I never liked these monthly birthday dinners that my company throws. First of all, it seems like a waste of money to have these catered events every month. And secondly, I spend ENOUGH time around my coworkers, I don't want to have to see them after business hours. Not to mention the fact that everyone always drinks too much and people are constantly making fools of themselves. But the absolute worst thing about last month's dinner was when my rival, Jake Steuben was seated at the same table with my wife Cathy and I.
Steuben or Stew as he insists on being called is one of those big, burly types who succeeds in the business world due to charisma and sheer aggression as opposed to those who have talent such as myself. It absolutely infuriated me that such a numskull got promoted to manager while I sat languishing with the measly title of "Team Lead."
Of course Cathy was totally unsympathetic once she met Stew because he was such a charmer around women.
At one point, I was refusing to laugh at a joke that Stew had cracked about some recently deceased celebrity and my wife started teasing me about it. She turned to the young Vietnamese woman Trinh from accounting who was also at the table. "Trinh, I think Norman is jealous of Stew. What do you think?"
"Of definitely. Very jealous," giggled Trinh, giving me a smile to take the edge off of her teasing. "Stew is so much BIGGER than Norman."
"He really is, isn't it?" said my wife. She turned to admire Stew's physique as he expanded his broad chest proudly.
"It's all hard work ladies," said Stew with a smirk on his big strong jawed mug. "Feel that." He offered my wife a bicep to examine.
My wife eagerly gripped Stew's huge bulging muscle. She wasn't even able to get her two small white hands around it as she squeezed it in admiration. "Oh my gosh, Norman. He's huge and hard," my wife told me. She was drunk at that point and had that shiny, devilish look she gets sometimes.
"Yeah, that's wonderful," I sighed. I took another drink and slinked down in my seat. The fact was, I always was thin and scrawny. I always relied on my brains to get by in life and never paid much attention to physical fitness. Weightlifting was for jocks and idiots in my mind. Not to mention that I too lazy to go to the gym much.
"Dude, your wife likes how BIG and HARD I am," Stew told me. He was wagging his eyebrows at me as my wife clung resolutely to his massive bicep.
"What ELSE you got is big and hard, stew?" asked Trinh. She and my wife broke out tittering nervously. Trinh was normally such a quiet and reserved girl, I was shocked at her behavior. But her red cheeks offered a clue. She just couldn't handle her liquor very well.
"I can't show YOU, Trinh, I might get in trouble with HR," said Stew. "But I could show Cathy later." He gave me a lewd wink as my wife cackled with laughter.
"I'm game!" put in Cathy. She just wouldn't let go of Stew's arm. She leaned back and was practically swinging from it, but he just held it out perfectly straight, showing off his strength as my pretty wife dangled from his ape-like limb.
"Take pictures!" shouted Trinh to my wife gayly.
"Ok, yeah, that's... that's not cool," I said weakly. Stew and the two women just laughed at my embarrassment. So I tried to stick up for myself a little bit. "Muscles aren't everything you know. I mean, that's why we have civilization and tools and whatnot. We don't need huge muscles like neanderthal's anymore."
"Dude, do you even lift?" joked Stew.
"Actually, darling, didn't Stew get promoted to manager while you didn't?" asked my wife. She was growing more serious and she disengaged from Stew's big arm so he could put his elbows on the table to hear my response.
"I don't see what muscles have to do with it," I said.
"Well, you know, I read this study that showed that the person most trusted during business meetings is the one that can lift the most weight," my wife told me. One of my wife's favorite conversational habits was to cite counterintuitive study results.
"IS that true?" asked Trinh in fascination. She put her chin in her palm and gazed at Stew as though contemplating him in a new light.
"I believe it," he said with a confident smirk as he took another drink of his whiskey. "Weak guys just don't make an impact."
"Ugh!" I groaned. I drank my wine and wished I was anywhere else in the world but there.
"So it looks like the laws of the wild still apply," my wife told me. "The dominant male rises to the top, even in the business world."
"I like dominant men," cooed Trinh. She was staring at Stew with frank lust in her eyes at that point.
"Yeah, well I like woman, with, you know, more meat and potatoes," said Stew. He shot a look at my wife's knockers.
"You like Cathy's big boobs and big butt!" shouted Trinh with a laugh. I shrank down further in mortification at people at the surrounding tables overheard her and looked over at us with knowing grins on their faces.
"Shush, Trinh," I hissed.
'It's true though," insisted Trinh drunkenly. "Cathy has big boobs! I'm jealous."
"Ok, but try to keep it down a little," I said, glancing furtively around.
"Everyone can see that your wife is stacked, Normie. It's no secret," laughed Stew.
"I'm glad you noticed," purred Cathy. She was sauced up too and she jutted her chest out. She had a low cut dress on and her white cleavage bulged out enticingly. Stews eyes ran over my wife's chest hungrily.
"Can we change the subject now?" I pleaded.
"What's the matter? Don't you like talking about how dominant men get their choice of women?" asked my wife. She was suppressing a smile, but it cut me when she said that.
"Is that what we are talking about?" I asked nervously.
"Of course," said Trinh. "Women get excited by big dominant guys."
"Honey, you know, I don't think you should be so jealous. You are a real man too, you know," my wife said consolingly.
"Wow, that's so nice of you to say that," I replied. My wife shook her head, impatient with my sarcasm.
"I have an idea," said Cathy with a sly grin. "Why don't you and Stew arm wrestle and whoever wins gets to have their way with me tonight?"
"What kind of stupid idea is that?" I squawked loudly. Then I cringed as people all around looked over curiously.
"Man, he's got no sense of humor, does he?" asked Stew shaking his head at me. "Sad."
"He knows you would win!" said Trinh excitedly.
"She's just playing around," said Stew dismissively.
"Sure, yes, it's just for fun," said Cathy. She licked her lips and glanced indecisively between me as I slumped in shame and Stew with his head held high.
"Don't be such a pussy, Normie, let's do this," offered Stew, and he leaned aggressively across the table,sweeping the plates out of the way and slamming his elbow down, offering his huge palm for me to grip.
"I mean, we know what the outcome will be," I said. Other people were watching with interest and whispering amongst themselves at the other tables.
"Well if you forfeit, that would make Stew the winner by default," said my wife reasonably. "And he will be able to sample my goods unopposed. She traced her finger along the crease of her cleavage seductively and Trinh started giggling.
"Cathy!" I complained. I wanted to get up and drag her out of there, but I also wanted to avoid even MORE of a scene.
"I'm just having a little fun," grimaced my wife. "Can't you play along?"
"Ahh," I said. I looked at Stew and he wagged both eyebrows at me as he sat there in position, waiting for me to arm wrestle him.
"Fate favors the brave," coaxed my wife. She patted me on the knee to encourage me.
I was really annoyed with my wife for trying to humiliate me like this, but there was no way out at this point, so I sighed with resignation and leaned forward to take Stew's hand. His grip crushed mine and I nearly called out in pain. But then he pursed his lips and make a face of concern at me as he loosened his grasp.
"Ok, now GO!" shouted Trinh.
I wasn't even going to try, but Stew just waited. "Come on, Normie, you never know what you can do unless you try," he said. "Give it your best shot."
I shook my head in frustration but gripped his hand more tightly and put all my strength into it, trying to force his arm down. Stew gave a grunt of surprise and his arm folded down just inches from the table. I gave a puff of amazement. Had I caught him off guard? How ironic would it be for me to beat the strong man by accident like this?
The girls gasped in shock as well. "My god man! You may be skinny, but you are wiry. What a grip!" panted Stew dramatically.
But I soon realized he was teasing me as I proved unable to budge his arm any further. I even used both hands and tried to stand up and force his arm down. But he just grinned at me while I struggled for a moment before violently wrenching his wrist over and pinning both my hands down to the table. My entire body was jerked over and I nearly fell out of my chair. The women applauded the brute's victory over me and I heard titters of amusement from the other tables. Stew shook his clenched palms above his head in celebration.
"And to the victor, goes the spoils," said Stew. He snaked an arm over to wrap around my wife's waist and pulled her bodily over next to him, her chair scraping loudly on the floor as she gasped in surprise.
"Oh, yeah, I like this part," purred Cathy as the big man crushed her to his side in his strong embrace.
"Ok, yeah, very funny," I said. I busied myself with straightening the table as my face burned with shame.
