What's Love?

My thanks to Randi for her editorial assistance. And for the invitation to participate. Please look out for the other stories in this event.

The song, "He's in Town" holds bittersweet memories for me, for obvious reasons. And it forms the basis for this story. He's in Town (c) Gerry Goffin and Carole King

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I wanted to know what love is, I really did. Due to my parents not being a very loving couple (they eventually realized that after being together for almost 25 years that they didn't even like each other very much, let alone love each other, so they split up), I didn't know too much about romantic or family love for that matter..

As for romantic love, there was an elderly neighborhood couple who, at about the same time my folks were splitting up, were celebrating their Diamond (60th) wedding anniversary, and they seemed just as loving toward each other as they ever had, so I knew romantic love existed, but after the shitshow my parents made of their marriage, I wasn't sure that I knew what love was, even though I wanted to know.

I dated sporadically during high school and college, but it wasn't until I was in my mid-20s and setting out on my own to make my own mark on the world that I eventually found out what love was. After my experience, I sometimes wish that I hadn't.

With my newly minted Masters in Business Management, I had been able to find a good job with a great employer about 300 miles from my hometown. Leaving hadn't been much of a wrench, because my mother had gone back north to her home in Montreal, she was Canadian, and my father had gone back to where he hailed from, southern Texas so, as an only child, I had no ties to my hometown. When a career opportunity arose, I accepted it with pleasure.

I'd been working there for about a year when I was introduced to the woman I would marry. It was a marriage that I would come to bitterly regret with all my being. That statement is not over the top. Not at all. It will be easy to explain why.

"Terry, I'd like you to meet Angela Roberts," my supervisor said one day. "She's joining the company, and I would be pleased if you would mentor her for me as part of your training duties."

I nodded, stood up (I still had my manners, well, some of them), shook hands with her and said, "It's nice to meet you, Angela. Let's talk in the breakroom so we can establish what training you need and what training resources might be required."

The meeting went well and to my surprise, I had felt an electric jolt when I shook her hand. I gathered from her reaction that she felt the same way.

As a training officer within the HR department, it was my job to be very well up on all company policies, and I knew that, thank goodness, the company didn't have a no-fraternization policy so people were free to date their colleagues, though obviously, there were exceptions. Affairs involving married people were strongly discouraged, but as we were both single that wasn't a problem.

Angela was an utter babe: full breasts, a shapely rear and about 5 foot 6, with short blonde hair and a beautiful face. And a winning personality, too.

I must have been to her liking, also, because after I'd finished my professional engagement with her (the mentoring turned out to be just setting her up with a couple of in-house training programs) I asked her out, and to my then joy, she accepted.

Yeah, I said then joy, because subsequent events really made me wonder why the hell she had bothered to accept my request for a date.

We did the usual things: walks on the nature trails surrounding the small city we lived in, meals out, trips to the movies, making out and then eventually, making love.

I must admit that there were times when I felt she was zoning out on me, but I just thought that was maybe a personality trait and quite normal. Well, my experiences with dating up until then had been fairly limited, like I said.

Eventually, Angela invited me to meet with her family. We had a meal at their house and I met her parents and her younger sister who still lived at home. Angela's grandmother was also there, as she lived in a small house a couple of doors down on the same street and would often dine with the family.

The conversation was going pretty well until grandmother made a remark to her daughter, Angela's mother that caused a frisson of something very much like fear amongst the family. She muttered something derogatory about "Derrick," which made Angela's mother frown. She shook her head and said, "Not now, Ma! Not when... when we have a guest!"

No more was said. I wished afterward I'd been nosy enough to ask who Derrick was, but you live and learn.

Angela and I continued dating, did some things with her family and I seemed to be very popular with them all. But especially with Angela's little sister, Mary.

Mary and Angela would have heated bickering sessions together, but I was never able to work out what the problem between them was, though I did broach the subject with Angela. She dismissed it as "sister shit," so I ignored it. I did notice Mary giving me looks that might have been concern, but I ignored them, putting it down to a bit of jealousy. Oh, vanity, your name is Terry.

I proposed to Angela; I went down on one knee, got her father's permission, all the old school stuff, but again Ma (as grandmother was known to all) muttered something about Derrick. It wasn't complimentary.

Later that evening as we prepared for bed (Angela had moved in with me in the two-bedroom house I was in the process of buying) I asked Angela who Derrick was, and she refused to answer, looking scared, I thought.

The next morning, I took some personal time from work and decided to visit with Ma to find out who Derrick was.

Over coffee, she explained all that she knew about Derrick. Apparently, when Angela was in high school, the local heartthrob Derrick Poulson, had decided to start dating her. Pretty quickly he had tired of her and dumped her, moving on to other girls.

He seemed to have some kind of weird hold on Angela, though. Every time she got into a new relationship, Derrick would turn up and fuck things up, causing her to drop her current boyfriend, but Derrick would then vanish from her life. Again.

"It's damned lucky that Derrick joined the army and is stationed overseas," said Ma, a sour expression on her face. "Because I know damn well that if Derrick came back to town, he'd do his best to wreck your marriage to Angela. Derrick is bad news. If he comes back to town, I don't doubt that bad things would happen."

I thanked her for her information, which troubled me greatly. My mind went back to a song by The Tokens that my parents had listened to. It was called "He's in Town." The lyrics were maudlin, but concerning to me. I used my smartphone to download them.

He's in town

He's back in town

Girl I knew just what was wrong

When you weren't home

Each time I phoned all week long

And now

I see it in your eyes

The look that you have

when you're thinking of him

Can't be disguised

I was afraid he'd come back some day

And I'd be the one to lose

I knew when you saw him

you wouldn't ignore him

And he'd be the one you'd choose

So you don't have to tell me

He's in town

He's back in town

No you don't have to tell me

He's in town

He's back in town

He's in town

Shit! I'd have to confront Angela. But what to do? How to do it?

That evening, I asked her about Derrick.

She basically told me what Ma had told me, but she expanded on it and told me that her parents had been so concerned about her that they had gotten psychological counseling for her, and that she was now fully recovered from her obsession with Derrick.

I believed her! Like the lovestruck fool I was, I believed her.

The marriage was a lovely June wedding, Mary was the bridesmaid, and everyone had a good time. Neither of my parents attended. Well, fuck you too, folks!

The honeymoon period lasted six months until things went to utter shit.

I noticed, well, half noticed, that Angela was becoming a little bit antsy, a bit jumpy. When I asked her what was wrong, she shrugged it off.

The final clue came when we were was listening to an Oldies station on the Internet. They had a feature where they'd play the original version of a song, followed by a cover version. That Sunday afternoon, the DJ played The Tokens version of Back in Town, followed by a cover version by a British band called The Rockin' Berries.

Part way through the second version, Angela went pale, ran into the bathroom and started throwing up.

Then, I knew. That bastard Derrick was back in town. I'd never met him, but I hated him.

She came out of the bathroom, shook her head tearfully, packed a bag of clothing and walked out without even saying one single fucking word to me. It was as if I had ceased to exist. As Derrick the superman had returned to town, in effect the truth was that, yes, as far as Angela was concerned, I had ceased to exist.

I decided that I needed to find out what was happening, so I 'phoned Mary. "Marry, it's Terry. Do you know if Derrick's back in town?"

"No, I don't think so. Why'd you ask?"

I explained to her what had happened, and Mary replied, "Shit. That sounds likely. Because she hasn't turned up here and we are her go to place for Derrick related shit. Hang on! Mom! Do you know if that piece of shit Derrick is back in town?"

She paused before shouting: "Fuck! Fuck it, mother. And quit telling me not to swear, damn it! A Derrick situation has occurred, and it looks like the stupid bitch has left Terry to maybe shack up with Derrick.

"Yeah, I know, I know! Poor Terry. Well, pity you never thought to clue him or me in. Maybe we could have saved the situation, but now that bastard has his claws back in her, he ain't going to let her go, is he?"

She paused before speaking to me again. "You heard that, right? Mom and Dad knew he was back, but they didn't want to upset the applecart by blabbing about it. You are still at home? Well, just hang on there. I'll drive over with Ma, because we have to talk with you. I'm so sorry the stupid bitch did this to you. You don't deserve it."

A short while later, Mary and Ma were sat in my living room and they told me the story of Derrick and Angela.

It was a sordid, pitiful story. Apparently, although Derrick didn't want Angela, he couldn't cope with the idea of her having any other men in her life, so he would deliberately reappear in her life and fuck everything up for her.

Ma said, bitterly, "I'll never forgive that little shit for what happened to Donna. What did you think of that?" Mary added "Yeah, what's your take on what happened with Donna?"

My look of utter bewilderment made them realize I hadn't a clue what they were talking about. Mary turned to Ma and said "Oh, shit, Ma! Terry doesn't know! Angela never told him about Donna!"

They sort of elected Mary to tell me about Donna. During a period of time when the relationship of Angela and Derrick was as stable as it ever got, he impregnated Angela and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl whom Angela called Donna.

"But that bastard wouldn't let Angela keep Donna. He forced her to give her up for adoption."

I asked "Why the fuck didn't the family intervene? Keep the baby?"

Mary shook her head. "I was just a kid, but I remember that my parents and Ma tried, but they had no legal standing because the mother and the father both agreed to the adoption. Mom and Dad lost their granddaughter, Ma lost her great granddaughter and I lost my little niece." Tears trickled down her face.

"But you know what the shitty thing was?" I shook my head. "As soon as the adoption was signed and baby Donna was off with her new parents, fucking Derrick just took off again, leaving Angela as total wreck. She had a breakdown and that was why my parents had her in the care of a psychologist for a while."

I shook my head, I felt numb. "But how the fuck could she keep returning to that scumbag? How? Why?"

They told me how one of her previous boyfriends, Tony, had allowed Angela to spend time with Derrick and return to him, but that Angela had lost all respect for him as a man and in the end, she'd beaten Tony up so badly that he required hospitalization.

"That's what would happen to me if I let her get away with it, wouldn't it?"

Ma shrugged and said "I'd like to say that it wouldn't and that you'd be the one man to break the spell that shit has over her, but I don't think anyone could do that, not even you, Terry.

"You'd better just cut your losses and move on before things get worse, though it grieves me to say that. And I don't trust that little shit Derrick. I'm sure he broke into my house years ago, but I could never prove it. I believe he used the key that Angela had."

This panicked me a little, to be honest. After they left, I used my phone to check my local Home Depot opening hours (it was a Sunday) and found they'd be open until 8PM, so I drove over and picked up two sets of locks with keys to replace the locks on my house. I'd taken what Ma had said to heart and I didn't want to risk Derrick burglarizing my house. After all, if he'd steal a man's wife, why not his stuff?

I took an emergency day off work the next day and booked an appointment with a divorce attorney.

Mid-morning, my phone rang and it was fucking Angela. Could she come visit with me to explain?

I agreed, so long as Derrick wasn't with her. She agreed.

She gave a half-hearted apology when she arrived. "I'm sorry this happened, Terry, but when Derrick calls, I have to go be with him. I'll return to you, at some point, but I can't say when. I hope you understand?"

"No. I don't. Either you are my woman or you aren't. Besides, after how you treated Tony, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again."

She shrugged. "I wish you hadn't heard about Tony. I told him I was sorry. We agreed he wouldn't prosecute me."

"Great! And what about Donna, the daughter that piece of shit made you give away?"

She began to cry. "That was a tough decision between two caring, loving adults."

"Bullshit, baby! Utter bullshit!

"I suppose I should thank you, Angela. You have unwittingly helped me. For years when I was a kid I wanted to know what love was. Like that song, "I want to know what love is?" Well, now I know what love is and you have taught me what love is."

She looked baffled. "What do you mean, Terry?"

"You have taught me that love is a horrible, vile, nasty thing. It means an apparently normal girl like you can have your head turned by a player piece of shit, that you love him so much you put a boyfriend in hospital, you threw your little girl away and you just stomped the shit out of my heart without giving a damn about me or my pain.

"You and Derrick are like that idiot who tricked geese into thinking he was their momma goose. He imprinted them and that's what Derrick did to you: he imprinted you with him and you are too fucking stupid to see that."

She lowered her head. "Terry, of course I'm sorry you are hurt, but Derrick is my destiny. This time he's taking me with him!

"You'll be okay, Terry. You'll find someone to love again. You will. I know you will."

"No. Not after the lesson you taught me. Love is evil and I want no part of it in my life ever again."

She shrugged, saying, "That's your loss."

She left my house with barely a backward glance.

The next several months were anticlimactic. I got a removal firm to take her belongings away and sent them to her parents.

One afternoon my Ring doorbell showed a weaselly guy try to gain access with a key that was no longer good. I thanked Ma for the tipoff about that.

Angela didn't contest the divorce, and she resigned from her job and took off with Derrick for points unknown.

I changed my cell number, which proved to be a good move because in the middle of the night a couple of months later her parents got a call. She was stranded at a truck stop in the middle of Arizona, because Derrick had bailed on her leaving her there with only the clothes she had on her back.

That's their story to tell, not mine.

My counselor tells me that I'm getting better, and some days I am starting to believe her.

I think one day I'll restart my quest to find out what love is. I mean, the old couple in my childhood neighborhood got to 60 years, so why not?