To this very day I don't know if my wife's affair was planned, or if as she says, "it just happened."
Yeah, my ex best friend just tripped and fell into my wife's vagina; sure, I believe that Inuit the subsequent lies, cover-ups and continuing coitus, well.
.. It just doesn't work for me.
As usual in these things, I found out by accident. I got a $500 cellphone bill, and I ahh...
Went a bit nuts! I called the customer service line and asked a bunch of questions about the charges for my phone, my wife's phone, my two children's phones. The guy from customer service finally said, perhaps I could just look at all the calls made by each phone... "Fine! Send me an itemized list...just email it to me!"
I was so pissed off. With the new information at hand, I was easily able to find out my 18 year old son was calling a sex line, at 99 cents a minute. Unfortunately for me, He was just charging it to the phone number. Hence, I was on the hook for it...but no problem, he and I were going to have a chat about it. Errrrrr! I hope he has ten kids, and they are ALL just like him! OOOH that is mean.
But sometimes you just notice something...it just doesn't look right.. My very beautiful wife had called or received calls from the same number about twenty times in the past two months, and quite a few in the preceding months as well.
I knew the number. It was my best friends cellphone. Hmmm.
I called him once or twice a week. We golfed on Saturday mornings. Tuesday at 530 after
work we had a beer or two, but never long, 630 I was home kissing my wife.
First I thought about innocent reasons. Planning a party? My birthday was eight months away, our anniversary was ten months hence. No, it seemed unlikely. Troubles at his house?
None that I knew about. My house? Maybe I had trouble and I just didn't know it yet.
Oh how prophetic were those thoughts.
I knew a guy. He was an investigator. In fact, he had a slew of investigators. We met at the watering hole. I got us a couple of bourbons. I mention-ed what I had found, he said, "Kelly, DO NOT GO OFF THE DEEP END! It's probably nothing, I'll do some of what I do, and probably get back to you in a week or ten days. The only thing I need to know about is her cycle." I looked askance.
"No woman is going to be doing anything on her time of the month!" He explained.
"Her friend is visiting right now, she's been bleeding last three days or so." I answered.
"Look at that," he said. I noticed. Every month, my best friends conversation with my future ex-wife STOPPED for about five days. Coincidentally, her menstruation days. Hmmm.
"Well, let me look into it. If you can, swipe your wife's phone tomorrow morning, put it in your mailbox. I will have one of my guys put it back in her car. Do you have the spare key?"
"Yes, I have two of them, one for the kid's use."
"Do you mind if I put a tracking device on her car?"
"No, do it. How about recording her cell phone conversations?" I asked.
"Illegal. Unless you do it. YOU download this app." He showed me what to do.
"It cannot be used in court."
"I just have to know"
"Joe, don't go nuts on me. Let's take it a step at a time."
"I'm not going crazy Bill. I'm just...upset. I...I need to know before I make any plans."
"As long as those plans aren't murder and mayhem. At this point, its just a bunch of phone calls. Maybe that's all there is? Let's let my boys do their thing."
"How much do I owe you?"
"For anyone else $2500, because it's you Joe... Nothing.
Buy my boys a drink. I remem-ber Afghanistan Joe. I would be in small pieces except for you...you took a fuckin bullet for my worthless ass!"
"Bill come on! It's worth at least five bucks!" We laughed. We cried. All our friends who didn't come home breathing were on both our minds.
My wife, for her part, never let on there was any problems.
We had sex twice the next night, she came like rocket. I thought, maybe it's all in my head. It was just a bunch of phone calls. Could be complet-ely innocent.
"Sharon...do you still love me? Do I still... I mean, am I still attractive to you? Am I your only hearts desire?"
"What brought this on? Of course I love you, you big dummy. You just rocked my world. You are my handsome prince." She hugged me and kissed me.
"Have you seen my phone?"
"I thought you left it in the kitchen, " I lied. I had dropped it in the mail box.
I got dressed. She looked at me.
"Why are you getting dressed?" She asked.
"Did you forget?" I asked.
"Forget what?" She said.
"Your car is going in the shop today. I'm sure I told you."
"I thought that was next Friday!" She exclaimed.
"Nope. Today. Oil change and filter and inspection. I have to get you to work, so let's go."
On the way to her work, I heard something. I pulled the car over and there it was ...
Her phone.
"Why is your cell phone under your seat?" I needled her.
"I don't have the faintest idea how it got there. I thought for sure it was in the kitchen. "
She said.
The phone rang in my hand.
It was my former best friend, Rod. I answered it.
I made my voice high pitched like a girl.
"High big boy!"
"Oh sorry must have a wrong number!" Rod said.
"Rod, it's me, Joe. I had Sharon's phone in my hand when you called. You cad! Making time with the missus!"
"Joe, what's going on? Becky wants to know about Friday night. Are we doing something?
"Wait Rod, I'll put the boss on," I handed the phone to Sharon.
"Dinner and dancing. Where? Ok I'll check."
"Honey, can we? Please?
"Can we what?" I asked.
"Go dancing with Rod and Rebecca? Please?"
"Dinner too?" I asked.
"Of course." She said.
"Ok, ok. You're gonna bankrupt me. Find out where and when. "We'll take uber so we can have a drink." I said.
"Rod said they'd pick us up."
"Alright. He better not get trashed then." I said.
The rest of the week was a blur. I got spy cameras for the house. The things looked like ordinary stuff, wirelessly down-load automatically to the cloud and my laptop. Four for the bedroom two for every other room. They were sound or motion activated. I checked them every day. Nothing so far.
I got dressed in my nicest blue jeans, nice shoes, nice polo shirt and blazer. I thought I looked nice. My darling wife was in a little black dress I'd never seen before. Black stockings and fuck me pumps.
Her hair was an up do. She looked fantastic.
"Wow! Forget going out!! I want you right here and now. You look good enough to eat."
I was sincere in my compli-ments.
"Thank you, you look nice too." She avoided eye contact for some reason. Hmmmm.
We got to the restaurant. We all had a cocktail. I had a nice strip steak. She had sauteed shrimp. I didn't take notice what Rod and Becky had.
At the club, we got a table, but the place was packed. It was dark and loud. No cocktail waitress to be found, so I got the drink order. By the time I got back only Becky was there.
Becky was very slim, tall and willowy. She had very dark brown hair. She had very dark eyes, sad eyes. I put down the drinks. She looked straight at me. "Do you know?" She said.