Who's the Bigger Fool?

April 1

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was coming up. I was expecting a spectacular prank from my husband, Lester this year. We were both jokesters before and while we first married. Almost every year we seemed to escalate the nastiness of the pranks. I admit the meanness started with me going out with Les one warm day. I had a jacket on, and it was buttoned up. I said I was having a chill. We were walking around the mall when I took off my jacket. Underneath I had on a tee shirt that said, 'I am with STUPID, with an arrow pointing.' Standing beside me, he could not see what was on my tee shirt. He noticed the giggling of people who saw us. He didn't discover the reason until he finally investigated why I always moved to make sure I was standing on only one side of him. Then he saw that I was doing it to make sure the arrow on my tee shirt was pointing at him. He turned beet red. The joke war had been officially declared.

Then there was the year, I received an official looking email from the local Health Department. It said that I had been listed as a sexual contact of an Anthony Sanders. I was told to come in and be tested as soon as possible. Somehow, in the CC: line, everyone in my office was listed as having received the same email. Almost everyone knew that Anthony was an old college boyfriend. They didn't know I hadn't seen him in a year much less had sex with. Touché, Lester. You got me.

Last year I had photoshopped a nude picture of him with a tiny penis replacing his and sent it to the workers and secretaries in his office. Actually, he is above average in size in real life. He was so pissed, he spent two nights in a motel before he would come home no matter how much I apologized. I finally had to offer to give him three blowjobs and swallow his cum each time if he would forgive me. It worked. Once home, after he accepted and enjoyed my bribe, he professed that our jokes had gotten out of hand. He said he would not retaliate or ever pull pranks on me again. He promised. He looked sincere. I didn't believe him for a second. I imagined that I could see the wheels turning in his head. I was sure that this year I was about to see the worst his twisted little mind could conceive. I waited with a combination of fear and excitement. I tried listening in to his phone calls. I put a recording device in his car. I even checked our financial records for any unusual expenses. I was determined not to be caught falling for this year's prank. My spying turned up nothing incriminating. He was cleverer than I had suspected.

Lester seemed no different at home during all of March while I was putting everything he said and did under a microscope. I was on highest alert from midnight the 31

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of March on. Nothing happened after midnight, but I was not relieved. He still had another 19 hours in which to execute his scheme. That was plenty of time. I swore I would be ready.

The next morning, April 1

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, when I came downstairs to the kitchen, he casually offered to make me breakfast. That was a rare occurrence and raised a red flag. No way I was putting food he had fixed in my mouth. I told him I just wanted some cereal this morning. I poured a bowl of cereal and got the milk. When he wasn't looking, I smelled the milk to see if I could detect some added chemicals. I couldn't. I took a small taste. Nothing unusual. I sat down and ate my cereal, refusing to have the coffee as I normally would use to help start the day. "Cutting back on the amount of coffee I have each day," I explained. The real reason was that he had made the coffee. I watched him as he made his ham, egg, and cheese English muffin for himself. Gosh, I loved those. I almost took the risk and asked him to make me one.

After breakfast, we both got ready for work. Other than checking my toothpaste for tampering and making sure my cologne sprayed my usual scent and skunk odor, things, other than my anxiety level, were normal. I checked my car for nefarious devices like a stink bomb. I wished I had one of those mirrors on a stick they have at border crossings to check under my car. As far as I could tell, nothing appeared unusual. My heart was pounding loudly as I turned the car engine on. It started normally. I tested the brakes to make sure they still worked. I chastised myself. Lester wouldn't do anything that would physically harm me. I said that to myself but myself wasn't so sure. He was really pissed off at my last joke.

I was greeted at work almost immediately by my best friend, Marta. "Kelly, did he do anything last night? I'm dying to know." I had confided my concern to Marta about the pending April Fool's trick I was expecting from Lester. She had applauded my last year's joke and then asked for a non-photoshopped version of the photo, or, hopefully, a private showing in our bedroom. Gosh, that girl needed to get laid and soon.

"He has done nothing so far, but I know it's coming. 'I can feel it in the air at night, oh Lord.'" I loved working lines from songs into my conversations. "I'm pretty sure he is deliberately prolonging my agony in hopes of driving me nuts. If so, right now he doesn't have that far to drive. I can tell you, whatever it is he pulls, I will not fall for it. He may be the Prince of Pranks, but I am the Queen of Jokers." We laughed and then I went for my delayed coffee fix I needed to start the day.

After checking my desk for snakes in the drawers, I worked fairly normally except for those occasional thoughts of what would be waiting for me later. The first time my desk phone rang, I jumped about three feet out of my chair. I laughed at myself for being so on edge. Nothing unusual came across my desk the rest of the day. I half-expected that I would get something like a special delivery of bondage items that would 'accidently' fall out in full view of my fellow workers. Nothing like that happened. My worrying increased exponentially as quitting time approached.

At 5:05, I was on the road and almost ran a red light. I was focused too much on what might be waiting for me at home. I slapped my own face to get me to focus on my driving. I made it home safely and started dinner. Lester got home at regular time. He looked totally exhausted. I figured it was an act and I would be seeing more of his performance soon. "Rough day, huh Les? Too many public school grads who can't add or subtract?"

"Your comment is too true to be funny, but that's not what is bothering me. I guess it's pretty apparent I'm not my usually chipper self. Actually, the day wasn't so much rough as it was frustrating. Today was the quarterly report deadline and I had lots of tedious details and double-checking of figures to do. Normally, I am through before lunch, but today I had trouble reconciling two totals that were supposed to match. It took almost four extra hours to find my stupid mistake. I missed lunch because of it and I almost called you to say I would be late for dinner. Thank goodness, I found my mistake and got the report done before quitting time. As a result, I'm starved. I hope dinner will be ready soon."

"Twenty minutes at most. Why don't you make yourself a drink while I finish dinner?"

"Good idea. I like the way you think." Lester came over and kissed me on the cheek before he went to the cupboard where we kept the liquor. He took the bourbon out and mixed himself a drink. Next, he went into the living room and turned on the TV. I couldn't believe he was watching re-runs of Swamp People like he would ever go into an area with lots of mosquitoes, much less alligators and snakes. I think he has a thing for people with a Cajun accent.

I tried to come up with something to talk to him about while we were eating. All I could think of was finding out what prank awaited me. Finally, I tried, "Did you have anything planned for tonight, Les?"

"Nothing, nada, zilch. After that mess with the quarterly report, I wasn't even tempted to bring home any work. I just want to relax with my favorite girl by my side. Since she's not here, you will have to do." I poked him in the side as he chuckled. Lester continued, "I thought we might watch a movie and have some popcorn. Interested?"

"Sure."

After we ate and I filled the dishwasher with dinner dishes. I put popcorn in the microwave and brought it in a big bowl into the living room when it was done. I brought our usual drinking to relax drinks for both of us. "What do you want to watch, Les?"

"You know I like sex and violence movies, but tonight, I don't care. I'll let you choose tonight."

"How about 'Road House?' That has some romance besides nudity and violence."

"Not to mention Patrick Swayze's body." He chuckled. "Sounds good to me. I've haven't seen that in a while. I love the part when the stuffed polar bear falls on the stooge."

"Was it a polar bear or a regular bear?"

"I thought it was a polar bear, but we can see."

We were watching the movie and eating popcorn. I had a couple of rum and cokes to Lester's bourbons and ginger ale. I was finally beginning to relax and let down my guard. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and my internal alarm went off. "This is it!" I told myself immediately. "No one comes to our house unannounced after dark." I immediately put my mind on Defcon 1 alert status and was ready to spoil whatever dirty trick he had devised. Lester, of course, strenuously denied knowing who it might be. Yeah, right.

I went to door and opened it up. I was surprised to see there was a guy, not just an average man but a huge biker guy at the door. Two others were on their bikes in the driveway. I shook my head in disbelief. I thought "That Lester. This is going to be good." I greeted the scarred, tattooed biker with a 'I know what's going on' kind of smile.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, m'am. Is this where the party is?"

My mind worked quickly. "Sure is now that you are here. Come on in big boy." I immediately put my arm around his waist and walked to the middle of the living room. I could feel his abs were tight and probably matched the bulging biceps on his tattooed arms.

He came in and my when my husband saw him with me draped around him, Lester jumped up off the couch. Les came about halfway towards us. "Kelly, who is hell is this?"

"As if you didn't know. He's here to fulfill my fantasy."

"What fantasy?"

"Being gangbanged by a biker gang."

"I didn't even know that was your fantasy. I for sure . . . Wait, now I understand. This is your idea of an April Fool's joke. Ha Ha. You had me going there for a second. I told you we were through with those. What were you planning on doing anyway? Take him in our bedroom and pretend to have sex with him while I wait and listen in agony? Okay buddy, my wife's joke is over. You can leave now."

"My name's not 'Buddy,' asshole. I'm known as The Bandit and I'm not leaving unless the lady tells me she wants me to go."

"Well, I want you to stay, Bandit." I turned into him and gave in him a big sloppy kiss. Lester ran over to us.

"This has gone far enough." He got within arm's length of Bandit who grabbed Lester with one hand around his throat and pushed him back. I laughed at Lester's stumbling and choking. Bandit pulled me towards him again and started groping my ass while kissing me again. I responded with rubbing his penis through his pants. This had already been a lot of fun.

Lester charged again and Bandit this time the biker hit him, one punch, knocking him down. Bandit asked me, "You want me to get rid of him or do you want him to stay and watch?"

"Let him watch. It'll teach him to mess with me."

"Okay, let me tell the others." Bandit went outside and called the other two to come inside."

One of the other men surveyed the room and remarked, "What's going on? This doesn't look like a party."

"This lady wants to be gangbanged by bikers. I figured we would take care of her before going to the real party."

"Shit, at least it looks like she's got some good tits and a decent ass. I guess we can help her. I claim first dibs on her ass. By the way, what's with the dude on the floor?"

"He's her wimp husband. She wants him to watch. Go tie him in a chair and tape his mouth. I hate to hear a grown man whining."

"What do I tie him up with?"

I spoke up. "There's some rope and duct tape in the garage." One of them went to retrieve it.

Lester yelled out. "Whether this is a joke or not, Kelly, this ends our marriage."

"Oh, man up, Lester. I know you set all this up. Now you're all upset because I'm not reacting the way you wanted me to. You better not try to divorce me for something when you're the one who started it. I'm going to have a little fun at your expense."

Lester made one last attack. This time he was hit in several places by the bikers and was slammed down in the chair. I was surprised how realistic they made it. I wondered if they had rehearsed it.

"Okay, lady. Time to party. You got any booze?"

"The liquor cabinet above and to the right of the stove. There are a couple of beers in the fridge. Help yourself. The two men went to the liquor cabinet and brought back a couple of bottles. They had no need for any mixers.

Bandit asked me, "How did you want it first?"

"How far did he tell you to go?"

Bandit looked puzzled. Then he said, "He said I could go all the way, any way I wanted."

"He did, did he? If we're going to do that, I think I need a little help getting in the mood. You got any Ecstasy or something stronger than booze?"

"Sure. Never leave home without it." He went out to his bike and brought back some tablets.

He gave me a tablet that I drank with straight rum. Soon I was taking turns kissing all three of them and rubbing their penises. All seemed larger than average. I glance over at Lester with a smirk on my face. He appeared to be struggling hard to get loose. Too fucking bad.

Bandit came over to me. "It's time to dance, sweetheart." He ripped my dress off and soon had my bra and panties off. His clothes were gone in a few seconds. His comrades were nude also and began jacking off. I began to get scared. I didn't think Les would agree for things to go this far. With the Ecstasy, however, I was also a little excited and a lot turned on. It didn't matter. I didn't have time or inclination to analyze the situation as Bandit had me on my knees and ordered me to suck his dick. I looked over at Lester and glared at him with an anger that was edged with hate.

I yelled at Lester, "This will teach you to try and out prank me." I took Bandit penis in my mouth and sucked as good as I knew how. When I sensed he was ready to spurt, I started to pull off.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me to him. "My bitches eat my cum." He fucked my mouth and soon was pumping his seed inside. I gagged.

"Damn it. I don't like to swallow. Don't ever do that again."

"Too bad, bitch. We don't care what you like. It's your job to please us, not the other way around." The rest of my time with them was surreal. No matter how much I objected or struggle, I spent the next hour becoming the sperm receptacle for all three men in all three holes. After a while, my body was on automatic. Fucking, sucking, reaming -- it didn't matter. I stopped trying to resist, but I was getting no pleasure. My dominant feeling was my fury at Lester for setting this up and now letting these men have me any way they wanted. My anger flared up every time I looked over at Lester in the chair. But I was not about to let him see I was upset at what was happening to me. In fact, I wanted him to believe I was enjoying it. No matter what, I couldn't let Lester think he had succeeded in any part of his joke.

The bikers left after a couple of hours. I had trouble walking but I was able to go into the kitchen and get a sharp knife. When I went to cut Lester loose, I saw the damage that he had done to his wrists and ankles. Both were bleeding as the ropes had rubbed the skin off. Served him right.

I expected him to yell at me, even hit me when the rope and the duct tape were finally off. I stood there glaring at him waiting to react to his outrage. He looked at me in silent anger, pushed me out of the way and went upstairs. I went into the downstairs bathroom to wash off the remains from the bikers. I noticed I had numerous hickies on different parts of my body.

I was still in the bathroom when I heard the front door slam. Soon after I heard Lester's car peel rubber as he left. I figured he would go pout in a motel like he had done once before. I congratulated myself for having won the annual April Fool's prank and went to bed.

I awoke late Saturday morning to my cell phone going off. It was Marta. "Okay, girlfriend, what did he do? How awful was it?"

"You're not going to believe it. I can't wait to tell you. Can you meet me for lunch at Friday's?"

"Sure. You better not be teasing me."

Soon we were at TGIF eating. I told her of the real biker gangbang that was supposed to be fake and Lester's angry reaction. "Oh, my god. You were gangbanged! Your own husband set you up to get gangbanged? And you wanted to be gangbanged?" She switched to a very bad southern accent, "I think I'm getting the vapors." She feigned a swoon. I laughed.

"The asshole Lester set me up to make me believe I was going to get gangbanged before he said, 'April Fool's.' I trumped his joke by actually causing a real gangbang. I really didn't want to go that far, but in some ways It was perfect. I don't think he'll ever be stupid enough to try something like that again."

"Kelly, are you sure he set it up? It sounds too far-fetched for Lester to have set up. If he didn't, you are probably looking at one ugly, nasty divorce. Oh my gosh. I just thought. Do you happen to have a video of it, do you? If you do, destroy it. That is, after you make me a copy."

I ignored Marta's last comment. Her earlier comment cause me to wonder for the first time the idea if it might not have been a setup after all and, worse, he might divorce me came into my head. The possibility was too serious and devastating to believe. I may have killed my marriage. I quickly repressed the idea. "Sure, it was a set up. It had to be." I was trying to convince myself now. I thought of something. "Tell me, when is the last time a biker came to your front door looking for a party?"

"I wish. I guess you're right. I sure hope you're right. Where do you think Lester is now?"

"Probably in a motel right now, pissed off at how I out pranked him." Just then, my phone buzzed. "Wait a minute Marta, it's probably him now." I looked at the screen and was disappointed it was not from Lester. It was not a number I recognized.

"Hello."

An unfamiliar voice asked, "Is this Kelly Lynch?" Oh, great I thought, a freaking telemarketer.

"Look, I'm not interested in whatever you're selling, and despite what your records show, my car is not out of warranty."

"Don't hang up, Mrs. Lynch. This is the police."

"Sure it is. You can't fool me. I know that this is just part of my husband's foiled prank. Tell him it didn't work."

"M'am, I assure you that this is the police and it's no joke. We went by your house and found out you were not there. We need to interview you about some injuries to your husband. The doctor at the Emergency Room called us. We interviewed your husband already. Can you come to the police station right now? Ask for Detective Fredericks."

"Look, I have no intention to play this stupid game anymore. I'll be home in an hour or whenever I fucking choose. If you are a detective and want to talk to me so bad come my house later." I hung up.

"The police called you? Kelly, this is getting serious. Don't you think you should go to see him?"

"That's only what the man on the phone said. I don't know for sure who he really is. For all I know, he's another stooge that Lester is paying to make me think I'm in trouble. Lester is really pushing the joke beyond the limits. I don't want to think or talk about it anymore. Let's have some dessert. I feel the need for chocolate."