Waling the Fine Line

{Each night I come home late, sleep. I get up, go to work. I come home, clean up and go to the clubs. Now I drive to other cities, check the clubs there. I know Alene's last name, I call information over and over, one town after another.

I know I made a mistake.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.}

How in the hell did I end up like this?

I had a marriage, I was happy, even content. My wife Dotty was just the type of woman I liked, round and soft, blonde. She kept a good house, everything always right where it belonged. Dinners on time and always good, I never had to search for clean clothes. No huge piles of laundry being put off until tomorrow, no dirty dishes in the sink. Sex beyond my wildest imagination.

My life was good.

Until that fucking party! Dotty walked into the bathroom just as Jerry's wife Tina went to her knees, fumbling with the catch on my jeans. She had her top off, breasts dangling bare.

I really was trying to stop her, keep my pants on. I was a faithful husband, sure I liked to look but no touch was my rule.

Dotty went berserk, screaming and yelling, then she let that piece of crap Jerry fuck her to get back at me.

My life went from happy and content to miserable, finally Dotty left. I hooked up with Alene, a skinny nude dancer that more or less picked me up.

Like so many young women, she was playing the game, looking for a nice man to settle down with. The fact that I worked hard and had a few bucks was a plus.

I have no idea why Alene hung around, I must have had a string of 20, maybe 30 bimbos of various shapes and sizes over for the night during the next few months, Alene vanished into her bedroom when that happened.

She became my live in housekeeper, she went to her job as a dancer in the clubs, I pretty much ignored her after that first night. She had gone down on me, not something that I even care about much. That was it until one night she came out into the living room, I was sitting there alone, having struck out.

That night I found out that Alene was one hell of a woman in bed, just one of those accidents that happen. Let's face it, you can stick it inside any woman and have fun, nice sex. Then sometimes there is a click, a special fit that there are no accurate words to explain?

That was what happened between Alene and I. I also found out that night that she was in love with me.

I simply hadn't noticed.

The mistake I made was I I knew cared about her, too. But I wasn't sure I was in love. In fact, after Dotty and I got back together and Alene was gone, that was when it began to hit me. But by the time I realized I thought of Alene much more than I did my wife Dotty, it was way too late.

I had said my vows, I was married. I resigned myself to make the best of it, make a life with Dotty. I wanted a life of faithfulness, trust. I was thinking that even though that had been shaken, it could be resolved.

Then I caught Dotty with Jerry again, that fat smelly piece of shit! So help me, I would whip his fucking ass except after the last go around I wasn't real sure I could.

It even popped into my head to go buy a gun and off the cocksucker but I had no idea at all how to work one and the idea of spending the rest of my life in the can scared the shit out of me.

So I went looking for Alene. I was going to get down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness if I had to. It had taken me quite some time to realize that even though I was mad at Jerry for fucking my wife, I wasn't mad at Dotty.

I simply didn't give a shit about her anymore, it was Alene that I was in love with.

I went to every nightclub, called everyplace I could think of. No sign of her. I sat and waited for each new dancer to come out, hoping the next one would be her. I was drinking now, more and more, I started smoking, too. Food was hot dogs from those little back bar grills that go around and around, hamburgers, whatever they had. Sometimes just chips. Then on to the next place until they were all closed. Then it was home, throw up, sleep.

Get up the next day and do it again. Around and around, over and over. Every day, search for Alene. Weeks became months, then a year had gone by.

One day my boss came to talk to me, told me I had been really slipping. I knew he could smell the booze on my breath, I am sure the 3 day's growth of beard didn't impress him, either. Yea, I got fired. I didn't give a shit, I had the money from my Mom passing a few months before plus I sold her house for a nice chunk of change.

Now I could look for Alene all day and all night.

One day I woke up in a jail cell, no idea at all how I got there. They hauled me into court, the judge was this old lady and she didn't look happy. She read off a list of charges, something about me hitting a telephone pole and driving through the front of a store's plate glass window, resisting arrest. Drunk of course.

I didn't remember any of that.

I was ordered to a rehabilitation class after a 90 day stint in jail. My Chevelle was gone, my house was gone. Most of my money was gone.

I had enough to buy an old Honda to get around in, I took the job they found for me hauling boards from trucks to where men ran around nailing them down.

I had quit drinking and they didn't let us smoke in jail so I quit that, too. I was slowly coming back, from what I now knew was several years I had simply stepped off the deep end.

I even had a couple of less than successful dates. For some reason my line of rap that always charmed the ladies was gone, I was moody and depressed. Not exactly the best way to get laid.

I didn't really care, though.

I was sitting by myself in a coffee shop one day, I heard someone say, "Dan! Is that you?"

I looked around, it was Dotty. She was standing there looking at me with a strange expression on her face.

I looked her up and down, she didn't seem to have changed one bit. I couldn't say the same for myself, my 200 pound frame was 160 now, the lines on my face from several years of drinking and smoking and poor food were heavy. My long blonde hair was gone, cropped short with traces of silver all through it. I had a badly chipped front tooth and scar down one cheek from some fight that I was in that I didn't remember who with or why.

"Hello, Dotty."

"Dan! Nice to see you. You look...good." I heard the lie in the hesitation of her voice.

She sat her drink down, some funny looking foamy thing in a tall glass, took the seat across from me.

I looked at her hair, her clothes. Expensive, the jewelry she wore was way more than I could have ever afforded.

"So how have you been?" Dotty asked.

"Just working."

"Are you remarried?"

"No."

"I am, my husband is a Doctor at the medical center."

"That's nice." I sipped my coffee, looked at her. The memory came flooding back, I hadn't really thought of her more than a couple of times in years.

"So what are you doing now?"

"Just working." Then for some reason I added, "And looking for Alene."

"Alene? You mean the dancer woman you were living with?"

"Yes, that one."

"She owns a real estate company in Idaho now."

I just stared at her.

"What?"

"Idaho. She owns a real estate company."

"How do you know?"

"She came looking for you about a year or so ago, she found me."

I stared at her, unable to speak.

"Good grief, Dan! Why don't you just leave a forwarding address?"

I had lived out of my car and motels for a long time, I simply had no need to. I had sold my Mom's place, and lost my own house to the bank.

"It's probably too late."

"It's never too late, Dan." She handed me a business card. "Here, I don't know why I kept this."

"My husband is waiting, I have to go." She got up.

She turned back to me, hesitated.

"Dan, I know you weren't guilty with Tina. I am sorry." Then she was gone.

I sat and stared at the card in my hand, turning it over and over. Suddenly I was afraid.

The next day I was on the road, the address was over 800 miles. I could have called but I didn't want to, I wanted to see Alene. It had to be face to face, not just a voice over a telephone. I spent the night in a motel just 30 miles away, the next morning I got up and drove to the address on the card.

I sat out in the parking lot for a solid hour, mustering up my courage. I probably ran 50 different opening lines through my head, everything sounded silly to me.

Finally, I just got out of the car and walked into the office.

There was a pretty young woman sitting behind a desk, she asked if she could help me.

"I am looking for Alene."

"Oh, she is out showing a property, she just called in. She should be here in a few minutes, have a seat."

I almost left in panic, but I managed to make my way to a nearby couch. I sat pretending to read magazines, they were all about houses.

It was about a half hour later when a woman walked in. It was Alene, she was a good 30 pounds heavier and it looked good on her. She was wearing a grey business suit, expensive. I glanced out the window at the New Mercedes she had driven up in. I was really ready to run for it now, all I had was the old brown Honda and my suitcase.

Alene said something to the young lady behind the desk, then turned and glanced at me with a smile. Then she started my direction. There was no sign of recognition on her face.

"Hello, Sir. Are you interested in a property?"

"Hello, Alene."

She looked at me, recognizing my voice, then her expression changed to shock.

"My God! Dan!" Then she simply piled into my arms, hugging me.

"Where in the world have you been?

"Looking for you."

She smiled at me.

"Well, I have been looking for you, too."

We went to lunch, I brought her up to date, explaining that I had been to the bottom of the world and back. I didn't pull any punches, I left nothing out. I knew I had turned into a piece of crap. Her eyes were studying me as I spoke, I was sure I looked a lot different.

She told me about meeting a man, marrying him. He had proven to be controlling and difficult, the marriage fell apart in just 3 years. She had ended up with the failing real estate company in the settlement.

Since then she had rebuilt the company, made it successful. She mentioned that she had taken a trip back home, looking for me. I realized that I had been in jail at the time. She had ran into Tina at the old club, still working there, still dancing. Tina knew where Dotty was, so she had gone to see Dotty.

It seems no one knew where I was. I had never dreamed anyone would be looking.

"I looked for you for so long." I blurted out.

"I thought you didn't want me." Her eyes were damp, she dabbed at them with a tissue.

"I did. It just took me too long to know it."

Later, she asked me to come home with her. "See how it goes." she said. As we walked in the door, a middle aged woman came out of the kitchen. Alene introduced her as Maria, her housekeeper.

Then she turned to me.

"Come on, I have someone for you to meet."

We walked back into what was a playroom, a little darkhaired girl sat there, she looked to be about 3 years old.

"This is Danielle, my daughter."

I smiled at that, the little girl looked just like Alene.

Then Alene showed me into a spare bedroom.

"You take this room, Dan."

I nodded, understanding. A long time had passed, a very long time. A lot of things had happened, to us both.

Alene stepped out, left me to my thoughts as I unpacked the small suitcase that held just about all I owned in the world.

I had a lot to prove to her. I knew there was a chance. It was time to be a man, time to try and make my way in this life.

Could I regain Alene, be a husband, and a ready made father?

Time would tell. It always does.

I became more or less a househusband, our situation was entirely reversed. The only difference was Alene came home alone, there were no dates. I took care of the yard, helped Maria with the shopping, and in my spare time I read every real estate book I could get my hands on. The job of taking Danielle to kindergarden fell to me, I relished every moment. Sometimes we sat on the floor as she used crayons to color pictures, I was teaching her to read and she was learning it fast, neat for a 3 year old.

I made no real move towards Alene, I was happy just being with her. I did my best to treat her as nicely as I could, I knew she was watching me closely. For some reason she trusted me, but she remained aloof. I knew part of that was the pain I had caused her years before. I resigned myself to just being with her, just around and trying to help out.

I was also gaining weight, I was back to a solid 190 pounds, my overly thin face filled out, that hid some of the ravages of what I had done to myself. I let my hair grow back out from the gray stubble, and colored it back to it's natural blonde. I got some Sun, too, my skin browned lightly, I was looking better.

It was a bit of a start one evening when Alene, Danielle and I were in the living room watching a TV show. Danielle was sitting on the floor, struggling with a toy that snapped together.

"Daddy, can you help me?" the question was innocent, normal. I sat down and showed her how the pieces snapped together, then went back to my chair.

"Thank you, Daddy!" she said.

I glanced at Alene, she was smiling. She didn't say a word.

That night I was sitting in my room reading, it was late, everyone was asleep. There was a soft knock at the door.

I opened it, Alene stood there.

"May I come in?"

"Sure." I held the door for her, closed it behind.

"Dance for you?" Her eyes were smokey.

"Sure."

I sat down as Alene switched the tiny TV to some music. I swear it was the very same piece that she had danced for me to so many years ago, at least it seemed so.

Her motions were still practiced, the only difference was this was no longer an overly thin young girl, this was a healthy and beautifully mature woman.

She stripped off her blouse, holding the cloth to her bare breasts. That was as far as I could stand to let it go. I reached for her and she dropped the blouse, pressing her naked upper body to me. Then we were pulling, struggling, jerking the clothing off each other.

Her body felt the same but different, fuller, softer, rounder. I slid inside her with what felt like a practiced motion, years faded away in that instant. Once again, our union was the kind that is beyond description, she began to orgasm at my first thrust and never stopped.

I realized that it had been a long time. It had been a long time for me, too.

We spent hours touching, inspecting each other. Finally I glanced at the clock, it was 5 AM. Satisfied, we slept curled up in each other's arms.

Alene missed her first appointment of the day, it was around 11 AM before she called her office and reassigned staff to cover her.

We went out and sat at the kitchen table as Maria served us coffee, and some scrambled eggs and pancakes. She was beaming as she hummed some tune, stirring things around on the stove.

As she sat a plate of bacon down on the table, she looked at Alene, who blushed. Then she looked at me with a knowing smile.

"About time!" she said, with a laugh.

We both broke up laughing at that.

"Real estate school?" Alene asked.

"Sure. Marry me?"

She looked at me with a smile, leaned over and kissed me.

"Oh, yes."

MGM