Why Are You Trying so Hard?

This is a continuation of my first story 'Why Are You Trying So Hard". This story will not make sense if you don't read the other story first so, please, if you are going to read this story, and I hope you do, read "Why Are You Trying So Hard", first.

I didn't intend to continue the story however, so many people wanted an "ending". During life, don't our stories actually continue to develop, ending only when die? So, you could say all stories have the same ending, it's what happens before the end of a story that makes it unique and interesting. So here it is, I hope this satisfies those who wanted an ending.

Many thanks to oldnakeddad for editing. Considering what he had to work with he did an outstanding job.

Enjoy.

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I had a good life, really, I did! I had a nice home, a good job, two great kids, and a wife who, I believe, in her own way, loves me. The problem was, for whatever reason, she refused to show or express her love.

So, what did I do? I lead my life as every other man my age...I worked hard, payed my bills and did my best for my family. Basically, I was the same as every other fifty-something year old man in this country, with one exception...I was going through life without the love and affection a man in my position, married, might expect.

Yes, I thought about divorce, I even fantasized about it, but being alone at this point in life was, and still is, a scary thought. I've always been a little fearful of the unknown or change and divorcing Connie would have definitely been a big change thus presenting a much unknown future.

If I had gotten a divorce, my financial situation would have been in shambles. After splitting everything down the middle, I may have indeed had to work until I die rather than enjoy retirement...not to mention having to pay spousal support for who knows how long...Connie works, part time, at the local middle school so I had no doubt a significant portion of my income would have gone toward her support.

I've fantasized about having an affair, too but, silly as it sounds, that's not who I am. Though Connie wasn't holding up her end of our marital vows, I have always taken them very seriously!

I knew a woman, Beth, from my previous job, who was approximately five or six years older than me...if only I could have met her way back when! She was everything I imagined when I thought of a life partner. She was very beautiful, attractive, about five feet-five inches tall, slim but not skinny and had dirty blonde hair. However, her beauty was much deeper than physical...Beth could absolutely light up any room and she was extremely charming, without being flirty. If you had known her, you'd know she was a very caring person.

Over the years of working together, Beth and I had become, and before you jump to any conclusions, nothing more than very good work friends. The only time we've ever done anything socially together, outside of work, was when I invited her to a church function with my wife and me.

However, we'd become close...we'd share things with each other when they were bothering us. I had leaned on her for support when my daughter was hospitalized and when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She was a good listener...she cared! I never did mention my marriage intimacy (or lack thereof) problem to her, though. Part of the reason I've never shared it is...embarrassment. It's embarrassing to admit you had a wife yet you've been celibate for the last fifteen, plus, years and, honestly, I had worried if I had shared the information, it might have changed the dynamic of our relationship...she might have thought I was angling to take our friendship to a new level? I had reasoned it was best to keep my little secret hidden away.

I would listen to her when she needed a friend as well. I listened when she told me how her husband, Mike, was looking for a different job in another town, three hours away. She didn't want to move because they had already relocated a few times during their life and she had reached a point where she felt settled in with family and friends and didn't want to start over in a new place...she had begged him not to pursue the job. I gave her a shoulder to cry on, so to speak, as I listened and offered encouragement. As it turned out, Mike received and accepted the job offer but she had refused to move so their solution was...he would have an apartment in the other town and come home on the weekends. This type of solution would have made perfect sense for my situation, being away couldn't hurt intimacy when there is no intimacy in the first place. But this was very difficult for Beth as, I could tell, she was a very loving person and I had no doubt this new arrangement would be difficult for both of them. Anyway, I listened and offered support.

All of that transpired about two years ago. I had moved on to new employment and maintained contact with Beth with occasional emails. I've even dropped by the old job to see the old gang, including Beth, a couple of times.

Connie's father had to go into the hospital, Wednesday, and had been expected to be ok but, at eighty-three years old, you could never know. Since she didn't have to work the upcoming Friday, she had said she was going to leave after work, on Thursday, to stay with her mom...about two hours away...and wouldn't be back until Saturday afternoon. This sort of separation was no big deal for us as she did this a couple of times a year anyway. The upside was, I got to be a bachelor for a couple of days, having the things I like, but Connie doesn't, for dinner and watching guy shows on TV...basically doing what I want.

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Connie left for her parents' house after work today, as planned, so I'm swinging into the grocery store to pick up a steak for myself...Connie doesn't like steak... and, as I'm walking up to the store, I see Beth coming out. We say 'Hi', I help her put her groceries into her car and we talk for a bit, catching up on things.

"Yeah, I'm a bachelor this weekend. Connie went to visit her mother for a few days."

"Oh, you poor thing. I know your kids are in college so you'll be all alone."

"I know! That's the good part! I get to watch whatever I want on TV, eat steak, drink beer, belch and there'll be no one around to complain."

"That sounds like you. Well, don't have too much fun and don't be bringing any strange women home."

"You know me, I'll be good. So, I bet you're looking forward to Mike coming home, how are things going with his job?"

"Oh, Mike can't make it this weekend. They have this big project that's due and will be working all weekend on it. I was going to go to his apartment but they are working some very ridiculous hours so I wouldn't get any time with him anyway."

"That's too bad!" I can see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Yeah, it is what it is. Anyway, it is nice seeing you but I have a hundred errands I need to do before I go home. I'll talk to you some other time!"

"Sure, nice seeing you, Beth!"

I start walking away and, on a whim, without giving it any thought, I turn back.

"Hey, since we're both on our own anyway, why don't we meet someplace for dinner tomorrow? It will give us a little more time to catch up on things."

"Ok, sure, why not? Where do you want to go?"

"How about Olive Garden say...six o'clock? Do you want to meet there or I can pick you up so we can ride together?"

"It doesn't matter to me, I don't want to bother you though. I can drive myself."

"Pffft, no bother. Whatever you like."

"Ok, pick me up, I guess."

"See you at six then. Bye."

I proceed into the store to get a New York Strip and a six pack of Dunkel. As I'm driving home, it hits me...'Are you crazy? You made a date with another woman?' Did I really make a date? I wasn't thinking of it that way when it happened, it was truly only two friends making plans for dinner. I'm certain Beth didn't think of it as a date, I highly doubt she would have accepted if she did. What would Connie think? Innocent or not, and regardless of our situation, I doubt she would be thrilled if she knew. I've never kept secrets from Connie, never had a reason to. Sure, I might not have told her about the fishing pole I bought, or similar things, but nothing important! Well, this isn't really something important, it is truly only having dinner with a friend however, I think I'll keep this to myself.

Before going to sleep, I fantasize about being with Beth...having a nice dinner; starting to feel romantic with a cold glasses of wine; taking her home; being invited inside to continue visiting, since it's early and there's no one home anyway; sitting on the couch and the conversation slowly dying as we gaze into each others eyes. What a lovely thought but it can't happen! I have to release the built up pressure, the result of thinking such thoughts, before I'm able to sleep.

Friday drags on and I can hardly focus on work as I'm thinking of my fantasy with Beth. I know nothing will happen, it is only a fantasy, but I can't put it out of my mind. The end of the day finally arrives and I find myself knocking on Beth's door. She comes out, dressed as she always is, in nice slacks and a blouse...definitely not date clothes but man is she beautiful! What I wouldn't give for her to be mine...and off we go to Olive Garden. The seat is a booth in the back and sort of secluded. We order our meals and a nice bottle of wine. The privacy allows us to feel a little freer with our conversation.

"So, Beth, how are things?"

"Well, honestly, not as good as I'd like. This separation from Mike is much harder than I thought it would be."

"I'm sorry to hear it. Does he have to stay and work weekends, often?"

"No, it's only happened one other time but the separation seems to be affecting us. When he comes home on the weekend, the closeness isn't the same as it was."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize things were so hard for you. I'm certain everything will work out. If you ever need anything, someone to listen or whatever, don't hesitate to let me know."

"Oh, you're sweet. Thank you but listen to me being a silly, emotional woman. Enough of this talk."

At this point, they bring our check, we split the bill and, as we're getting ready to go...

"Beth, I'm enjoying talking with you and since neither one of us needs to get home, why don't we find some place to continue?'

"That would be nice, I'd like that. I hope you don't think I'm being forward, and take this the wrong way but, we could go back to my house. I have a nice bottle of Riesling at home, waiting to be opened."

The ride to Beth's house is easy as we chat about nothing in particular yet the conversation never dies down. Beth invites me in and tells me to have a seat in the living room while she goes to the kitchen to get the wine. I sit on the couch, Beth came in with two glasses and the bottle, sitting them on the coffee table, and she sits on the other end of the couch with one foot on the floor and the other curled under her as she turns to face me.

"So, what's going on with Steve? How're things in your world?"

I debate with myself...if ever there was a time to bare my soul to someone, now is the time. As embarrassing as it is, I know Beth will be understanding, nonjudgmental, empathetic and she will keep my confidence...my secret will be safe.

'Here goes,' I think to myself.

"Well, Beth, to be honest, things aren't great."

"Oh, no, you're daughter isn't sick again, I hope!" Concern is literally pouring from her.

"No, it's not that. It's, well, it's Connie and me...." I say, while looking down.

I proceed to lay everything out there. I have kept these feelings bottled up inside for so many years, never telling a soul. As difficult as it is to talk about, once I start, everything easily flows out. I'm not going to be able to keep anything back, even if I want to. It is as if a dam had burst...a torrent of emotions, feelings of regret and rejection are released as I tell her of the pain of Connie's continual emotional and sexual rejection. I'm letting her see pain and emptiness in my heart stemming from a twenty-eight year marriage, void of affection.

I explain how Connie not only refuses to give any love or affection but she also denies me the opportunity to give her my love and affection. I am never able to hold her hand, or give a loving hug or give her a soft kiss on the cheek or forehead to say 'I love you' without words and I've never been allowed to give her my love in the bedroom, focusing only on giving her pleasure, except when it was to reproduce. As hard as it is to live with someone who doesn't give any love or affection, the worst part, for me, is not being allowed to give her my love and affection.

I did it! I finally told someone of my misery. Nothing has changed, yet I feel better. It is as if I had been being squeezed tighter and tighter, making it impossible to breathe, and then suddenly being released and able to gasp for air, filling my lungs for the first time in a long time.

I look up and over at Beth...she has tears streaming down her cheeks. She looks at me and flings herself across the couch, grabbing me in the tightest hug I've ever experienced. I can't hold her, my arms are pinned down, but she holds me as if she is never going to let go and my shoulder is getting wet from her tears.

"Oh, Steve, you poor man."

I am experiencing emotions as well and it takes every effort I have to keep my own tears back. Slowly, I wrap my arms around her, returning her hug. We hold each other for what seems like forever yet, it doesn't seem long at all...it is as if time has stopped.

"Oh, Steve, I didn't know. You're such a good guy and I know you're a loving person. I can see it in you. Living as you do, I can't imagine what you must be going through."

Then it happens. I feel it on the edge of my cheek and earlobe. A kiss! It isn't sensual, rather it is a kiss one would give to make someone feel better, as a mother kisses a sick child, but it is a kiss, none the less. I sit here, holding her, soaking up her love and empathy. In reality, we probably hold each other for five minutes yet, if it could be measured, I'm certain I'm receiving more love from Beth, during these five minutes, than I have during my twenty-eight years with Connie.

Another kiss in the same spot. This time, without thinking, I respond by kissing her earlobe. Beth slowly, and slightly, turns her head and kisses me again, this time on the center of my cheek, and I do the same. Without letting go, she pulls her head back and looks at me in the eyes. Her tears have stopped, yet her eyes look as if the tears could fall again at any moment. We gaze into each other's eyes for eternity then, ever so slowly, she moves her face closer to mine and gives me the softest kiss on my lips, never breaking her gaze into my eyes. She meets me half way as I move to kiss her...this kiss is a little more forceful yet soft and gentle. I feel her tongue lightly dart across my lips during the next kiss and afterward, it is full on open mouth, passionate, tongues battling and moaning. It is dizzying...Beth and I are the only beings in the universe and the room is slowly spinning around us. Finally, we break our embrace, panting, unable to catch our breath and look at each other. The realization of what happened comes to me...I am mortified and quickly look away.

"Beth, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen! I better go now, please forgive me! Really, I'm so sorry."

"No, Steve, you have nothing to feel bad about." She gives me another quick kiss on the lips.

"Steve, you're a good man, a loving man who deserves to know love and be loved. Tonight, I'm going to give it to you."

"Beth, I don't know, it's not right. I could never cheat on Connie and what about Mike? I could never do anything like this with a married woman."

"Mike and Connie will never know. I'm your friend, Steve, and it will never happen again but I'm going to do this for you tonight."

She stands up, grabs me by the hand and leads me into her bedroom. As we stand here, holding hands, she kisses me again and starts taking off my shirt. After my shirt is off, I unbutton her blouse, pull it off and she reaches behind her back, unclasps her bra and lets it slide off of her shoulders. I am awe-struck...before me are the most incredible C-cups I have ever seen and her areolas are half dollar size with very firm pencil eraser nipples.

"Oh, my!" escapes my lips as my hands rise up gently to cradle a beautiful tit in each hand.

Beth unbuttons and removes her slacks as I follow suit, removing my pants. Once our underwear is gone, our bodies come together, our mouths trying to devour each other's. Beth lightly pushes me back until I am at the bed, then pushes me again until I am laying on my back. Looking me in the eyes, she kneels on the bed, slowly leaning over me, grabs my five inches (hey, don't laugh, at least I'm honest) and begins to lower her head. I gently grab her head, pull her face to mine and give her the most passionate kiss I know how.

"Please, Beth, it would mean so much to me if I can take care of you first."

Without a word, she lays on her back in the center of the bed. I kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her lips and gently nibble each ear.

"I'm going to taste every square inch of you."

Then I work my way down, gently biting, nibbling and kissing her neck and right shoulder, kissing my way down her right arm, kiss her hand and suck each finger before repeating the treatment on her left side. Her breathing is becoming deeper and louder, interrupted by an occasional moan or whimper.

Then I go back to the front of her neck, begin working my way down, covering her right breast with kisses. I gently knead her left breast, suck as much of it into my mouth as I can, then slowly close my mouth forcing her breast out until only her nipple remains between my lips. After massaging her nipple for a while, I give it a flick of my tongue then start all over again with her left breast. Beth's moans are becoming louder and she is tangling her fingers in my hair with one hand as she is gently biting the finger nails of her other hand.

Leaving her breasts, I kiss and lick my way down to her belly, stopping at her belly button to tongue it for a few seconds, then continue on. Beth's breathing is really starting to pick up as my lips reach the top of her soft bush before I stop and sit up...this brings a disappointing moan from Beth. I slide down the bed to her feet, take her right foot into my hand, and start kissing each toe then sucking each toe, in turn, into my mouth. I give her a tickling lick on the bottom of her foot then kiss and lick my way up her ankle, past her knee and to her thigh. Kissing, biting and licking, I work my way up, stopping short of the promised land.

Sitting up again brings another disappointed moan of protest from Beth. I start the process again, with her left foot this time and, as I reach the top of her thigh, I settle between her legs, kiss across the top of her mound to the other thigh and stop to inhale, and enjoy, the sweet musky smell of her sex. Avoiding her clit, I kiss her pussy and give it a flick with my tongue then I start to work my tongue into her slit.

As I continue to kiss and lick, I occasionally give her clit a little tongue flick. As I continue to rake my tongue through the folds of her pussy, Beth begins to rock her hips as she has both hands on my head. I work my mouth on her as she gets wetter and wetter, gently sucking her clit into my lips and she goes over the edge. Her body goes rigid as she pulls my head into her. I hold her in my mouth and let her waves of ecstasy go through her and, as she relaxes, I start kissing her inner thighs and occasionally give her pussy a tongue flick.