My mind blanked as an orgasm passed through me.
I was lying on my stomach, my head crushed into a pillow to suffocate the sounds escaping from my mouth. When the last rope of sperm filled the space between my stomach and the mattress I had been humping, I remained still, not quite ready to resurface from the cesspool of dopamine that swamped my brain.
My semen was drying on my stomach by the time I finally sat up. I saw a man with dark hair and rheumy eyes. My reflection and i looked as though we were coming down from a high.
When did I start doing this? My reflection answered, Last week. Your hand was just not doing it for you. So you started humping shit. You humped the couch yesterday and today you're humping your bed.
The guest bed, to be precise.
I went to the washroom to clean up, and then retrieved clean clothes from my bedroom.
My wife, Monika, was in the living room, fiddling with her phone's touch screen. She had on a white, long-sleeved shirt that accentuated her tits. She was a true vision of sex appeal: blonde hair, blue eyes, kissable lips. Her body was a lot like Kaley Cuoco's.
She must have heard me come downstairs, but she didn't turn around. She was either too preoccupied with her phone or was disinclined to acknowledge me.
I sat on the same couch she was sitting on, though at the opposite end. "Did you drop Bill off at his friend's house yet?"
"Yeah. I just came back." Not looking up from her phone.
"I didn't here you come in."
She shrugged.
I tried to remember the last time Monika and I had slept in the same bed. Probably around the same time I had started humping the guest bed.
"Who are you texting?"
For the first time since I sat down, she looked up from her phone. "Who do you think?"
"Your dad?"
Monika laughed. "You wish."
I tried peeking at her phone. It wasn't difficult because she didn't try to hide it. I frowned when I saw the name, but didn't say anything. I felt Monika's eyes on me. It was the first time she had given me any attention since joining her on the couch. Her eyes peeled away my clothes and saw my every nook, cranny, and crevice. She seemed unimpressed.
"I could hear you upstairs," Monika said, suddenly. "The bed was rocking."
I said nothing.
Monika asked. "How does it feel to go without sex for three months? Me? I'm fine with it. It really doesn't bother me." I didn't doubt that. Monika could turn her emotions on and off, as if a switch controlled them.
"I'm horny, Monika. I can't stop thinking about sex."
"What did you think about just now?"
"Pinning you against the window. Fucking you for all the neighbors to see." I lied.
"You pervert."
"You didn't want me to. You kept telling me to stop. That really turned me on."
"You asshole. You piece of shit."
I could tell that she was getting off on insulting me. Oddly, I didn't mind it.
"I can't wait for Kyle to get here."
"Monika-" I started, but she interrupted me.
"I need this, Joseph. I can't-I won't-move on without this."
I couldn't argue with her. If I could, I would apologize to her again. It didn't matter that I had apologized already-I would continue to apologize until my words healed her. Until the words healed us.
Several months ago, Monika had come home to me fucking my co-worker in the kitchen. I had her bent over the sink. As with the conclusion of all affairs, I hadn't expected Monika to be home so early.
And so she stood there, a wordless croak eviscerating her tongue. I saw her as I drew my hips back. My co-worker pushed me away from her, pulled her clothes on, and left.