Yin-Yang

Author's note: Here's a short, weird one. Hope you enjoy.

*****

"Mother, I think I've found the right one."

"I hope you're right. We don't have much time left. Where did you find him?"

"He's been living under the Seventh Street Bridge. He has a cardboard ground cover and a sleeping bag."

"A homeless man, perfect. Does his face really look like your father?"

"I think so."

"What do you mean, think so? You better damn well be sure."

"Well, he has a beard, but all the facial structures seem right."

"Okay, bring him home. We'll clean him up and see what we've got."

"He doesn't want to come. He thinks I'm trying to steal his rotgut whiskey."

"Am I the only one with brains in this family? Offer him some good whisky to come with you. Do it now."

Trey offered to buy the man the whiskey of his choice if he would come with him. The man refused to go anywhere until he had the whiskey in hand. Trey asked him what brand he wanted. "Jack Daniels, same as my name" was his response. Once the half pint of JD was in his possession, the man had one other condition. "This ain't no homosexual thing is it? I ain't sucking any man's dick."

Trey laughed. "I guarantee you I have no attraction to you. We want to clean you up and see if you resemble my father. If so, there is a lot of money for a lot of Jack Daniels for you."

"A fifth?"

"A case, maybe more."

"What are we waiting for?"

Trey was not happy that a stinky man was sitting in his late model Prius, but when mother said 'frog,' he jumped. Although he had air conditioning, Trey rolled down the windows to lessen the smell.

Jack was led into an upscale home. He was sober enough now to wonder what was going on. "Why am I here?"

"I told you. We want to see if, when you clean up, you resemble my father. If so, you will be asked to pretend to be him for a while. You know, like a part in a play. Like any actor, you will be given money based on how good you do."

"What if I don't look like him?"

"We'll give you a little money and return you to your home."

"Who's this 'we' you keep talking about?"

"Me and my mother. You'll meet her after I clean you up."

Trey took him to the large shower with multiple showerheads. Trey donned his swimming trunks and ordered Jack to take off his clothes. Jack was hesitant but obeyed after Trey once again promised him that he was not gay. Jack did, however, take his bottle into the shower with him. After a few sips, of course.

Trey directed the man as to what to wash with what. The shower floor began to appear like it had been in a mudslide. Trey couldn't help but notice that Jack was very well equipped. It did not turn him on. Once out of the shower, it was time for the moment of truth: shaving the beard. Trey took some scissors at first. The beard was thickly coated with dried liquid and food even after the shower. It took Trey many minutes and even more expressions of disgust before shaving could begin. Jack did that part.

Once Jack was clean shaven, he stood in front of Trey to be evaluated. Trey examined Jack thoroughly. He was pleased. Jack looked a lot like his father, and he had no birthmarks or scars that might distinguish him from his dad. Jack asked about his clothes. Trey told him to wait. He went into the guestroom where his mother had moved his father's clothes. Trey was glad she had not thrown away his clothes. She said it was important the clothes stay to maintain their contention that her husband had just run away and might return some day. They knew he would never really return, six-feet-under knowledge.

Jack was taken downstairs to meet his 'wife' after he was dressed. Marla was pleasantly surprised. The resemblance was striking. She also thoroughly examined Jack. "What's this on the back of your head?"

"It's where I hit my head a few years ago. I have amnesia. Can't remember much from before it happened."

"That's fantastic!"

"What? Why is my getting my head hurt 'fantastic'? It sucks not to remember things."

"It's perfect for what we want to do. Trey, we can use that to explain why Robert did not return. He got hit on the head and has amnesia. Perfect. We don't need to teach him near as much as I thought we would." Marla was pleased and took a moment to let it soak in.

"Son, you've done well. I think we have a winner with some minor adjustments. Definitely needs a nose job, but not much more. Of course, we need to put some meat on his bones. Excellent. What has Trey told you, Jack, about what we want you to do?"

"He said he wants me to pretend to be his father and your husband."

"Yes, did he say what you will get if you can pull it off?"

"He said that I would get a case of Jack Daniels."

Marla laughed. "Oh, I think you'll be able to buy even more than a case."

Jack's eyes lit up.

The plastic surgery on the nose came first. While it was healing, it was teaching time. Weeks were spent feeding Jack information about Robert Samuels, the father and husband. Photo albums were shown. Videos were shown to show how he walked, talked, and ate food. Jack practiced what he saw and heard. Most importantly, he practiced Robert's signature. It had to be close for the scheme to work. Hundreds of times a day he signed Robert Samuels. During down times, Jack would case the joint. He calculated he could rip off several thousand dollars' worth of stuff if he wanted. Jack needed to find out how much he was actually going to be paid.

"Marla, just how much money will I earn for playing your husband?"

"Okay, if we pull this off, you will get $50,000. How much Jack Daniels will that buy you?"

Jack looked surprised, pleasantly surprised. Then he began to wonder. "How much will you and Trey get?"

"Don't worry about that. You just need to think, 'Where else am I going to get $50,000 for so little work?' From where Trey found you, I don't think you get that offer very often."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound greedy. I'm grateful for the chance to improve my life that you're giving me."

The training had gone on for a while when Marla said, "It's time to call the lawyer." Marla made the call: "Mr. Banks? I have wonderful news. My son Trey was able to find my husband." . . . . . . "He was found under the Seventh Street Bridge. He had a concussion and has trouble remembering anything before then. My poor sweetheart has been living as a homeless person. We've just got him cleaned up." . . . . "Oh, it's him alright. . . . . . "Well, because of the way he looks and the things he does remember. Don't you think I know my husband? . . . . "Of course, you can talk to him. We're so excited to have him back. When do you want to meet? . . . . "Okay, see you Tuesday at 9:00 at our house. . . . . "Thank you. We're happy too."

Marla hung up the phone. Trey was smiling. Marla was smiling. Jack looked scared. Marla spoke, "Jack, it's about to be your time to win an Oscar. You are now Robert Samuels."

Jack had trouble sleeping that night. He wanted to bolt. Whenever he thought that way, he tried to remember the $50,000. Before he fell asleep, Marla came quietly into his room. "Jack? You still awake?"

"Yes mam, do you need something?"

"First of all, you need to stop calling me mam. 'Honey, darling, sweetheart' are all better choices for two married people who have just been reunited after several years."

"Okay, I'll try to remember."

"Do you know what else two people who have missed each other for years want to do?" Marla dropped her nightgown to the floor. Although her body was on the chunky side, her breasts and ass were the main recipients of the extra weight.

"I think I know what to do, but it's been a while. Actually, I don't know how long it has been. You may have to tell me what to do. I mean I know what to do, but I don't know what you like."

Marla pulled back the sheet. She saw that Jack was partially erect and he did have the large penis that Trey had told her about. "Oh, I think I know just what to do."

Marla and Jack enjoyed a quick fuck and then settled into a longer lovemaking session. When finished she told him, "There, that should help you look at me like a loving husband." She left the room to head for her bedroom.

Marla was surprised to see Trey in the hallway, sitting in the floor and crying. She knelt over him and said, "Don't be like that Trey. You know I love you best. No one will come between me and my man."

"I'm sorry. I love you so much, I can't help but be jealous. It's his big cock, isn't it? I can't match that. You'll get rid of me. I know it."

"Nonsense. You and I are in this together. No one else. Yes, he has a big penis and I enjoyed it. Just remember what we are doing and what we have risked to be here. We killed your father. You buried him. We lied about him abandoning us. We have been waiting for seven years to be able to declare him dead and get his life insurance. We, no one will come between us. You should be happy when we got unbelievably lucky. The estate lawyer calls us from out of the blue. Robert's uncle had died and left $2 million. Robert was the only relative left. Robert had only mentioned his uncle a few times. The uncle was considered a black sheep and the rest of the family had nothing to do with him. When I told the lawyer that Robert had deserted us, he said that he would wait six months. After that, his uncle's money would go to charity.

"You, my sweet baby, found the perfect person to play your father. Soon we will have $2 million. All we have to do then is get rid of the stooge and head for Brazil. We can live as husband and wife there without any worries. Now come to bed. I need some of your special loving."

Tuesday came and the lawyer came to the house. His first impression was that the man did indeed look a lot like the picture he had of Robert Samuels. "Do you have any identification to prove you are Robert Samuels?"

"My wallet got stolen when I got mugged a year ago. All I have is this passport."

The attorney examined the passport. The picture looked like it could be a younger version of the man in front of him. "This passport shows a trip to China was made seven years ago. What do you remember from that trip?"

"Very little. I remember seeing the Terra Cotta Warriors. It's amazing. I remember getting sick from some of the food. I remember being on a train where they called the first-class cars 'soft seat passenger' cars." Jack laughed.

"With the possibility of amnesia, there are not any questions that I can think of that would tell me if he is really Robert Samuels or not. What about fingerprints?"

Marla jumped in, "Robert was not in the service, nor was he ever arrested for anything. I don't know if he has ever been fingerprinted."

"Well, I guess that brings us to DNA evidence. Trey's DNA should show genes from both of you. Everyone can take the test and we'll have the results in a week or so."

Marla had that covered. "I'm afraid that won't help. Trey, I hate to break it to you, but you are not Robert's child. I had an affair with my boss several years after Robert and I were married and were trying to have a child. It was a one-time fling and Robert loved me so much he forgave me."

Jack interjected, "Trey I'm sure I always loved you as if you had been my natural child." Trey cried real tears, just like he had practiced. Jack was so pleased with his performance, he decided to ad lib.

"By the way, how did my uncle get his wealth?" Marla looked at Jack with eyes that could kill. Telepathically she was yelling for him to 'shut the fuck up.'

The estate lawyer acted like he didn't want to say. After a deep sigh, he said, "Your uncle made his fortune in the adult film industry."

Jack started howling in laughter. "I guess he had as big as wanker as I do." His laughter continued. Finally, Marla stood behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. Her thumbnail behind his shoulder dug into his skin as hard as she could muster. Jack got the message, but he still chuckled.

The attorney continued, "So, is there anything else you can think of that would corroborate that he is Robert Samuels?"

"I can bring in neighbors, friends, and people from his work that would testify that he is Robert Samuels. You know, I was just wondering how much proof you require from other relatives who have inherited money. If he hadn't gone missing for a few years, you probably would have already given him his inheritance. He can't help having had a concussion and losing part of his memory. It sounds like you are holding his disability against him. I would hate to have to involve my attorney."

"Okay, the only thing he needs to do is to sign this document. As long as the signature matches, I will authorize the payment."

This was the crucial moment for Jack. He was trying to keep from sweating. Jack took a deep breath, sighed and tried to look nonchalant in signing just as he had practiced. He produced one of his best forgeries. The lawyer looked at it and then looked to Marla with a severe stare that scared her for a moment. "Here's the cashier's check for $2,145,849.13. Good day."

Jack felt like he had waterfalls under his arms. "I need a drink, bad."

Marla and Trey were jubilant. "We all deserve a drink. Trey, please bring in the champagne."

"Make mine a Jack on the rocks."

They sat around the table for a minute. Marla interrupted the celebration. "Let's head to the bank." The trio left and went to Farmer's Mutual Bank where Marla and Robert's joint account was. Jack completed his last acting part and deposited the enormous check. He explained to the teller that the deposit was temporary. Once it was deposited, they would be investing it in the near future.

Back at the house the celebrating continued. Congratulations were given all around. Trey went to get more to drink. Jack felt enough courage to question Marla. "I think I deserve more than $50,000 when the total inheritance was over $2 million."

Marla, put her hand on Jack's arm. "You're exactly right. We could never have pulled it off without you. You deserve more and I promise you will get it."

At that moment, Jack heard the wooden floor behind him squeak followed quickly by a click of a gun firing on an empty chamber. As he looked around, he saw Trey with a pillow in front of a gun, clicking away with no results. Jack declared, "Good thing I removed the bullets. I think I'm going to negotiate a new deal."

TWO WEEKS LATER

Two Jehovah Witness door-to-door evangelists appeared at the door. They rang the bell. No response. One of the pair started to walk away. The other stayed on the porch. "Come on Hazel. No one's home."

"Look at all the cars still here. I think they're just trying to ignore us. We're offering them eternal salvation. We can't give up so easily."

"Come on, let's go. You're going to get us in trouble."

Her friend ignored her plea and knocked hard on the door. The knocking caused the door to open part way. She stuck her head inside and shouted, "Hello. We're here to give you a free copy of Watchtower magazine. Can we come in and talk to you?"

The two women took only a couple of steps before they saw blood on the floor. Lots of blood. They immediately left and called the police.

The first police on scene went in and quickly came out and threw up. They warned the others that it was the grizzliest murder scene they had ever seen. Before long, seasoned Detective John Rawlings came on the scene. There was not much he had not seen in his 22 years on the force. Trying not to step on the now dried blood on the floor, he made it into the dining room. Two bodies, one young man and one older woman were on the floor. Their bodies were cut and slashed beyond normal recognition. Unfortunately, this was not the worst murder scene he had ever seen before. He looked around. There on the far dining room wall was what he was looking for: the Yin-Yang symbol, now a popular tattoo with the young people, it was also the sign of the notorious Yin-Yang serial killer. This symbol as the previous others was drawn in blood. Rawlings had seen it before, too many times for his liking. It had been almost five years since the Yin-Yang murders rained terror on his city. Then they stopped. It was assumed the Yin-Yang serial killer had either died or moved on. Now he was back or had a copycat. Either way was a disaster.

ON A BEACH FAR AWAY

Jack motioned for the waiter to bring another Mimosa to his lounge chair on the beach. Jack was enjoying a life that only a millionaire could. He reflected on how the stress of the scene with the lawyer had prompted the return of his memory, pre-concussion. He was a serial killer and quite proud of having escaped capture. He felt no guilt having killed Trey and Marla. They were bad people just like all those he had killed before. Now he could afford to take a vacation from killing.

Shouting woke him up from the alcohol-induced nap. A large man was man-handling a small woman. She was pleading that she had not been flirting with the man now on the sand with a bloody nose. Her resistance resulted in a smack to the face. She fell in the sand. He picked her up and took her to their room. Jack (he kept the name because he liked it so much) followed the couple and noted the room number.

"I guess my vacation is over."