Have you ever noticed that women have a practical and opportunistic streak in them? It's true. They talk a lot about love and genuinely mean it, but they can still be ruthlessly practical where affairs of the heart are concerned. I actually ran into this ruthless practicality a while back.
I'm nearly thirty and unmarried. I like the ladies but there hasn't been one that's caught my eye enough for me to want to make the relationship permanent. I suspect that this will change before too much longer but for now I was just having fun where relationships were concerned.
My current residence is a single bedroom unit in a block of flats. For some reason the architect had designed each level with a three-bedroom unit, a couple of two-bedroom units, and a single bedroom unit, mine. Relatively cheap rent so I was able to save some extra cash which I would use as a deposit on a real house somewhere in the near future.
The other tenants in the block of flats ranged from an elderly man in the single unit on the ground floor through married couples, young and middle-aged, with and without children and several single people (like me). Being an observant young man I knew most of the tenants by sight and name, especially the female tenants. What can I say? I have an eye for the female form.
One Thursday I took advantage of a slack time at work to knock off early. I figured I'd go home, grab a bite to eat, and then join some friends at the local pub for a few drinks and a game or two of snooker.
Normally when I get home I run up the stairs. Good exercise, don't you know. This particular day I was strolling very casually up the stairs, because there was someone else ascending ahead of me. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't holding back for the sake of politeness -- there was plenty of room to pass if I was actually in a hurry. No, the reason I took my time ascending was because there was a delightful tush swaying from side to side as a young lady climbed the stairs in front of me.
If my memory served me correctly, and I was sure it did, that lovely bottom swishing about in a pair of yoga pants was owned by Karen, a young lady in her early twenties (very early) who was the lovely young wife of Gregory, the resident of one of the two-bedroom units on my floor.
Reaching the landing Karen flung the door open. She happened to glance back and see me and from the look on her face I wouldn't have been surprised to have her slam the door in my face. Good manners prevailed and she held the door open for me.
"Afternoon, Karen," I said, smiling. "A beautiful day, isn't it?"
She tilted her head to one side as though considering my question. Then she shook her head.
"No," she said. "All things considered I'd have to say it's a crappy day."
"Really? Ah, what things am I failing to take into consideration?"
"Well, for a start it's Greg's birthday tomorrow."
"I'd have thought that that would be a plus," I suggested. "You know, celebrations and gifts and cakes."
"Yes, I know, but the thing is that, while I've baked the cake, I don't have his present yet and that's what makes it a rotten day."
"I still don't see the problem. The shops will be open for hours. Run, don't walk, to the mall and spend a relaxing hour shopping for the ideal present."
"I did," she yelled. "I found it weeks ago. I put a deposit on it and I've been paying it off. I was going to pick it up this evening but then I found I don't have the final payment. I overspent on groceries this week, completely forgetting I had to pick up the present. I was feeling really chuffed because I could do such a big shop getting the damn groceries. Now what am I supposed to do. Paying it off next week will be such a letdown. I wanted Greg to find it first thing in the morning, not next week."
We'd been drifting down the hallway as we talked, coming to a halt outside my door. Before she continued on her fuming way I had a suggestion to make.
"What you need is a way to make a little extra money quickly," I told her.
"I know that, but what the hell am I supposed to do?"
I unlocked my door and opened it before continuing.
"Well, this is just a suggestion, but if you care to step inside and take off your clothes I'm sure we could come to a mutually satisfying agreement."
As expected she promptly blushed and started to get angry.
"Do you really think that I'm going to go and do a strip tease for you just for a few lousy dollars?"
"Certainly not," I protested. "The stripping would only be the start of the fun."
"You're disgusting," she snapped.
Maybe I was and maybe I wasn't. She was still standing there ready to argue about it.
"Don't be silly. It's perfectly natural behaviour. I'm sure that I'd enjoy it immensely. It's also the perfect solution to your problem. Half an hour of your time and then you'll be free to do the run, not walk, bit down to the mall to pick up the present. Think how Greg will feel when he sees his present first thing in the morning."
"Gee, why didn't I think of that," she said in a voice loaded with snark. "How about you consider how Greg will feel when he finds out that I was fucking you?"
"Well I have no intention of telling him and if you were silly enough to do so you'll find that I would flatly deny that it ever happened."
She stood there giving me a glowering look but her busy little brain was thinking it through.
"Just what do you intend doing?" she demanded.
"Basically what I just suggested. Have you come inside and then watch you as you get undressed. Once you're nice and naked I'll be touching you all over, finishing up by introducing you to Wee Willy Winkle for some healthy horizontal exercise."
"You don't even know how much I need," she pointed out, but I just waved that away.
"Incidental," I assured her. "You've got too much pride to cheat me on this. I'll take your word for the amount."
I reached out and placed the tips of my fingers on her elbow and gave a gentle push, encouraging her to move towards the door. She did so, hesitantly at first, but once she started moving she kept on going. I thoughtfully close and locked the door behind us.
