Zigzagging Through Life's Minefield

I find that the baby boomers are the easiest to please. They were raised believing the following was possible. Dark rimmed glasses on, Clark Kent. Dark rimmed glasses off, Superman. Hey, it was good enough to fool the INVESTIGATIVE reporters at the Daily Planet.

APRIL DAY 2019 contest submission.

Submissions must have an April Fool's theme: i.e. stories (humorous or otherwise) of surprise meetings, humor, tricks, trick endings, and other themes of deception, chance, and/or misunderstandings (happy or otherwise), etc.

Please read my profile for my stance on feedback. Feel free to email suggestions or start a conversation. Private messages work too.

Mark Byran, et al.: "Time, the past has come and gone. The future's far away. Now only lasts for one second."

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I hate these parties. They usually book a park capable of hosting over two hundred families. This year Hans, the new CEO, has invited everyone over to his mansion. He's sixty something and has a gray pony tail that hangs to within a few inches of his waist. He seems friendly enough but I've never been introduced to him. I've had my eye on him as I tend to keep to myself at these parties. All of these brown nosers were making sure he knows they can say YES.

Fiona, my wife of sixteen years, loves these parties and flutters around like a hummingbird. We've become friends with several couples. I play golf with three of the husbands.

One of the couples, Sandra and Skip, have helped to rejuvenate Fiona's sex drive. We invited them over to dinner one evening. There was some basketball game on that we were all interested in. Out of the blue Sandra shocked us.

"Have you two ever watched other people making love?"

"Just on porn sites Sandra. How about you?"

"Yes. We like to watch but also love to be watched. If that's something you'd be interested in we can have you over some night. We don't share or swap, we just like to be watched. It has really added fuel to our sex lives."

"Fiona and I will talk about it and let you know."

I chuckled when I saw Fiona's nipples searching for daylight. The thought of it certainly got her engine running. Sandra and Skip didn't act any different after their disclosure. It was as they said they really liked the pictures on our wall. We watched the game and made small talk before they left for the evening.

Fiona was as hot and bothered as I'd ever found her. I think I only got about three hours of sleep that night. The next night was a repeat. She sucked me, fucked me, and then sucked and fucked me again.

As we lay there "Is the thought of watching or being watched driving your hormones?"

"Being watched. I'm not even comfortable taking a shower at the gym. The thought of people we know watching us having sex is very exhilarating to me."

We never did anything about it. Just suggesting that people were in the room watching was enough to get her juices flowing. Likewise, I could launch a boner by thinking about a woman admiring my cock from afar.

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My mind refocused on the party. I saw Robin, the receptionist on Fiona's floor, saunter over to Hans. According to Fiona, she's about the easiest lay in the company. She was using her hands to talk to Hans. After only a couple of minutes Hans and Robin walked towards the mansion. I was actually a little jealous. Getting pussy should be tougher than that.

Hans returned about ten minutes later with a new cigar in his mouth. While we were drinking beer from a tap, he had a Dos XX in his hand. Five minutes after Hans returned, Robin came out of the mansion. Her steps were not coordinated. She was wobbling just a bit.

I chuckled watching Robin assimilate. She was talking with Terri whose husband, Rob, is in my golf foursome. She seemed pretty straight laced to me, on the few occasions we've spent time with them. After talking with Robin, Terri sauntered over to Hans.

I was a little panicked. I looked around and saw Rob and a few others watching the large screen television under the big top tent. I was torn. Should I alert him to what Terri is doing?

After chatting for a few minutes Hans and Terri headed towards the mansion. I felt sad for Rob. How quickly things in a marriage can change. My head kept swinging back and forth from the mansion doors to where Rob was standing. Would he even know she had disappeared?

Similar to his previous departure, Hans returned ten minutes later. I was jealous for a different reason. It takes me almost an hour to be able to go again. Hans had led two ladies inside thirty minutes apart.

Five minutes after Hans emerged, Terri left the mansion on wobbly legs. Whatever he's doing makes them weak in the knees. Terri rejoined her social gathering and was whispering to a lady I didn't recognize.

Rob went to the bar and grabbed a refill. I watched him track down Terri. She gave him a kiss and sent him on his way. For whatever reason that pissed me off. I didn't have a dog in the fight but Rob didn't know what Terri had done.

Hans had a steady progression of people clamoring for his attention. The lady that Terri was whispering with found her way to the head of the line. Hans pointed to his watch and put up five fingers. The lady nodded her head and headed for the mansion. She sat on the concrete bench by the door.

I needed to find out about this guy. People were constantly coming and going through the mansion doors, so I acted like I knew what I was doing and let myself in. There was plenty of food to choose from inside. I bided my time until I saw Hans and the lady come inside. He led her down the spiral stairs to the lower level.

I kept out of sight and watched as they entered a room and closed the door. I hustled up and listened.

"Oh my. I wasn't expecting it to be that big."

In Hans's distinctive accent "It might feel a little funny at first but you'll get used to it. Don't fight it, just relax and enjoy it."

I heard people coming down the stairs so I shot into the nearby bathroom. When someone knocked on the bathroom door I responded 'IN USE!'

It was less than ten minutes later when I heard Hans's voice "Don't rush things. Take your time recovering. Glad you liked it."

Son of a bitch, this guy is smooth. Three times in an hour? I don't even do that in my dreams. I cracked the bathroom door open then milled around on the lower level. When the lady left the room, straightening her clothes and walking oddly, I made my way over to that room.

This was a small bedroom. The bed looked untouched, which wasn't a surprise. You can't have unmade beds when hosting a party of this size. A deep soft chair with high armrests was the only other piece of furniture in the room. The wall mounted television had some tropical forest video playing. There was a silver box, about two feet tall, next to the chair. My guess was that it was a small refrigerator. I opened the closet door and saw some sporting gear inside. Lots of ropes and the likes. Maybe he's into some kind of kinky encounter.

I hadn't heard the stairs but I heard Hans's voice "Here, in this room."

There was no way to get out of the bedroom, so I ducked into the closet. The thought of seeing someone having sex made me hard instantly. This will be very hard to explain if I get caught in here.

"Your name again is Fiona?"

"Yes, I work in accounting on the third floor."

My heart sank. Should I make a scene? I was out of time. Take a stand or hide? I chose to hide in the closet. Unlike thinking about watching our friends making love, where I would sprout an erection so hard that it hurt, I went limp. I was sweating and trying not to lose my lunch. Unfortunately the closet didn't have any openings, so I was unable to see what was happening.

The next sound was the bedroom door closing.

"You've never done this before?"

"No, this is a first for me."

"Well, here it is."

"Oh my! That is big. This won't hurt will it?"

"Not if you take it slowly. After the first minute I can increase the speed."

"I trust you. Like this?"

"That's it. Just like that. Ready?"

"Go for it! Oh, that feels good. Go faster."

I couldn't stand it. I quietly opened the closet door and peeked out. Fiona was sitting in the chair, her dress still on. The silver box had engulfed her legs. Hans was standing by the door, puffing on his cigar and taking a swig of his beer. I ducked back into the closet.

"I've got the timer set for ten minutes. Put it back the way we found it when you're done. Nice to meet you Fiona."

"Thank you Hans, this is great."

Ten minutes later Fiona was putting things away. I peeked out of the closet and watched as she wobbled out the door.

The label on the silver box read 'Namaste Happy Ending 2000 Deluxe Dual Foot and Calf Massager!'

I rejoined the party. Fiona gushed about the machine on our ride home. I didn't admit to my voyeurism. Maybe I'll get Fiona one of those for her birthday.