I drift in and out of sleep, but I'm hardly ever truly conscious of what's happening around me, or where James is. I'm wasted, completely spent and I can barely open my eyes. I wake eventually, wrapped in a heavy white quilt and curled up in one corner of James's bed. I stretch my body out, cracking my back and ankles. I feel like I've run a marathon and I badly need some water. James wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses the back of my head.
"How are you feeling?" He says softly into my skin.
"Really thirsty." I croak.
"There's water here when you're ready."
James moves off me, giving me space to roll over and sit up. I move up against the headboard and he passes me a glass of water which I down, barely taking a breath. James is beaming at me.
"What are you smiling about?"
"You've been out for almost two hours. I think I did a pretty good job of tiring you out."
"You obviously have a great talent, if you do say so yourself." I joke, prodding at his ego.
"And you really enjoyed that talent too, didn't you?"
There's a familiar stirring in my body but I am far too tired to pay any attention to it.
"James?"
"Bianca."
"I'm actually going to go home now, ok?"
"Really?" He's not even trying to hide his disappointment.
"Yeah, I would really like to spend some time in my own place before I go back to work."
"Is that the only issue? You're not just trying to get away from me?"
In all the passion of the weekend, and in all the confidence James had in his pursuance of me, I never for a moment thought that he was insecure.
"Of course I don't want to get away from you." I say, placing a soft kiss on his lips.
"Problem solved then. I'll stay the night at your place."
"James" I sigh, "that's not entirely the point. Lily could be home, and if we spend another night together, it means that by the end of next week, we would have spent every day for two weeks together! Don't you want some space?"
"Oh, come on, what do you say? Take me home?" He flashes the most ridiculous puppy dog eyes at me and I can't say no.
"Go!" I say, pushing his body from mine. "Let's get dressed before I change my mind."
"Sucker." He jokes, quickly kissing my forehead before getting out of bed.
I'm dressed faster than James and I head downstairs to grab my handbag. I pull out my phone and there are two messages from Lily.
*Hi gorgeous, good luck on your date! Xx*
*Hi lady! I haven't heard from you yet so you're either in a ditch or a bed. Hope it's the bed xx*
I quickly type a message back to her.
*Lils, no need to worry but I may need to buy a back brace! Heading back now, with James! x*
I hear him coming down the stairs and stand up to meet him. As always, he blows me away. He's wearing dark wash jeans and a plain white t-shirt, both of which hang on him perfectly. All I want is to get him out of them again but I'll have to wait until we get back to my place, and now I'm happy I agreed to that. He's holding something slung over his shoulder and when he walks passed me to get his wallet from the other side of the kitchen, my heart just about stops.
"James, no. Leave the suit here. You can stay tonight but you can't stay over tomorrow night as well. I'm sorry. I need one night alone." I blurt, but he needs to know that I need my space.
"Well, at least I know how you feel. This," he points to the suit bag "needs to be dry cleaned." He laughs as he walks back towards me.
I mumble a pitiful apology.
"B, don't worry about it." He's already started with a nickname. "I need a night alone too, once I'm done with you anyway. Come on, I'm driving." He smacks me on the behind as he walks passed and opens the front door for me.
I get into the car and sit down gingerly. I'm so tender between my thighs that even putting my underwear back on was almost too much. As we pull out of the driveway, I switch on the radio and find my favourite station, the golden oldies.
"Make yourself comfortable, please" James mocks. "And how old are you? Even my mom doesn't listen to this."
I pretend not to hear him and sing along to the song that's playing, something by David Bowie that I can never remember the name of. James shrugs and sings along with me and despite the plaguing discomfort about our age gap, I feel comfortable just being with him. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. It feels great to be myself with out ridicule.
We arrive out the front of my little house and as I open the front door and walk down the hallway, James gives me an impressed whistle.
"How did you afford this place?"
"I didn't. My grandfather passed away about a year ago and left me with quite a bit in his inheritance. He was always bugging me to buy my own place so I thought this was the right thing to do with the money."
I blink back hard tears, giving myself a headache in the process. The memory of my grandfather's passing still hurts. Not put off by my crying, James pulls me into his arms and kisses my head. For once, there's no hint of sexual desire, just a deep understanding.
"I know how hard it is. I lost my father a few years ago." He whispers.
"I'm so sorry."
"Where do you keep your whiskey?" He says.
"In the liquor cabinet. You thirsty?" I wipe away my tears, so grateful for the opportunity to move away from topics that hurt too much.
"Parched."
He takes a hold of my hand and I walk him through the house and into the living room where I keep the liquor. My cabinet is something of a pride and joy for me. I picked it up, along with most of my other furniture, from a charity's second hand store but I've polished it up to mint condition. Dark wood in an art deco style with a mirrored counter top and stain glass doors, it was perfect for me the moment I saw it.
