Author's note: Here's a short, weird one. Hope you enjoy.
*****
"Mother, I think I've found the right one."
"I hope you're right. We don't have much time left. Where did you find him?"
"He's been living under the Seventh Street Bridge. He has a cardboard ground cover and a sleeping bag."
"A homeless man, perfect. Does his face really look like your father?"
"I think so."
"What do you mean, think so? You better damn well be sure."
"Well, he has a beard, but all the facial structures seem right."
"Okay, bring him home. We'll clean him up and see what we've got."
"He doesn't want to come. He thinks I'm trying to steal his rotgut whiskey."
"Am I the only one with brains in this family? Offer him some good whisky to come with you. Do it now."
Trey offered to buy the man the whiskey of his choice if he would come with him. The man refused to go anywhere until he had the whiskey in hand. Trey asked him what brand he wanted. "Jack Daniels, same as my name" was his response. Once the half pint of JD was in his possession, the man had one other condition. "This ain't no homosexual thing is it? I ain't sucking any man's dick."
Trey laughed. "I guarantee you I have no attraction to you. We want to clean you up and see if you resemble my father. If so, there is a lot of money for a lot of Jack Daniels for you."
"A fifth?"
"A case, maybe more."
"What are we waiting for?"
Trey was not happy that a stinky man was sitting in his late model Prius, but when mother said 'frog,' he jumped. Although he had air conditioning, Trey rolled down the windows to lessen the smell.
Jack was led into an upscale home. He was sober enough now to wonder what was going on. "Why am I here?"
"I told you. We want to see if, when you clean up, you resemble my father. If so, you will be asked to pretend to be him for a while. You know, like a part in a play. Like any actor, you will be given money based on how good you do."
"What if I don't look like him?"
"We'll give you a little money and return you to your home."
"Who's this 'we' you keep talking about?"
"Me and my mother. You'll meet her after I clean you up."
Trey took him to the large shower with multiple showerheads. Trey donned his swimming trunks and ordered Jack to take off his clothes. Jack was hesitant but obeyed after Trey once again promised him that he was not gay. Jack did, however, take his bottle into the shower with him. After a few sips, of course.
Trey directed the man as to what to wash with what. The shower floor began to appear like it had been in a mudslide. Trey couldn't help but notice that Jack was very well equipped. It did not turn him on. Once out of the shower, it was time for the moment of truth: shaving the beard. Trey took some scissors at first. The beard was thickly coated with dried liquid and food even after the shower. It took Trey many minutes and even more expressions of disgust before shaving could begin. Jack did that part.
Once Jack was clean shaven, he stood in front of Trey to be evaluated. Trey examined Jack thoroughly. He was pleased. Jack looked a lot like his father, and he had no birthmarks or scars that might distinguish him from his dad. Jack asked about his clothes. Trey told him to wait. He went into the guestroom where his mother had moved his father's clothes. Trey was glad she had not thrown away his clothes. She said it was important the clothes stay to maintain their contention that her husband had just run away and might return some day. They knew he would never really return, six-feet-under knowledge.
Jack was taken downstairs to meet his 'wife' after he was dressed. Marla was pleasantly surprised. The resemblance was striking. She also thoroughly examined Jack. "What's this on the back of your head?"
"It's where I hit my head a few years ago. I have amnesia. Can't remember much from before it happened."
"That's fantastic!"
