Outside it was cold enough to freeze your tits off. Inside, in front of the gas log fire, it was warm enough to get them out as the unexpected game of strip cards rolled along. Eddie had braved the cold to come for dinner. He had grown up in the same town as Evie, my wife and his former wife, Lorraine. When I came along, I was accepted into the group and was even the best man at Eddie and Lorraine's wedding. Eddie and I had nice line in banter going between us, always taking the mickey out of each other, and being horrified whenever we agreed with each other, which was often, but we would never admit to it. Then Lorraine, who Evie more than once had told had her demons behind a friendly façade, disappeared from our lives. It's a mystery that remains unsolved, except for the few emails we received saying that she was no longer in love with Eddie, she had another life to live, and would we please look after him. Which we did, and we were doing this night of the big tits freeze. Every second Friday night was Eddie night, come hell, high water or big snow. Eddie arrived with his usual bonhomie and bottles of wine. Evie - who was always home early on Friday nights once the weekend paper she edited had hit the presses - and I had worked together in the kitchen to come up with something suitable for the middle of winter. Beef ragout, and then lots of wine, and then the usual retirement, at this time of year, to in front of the fire.
Sometimes it was for idle chat and wine, sometimes it was games like Scrabble ... and wine. Tonight, it was cards and yes, wine. Good wine, the sort that intoxicates you with its aromas as much as with its alcohol, that makes you feel, as John Sebastian would say, "happy like an old-time movie". Flickering behind us a bit later as we sat on the floor in front of the fire on the new flat-screen Evie and I had bought was a new time movie, well newish, it was made in 1990. I had put the television on to show off our new toy to Eddie, and as we became absorbed in the cards, hadn't bothered to turn it off, something that would lead to us all being very turned on as the night progressed. At first, we played Euchre, straight, no stripping yet. Euchre is a simple enough game that allowed us to jaw away at the same time, but it soon became a bit repetitive. "Next game," Evie said, "or shall we just give up on games tonight, while you ponder that, I will get another bottle of wine." That would be our third, so mellow was the mood.
When she returned with a new bottle of expensive chardonnay, one of ones Eddie had brought with him, she put it on the floor and went to pick up the empty one. I said: "Leave it, it might come in handy for the game Eddie and I suggested while you were in the kitchen."
Evie gave me bemused look: "Oh no, not spin the bottle, ha, haven't played that since ... well.: She stopped, yes we all thought it ... since that night of silliness with Lorraine and Eddie when we had a holiday at the beach. "Sorry," she said, "didn't mean to bring up the painful past."
But Eddie's face was beaming: "I don't remember it as too painful, sometimes I still fantasise about the big sloppy kisses you gave me that night, I seem to recall a bit of tongue."
"That was only because of the way Lorraine and Phil were carrying on when it was their turn," Evie said. "Anyway, there are only three of us now and I can't imagine you two wanting to kiss each other."
Then someone who sounded a lot like me said "but we could both take it in turns to kiss you, with you spinning the bottle". "No way," said Evie. "Oh well," said Eddie, "it was a nice thought while it lasted, back to the fantasising."
Another game of Euchre kind of started itself and Evie was euchred twice in a row, she pouted and asked if we were rigging the cards. "No way," I said. "But it's a good thing it's not strip Euchre or Eddie would be enjoying a lot more than a sloppy kiss from you."
"What do you mean?" Evie said.
I said: "Well you've lost enough hands to be naked, and then after naked comes the defaults."
"How come you know so much about the rules of strip cards but anyway, ha, in your dreams," said Evie. "Anyway, my luck will change soon."
"Wanna put a stake on that," I said.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
"Well if you're so confident, why don't we make it strip Euchre." I suppose I should have been thinking why do I want my wife naked in front of our best friend, but, well I didn't expect her to say yes, I just wanted to tease her a bit more?
"Ha, you think you're going to talk me into doing something I don't want to do by making it a challenge, eh," she said, her voice more than a little oinged, "just because you know I can't resist a challenge from you, ever."
"Not ever, but this time though, eh?" I said. Evie looked at Eddie, who was looking anywhere but at Evie.
"Is he making you uncomfortable," Evie said to Eddie. Then she cooed in mocking tones: "That nasty, nasty man, you come here to be looked after and Phil does that to you. Would it make you feel better if we did play strip Euchre?" How does Eddie answer that? He doesn't. "Where I come from, no comment means a yes," said Evie the newspaper editor, "start the game over again.
Remember Phil, you called this on, so where it ends, you're the one with the guilty conscience, not me, and certainly not Eddie." With that she returned her scoring cards to nil and we followed suit, to use a highly technical card playing term. "Well come on, let's see who deals first, first jack."
I dealt out the cards, aces, queens, 10's and then came the jack, of spades, in front of Evie. "See my luck has changed already," she triumphed. "Get ready to get naked boys, and I mean it now, you've upset me Phil."
She dealt, Eddie and I passed and she called spades as trumps. There in my hand was the very same jack of spades that had won her the deal, the right bower, more powerful than aces, kings and queens. She must have the left bower at least, I thought. She led with the seven of spades, no doubt wanting to draw out of the jack of spades from either me or Eddie. He could not follow suit, so just threw out some rubbish, a seven of hearts.
"I guess I am going to be among the first to lose some clothing," he said, not sounding all that disappointed. I reached for my cards and smiled inwardly. There next to my jack of spades was the nine of the very same suit. Without no hint of triumphalism, I placed it on top of Evie and Eddie's cards and hauled in the trick. My lead, what else has she got in spades apart from the left bower? Bugger it, go big, I thought and put down the right bower. Out came the eight of spades and some rubbish from Eddie. My trick again. Two hands to me. I led with the king of hearts, Evie jumped in with the 10 of spades, and again rubbish from Eddie. Then came the left bower, I had no more spades so put on it the same sort of rubbish that Eddie had been making an artform. One trick left, surely, she must have another spade. But no, she put out the king of diamonds. Praise be to the gods that I made that decision not to go with the ace of diamonds when I threw out the king of hearts. It was a fluke, but it was going to be a winning one. Where to now Miss Evie I thought, abandoning my poker face, or was it my Euchre one? I had no time to ponder that any further when as my card fell on top of the other two, I heard Evie say "bugger you!".
"How about as a gentlemanly act, of which I have done many for this fair maiden, I turn off the lights to allow you both to keep some modesty," I offered. "There's enough light from the fire and the television for us to see to keep playing, if some of us want to keep playing."
Evie gave me a look that would kill a brown dog, as the saying goes. "Of course, we're still playing, aren't we Eddie?" Eddie just raised his hands in a gesture of acceptance. "Shoes first," said Evie and Eddie complied as she removed her boots and I got up and turned off the lights.
Game on, and in the dimmed room, we played on, obliquely noticing that the movie Wild Orchid, the one starring Mickey Rourke, had started. I didn't win the next round, Evie did.
"Socks Eddie, shoes you," she said. Who's taking control here, I thought. Finally, Eddie won, euchring Evie again in the process.
"Hey, if you get euchred shouldn't it be like losing twice," I said.
"Ha," said Evie.
"I think I agree with Phil," said Eddie, surprising himself as much as Evie and me.
"I don't like being ganged up on," said Evie. "You can't change the rules mid-game, but I am happy to accept it from now on, as a gesture of my good will, after all it is Friday night, and a be kind to Eddie Friday night."
"Okay," said Eddie.
"Fine by me," I said, "but you still have to take something off now."
"So do you," barked Evie. Off came my shirt, bugger the socks, they were for losers. I think that shocked, or encouraged, Evie, who promptly took off her blouse. Unlike her I didn't have a bra on, but the one she was wearing, well it didn't leave a lot to the imagination, and a couple of imaginations were already working overtime. Maybe there was a third one in play, Evie's, her thinking: "I wonder how far I will go with this?" After all, think about, me being naked in front of Eddie and Evie was no big deal. Evie being naked in front of me, no big deal. Evie being naked in front of Eddie, this was very new territory, for Evie, for Eddie, for me! Maybe I would be the one to stop the game even before Evie.
"Deal Eddie," said Evie. Well that's ended that speculation for now I thought. Meanwhile, on the television, Mickey Rourke and Carre Otis had been getting it on in a sex scene from Wild Orchid.
Pass said I, pass said Evie. "I'm away," said Eddie. Foolishly I made it spades, only for Eddie to euchre me.
I retreated to the socks as Evie said: "Euchred mate, one more item to go. Your rules remember!"
It didn't bother me to pull off my jeans because as I was quick to remind her, she had lost too. "I know," she said and without hesitation stood up and removed her jeans. Her panties were just as see through as her bra. Eddie tried hard not to look, and other things might have been getting hard, too.
Meanwhile, Mickey Rourke and Carre Otis were bonking in another South American location on the big screen. "Not bad work for a bloke like him, isn't it," I said, "first it was Kim Basinger he got to bonk in 91/2 weeks, now it's Carre Otis."
"They don't really bonk though," said Evie.
"They reckon they actually did it in this movie," said Eddie, the movie buff.
"I read it was just made to look realistic," said Evie. "It was in a magazine in my hairdressers."
"Well that would be right then, you journalists never make anything up," I said. Brown dog look number two which I ignored. "Whose deal is it," I said?
Of course, it was still Eddie's, I should have remembered that after he de-pantsed me, while still all-but fully clothed, unlike me who was dangerously close to all butt. That was a reminder of what might be coming next with Evie and I, well exposed, if Eddie won again. Thankfully I did, well I don't think Evie was thankful. Debate about Eddie's gratitude was open, he had lost his shirt, but those titties of Evie's which had been barely concealed by her silky bra were about to come on full display ... if she kept going.
"I know you're both wondering," she said. "Will I, or won't I? I can read you blokes like a book. You want to see my tits. I know if I back out now you two won't ever let me hear the end of it. Anyway, you're probably more interested in perving on Carre Otis' tits than mine."
Silence, before I swiftly kicked in: "This time no comment doesn't mean yes."
"Same for me," said Eddie.
"Okay then, bugger it," and she put her hands behind her back, un-clipped her bra and without any attempt to cover her tits, dropped it on to the floor.
"I am not sure if I am allowed to say this Phil, or Evie, too, but they are kinda nice." I wanted to make some clever remark about it being a worry that Eddie and I agreed on something but thought better of it.
