, imagine how stunned I was when I saw you behind the counter."
She didn't rant and rave nor tell me to
"Get out."
I fact she never uttered another word, from the back room an old man appeared, the same old man I had seen her with previous,
"Sorry we are closing, you will have to come back another time." He told me.
I duly obliged and left.
That night whilst talking to Debbie online, a friends request appeared in my inbox from Beth, I accepted and almost instantly a message came up,
"We need to talk."
"Okay." I replied
And arrangements were made to meet the following Monday afternoon. Although she appeared on my time line, there were no further messages from her. I arrived early, awaiting her arrival, half expecting her not to show up and if she did, I was totally uncertain what she would say.
"Hi, I'm sorry." A voice from behind startled me.
Now really up close, I could see that life had not been kind to her, always on the larger size, she was now rounder than she was tall, her dark black hair now contained more grey than black, her once seductive green eyes, looked hollow and lack lustre and those inviting lips, I had kissed so many times, seemed cold.
"Sorry for what?" I asked.
With tear filled eyes she told me,
"I found out later, that you didn't lay a finger on my dad, but he was so convincing, I believed him, when I found out the truth, it was too late, you were married, so was I, he is the man you saw in the shop."
"Fucking hell Beth, he's what 20 years older than you?"
"27 to be exact, but given the circumstances, it was the only way out." She answered.
"What circumstances?"
From her bag she pulled out a photograph of a young boy,
"Your son, our son, the boy you never knew."
Tears were rolling down her eyes as she continued with her story,
"Shortly after the night my father confronted you, I found out I was pregnant, thanks to my fathers lies, there was no way I was going to allow you anywhere into his life. My religion does not believe in abortion, so when Jeff offered to marry me and bring up our child as his own, I had no option but to say yes, in six weeks we were married, before I began to show the signs of motherhood. We put his early birth down to being premature. I'm so sorry."
I had a million questions to ask, but only one came out,
"Does he know?"
"No and never will, at the age of 9 he fell from a tree, suffered severe brain damage and passed away, he followed his father, loved taking risks, loved adventure."
As if she hadn't shocked me enough she did so again, this time I just broke down and wept, from her bag she brought out teddy, my mascot from my early fencing days, I had forgotten that she had it but seeing it again pushed me over the edge.
Through a snivelling nose and tear filled eyes, I muttered,
"You kept it all these years?"
Her reply astounded me,
"Every night, I kiss it goodnight, every morning, I wish it good day, not only am I thinking of you and the way my family made you suffer, but also our son, some of his ashes are contained inside, a constant reminder of two loves lost.
With that she got up and left, confining me to thoughts of what things may have been.
We continued to chat via messenger, but she refused any invitation to meet again. Then things changed, the pandemic hit, in a way I was one of the lucky ones, I was classed as an essential worker and still had daily interaction with others, not on the same level as before but still able to leave the confines of my house. Beth on the other hand was restricted, virtually house bound with an ageing husband, who had lost all interest in her many years ago. Every night she would be waiting for me to go online, chatting for many hours and as time moved on,these chats became more intimate. During one such conversation, Beth revealed that she and her husband had not enjoyed any sexual contact for 15 years, although I felt for her, I saw it as a chance to seduce her again.
It began innocently enough, me reminding her of our walks, the first time we held hands, our first kiss, our first fuck. Every evening I pushed the subject a little harder,
"Do you remember when we got locked in at the youth club?" I asked.
"Yes." Came her reply.
"You were so horny that day, after we had spent the afternoon in the cinema, watching a confessions film, we prayed that training was being held that night, in that room."
"Yes." Was all she answered.
