Why am I not satisfied? I have a great husband. By great, I mean he loves me with every breath he takes. I certainly love him now and have loved him for many years. He provides the majority support for our family. The girls love him. He is a great person to be around. Neighbors don't hesitate to ask his help with anything to do with computers and believe me they ask a lot. I have never suspected him of wanting any other woman than me. He doesn't even flirt.
Derek almost always satisfies me in bed and is upset if I don't have an orgasm. I know he is a pretty good lover because I had a few lovers before we got married to compare him to. Derek was the best I had ever had but I have come to realize my knowledge base is over 20 years old. Most of our marriage, I never even thought of straying. In the last year or so I still never figured I would risk having an affair. At least until the incident with Roger.
Understand, as I approached 45 and wasn't that far from having an empty nest, I found myself needing more confirmation that I was still an attractive woman from someone other than my husband. Although Derek always said I was prettier than ever, I see myself in the mirror. Breasts that were pert are now sagging. Cheeks that were smooth are developing wrinkles. I have to dye the gray out of my hair. An ass that once fit in a chair now is beginning to go over the edges. I still can look good with makeup and the right dress, but for how much longer?
I began to imagine in daydreams what another lover might do. I started thinking of indetectable ways to rendezvous with other men should I risk doing so. Other men like TV and movie stars entered my mind sometimes when Derek and I made love. New, handsome, younger guys who came into our office were able to make me wet just from my wondering how hung they were. I started 'sexing up' my work wardrobe: shorter skirts, bras that pushed my boobs up, and one more button unbuttoned on my blouses. The compliments from men at work escalated. My wardrobe changes were noticed.
Roger was a good-looking man who had flirted with me for several years at work, but I never took it seriously until one day I was feeling especially frisky. On the spot, I decided to call his bluff that we get together. He called my bluff right back and locked the door to my office. The feelings that had been building up over the months caused a spontaneous combustion of my morals. With not one thought of the consequences, I went for him passionately and furiously. Clothes were thrown off. My desk was cleared. I leaned over it and he penetrated me fully on his first thrust. It was high speed. It was pounding. It was orgasm producing. It was fantastic!
We were so lucky not to get caught. Our clothes were put back on in record time. He left and I sat stunned in my chair before I put the stuff back on my desk. I used a lot of facial tissues cleaning up the fluids between my legs and that had spilled on the floor. I had to spray air freshener to kill the sex smell. The excitement of what we had done was amazing. It took a good hour to be able to get back to working mode.
That supposed one-time fling left both of us wanting more. After admitting our first time had been too dangerous, we plotted a more secret repeat. Again, we were successful in pleasing each other and not getting caught. The short, secret trysts soon became just not enough for us. Roger has come up with a scheme for us to take a cruise together. Two weeks by ourselves with no one we knew who might report us.
I have debated about how to approach Derek about being gone for two weeks. I guess I will take the half-way truth method. I will tell him I need a temporary, trial separation to renew my old middle-age spirits. I want time to think about the future of our family, to talk to some different people, to enjoy myself and be free to temporarily explore some new relationships with different people.
Derek will get the same freedom from me while I'm gone. After 20 years of marriage to and sex with only one woman, he probably would like a little 'vacation' from marriage. I doubt that Derek will go out with another woman much less do anything with her as long as I'm not gone that long. He loves me too deeply that he will probably just wait and take me back. He may pout a bit and I may have to promise not to do it again. I know Derek will tolerate a lot in order to keep the wife he loves and his family intact. Besides he will probably realize his finances that would be greatly harmed in a divorce. That's why I'm sure he won't do anything too drastic because of my 'spiritual quest.' I'm very sure.
Now I do fully intend to return to be a faithful wife after the cruise. Actually, I'm already looking forward to it. In fact, I plan to smother Derek with all the sex and attention he can stand once I'm back. I think that two weeks of uninhibited sex on the cruise will satisfy my desires enough to stop seeing Roger for a long time, maybe forever. If it doesn't, Roger and I will have to come up with an even safer way for us to meet. But I will have to avoid seeing him for a few months after I am reunited with my husband. I do not want to endanger my future of sharing my kids, grandkids and retirement with Derek. We would have to be very, very careful.
Now, I just need to approach Derek in the right way. Sometime when he is in a good mood. I'll know when.
DEREK
Lydia and I had finished a session that was somewhat like love making. I say somewhat because I could tell Lydia's heart wasn't really into it. Oh, she made all the appropriate love sounds and expressions of how good it was. The fake orgasm, however, almost made me laugh. She was, however to able to bring me to climax which seemed to be her goal.
As we lay on our backs in bed, she evidently thought it was time to bring up the subject I was expecting. "Derek, you know I love you, don't you?"
I thought, "Finally, here it comes. Thank God, I'm prepared." I played along.
"Yes, dear."
"And I know you love me, right?"
"Absolutely, dear." Inside I was begging she wouldn't go further.
"If there was something I really needed that would help me a lot, you would let me do it, right?"
"Of course, dear. What is it you want?" Like I didn't know.
"I feel the need to have my life 'refreshed.' I mean my whole life, body and soul to re-evaluate everything, including our marriage and my motherhood. I think I could do that with just a temporary, trial vacation from my duties as wife and mother. You guys could probably use a vacation from me too. We'll all feel better when I return, all rested and more committed than ever to be the best possible wife and mother. I feel I need just a little time to explore . . . Wait, where are you going?"
I walked out into the hallway and shouted towards the girls' rooms. "Girls, wake up. It's time. Bring your stuff down to the kitchen."
"Okay, Dad. We're still awake. We'll be right there."
"Derek, what is going on? Why are the girls going to the kitchen? There's no need to tell them anything now. We still have a lot to discuss. There will be plenty of time to tell them after we've talked."
"Lydia, our girls are part of the family you have just announced you want to change. Both of them are mature enough to understand what you want and the consequences of it. We all, as a family, need to discuss what is about to happen. I think it would be better if we all sat around the kitchen table and each of us have our chance to talk."
I went down to the kitchen despite Lydia's plea to talk with me privately. Coffee sounded good to me, so I made me a cup. I love the convenience of our Keurig. I didn't offer to make one for Lydia.
Lydia seemed to be losing her courage. "Derek, you're making too big a deal of this, honey. I'm just asking for some personal time to . . ."
"Go off with your boyfriend, Roger. We know."
Lydia looked shocked. "Roger? Why do you bring him up? He's just a friend at work. I wanted time to figure out . . "
"How to have sex with Roger without having to sneak around yet keep your options open with me and the girls. We know."
"You know? What are you talking about? I'm just suggesting we take a little break and let me . . ."
"Neglect your obligations as a wife and mother. Well, we're going to let you have your break except we're calling it a divorce instead of a trial separation or vacation from marriage."
"Derek, you're overreacting to what I've said. There is no reason to talk about divorce. It will just be a sep . . . . Girls, why do you have your suitcases?"
"Girls, I'm sorry. I couldn't wait. Why don't you continue talk to your mother while I go get my suitcase?" I went upstairs but I could hear the voices coming from the kitchen.
Lydia spoke, "Girls, I'm afraid your father has a mistaken impression about what I was asking for."
Alisha spoke first, "Get real, mother. We've known for months what you and lover boy were planning."
"Well, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Edie jumped in, "Yes, you do. We're talking about your Wednesday lunches that turned into Wednesday quickies that is about to turn into a two-week cruise with Roger the dodger."
"What? You couldn't possibly know, I mean, I've done no such thing. Roger is just someone I have lunch with occasionally."
Alisha took over. "Oh, really? The first time you two decided to locate your lunch hour to a room in the Executive Inn, Dad got a call. Your office was looking for you. You and Roger had gone over your hour lunch limit. Dad said he had no idea where you were. When you came home that night, he made up a story about calling for you after lunch and not getting you. You lied and told him you were in a meeting with your boss."
"That wasn't a lie. That was the truth. I was in a meeting with Mr. Albright. The secretary must have been mistaken. She's not the most reliable person in the world, you know."
Edie commented, "Since when did Roger become your boss and a room at the Executive Inn become his office? Anyway, that's when Dad decided to hire a private investigator. We've got plenty of videos, recordings and pictures. Really, Mom, that loser is nowhere as good looking as our father and what a dinky little penis he has. Ewwww, I can't believe you stuck that in your mouth. You've become a slut in your old age."
"How dare you speak to your mother like that!"
Alisha responded, "How dare you do the things a slut does instead of acting like our mother?"
