These conversations happened over the course of about a year. I am transcribing them to the best of my recollection. Before the first conversation, my wife and I had been married for a little over three years. After spending the first year together in Los Angeles, our respective careers forced us to be in different cities. She had to move to San Francisco. We spent about two weekends a month together, besides the occasional long break. She had become friends with a male colleague whom I met a couple of times when I was visiting her in the bay area. I never suspected anything was happening between them. He seemed like a stand-up guy and until recently, he had a steady girlfriend.
After about two years in the bay area, my wife decided to take a job offer from a firm in San Diego. The pay was slightly less and the firm was smaller so I didn't fully understand the reason for her move. But she insisted it was because the work in San Diego was more "challenging" and offered better long term prospects. And San Diego was closer to me than San Francisco. Indeed, we were able to spend more time together but our marriage was still long-distance, which brought with it the expected tensions.
Long distance had always been tough on our marriage. After the first "honeymoon" year, the arguments between us had grown in length, frequency, and intensity. On average, we spent about 10-12 hours a week on the phone arguing with each other. Usually about really petty stuff. It seems petty in retrospect. But seemed very important back then. Despite the growing acrimony, I truly believed that our relationship was strong enough to weather anything.
I was exploring opportunities in a firm in San Diego so we could be together. But things were moving slowly there. Around this time, I noticed that the frequency of calls she got from her ex-colleague friend in San Francisco seemed to have increased. Whenever we spent a weekend together, she would keep getting texts and calls from him every couple of hours. I didn't think much of it until started happening way too often. I pressed my wife to tell me what was up.
Her first revelation came as a bit of a bombshell. She said he was saying he was in love with her. Her moving away had made him realize how much she meant to him. And he was trying to convince her to be with him instead of me. To leave me for him. Which she didn't want to do at all. And she was trying to let him down easy without being too rude because he was essentially a nice guy. And to preserve their friendship which she valued.
I wasn't a stranger to the idea of guys falling for my wife. She is very attractive, smart, and witty. She keeps getting hit on a lot. I considered myself the luckiest guy in the world for being the one she chose. But I trust her enough to let her deal with the attention, and I had trusted her all these years. I figured that if she wanted to be with someone else, she would just be with someone else. No point in me getting insecure about it. So that's how I decided to leave this matter too. I am generally not a very intrusive or jealous person by nature and have never interfered in my wife's social circle or relationships. She has had many male friends over the years and I have never really felt insecure about it. In fact she had told me honestly about a couple of instances when great guys had pursued her but she had turned them down because she had chosen me.
So I had never been too worried about this particular guy. He wasn't really good looking or charming. I did however remember that many months ago, his girlfriend had insisted on meeting my wife because she got suspicious of their friendship. At that time, I had shaken my head at how paranoid and insecure his girlfriend was. And initially, I didn't feel too bothered by his trying to pursue my wife. But another month or so went by and the texts and calls from him just seemed to increase. Whenever I spoke to my wife, she would say, "I keep telling him I love my husband and he should find someone else. Just give it time. He will get over me. He says he understands my choice but is just having trouble coming to terms with it. But if he doesn't get there soon, I am just going to cut all contacts with him. But for now, I value his friendship enough to give it some more time."
From what I had seen, it seemed like she might just have to do that get him off her back. In fact, I hoped she would do it soon. It wasn't my style to dictate to her what she should do. But I hoped she would just cut this whiner loose so he would stop bugging us when we were together.
Then one Monday, things came to a head. I came back from work around 8 PM. I was changing in the bedroom when there was a ping sound from my desktop. I checked it and saw that it was a message on Skype from him. To my wife who had spent the weekend. She had signed in to Skype from my desktop for a work related conference call on Sunday and forgotten to log out.
Conversation 1 (Skype text chat)
Him: You there? Can I voice call? Me: Hey, it's me, Pat. She is in San Diego. She spent the weekend here in LA and forgot to sign out of Skype from my desktop. Him: Oh, hey Pat! How are you? Me: Great. How are you doing? Him: Not bad. I'll just text her on her cellphone then. Me: Okay. (a couple of minutes go by) Me: Dude, if you don't mind, can I say something? Him: Sure. Me: This may be unsolicited advice but you need to take it easy and just stop pressuring her into something she doesn't want. For the sake of your friendship. Him: Excuse me? Me: I know that you are in love with her. She told me. I can understand. She is amazing. But I am her husband and I am the one she is going to be with. That's just a fact. We are meant to be. If you keep chasing this pipe dream of having her, it'll just destroy the friendship you two have. So just back off. Him: Pat, you were right. This is unsolicited advice, and unwelcome too. You can shove it. Me: No need to get rude. Him: With all due respect, what happens between me and her is none of your business. Me: WTF? None of my business? She is my wife! Him: I know. And I like you. So just let's end this conversation. What happens between me and her is between me and her. I am calling her right now. Me: That's some arrogance for a case of unrequited love! Him: "Unrequited love"? Me: Yeah. I am just trying to suggest a decent and reasonable path forward here. You seem like a great guy. It's beneath you to be like a stalker just forcing himself on a woman who doesn't want you. Him: Stalker? Forcing myself? Me: Yes, maybe in another universe, you met her first and you got her. But right now she is happily married to me. Him: Dude, do you know how miserable your wife is in this marriage? Me: She is NOT miserable! Every marriage has some problems. But we're in love. Him: Oh, so you're in love? And you're okay with everything she has done? Me: What has she done? (a minute goes by) Him: You're a fucking moron! Me: Excuse me??
That's when my phone rang. It was my wife. I answered, feeling more than a little upset at this asshole.
"Guess who I am chatting with?"
"I know. Just log out." she said.
"You won't believe the stuff he is saying. He is suggesting that you..."
"Pat! Listen to me! Log out!"
That's when another message popped up on the screen.
Him: Talk to her and weep, you pompous motherfucker!
"He just sent me a message saying...."
"I don't care! Log out! I need to talk to you! Log out RIGHT NOW!"
"Okay okay. I am logging out."
I logged out.
Conversation 2 (Phone)
"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" I asked. "Why is he being such an asshole?"
"Please don't hate me. I have something to confess."
"What?"
"I cheated on you with him."
"What??? You mean........ you kissed him?"
"More."
"You.....slept with him?"
"Yes. I am so sorry. You and me had just had a big fight. And I was...."
"How many times?"
"Excuse me?"
"How many times did you sleep with him?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I want to know if this was a one off mistake or a prolonged affair."
"It was....something in between."
"As in?"
"Twice. No, three times."
"Three times or three nights?"
"Three nights."
"And how many times in each night?"
"I don't remember for sure. It was so many months ago."
"But more than once each night?"
"Yes."
"Is he...............bigger than me?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Just answer me."
"Sort of. Same length but he is much thicker."
"You measured it?"
"No....it hurt the first time he entered me."
"How many times did he enter you in total?"
"I don't know."
"How can you not know?"
"Who keeps count of such things?"
"But approximately.... twice each night, three times, four times?"
"About two or three times. On average."
"Were you up all night?"
"No, we slept."
"On the same bed?"
"Yes."
"Naked?"
"What?"
"Between the multiple times you had sex, did you sleep in his arms naked?"
"....."
"Well?"
"No, I put my clothes on."
"And he?"
"Him too."
"What clothes were you wearing?"
"I don't remember. It was so many months ago."
"I am not asking exactly which garments. I mean were you in jeans, a dress, a skirt?"
"Not a 100% sure, but mostly jeans."
"So after sex, you put your jeans back on, and then took them off again, and then back on..."
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Did he cum inside you?"
"No, he was wearing a condom."
"Yes, but even with the condom. Did he cum while inside you or in your mouth like I often do?"
"In the condom while inside me."
"Every time?"
"Yes."
"You never let him cum in your mouth?"
"No. I don't think he ever wanted to."
"Did you suck his dick?"
"No."
"Really? Three nights and you never sucked his dick?"
"Really, I did not."
"And I suppose he didn't want that either?"
"No, he wanted it. He pleaded with me many times."
"And?"
"I couldn't bring myself to do it. It may sound weird to draw the line there after having sex, but I felt that would be really unfaithful. I wasn't proud of what I was doing."
"And did he go down on you?"
"He tried to, a few times, but I always stopped him."
"Why?"
"Same reason."
"What is the most number of times you had sex in a night?"
"I don't remember."
"Come on!"
"Seriously, I don't remember."
"Were you drunk on any of those nights?"
"No."
"Did you sleep over at his place till the morning or come home in the middle of the night?"
"Slept over."
"So you went to work together in the morning? You wearing the same clothes?"
"No, that never happened. Wait.... let me remember."
"Okay."
"The first time, we woke up at around 9. He got ready, dropped me back to my place, and went to work. I showered, changed, and went to work after."
"Okay."
"The second time, he woke me up at about 5 am so I could leave. His girlfriend was gonna come over for breakfast."
"Wait, he was still with his girlfriend at that time?"
"Yes, you remember me telling you that she was very suspicious of his friendship with me. And insisted on meeting me once with him?"
"Shit, I had totally forgotten about that. Fuck, at that time you told me that thing as a 'what a paranoid woman' story."
"Yes."
"But she wasn't paranoid. She just wasn't as blind as me."
"I am so sorry."
"How many times did you meet her?"
"Just that once."
"Was it before or after?"
"Before or after what?"
"The sex."
"It was....let me remember.....it was sort of in the middle I think."
"So when you met her, you had already fucked her boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"The whole reason she wanted to meet you was to be reassured that you and he weren't having a fling. And you sat there with a straight face pretending that wasn't true."
"Yes. I feel horrible."
"And even after that, you slept with him again?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I.....don't know. I just got caught up in it."
"Did you....do you love him?"
"No, of course not! I love you!"
"At that time, did you....think you loved him?"
"......"
