It seemed that I was the one woman at our ski resort hotel who intended behaving herself. There were quite a few married women there without their husbands and there was a tacit assumption that they were going to have a good time, doing things they wouldn't get away with at home. My chum Anna, happily married with a child was bent on an illicit romantic experience, as she called it.
Personally I was missing Ted dreadfully. This was the first time in our four year old marriage that we'd been apart and I was vowing never again. It was just that I'd always wanted to try skiing and this trip with Anna had been too good an opportunity to miss. Ted had been unable to get the time off work. Anna's husband just didn't want to come.
There was nothing else to do but drink and party in the evenings. Well, you could sit in your room and watch television but what the heck! It was all in German too which I didn't understand.
So that first night I went to the après ski party with Anna. It was fun. There was a good vibe and there were people of all ages there which was reassuring. It wasn't going to be all snogging and pairing off like at parties in my student days.
I got talking to various people, mostly others from the same package tour so we at least knew each other by sight. I had a few dances with different chaps and I nursed my one drink. I saw Anna talking to some hunk of a guy and thought 'Oh dear!' She was laughing too much at his jokes and it did not bode well.
Various chaps came on to me. Some of them were gorgeous and gave me thoughts which I had to reject. I learnt to avoid the ones that I really liked the look of. Their ultimate objective for the evening was all too clear and disengagement after a dance could be difficult.
I got talking to a woman from our tour group. She was touching forty and was with her husband who was dancing with someone else. She should be safe company until I could slip away and get to bed. Then a man came over. He was one of the advanced ski instructors and looked like something out of a movie. He was of her generation and he actually clicked his heels and bowed to her before he spoke. He asked her for ze pleasure of ein tanz bitten and she near wet herself in her eagerness to dance with him. It was as if she'd been waiting for this moment all her life. She had certainly been waiting for it all evening.
So much for safe company. I felt quite betrayed as I sat there, all alone and feeling sorry for myself. I accepted a dance with the next man who asked me. He wasn't a hunk, rather ordinary in fact so I didn't need to put up my mental defences.
And that was a mistake. He had a good sense of humour, was pleasant and nice to be with. I knew he was more husband material than stud. He was a lot like Ted in many ways except that he was German speaking. He felt kind of safe so I spent the evening with him, mostly dancing and a few drinks. And then, come bedtime, I went to bed with him.
"What the hell am I doing?" I thought as we got into a deliciously exciting embrace between the sheets. Then he was inside me and I just gave myself up to the pleasure of the moment. I woke up beside him next morning.
One good test of a man is when he's just waking up. Dieter looked up at me, sleepy eyed, his hair all mussed up, and he gave me a wicked lazy grin. "Thank you. Carol. Last night was so wonderful." He did speak good English.
I felt guilty as sin and yet I wondered if I would get the same that night.
I had a great day on the slopes, got back dog tired at about four, showered and took a nap in my own room. Refreshed I joined Anna and we went down to dinner and party.
Having had time to think about it I vowed never again. One lapse was bad enough. I expected Ted to be faithful to me and of course I would be faithful to him. It was only a ten day holiday so it should be easy enough. I vowed to forget about Dieter and what had happened last night.
Of course, that evening, I accepted when Dieter asked me to dance with him. I'd said no to three or four guys already and I hated being the wall flower. Just to be safe I stayed with Dieter all evening and what could I do but go with him to his room later?
I stayed with Dieter every night of the holiday. It was safer that way and he was very nice.
On the flight home I asked Anna what she was going to tell her husband.
"Everything. I don't have any secrets from Jack."
"Even about... you know?"
"Especially about Konrad. That's the bit that'll interest him most."
Anna could see my astonishment. "Don't tell a soul but Jack likes me to have a little adventure like that now and again. He gets all turned on when I tell him about it."
I was open mouthed. Most of the guys I'd known had been possessive and jealous in varying degrees. Certainly none of them would have been like Jack. Then I remembered a conversation I'd had with Ted a few days before leaving for this holiday.
Ted hadn't seemed to mind me having this trip. I'd have hated it if Ted had been going without me. I'd asked him if he wasn't worried that I might be a little bit naughty while I was away.
He looked surprised as if that hadn't occurred to him. "Well, whatever happens you gotta come home afterwards," he said.
"So you wouldn't mind then?" I was trying to provoke a reaction. A little jealousy wouldn't be amiss.
"I don't think so. Total stranger you'll never see again. It wouldn't take anything away from me and you'd have some fun on holiday. Probably be good for you."
"Would you want to know about it?"
"Why not? It would be sexy, like that time when you told me about your old boyfriends."
"But it would be so embarrassing for me."
