When Sorrows Come...

Ted wearily opened his eyes a few hours later and saw that it was after 8:00 a.m. He used the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. Shrugging into his suit jacket, he lugged his bags to his car and drove to his office. It was early and he thought that he might avoid everyone. He slipped into his office and wrote a brief letter of resignation which he intended to place on John Brock's desk, but was surprised to see that Brock was already in.

"Ted, what's wrong, you look like hell?" John exclaimed seeing Ted's haggard appearance.

"John, please. Do me a big favor and don't ask any questions", Ted replied as he passed his letter of resignation over the desk.

John looked at it and looked up at Ted. "What the fuck is going on? Don't tell me not to ask questions - I don't deserve a statement like that. We're supposed to be friends, or am I wrong about that?"

Ted seemed to sag a bit. "You're right, John. We are friends, but please, I just can't talk about it. I have to leave and I have to leave today," and he turned to do just that.

"Wait, Ted. Okay, I won't ask you anything, but I'm going to rip up this letter. Take a leave of absence, okay? You can do that, can't you?"

Ted hesitated and then nodded. "Thanks, John." he mumbled as he left the office. He didn't see the worry and concern on his friend's face.

Ted then went to his bank and withdrew $10,000 from a money market account and bought a stack of travelers checks. He checked his watch and saw that he had 20 minutes to get to his appointment with Carl Ballard. He made it with 5 minutes to spare.

"Carl, I've known you for over 15 years. You've taken care of all of my legal concerns and I'm here to ask a huge favor of you. I know that you don't usually handle divorce cases, but I'm asking you to handle mine. Wait, don't say anything yet. I know that you're going to ask a million questions of me, but know now, I'm not going to answer any questions. I've made out a check for $5,000 as a retainer and I want you to draw up a Power of Attorney which will give you authority to act in my behalf. You will, in all likelihood, not hear from me again, so just do what you think is best. If something comes up which is critical, you know my email, but please Carl, no contact with me unless it is critical. Use irreconcilable differences as a reason and let it go at that. Give Barbara whatever she wants, I really don't care." Ted sat back, seemingly exhausted.

Carl Ballard just sat and looked at him in amazement. "Ted, you lay this shit on me and you don't want me to ask any questions? You really take a lot for granted, and a Power of Attorney to act in your behalf? You have that much trust in me?"

Ted nodded. "Will you just please do as I ask, Carl? Please."

Ballard saw the almost desperate need in his friends eyes and bit his lip and sighed. "Okay, Ted. I hope that someday you'll see fit to let me know what precipitated this. In the meantime, give me a little time and I'll get some paperwork for you to sign."

Ted rose, "Thanks, Carl. I'll be back in a couple of hours and sign whatever. I need to take care of a couple of things."

Ted left Ballard's office and headed home. He knew that Barbara would be at the hospital, volunteering, as she did every Friday. It felt strange, all that he was doing this morning - almost like out of body experiences. He went through the necessary motions, but it was if he was observing someone else. It was like he was just along for the ride.

Ted entered his house and went into the kitchen. He placed the note to his wife on the table and, as an afterthought, took off his ring and placed that on the note. He then proceeded up the stairs and quickly packed another suitcase. Moving into his study, he saw that the sofa bed was now in its closed position. He suddenly felt light-headed again and fought back a touch of nausea. Quickly grabbing some personal folders, he exited the room and minutes later was out of the house .

Parking in the parking garage and before going up to Ballard's office again, Ted called his children. He found it interesting that they were not totally shocked by the news that he was leaving their mother. They had both grown up with the bickering and arguments - they had both somewhat anticipated that something like this could occur. Ted said nothing about his discovery Thursday, just said that it was time for their mother and he to move on. Reassuring them that he loved them and would stay in touch, he breathed a sigh of relief that that chore was over.

Ted signed whatever was put in front of him by Ballard, shook his hand, and was out of the door and in his car about 30 minutes later. He made sure that he had a full tank of gas and headed for the bridge into New Jersey where he picked up I-295 South. As he drove, he felt some of the tension leave him, it was as if he had ended one life and was beginning a new one. The sorrow and grief would always be with him he knew, but maybe he could bury it and move on. He also knew, deep down, that he was running away and he didn't care. It was the coward's way out, and he didn't care. Fuck it.

*******************

Barbara Arnold sat at her kitchen table, her husbands "letter" lying at her feet. Her face was ashen and her eyes wide with shock. She stared ahead of her without seeing. She had no idea how much time had gone by since she had entered the house. Her mind couldn't grasp what she had just read, she just sat, numb and unfeeling.

The ringing of the phone startled her and she automatically reached for it. "Hello" she answered, her voice flat and emotionless.

"Barbara? Is that you? Ann questioned, concern evident in her tone. "Hello," Barbara repeated. She then allowed the phone to drop from her hand. She looked at the broken instrument on the floor and wondered what it was. Her eyes then moved to the letter lying near the phone and a puzzled expression covered her face. She tried to recall what the sheet of paper contained; she knew that it was important. Suddenly her face seemed to screw into a horrible grimace and she started to whimper, and soon her mewling turned to sobs. She sat and cried until she thought that her heart would break, and then she sobbed some more.

"Barbara, Barbara, where are you", shouted Ann as she burst through the unlocked front door. Dashing into the kitchen she saw her friend at the table, her eyes red and swollen, her nose running and her hair disheveled.

"Barb, what happened? What's wrong? her friend was now almost yelling. She then saw the letter on the floor and immediately stooped, picked it up and read it. Ann blanched and saw exactly what was wrong and an expression of pity and sympathy came to her eyes. Barbara's sobs had subsided a bit and she was trying to catch her breath. Ann moistened a dish towel and gave it to Barbara.

"Wipe your face, honey, and catch your breath. You have to take hold of yourself," she said softly.

"Why, why Ann. I can't believe this - we were getting back on track. Things were going so well for us. I know he loves me, Ann...... I know he does," Barbara cried out as she tried to control her emotions.

"Barb, right now you have to get over the shock of what has just happened to you." She rummaged through her handbag. " Here, take one of my Xanax, it will help calm you." Ann filled a glass of water and made Barbara swallow the pill. She then led Barbara to her bedroom and made her lie down.

"Get some rest, Barb. I have to get back to work, but I will stop by after work and bring some dinner for the two of us. I'm going to plan to stay here tonight so that you won't be alone. Don't worry, honey - just get some rest."

Barbara nodded, sighed and closed her eyes. Ann stood for a moment and then turned and made her way to her car.

An hour or so later Ann was having a late lunch with Matt Weeks and was telling him what had happened in the Arnold household. "I'm really worried about Barbara, Matt," Ann said softly. "I don't know how she's going to hold up."

Matt sat and listened, concern evident on his face. He had come to like the Arnolds and considered them friends, especially since Ann was so close to Barbara. He then seemed a bit puzzled and interrupted Ann:

"Honey, wasn't Ted supposed to return from his trip this evening? How come he was in his house early this morning? He obviously came back early, but why didn't he let Barbara know that? The timing just seems a bit strange," Matt said contemplatively. He shook his head and continued. "I totally agree with you. Go over to Barbara's place tonight and plan to stay with her for the weekend. I think that she will really need some support."

Ann gazed at him fondly. "You really are a special man, Matt. Thank you, that's what I had intended. I'll call you from Barbara's." Ann responded as she rose to leave.

Matt continued to sit for a few moments. He had a strange expression on his face. His mind was working with the information he had been given by Ann and he felt a very icy feeling in the pit of his stomach. With a start Matt saw that it was late and quickly walked to the elevators and made his way to his office. Closing the door, he pulled a telephone book from the shelf and flipped the pages until he came to what he was seeking. He picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hello, Pinkerton Security and Investigations. How may I direct your call?"

**********************

Later that day Ted had stopped to fill up with gas south of Richmond, Va. He saw an Army-Navy store across the road and made a snap decision. While he realized that he had packed suits and dress shirts, he now realized that he would no longer need that mode of dress. He made his way to the store and outfitted himself with khaki pants, denim jeans, plaid shirts, athletic socks and a sturdy pair of plain, brown shoes. On the way to pay for his purchases he pulled a plain, beige baseball cap from a rack and included in the pile on the counter. He paid for his purchase and was soon on his way, but he had decided to no longer use the Interstate. He looked at his map and made a decision to use only the blue routes, the secondary routes that were shown in blue on the map. He chose a road and headed west.

He drove through small towns and hamlets, making sure to obey all the speed limits. He stopped at small motels along the way and ate at Mom and Pop spots when he was hungry. He was amazed at the quality of the food served to him. It had none of the institutional taste of the major chains - this was down-home cooking. Servings were huge, hot and tasted wonderful.

The third day out Ted stopped for breakfast at a small eatery with a sputtering neon sign out front trying to spell out "Mom's Kitch__" The "en" was burnt out and it didn't look like anyone was going to give that sign any attention anytime soon. He entered the place and saw a few booths along the window wall and a short counter with five stools. He took a seat next to a grizzled old-timer who turned to look him over.

The waitress, who didn't look like any Mom he remembered, took his order and brought him a steaming cup of strong coffee. He took a sip and heard the old-timer address him.

"Howdy," The voice was gravely and deep.

Ted nodded and returned the greeting.

"Where ye headed? " the old guy asked.

Ted turned to him and noticed his eyes. They were a piercing blue and weary, as if he had seen things better left to the imagination.

"West," Ted replied briefly.

The old guy nodded, as if expecting such an answer. Moments later he continued.

"Where ya comin' from?" he questioned. Ted felt a flush of irritation creep up. "Why the fucking questions?" he thought. He turned to his tormentor and with a shrug, answered.

"East," he said dismissively.

Ted was relieved to see his breakfast then placed before him and he dug into the eggs and sausages. He spent the next few minutes assuaging his hunger, thanking the waitress who came to refill his coffee cup.

"Yer running. It ain't gonna work, buddy....... been there, done that. I'm here ta tell ya, it don't work. It all catches up to ye."

Ted turned to him, ready to snarl, when he again saw the old guys eyes . There were unshed tears there and Ted suddenly felt uneasy and apprehensive. He threw some money on the counter and left quickly, not turning around. Seconds later he was again on the road.

"What the fuck," Ted muttered to himself. "Is everyone a goddamned Sigmund Freud? Damn bum, giving me advice. I really need that now." But the old-timers remarks kept haunting him, gnawing at his subconscious as he drove. He knew, deep down, that he was running away, he knew that it was stupid. But he just couldn't face the situation now - or was it that he just didn't want to?

Ted also began to realize that added to the sorrow and grief was another emotion - anger. Not a burning, searing rage, but a tired, empty sense of bitterness. His mind kept going back to the two incidents that almost caused him to leave Barbara. He now pretty well knew that they weren't isolated events, only things that he had managed to catch her at. She had been very clever throughout their years together. He had never really suspected that she was having affairs, but she must have been cheating from the start.

Ted then froze and had to pull over to the side of the road. He was trembling, breathless. He had suddenly come to the realization that his children may not even be his own. "Oh, my God," he screamed. "Oh, that fucking bitch," he shrieked. He felt the nausea return and barely made it out of the car before vomiting his breakfast by the side of the road. The tears started again and he fought them back and gained some control. "No more, no more tears for what was," he vowed. "Time to move on," he muttered to himself.

The next few days passed in a blur of shabby motels and small eateries along the road. He was sorely tempted, many times, to stop at the bars or saloons he noticed, lit up with dying spots, as he drove by in the evenings, but he knew the danger of driving drunk. He would not travel down that road. He didn't relish a night in jail for drunkenness.

Ted passed a sign announcing the Nevada border and on a sudden impulse decided to vist Las Vegas. The lights and noise of sin city could prove distracting, something that he sorely needed at the moment. A few hours later he cruised into town, but had absolutely no idea what was where. His senses were a bit overwhelmed by the bright streets and the crowds. He saw up ahead the entrance to the Golden Nugget and decided that it looked like a good stop.

Checking in, Ted carried his own bag to his room and immediately went to the wide window which overlooked the city. "Jeez It's like the Emerald 'fuckin' City," he thought to himself as he stood, entranced by the town below him. He quickly washed and changed into a pair of slacks and polo shirt. Making his way down to the casino he was momentarily confused by the cacophony, lighting and mass of people milling about. The damn place looked like a scene out of Dante's Inferno.

Ted bypassed the slots which were ringing and jangling and almost as noisy as the patrons jumping in front of them. He then noticed the poker room to which is quickly headed and found an haven of relative quiet. He stood and watched for a few moments and then moved to a table in the corner where a group of five were playing Texas Hold 'Em. Besides the dealer he saw four older men who seemed more than half lit and an attractive women who appeared to be in her mid or late 30s. Ted smiled as he saw quickly that the men had no idea what they were doing and that the woman was slowly and efficiently taking them for a ride. It was obvious that she was a skilled poker player and just as obvious that the men there, while loud and overbearing, had no idea that the "little lady" was taking them for a ride.

Ted moved to the table and took a seat, throwing some money at the dealer in exchange for chips. One of the jerks at the table chortled, "Well, some new blood. Now it's time for us to play some real poker, guys."

Ted smiled and caught the eye of the gal at the table who smiled in return. After about two hours at the table Ted was up around $800.00. It was almost like taking candy from a baby. The four old farts chased after hands, kept playing poor cards and were easy as hell to bluff. He learned that the woman's name was Gail and she was a resident of Las Vegas. It wasn't long before the jerks at the table gave up in disgust and left the game. Both Ted and Gail decided not to compete against each other and rose to leave.

Gail smiled up at him and remarked, "Now that was an interesting few hours."

Ted laughed, "You mean a profitable few hours. How much did you take them for, if I may ask?"

"About $1200.00 or a little better. A good nights work. There are always idiots like those guys around. They just won't believe that a woman can beat their pants off and I almost always take them to the cleaners," she grinned and continued. "I'm having a drink for the road, care to join me?"

The last thing in the world Ted wanted right now was to develop any kind of relationship with any female, but this seemed innocent and he was sure that he would never see her again. "Sure, Gail. A drink before bed would be good."

Gail glanced up at him again and grinned at the double entendre. Ted, recognizing the innuendo, turned a bit red and just shook his head. He smiled sheepishly and she assured him that she understood his meaning.

They sat in a booth at the lounge, enjoying the small quartet and sipping their drinks. Ted learned that Gail was a single mom with a 12 year old daughter and she made a very comfortable living doing just what she was doing this evening.

"If tonight was an example of what happens every time you play, I'm sure that you do very well," Ted said.

"Tonight was a little better than usual, but I still do very well. Didn't someone once say that there's a sucker born every minute?" Gail laughed.

After another drink and another half hour of conversation Gail rose to leave, saying that she had to get up early to get her daughter off to school. She shook his hand and then met his eyes and said softly, "Ted, I hope that whatever is wrong is made right one day. You may not realize it, but you're wearing your heart on your sleeve. Someone has obviously hurt you badly and I hope that you can find some peace soon." With that she turned and walked away from him.

Ted just stood there, his mouth agape. "What the fuck," he thought to himself. "Do I have the word cuckold written on my forehead," he wondered. He shook his head again and headed to his room. He didn't think he would be able to get much sleep, but to his relief he nodded off quickly and didn't open his eyes again until midmorning.

The next day saw Ted cruising the strip and visiting the various casino hotels along that storied corridor. He was again amazed at the concept that was Las Vegas. Nothing was spared in order to capture the visiting dollars. Each casino seemed the same; the slots, the blackjack tables, roulette, etc. No windows and few exits. By evening he had tired of his excursion and made his way back to the Nugget. He caught a quick dinner at the hotel and wandered the casino floor.

Ted felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find Gail smiling up at him. "Hi, Ted. Going to try your luck at the table aqain?"

Ted was glad to see her. "Maybe later, Gail. You have a game tonight?" he asked.

"Yep, a big one. This could make my year, if I'm lucky. My daughter is at a friend's house tonight so I can stay late. Wish me luck," she grinned and turned to saunter into the poker room.

Ted smilled after her and thought about another round of poker. Perhaps he could join her in her game, but then realized that he could be a distraction to her and unwanted competition. He wandered the casino floor, played a little blackjack and shot some craps, winding up with pretty much what he started with. Passing the dollar slots he, on a sudden impulse, changed some bills into coins and started playing the machine, not paying too much attention to what he was doing.