I see her in my dream.
She's walking along a street. Her skin is pale and her hair is fiery red. It's night and there's people everywhere, but she doesn't seem to care.
She turns into a back alley and arrives at a house. The atmosphere is quiet and serene, because it's far from the hustle of the city, no one even knows it exist.
Someone opens the door, it's a man I never met. He looks strangely familiar. They talk. They laugh. And then, she slowly takes off her coat. Her body is pure art, curves in all the right places and lines as smooth as silk.
He kisses her and takes her hand, leading her up the stairs. They enter his bedroom and I follow.
She is already naked, and so is he.
I see him touch her. I see him taste her. I see her give him her breasts, one after another, and watch as he hungers for her taste.
They fall down onto the bed, bodies pressed together, kissing, licking, teasing. Then, slowly, she slides him inside her, inch by delicious inch. I just stand there, like an uninvited guest.
Watching them make love. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, her lips so red, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes are closed, in pleasure or pain. I can't tell.
Then she opens her eyes and looks at me. She sees me.
Her eyes. They're cold, hard, and cruel.
"Are you just going to stand there and watch?" she asks, her voice cutting through the room.
"No," I say. "I was.."
"You were what? Watching me fuck him? Did you enjoy it? Does that get you off?"
"I... No. I didn't--"
She's laughing now, a wicked sound that chills me to the bone. "You know what? You're pathetic. Just pathetic. Look at you. You're nothing."
She's right. I am nothing.
She turns away from me. She's still riding the man, still moaning. "Please, please, don't stop. You feel so good."
I try to look away, but I can't. I want her to turn around and see me again. To know how much it hurts.
Before I could do anything, I hear a muffled voice around the room. The voice becomes much more clearer as they moan much more intense. Then it becomes something else--an irritating buzz that grates at my nerves. It becomes unbearable.
I reach into my pocket and find something sharp, though I don't know what it is.
Without thinking, I slash at them both.
Then I wake up.
I open my eyes, and find myself sitting in the back seat of a moving vehicle. The man driving glances at me in the rearview mirror.
"You awake?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm awake," I answer.
"You slept well. That was quite a nap."
"I guess."
He then drives me to the front of the office. I pay the fare and get out of the taxi. It was Monday morning and the heat is already killing me.
I walk into the elevator and went into thirty second floor, where I work. It's been five years at this e-commerce company, and the place feels more soul-sucking every day. The atmosphere is dull, lifeless. I stare at my monitor and sit in that same poorly designed chair that makes your back stiff for seven hours a day. If it weren't for Lisa, I don't think I could handle it.
Ah yes, I haven't seen Lisa today. There's something I need to ask her, something about these nightmares I've been having. I head over to her desk, but she's not there. Maybe she's at the canteen, where she usually hangs out. But no, she's not there either. Maybe she's late. I worry her boss will surely give her hell for it.
Lisa and I have been in relationship for over seven months. It all started on an ordinary day--she came into my office with a bunch of documents for me to sign. I remember thinking she was cute. She has a nice body, with a neatly tied red hair, and those sparkling blue eyes. I couldn't resist her.
It's not until the company's anniversary party that I began to talk more to her. That was the day things changed between us. At first, it was just physical, but as time went on, I realized I'd fallen in love with her. We support each other through this nightmarish work environment.
At times, when things got too stressful, we'd sneak off to the office bathroom for a quickie. It kept both of us sane. The risk of getting caught only added to the thrill. Lust is written in both of our faces. She made me feel good about myself, and we clung to that satisfaction to survive the grind.
Our relationship grew more serious, and I remember that one time I proposed to her. But something happened that day. I'll never forget the look on her face when I asked. She seemed shocked, almost scared. I couldn't believe it at first. There was a conflict in her eyes, like she was torn between two worlds.
I thought everything was going well between us. Was I moving too fast? Was she not ready?
Of course I already think about the future. How I can support the family. My position at the office was stable, and a promotion was in sight.
We were both silent for a while. I looked at her. Her eyes were looking downward. She looked upset. I couldn't tell what was going through her mind. I wanted to comfort her, to reassure her, but I didn't know how. I tell her that I want this relationship to last forever. I tell her every little detail about my plans with her for the future. But after I laid out all of my plans, she cried. she becomes frustrated and quickly left. I didn't understand. I chased her, desperate to know what went wrong. That's when she turned and said the words that shook me to my core.
"Don't talk to me again" she said this with a cold stare. Then she was gone.
I stood there, speechless. What had I done wrong? I didn't understand. This was the first time our relationship became a disaster. The next few days, we avoid each other. I couldn't face her, and she couldn't face me either. I'm afraid our relationship is at stake. I need her, and she needs me.
It's almost afternoon and she still hasn't shown up at the office. I'm finishing my shift, and the worry is gnawing at me. I asked around about her wherebouts. The first person I asked was Larry, the only friend I could ever talk to. He's also the one I confided in when I first tried to approach Lisa.
"She's probably still upset about the rumor," Larry says.
"What rumor?"
"Come on, man, don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about."