I have often been asked what my first time I became a barbarian was like. So this is the experience, even though words will never do it justice.
When I was young (ask and I'll tell you how old), I worked in broadcasting. I was a tall, skinny, long haired, bearded wild ass cowboy in the manner of Waylon and Willie. I had a deep voice, piercing blue eyes and an attitude that was completely different than most in my rural community. I rode rough stock, ran around with a crazy crowd and jumped into life with no thought of consequences. I'd spent a few nights in jail for disorderly conduct, but I got along with most people pretty well.
I did the evening drive program on the big, old clear channel AM station. People liked me and I made damn good money. Really good, considering I was still in high school. Not many knew that though. My boss was a promoter. They pushed the idea that I was a hell raiser (actually true) and played up the long haired cowboy image. My promotional poster had a bottle of Jack Daniels on my desk and a hand rolled cigarette beside it. I supplied both.
My boss was going out of town for the week. His wife, Bonnie, was home alone with her new baby daughter. She was something. She was 32 and was quite the looker. Blond hair, hot body, about 5'2" tall, she was one of the sexiest women in our area and she knew it. People said she was a bitch and a tease. She had always been kind of aloof at station functions.
Well, the second day my boss was gone, I got a call toward the end of my show, asking if I could stop by for a moment after work. I finished the show and headed over to her house. I knocked on the door and she came to the door. She was frazzled. The baby had been crying and was all colicky. She had been by herself to two days and was going crazy. She was one the verge of tears. I walked in and she asked if I knew a girl for her to call to come and help with the baby. I just smiled and told her to go grab a shower and leave it to me.
Being the oldest in a large family, I took little Lindsay and got her fed and changed. I put her bassinet on top of the washing machine and put her in it. The motion (just as my mother said) soon had her comfortable and sleeping. I went in the kitchen and threw on a couple steaks and grabbed a bottle of wine and opened it. Then Bonnie came out of her bedroom dressed in a bathrobe after her shower. She was drying her hair and she looked around amazed. I told her to sit down and gave her a steak and salad and poured her a glass of wine. She looked wide eyed as I joined her. She started to protest that I shouldn't be drinking. I told her to just sit and eat, to quit worrying. We ate our steaks. The washing machine ended it cycle and I threw the diapers I'd washed into the dryer and moved little Lindsay and her bassinet over to the dryer. I turned it on and she kept right on sleeping (yes, this trick does work with colicky babies). I gathered up the dishes, put them in the sink and pulled Bonnie's chair out for her and steered her into the living room.