Part 2 of 2
On Monday morning I knew I had to face the music, that I 'd have to talk with Marianne either in the kitchen or in our car on our trip to work together. Part of me just wanted to hide away in my bedroom downstairs and not come out, the other part of me told me to man the hell up, admit to what happened and try to move on.
As I made my way into the kitchen to make a coffee, my wife was already there, quietly sipping on her coffee.
"Good morning, Mazzy." I offered, trying to sound like this was just like any other morning.
"Good morning, Dave." Marianne responded while continuing to sip her coffee. I could sense her eyes watching me as I went about making my own coffee, I was doing my best not to make eye contact with her, however.
After I finished making my coffee and had my first mouthful, Marianne broke the uneasy silence once more.
"So, are we going to talk about last night?" My wife softly asked me.
"I'd rather not. I'm feeling way to embarrassed still." I replied.
"Really, why?" Marianne countered.
"Why do you think? You caught me jacking off watching you fuck someone else. Is that not enough?" I answered.
"Perhaps, but it looked like you enjoyed it from where I was." My wife replied.
"I'm not saying I didn't enjoy watching, I did. I'm saying I'm embarrassed that you caught me doing it."
"Can I ask if that was the first time? You know, that you've masturbated while watching me having sex." Marianne asked.
"The first time watching, yes."
"Hold on, were there other times?" Marianne quickly responded.
Fuck! I can't believe I'm telling her this, but what the hell have I got to lose now anyway.
"Yes, there were other times. Many times. I've never watched before though; I've only ever listened." I replied, feeling like I was in church admitting to my sins.
"Would you often masturbate while listening to me with Shawn?" Marianne followed up with.
"Yes, okay. Are we done now? Can I now get on with the rest of my day feeling completely emasculated?" I asked her.
"You don't have to feel bad about it, Dave. What if I told you that I've also masturbated while listening to you with some of the women you brought home. Would that make you feel any better?"
"Really? I thought that me having them over made you angry." I replied.
"Not angry, it's made me frustrated with you more than feeling angry. But it also turned me on sometimes too. I'll admit that on occasion I've masturbated while listening to you with them, I even did it when you woke me up on Saturday morning just gone, with that woman you brought home from the bar. I think I understand the guilt that you're probably feeling right now, I felt that way too afterwards. I found it hard to even talk to you later that morning, I felt so guilty for doing it even if you didn't have a clue." Marianne told me.
"Well, fuck me. This hasn't turned out anything like the way I thought this conversation was going to go." I replied.
"You have a habit of that, Dave. You're always assuming you know what I'm thinking or feeling without ever actually asking me first." Marianne replied.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm sorry, I don't mean to."
"Don't be sorry, just please talk to me in future." My wife replied as I nodded back in agreement.
We both sat there drinking our coffee in silence before Marianne finally smiled at me, then asked me something unexpected.
"So, can I ask what you enjoyed the most about watching us?"
"What? You want to go there, right now? Like I'm not embarrassed enough already." I asked back with a chuckle of my own.
"Come on, you can tell me. I promise I won't tell too many of our friends at work." Marianne teased.
"Oh really? They already think I'm some sort of cuckold for allowing you to take a lover." I responded.
"Oh, you're a cuckold alright, but that has nothing to do with whether you allow it or not." Marianne laughed back at me.
I shook my head in response, she's actually enjoying making me feel more than a little sheepish about everything that happened last night.
"Come on, Dave. Which part?" She insisted, still with a cheeky grin across her face.
"I don't know Mazzy, all of it. You looked so fucking sexy when you were clinging on to him like your life depended on it." I answered.
"Yeah, he really knows what he's doing. It doesn't hurt that he's super fit and looks fantastic too, and not forgetting that he's also got a cock that most horses would be jealous of." Marianne fired back, again laughing out loud.
"Are you trying to make me feel even more insecure than I already am? You're enjoying all this, aren't you?" I asked her with a wry smile.
Marianne got up off her stool and came over and hugged me.
"Oh, come on Dave. If we can't laugh about this stuff, what can we laugh about? If there's ever going to be a future for us, we need to be okay with what's happened over the last year, to not let it get between us. Just next time, if you're going to jerk off watching, let me know first." Marianne laughed as she squeezed into me a little more.
I hugged her back and smiled, this was the first time in well over a year that we've even held each other, let alone with any form of warmth or dare I say love between us. Maybe there is some hope for us after all.
The next few days at work and at home went well, my relationships with both my co-workers and with my wife seemed to be getting even better with every passing day. On Wednesday at lunch, I sat chatting away with Rachel at the diner a few doors down from our office when she decided to ask me something personal like she sometimes does.
"So, Dave, do you ever see yourself getting back together with Marianne? Do you still love her?" Rachel asked me.
"Yeah, I do. For both questions. I just need to sort myself out first though." I answered her.
"What exactly does that even mean? To 'sort yourself out'?" Rachel quickly replied.
I thought about that for a moment, I was struggling to answer her.
"Look, I think I need to be sure of my feelings for her before I commit to our marriage again." I ended up saying.
"You just said that you still love her though, what feelings are you talking about?" Rachel prodded me further.
"We've been apart for a year now, longer than that really as the last six months we were together weren't good either. This is a big step for me, for us; I don't want to fuck it up a second time." I responded.
"Yeah, okay. I just think that if you two still love each other, the other stuff doesn't really matter, you just need to find a way to make it work." Rachel replied.
"Not everything's a hallmark movie. It's not that easy." I responded.
"Alright, I'll stop busting your balls, for now at least." Rachel replied with a smile.
We continued eating our lunch for a few minutes before I decided to take the opportunity of my own to ask Rachel a few things.
"Now I get to ask you a few personal questions too, like what first got you interested in your fiancé?"
"Derrick? Oh, that's easy. He's a 6'5 piece of prime black beef. I was weak in the knees the first time he came over and talked to me. He made it clear right from the start that he was going to have me, just his confidence and the arrogance, I couldn't resist." Rachel replied while smiling.
"So, love at first sight then?"
"Lust, more like it. My boyfriend at the time wasn't too happy about it though."
"What? You had a boyfriend?"
"Yeah, we were out at a club together and Derrick basically came over and told me that tonight he was going to give me the best fuck of my life, right in front of my boyfriend. I think my boyfriend almost pissed his pants, worrying that he should stand up to this muscular black guy who towered over him. But he didn't tell Derrick where to get off, he just looked at me like it was all my fault for putting him in that situation, just pathetic." Rachel added.
"What was he supposed to do, it sounds like Derrick could've kicked his ass."
"He at least could've stood up for himself, I would've respected that even if he got his ass kicked. But he didn't, he knew his place when someone better than him came calling." Rachel replied, chuckling with her answer.
"That's a bit harsh, isn't it? Some big guy comes over and tells you that he's going to fuck you, I would've at least expected you to tell him off if your boyfriend wasn't going to. You can't put it all on him to fight all your battles, surely." I responded.
"Maybe, but like I said, just Derrick's confidence and arrogance to do that, along with how strong and handsome he was, I was weak at the knees already. I wanted him to make good on his promise."
"Well, I'm sure your boyfriend could argue that you weren't being a very good girlfriend in that moment, either then."
