Wild and Wiced White Wedding

Nobody under eighteen years old in sexual situations. Any resemblance of any character to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story contains incest and lesbianism. If that bothers you stop here, don't read it. This story is over the top. Read it with tongue in cheek. Please don't try to make it realistic. It's a fantasy. It's all for fun. Don't try this at home, these are trained professional stunt characters. If you're worried there is no Covid in this story. Yeah, I am aware the story is not realistic. Please be kind in your comments. Its just a fun story.

Wild And Wicked White Wedding

The Best man proves he's the best man.

I got to the hotel pretty early in the morning. I was fresh off a redeye flight. I got a hot egg McMuffin and coffee so my ulcer was sorta ok for the time being. I checked in. I was not sure of the local time. Maybe 5 or 6? The sun was still asleep, so it was pretty damn early.

I was the best man in a wedding, but it could not have come at a worse time. I was getting divorced, just really waiting for the final paperwork at this point. It still hurts a lot. She had found her "True Love" but it wasn't me, her blissfully unaware hubby. When I was apprised of her new beau we had a roof-raising, bare-fisted, knock-down, barn-burner of a... discussion and we were no longer. We have been separated for three, almost four years now, with attorneys growing wealthy and us two becoming much poorer for the fun experience. My stomach ulcer was acting up and treatment was taking longer than expected. Yikes.

Donna had hooked up with her first love, I was going to be ditched and she was going to get married to the creep as soon as the ink dried on the divorce. Well, that's what I was given to understand. Of course, things like that are subject to change, especially when karma gets involved. We all know Karma's stripper name is REVENGE! The shoe is now on the other foot! I truly couldn't have come up with this awful situation if I tried.

I had truly loved her, so her treachery really hurt me. Donna, for her part, had not counted on him dumping her! I knew as soon as I met the bastard, all he wanted was to get into Donna's pants, period. How could she fail to see him for what he was, an arrogant, evil, lying, thieving

prick? How could she betray me like she did? Too bad for her, "What comes around goes around", and my own personal favorite from the good book, "What you sow, so shall you reap". I like "Live by the sword, die by the sword", but that might be too much for this situation. She didn't believe any of that, but that's kinda what happened to her.

Apparently Donna was not quite the "love of his life" that she thought. Maybe she was just his dirty slut for a few months. I had to control my glee at this turn of events. Wow! Karma was way more vindictive than I ever was! Ouch! He stole tens of

thousands of dollars from her, plus her (my) Beemer, and he got away with it.

I found out about that and swore out a warrant against him, but the cops didn't really give me much hope. They said it was probably already chopped up and sold for parts. Nonetheless, he had a nice BOLO (be on the lookout for) in front of his real name and 5 aliases. My ex was just heartbroken that he didn't really love her. Poor dear.

The only man that did love her (me, stupid guy that I am) she stomped my heart into the dirt, repeatedly. At least I now understand my ex-wife's true deceitful nature. Donna seemed more like a scorpion in stilettos than the dear sweet woman I had wed. I suppose I am just another stupid, trusting, dumb-assed husband... always the last to know the truth. Well fuck me all to hell.

I think the prenup that caused her to suddenly be very poor had also caused him to then suddenly

re-evaluate his true feelings for Donna, my dumb, soon-to-be ex wife. Almost like he had only been after my money and not really chasing after Donna. Hmmm. What do you know about that!?

With any chance of this devil getting his hands on my cash gone, he was suddenly gone with the wind. Can you believe it? He wasn't her "true love" like he led her to believe.

Donna was shocked beyond belief. He had told her he loved her. I guess she believed him.

Gee, someone should have warned Donna about this evil guy!!! That he was only trying to get good pussy and lots of dead presidents into his grubby little mitts. Some good person should have shown her all the evidence from the investigators come to light. She could have looked at his conviction record, and his police file. Someone should have said something.

Oh wait! I did. TWICE. She said I was full of shit, and I was just a damn jealous ex husband. What a stupid idiot superbitch! Oh well. After he cavorted with everything she had in the bank and all her jewelry except her wedding rings... which actually belonged to my grandmother. I had retrieved those two from her damned treacherous evil fingers. Donna was never getting those back.

I resisted the urge to say, "Ha! I told you so!" Donna knew that I had been quite correct, and I had tried to warn her TWO times. What a stupid bitch.

She might want a tattoo that says, "Dumb Bitch," right on her forehead. I wash my hands of her. You can't fix stupid. Or evil for that matter.

Let karma have her way with her. She royally deserves it. I had tried to help her and only got hurt for my trouble. But the large bill from the private eyes had been worth it for my divorce. Even after I tried to save her twice. The photos of her and her felonious lover adorn my final divorce action as evidence of her infidelity. With ADULTERY in bold letters, the prenup shoved down my throat when we wed was now shoved gently down her throat. Bon appetit! After I had tried to save her twice. No good deed goes unpunished, ever.

That she had such a mean unthinking reaction to my honest warnings really surprised me. I had never, ever lied to her during our entire marriage. Not once.

Well that is, up until I had proof that she was planning on divorcing me in favor of this criminal type. I had done nothing during the time of her cheating except love her, so I got the shock of my life that she was planning on leaving me and marrying him. Talk about a shock. The pain was unrelenting.

From that time forward it was just plain marital warfare, more or less. Shoot lawyers at each other. Talk about a very expensive game! By the time they were done, we would both be living under a bridge in a cardboard box!

So then the double shock of him dumping her? Woo-hoo!! Yes! Unbelievable. Instant karma. Could not have happened to a nicer person. Yeah, right. There is a God and he loves me. Thank you, thank you, my sweet Lord. I have to go to church more often. It will take two priests to hear my very lengthy confession.

I guess I was a bit too happy at another person's terrible misfortune...Where are my tap dancing shoes? And I had explicitly warned her. TWICE! Well fuck the bitch. So much for love, huh? How does that song go? "What's love got to do with it?"

We all know it's all about the money in the end. Cause love is "a sweet old fashioned notion," as Tina Turner sang so beautifully. Love you Tina.

I did not gloat... much. I just wondered if she was having second thoughts about my viability as a husband and lifemate? Nah. I still don't think she would piss on me if I was on fire. I don't turn her on anymore. I suppose it is time for me to face facts. We are done. No use beating a dead horse, and our former relationship is dead, dead and DEAD. It needs to be buried.

I had carried a torch for that evil bitch for far too long. It was obvious that the feelings were not returned from her now. I know, how stupid can I be to secretly love the dumb bitch. We can't always help what we feel. This is particularly idiotic on my part since I'm pretty sure she no longer feels any loving feelings for me. Look at her actions. Not exactly a loving wife is she?

Perhaps she NEVER had those feelings for me. I'll never know for sure. I was just another broken-hearted fool who believed his darling wife could never do the things she did. I wish I never knew what I know now, but facts are facts. Wake up and smell the coffee. She had done things for her devil that she never did for me and now she never will. She used to tell me that I was the best. Not any more I suppose.

My new motto:

FUCK THE BITCH, but not with my dick, ever again.

I pictured her crawling back to me and begging for my forgiveness... Of course, that will never happen, it most likely never will take place in any way shape or form, except in my own crazy imagination! She is no doubt extremely embarrassed by her own stupidity. I wish Donna had enough empathy to understand how badly she hurt me, but it does require a modicum of intelligence to have any amount of empathy. I seriously doubt she has anything like that in her skull! She's just too fucking dumb. So why gloat at a stupid woman? I think it's just sad. She made her own bed...let her sleep in it. I had trouble looking at her face and trying to determine what the fuck I had done to merit her evil treachery and hatred. I would never know. Just being a kind,

decent, gullible, loving husband was enough reason to betray me I suppose.

Not that I was looking for any kind of reconciliation, as she had broken my heart pretty badly. So the idea of me rebuilding a life with her had absolutely no appeal to me at this point in time. I was not looking to get my heart vivisected a second time! No, thank you! I had planned to stay as far away from her as humanly possible... Perhaps Antarctica...

But now the upcoming wedding... I was supposed to be the best man, and guess who was going to be the matron of honor? That's so ironic... My ex wife was now standing up for honor? Haha! Damn! Donna would not know honor if it bit her in the ass. I didn't want to do this at all.

It was early morning. As I was

still on Cali time it felt like 4 a.m. to me. There was the groom and we hugged each other as friends do. Of course we talked about the wedding. I begged my friend Ron if he would please release me from my wedding duties... He had two brothers who would have been more than happy to jump in my place! They both told me so. All the guys knew about my real anguish and the difficult situation. Everyone knew about it. Everyone knew what my ex had done to me. This whole deal was the definition of awkward. There are no real secrets in a small town, even when you leave and move to the land of earthquakes and crazy people.

Ron said, "Jack, it's only the wedding ceremony and the banquet. You do the toast, and have a drink or two, and you are all done. Please?" He begged me with his eyes. Damn it. Fine. I hate myself for giving in so easy, but he was my best friend. His superpower was control through guilt. He was a master manipulator at that. I had a huge amount of guilt with my friend.

"My brothers have the bachelor party covered. I know you aren't going to it, and I totally understand what you are going through, especially about your ulcer, but you and her will not even have to touch on the walk out, or the reception either." Ron laid out the plan.

He made it sound like a piece of cake. I just KNEW it would be otherwise. He handed me a thing of Prilosec. This was my fourth Prilosec gift from all my friends. My ulcer was well known to all my friends and family. I was being treated for it, but as usual there were...complications. Story of my life. So I deal with it.

"My sister Rhonda made it clear she wants to um... 'cheer you up' the night before. The only other thing is holding the rings. Please? You and I used to be inseparable, thick as thieves, and you are still my best friend." Ron said with the begging eyes again. I can't turn the guy down. He's my best friend, my only friend really. Then he hit me with his trump card.

"I stood up for you with the bitch! Who knew Donna would lose her mind? Wha' d'ya say?" He had a way with my guilt. He knew exactly which of my buttons to push. He was a past master at guilting me into doing stupid things. Damn him and his knowledge of all my stupid weaknesses! Of course I would do it. He was my best friend. I had to. Guilt had won again.

I really sorta owed it to him. I mean I had banged his sexy, beautiful mother maybe four or five HUNDRED times. I know he must know that I was in love with his mom, and Agnes had turned me down flat, not once but several dozen times. I don't know how many times I have sincerely asked her to marry me. All those times she very politely turned me down. I guess I was just a booty call for her. That hurt.

Agnes had wanted me to marry Donna, at least initially. She was upset at her idiotic behavior as well. Hell, almost everyone was upset, one way or the other. It just can't be helped. It is what it is. Done is done. I had missed Agnes when I was married. But I had held to my vows, unlike my ex. Vows are important.

But in reality, Agnes gave twice as good as she got. What a sexy assed woman. I really loved and enjoyed being with her. I wonder if she enjoyed my begging for her hand in marriage? Did it give her a feeling of power over me? Something to think about. I didn't know if Ron was aware of the situation with his mother. She only wanted to fuck me, never to marry me. Pissed me off. She just loved to fuck me and suck me. I was her booty call.

I don't know how many times I had begged her to marry me. She was so wonderful behind closed doors, at least with me. She was older, and she thought she was too old for me. Pissed me off so much. We always had that fire between us. But as soon as she had her way with me... woosh! Gone. I scratched her itch and she was out of there. I was a manwhore. Without the money.

So I would be the best man for my friend even though my nasty ex-wife was my "date" for the night. Oh boy. Shit. Shit. Shit! This just sucked. No doubt his mom will turn me down flat again. I cannot win here. On the other hand, Ron's mom always tries to fuck me to death. Hard to stay mad at that crazy sexy woman. She is fantastic in bed. Since my official separation she had rocked my world so many times- and refused to marry me so many times. It was so fucked up.

I really owed it to Ron regardless if he was fucking my ex-wife or not. I had divorced the bitch, so legally and morally, I had no claim on her, or gripe at her decisions on whomever she decided to fuck. Of course that sure ain't the way it felt in my chest! Finding out it was your best friend's fucking your ex for the entire time we were married and supposedly "in love" well... it hurt.

On the other hand, I was fucking his mother once or twice a month for many years! I suppose it all evens out in the end. Love appears to have nothing to do with it. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Well I guess I'll be using my mental health benefits at my job quite a bit. I truly did not understand why women wanted to fuck me, but at the same time, mention marriage and whoosh!... They were gone with the wind! I was good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry!? Well ain't that a big kick in the head! Maybe I was "just a booty call". Have dick, will travel! I guess there are worse things in life than being a sex toy for women. They all seemed to like Mr Happy. I guess that's something. It's just ME they don't want.

Ron was quietly awaiting my answer,

"Ok, ok, fine Ron, but I want to spend as little time as possible with Donna. This whole thing is gonna make my ulcer way worse! I am sorry about skipping the damn bachelor party, but you guys have a great time and try not to get arrested. I might have enough money to bail your ass out, but not all of the other idiots. Don't let anyone drive. I got you guys a huge stretch limo service, and a driver for all night. All you have to do is tip him well at the end of the night. Please don't toss any cookies in the limo. It costs a fortune to clean that muck up. The driver is waiting to hear from you guys. Here is his card. Now about the reception..." I spoke softly.

"After I make the toast I'll stay for a bit, and I will make my exit very quietly. I have a redeye ticket for 3am, so I'm gonna try to grab a nap before my flight. I'm sorry I'm not very social right now. You sure you don't want to have Mark or Jim do this?" They were his brothers. "You know they both would be happy to do it for you. They both have already asked me." I knew that both of them would be taking care of any problems after I left. Maybe they would create a few problems too! God bless them! I love his crazy brothers. We were almost family. I take that back. We were family.

"Nope. My brothers are great, but you are my best friend. I love you Jack. You and me Jack. For crying out loud, your ex-wife is just a woman. She's not an ogre, or a mass murderer, or something. Be a man! Suck it up!..Why don't you go get situated in your room, grab a nap, and I will see you at the rehearsal. Don't forget, 5 pm Eastern time, not left coast time! Be there or be square!" He gave me a big hug. I needed that. Of course I was going to do it. Grumble... I just didn't want to be there.

I had seven or eight hours until the rehearsal. I was a bit tired. Red Eye flights will do that to you. I best get a wake-up call.

So for the reception I would plaster a fake smile on my face, tell a few embarrassing stories and wish them well, clink! And I'm done! I did not have to like it though! So many stupid things are rolling around in my head. I need a shrink. Or maybe heavy drugs. Maybe both. At least the reception was in the grand ballroom of the hotel I was staying at. It would be easy to make my social escape. Harder to get a DUI if you're staying here.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to my room and stripped down to get a nice, warm shower. I wanted to wash the friendly skies off me.

The warm water felt great. I was clean, and ready for a nap.

I was just headed from the bathroom when someone knocked on my door. Who the hell wanted to talk to me now? I was wet and naked heading to the door.

I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door. In she strode, Ron's mom, Agnes, like she owned the place. Maybe she did, as she is very, very wealthy. Agnes is also drop dead gorgeous and she was dressed up to the nines!... Shiny sequined dress and stilettos, lots of diamonds on her slender neck and ears, V-neck dress exposing her big beautiful melons. Yeah she has a huge magnificent rack. She was so beautiful. She was a ten. She may have been older, but she was still an absolute knockout! I did not really understand why she had not remarried after her husband passed away. She had had her pick of men, but did not want to date for some odd reason. Agnes locked the door behind her, and she started to undress, very quickly. Her clothes fairly flew off. Her bra was black lace and custom to hold up her huge udders. When Agnes removed it her huge boobs did sag down a bit, but hell, they were about ten pounds

apiece! Her big nipples were hard as rocks. I couldn't help staring at her hourglass figure, as she quickly stripped out of her very expensive clothes. They probably cost more than my car. Damn she was built. She was incredibly sexy and so beautiful. She made me drool every time we fucked. Agnes fucked me every time she saw me. That we were good at: fucking.

"Jack, I need you now this instant. I've missed you terribly. Please forgive me for not seeing you more. I do try to see you more than every month or other month. Sometimes my job just gets in the way of everything." I felt honored to see her as often as I did, every month or two. Once in a while it was twice in a month. That made me very happy. I am always bowled over by how sexy she is. I loved her and I could swear Agnes had feelings for me.

"Hi Agnes. I have missed you too!" I grabbed her and kissed the hot woman. She kissed me back. I can't help myself, I love her. I have loved her for years, but the love was not returned, at least not 100%. I'm going to guess about 10% love on her part, but she was always filled with 100% lust for me. Fuck that dirty, sexy woman. Agnes was the best fuck I ever met. She put women half her age to shame. Agnes was awesome.