"No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money." Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
Once again I find myself in the position of being a mere scribe, presenting a story which I purchased with three very expensive drinks at an airport bar.
I never met the protagonist before nor do I know his real name. There was something in his eye that said not to ask too many questions. I discretely hit the record button on my phone. When I was safely on an airplane flying in the opposite direction I opened my laptop and added structure and punctuation to words that were torn from his very soul. I am the omnipotent narrator, not the judge of morality. The protagonist swears the story is true. I will leave that to the reader to decide. All names and places have been changed.
Constructive criticism is always welcome. Ad hominem attacks will, of course, be deleted.
If you enjoy this missive I encourage you to read my earlier works. Thank you.
*****
I once heard a man describe his wife as "the moment I saw her I wanted to fuck her brains out. The moment she spoke I knew someone had beat me to it." That was my Samantha, as stupid as she was beautiful.
I met Sam when she was being fired for crashing my client's computer network by downloading a cute kitty video. Unfortunately said kitty was actually a vicious malware lioness in disguise.
She looked like she needed a friend so I offered to carry the box containing her personal property as the head of security escorted her off the premises. Okay, I admit I thought I would have no trouble getting into her panties if I befriended her. I soon learned she never wore any under her short skirts..
Fast forward six months. Her childlike simplicity and unquenchable appetite for sex won me over and I asked her to move in with me. Six months later we were married.
The night before our wedding I took her arms and said, "I will be your champion, slaying dragons and breaching castles for your amusement. I pledge my eternal love and devotion." All I asked, demanded, from her was absolute fidelity. "If you ever so much as kiss another man in a romantic way our marriage is over. You will not get a second chance. No, I will destroy you and whoever was foolish enough to incur my wrath."
"I love you and would never do that, " Sam swore.
The first two years of our marriage were so incredible all our friends were jealous. Sam excelled as a spoiled wife. She spent her days exercising or being pampered at the spa. We ate dinner out almost every night in Chicago's finest restaurants. I draped her magnificent body in designer clothes, suitably ornamented in the finest jewelry. I loved showing her off.
Then one day she announced she was bored and wanted to get a job. Try as I might I couldn't shake her determination. I even offered to stake her to her own business, a high end boutique...anything she wanted.
"No, I want to do this on my own."
Much later I learned two divorced "friends" from the health club had sowed the seeds of discontent in my wife. These bitter women had lost their husbands to younger women and took a perverted joy in ruining happy marriages. Week after week they worked on Sam until they convinced her she was not being appreciated by me and the key to her freedom was getting a job so she would have her own money.
So Sam set off into the workforce in search of a position that would "complete her." Now a beautiful woman wearing a $500 dress has no problem getting an interview. Her problem came when they asked her hard questions like, "What office skills do you possess?"
After three months she had been on dozens of interviews however no one had so much as called her back to say sorry, we don't have a position for your unique skill set. At least that's what the form letter I send out to unqualified losers says.
Then one afternoon she came home so excited she could barely speak. She had been hired as a personal assistant.
I asked her a few easy questions, like who hired you and what are your job responsibilities. Sam forgot the company's name but was sure she could find it again. The only thing she remembered was the position involved travel.
"With whom?" I asked.
She rummaged through her $1,000 Gucci bag and found a business card. "There," she announced, "I'll be working for Andrew V. Carter & Associates.
The card was a cheap rectangle of white card stock with black ink...no color, no graphic. Just Andrew V. Carter. President, CEO and a phone number.
What a cheap asshole, I thought.
"And what exactly does Andrew V. Carter & Associates do?"
"It has something to do with importing, or was it exporting, things."
I took my wife's in my arms and looked her square in the eyes, "Samantha, I have a bad feeling about this. Let me check him out."
That led to our first ever knockdown, drag out argument. "You don't want me to succeed. You only want me to hang on your arm like a Barbie doll."
Truth be told that was really all she was qualified to do.
Sam was stubborn as a jack ass. She dug in her heels and refused to listen to anything I had to say. She squared her jaw and glared at me. I knew that look meant she would take a beating rather than admit she was wrong.It tore my heart but I said, "I hope it's not too late when you open your eyes to the truth."
I discretely had my investigators launch a full investigation of Carter. On Sunday evening I received an e-mail with a full dossier. Carter was a two bit importer of knock off products which they sold to dollar stores. A significant portion of their business was generated at regional trade shows which is where Sam came in. The present sales staff was all male, age fifty plus.
Sales were way down as Chinese manufactures were cutting out the middle men, jobbers as they were known in the trade, and selling direct. With a big trade show coming up in New York Cater had met with his sales staff to brainstorm a solution. The future of the company hung on this show.
The idea had been floated that the easiest way to increase sales was to have a beautiful woman is a short, make that very short skirt, and revealing blouse man the booth. Sam had a closet full of outfits which met the uniform requirements. It was obvious Carter didn't want a personal assistant, he wanted a cock magnet.
Things were pretty quiet Sunday. On Monday morning Sam was dressed to the nines. I complimented her and offered to drive her to work. She surprised me and said yes. I surprised her with an Italian leather briefcase. Sam accepted my gift with, "I'm going to do you proud."
Carter's warehouse had definitely seen it's better days. It was a rambling three story building which, if it ever knew paint, it was only a nodding acquaintance at best and a long time ago at that. Even the sign was faded.
Sam looked nervous as she surveyed the ramshackle building. After a couple minutes she leaned towards me and planted a kiss on my lips...an act which she had denied me since Friday.
"I guess this is it."
"I guess it is. I'll pick you up at five."
She kissed me again and said, "I love you."
"I love you too," I responded.
That day dragged on forever. I was waiting at the end of the block for the clock to flash 5:00. When it did I pulled up in front of the main entrance.
A score of men wearing cheap suits walked out in a gaggle. That must be the sales force I thought.
A few minutes later a handful of older women left. All were dressed for working in a warehouse.
I waited ten minutes before I entered the lobby. I could hear Sam laughing in the distance. I spied a bell on the receptionist's desk and rang it with vigor. My wife called out, "I'll be right out."
The moment I met her new boss I immediately recognized him as a lothario. The bastard didn't even extend his hand to shake mine; he just gave me a smarmy smile.
The moment we pulled away I warned my wife, "He watched you like a lion stalking a gazelle."
"Don't be silly, he's just a good salesman...always on."
"Good salesman my ass. The man wholesales knock-offs made by slave labor. He, like his products, appeals to the dregs of civilization."
Sam didn't speak again until I pulled up at one of our favorite restaurants.
Tuesday morning Sam again dressed like she was going to a dance. When I asked her why she was so dressed up to work in a dilapidated warehouse she announced she knew how to get to work and would be driving herself. She walked out without answering my question or kissing me goodbye. That evening she came home excited after a day learning their product line. She even had a bag full of junk. I did my best to feign interest as she described each.
Three bad things happened the second week. Sam, still overdressing, began going to lunch with Carter so they could discuss the product line. She also started to work late with him to prepare for the New York trade show. The last straw was she stopped answering my phone when he calls because they were too busy with work.
The shit hit the fan on Thursday when Sam came home a few minutes before ten. I gave her an ultimatum...quit the job or else.
"Don't be such a drama queen...it's just a training period. After the trade show things will settle down."