After two years of dating and almost ten of marital bliss what did I have to show for it? An insanely over priced home, a mediocre job, a marriage that was on life support and a group of friends that were always trying to out do one another. The only bright spot was our two wonderful kids, David who is eight and a half and Megan who just turned seven this month. If it weren't for them I'd be out of here in a heartbeat but there is no way I would do that to them, well not yet anyway.
Divorce? Not an option. We purchased our home at the peak of the market. We went in debt up to our eyeballs thinking if we didn't jump in immediately we'd never be able to afford a home later, a huge mistake. The house is nice and all, but we're, as they call it, house poor. If we got divorced, neither one of us could afford the payments by themselves. So I stay in this marriage because of the kids and not wanting to live out of the back seat of my car. But for how long is my only question.
It wasn't always like this, but I guess stress and moving in two different directions is what happened. Heather wanted the storybook marriage along with the house with the white picket fence. And me? Well I wanted to marry the love of my life and travel the world in our spare time. Kids have a way of changing those dreams.
Heather ended up pregnant while we were planning our vacation to the South of France. How? She made the mistake of forgetting to take her birth control pills with her on one of our weekend getaways and thought that she'd be ok since it wasn't her fertile time of the month. She always was bad in math and with a bun in the oven our trip to France had to be put on the back burner.
After David, she told me that if we wanted another one we should have it right away so they would be close together in age and we'd be done with diapers and potty training all at once. We didn't count on it taking her longer to get pregnant the second time around. It was loads of fun at first actually trying to make a baby, but after a while it was, 'just put it in and get it over with.' Then with two small ones in the house, there wasn't much traveling anymore and when we did, we needed a travel trailer just to hold everything we thought we might need.
"Dreams never really die; they're just put on hold knowing that they will resurface later when things settle down," I kept telling myself to lift my spirits as I did one mundane task or another. I can't say life was dull with two kids in the house; it just wasn't the kind of excitement I sometimes was looking for.
After eight years we had became the typical suburbia married couple. The kids had sports and other activities and we had a group of friends that were mostly like us, doing their best to live the American Dream. But when we hit nine years my brain woke up and didn't like what it saw any longer.
We were barely scrapping by. The country club dues along with two new car payments were taking their toll. Our kids always needed something and our yearly wage increases just weren't keeping up. We were living way beyond our means.
Heather was a secretary and clerk in a law firm and I was a middle manager in a manufacturing plant. Though our jobs weren't high profile, along with as much overtime I could muster, they just covered our comfortable life style. And Heather and I? Well we both loved the kids anyway.
Dockers and a polo shirt was the normal outfit of the day for me while Heather was always dressed to the nines. As Heather put it, she had to look professional since she was meeting the firms clients. For Christ's sakes, she was a law clerk, not trying cases before the Supreme Court.
The worst part was, after almost ten years of marriage the spark was all but gone. The arguments about money and everything else had thrown bucket after bucket of cold water on our relationship. We were civil to one another, and even still slept in the same bed, but that was about it. We were in it for our kids now.
At our neighborhood get togethers everyone thought we were that happy couple. I never told anyone that we weren't but I could see the looks from the other wives and knew that Heather was opening her big mouth about our home life. I guess it didn't really matter except that I didn't want everyone knowing our business, not that it was going to change anything.
The only good thing that came from these get togethers, was that Heather usually had too much to drink and would come back horny and wanting a little relief. I'd stopped calling it love making a while ago, it was more like a much-needed sexual release. It wasn't an all night session and there usually wasn't much foreplay, just a lot of sucking and fucking to coin a phrase. Then the next day we went back to being the typical Ozzie and Harriet couple. It sucked. We'd only had sex twice in the last month and I was getting tired of asking. Let me rephrase that, I was tired of begging.
I had needs that were in no way being met. Hell I was a guy and guys all wanted to do it every hour on the hour, but per Heather it wasn't going to happen, well not in her lifetime. At first she used the kids as an excuse, then she was tired, and finally she just wasn't in the mood.
Things came to kind of a head after our last neighborhood get together. It was at our house this month and by the time everyone had left, Heather was feeling no pain. I cleaned up most of the basics and the rest could wait until after breakfast on Sunday. I was more than ready for a little relief but by the time I'd made it upstairs, Heather had already showered and was in bed. I snuggled up, kissed her on the neck, but got no response. I let my hands wander and then I heard it. It wasn't loud but unmistakable; she was snoring. She was down for the count. I tried a few things but to no avail. I begrudgingly took a shower, got a little hand relief and went to sleep. I wasn't a happy camper.
I had breakfast going for the kids when she made her way down to the kitchen. Even with a hot skillet of bacon and the other with eggs cooking, there was frost in the air.
"Sorry about last night."
I said nothing.
"It wasn't intentional, I just had too much to drink last night."
My anger must have tripped the stupid switch in my brain as I took it up a notch.
"You now need to be drunk to have sex with me? Be still my heart, I don't need your pity fucks." The look on her face was priceless. "You can keep them because they haven't been worth the wait lately anyway." I said thinking about the last time when I'd grabbed her coming out of the shower. It was like fucking a blowup doll.
As I said it, I'd ratcheted it up more than a couple of notches.
She finally replied. "If you weren't pawing at me all the time maybe I'd be in the mood more often."
"Maybe if I got some more than a couple times a year I wouldn't be pawing at you all the time."
"You're just like a dog in heat, all you're looking to do is get yourself off." I was tired of her holier than though attitude.
"Don't worry I won't be bothering you anymore."
"Good, it'll be a refreshing change not to have to fend you off every time I walk by you."
"Heather, why don't you go fuck yourself?" At that she looked shocked, I'd never spoken to her in that way. "But on second thoughts, you're probably doing that anyway."
I walked away leaving two pans on the stove burning away.
She tried to backtrack a bit that night but I was still angry and was tired of all the excuses. We got into it again and she stormed out of the room and I went to sleep. Well, what I did was turn off the light, lock our bedroom door and try to sleep, which didn't happen. I was almost ready to add our marriage to the growing number of divorce statistic, money or no money.
I think she tried the doorknob around two o'clock in the morning but there was no way I was letting her in the room. Where she ended up sleeping is anyone's guess. With just three bedrooms in the house and all of them being used, that just left the couch in the TV room. It was old and hard as a rock.
At six o'clock I got up, took a shower, got dressed, and finally opened up our bedroom door. I woke up the kids, got them moving, and headed downstairs. Heather came out of the den and shot daggers at me. "Morning to you too," I said walking past her.
A cup of coffee and laying out the kids breakfast is what I did before leaving the house. This was the start of the new polar ice age.
After that we didn't talk. We would say words to one another but we didn't talk. No kisses, hugs, or any shows of affection were exchanged. Heels were dug in and when I told her that I wasn't going to Carol and Tim's BBQ she about had a fit.
"What am I going to tell them?"
"How about the truth? That would be novel idea wouldn't it? But I suppose all the wives already know what an uncaring asshole I already am." I didn't back down and she and the kids walked across the street with her Jell-O mold in hand.
She came back smashed, as usual, but she wasn't looking for any loving this time.
"Everyone asked where you were. I told them you weren't feel well and let it go at that."
"Why didn't you tell them I'm married to a frigid bitch and got tired of begging for it?" She wasn't in the mood or was too drunk to argue at this point. She took a shower, put on one of her normal tee shirts and slid into bed.
When I felt her reach for me, I pulled away. She didn't try again. So our new life went on week by week. I gave myself a little hand relief when it was needed and I think Heather went through a box of batteries. When she went out with a couple of friends on a Friday night I was almost happy to have her out of the house for the night. But when she got home some time after midnight, the look on her face told me we now had an even bigger issue. Even though I didn't want to believe it, I think Heather had taken our problems to a whole new level.
She didn't say a word to me Saturday and made sure not to make any eye contact. Lava was brewing inside me but I was going to make her bring it up, which didn't happen. When she went out twice more and came back looking the same way I finally did something to bring it to a head.
It was Friday night and she was getting dressed to go out with her girlfriends again. Sue was honking for her in the driveway and just as she was giving me the spiel about not waiting up for her I tossed them to her. She caught them and time stopped. It was a three pack of condoms.
"I just want to make sure you don't bring anything back with you that's contagious. There is a ton of shit out there and I don't want my kids picking up anything your lovers might give you." She was dumbstruck but at this point I no longer cared what she thought.
She started to say something but I stopped her dead.
"Your lover is probably waiting for you and you don't want to be late, do you?" I turned around and walked into the kitchen. When I heard the door close, I had my answer.
She was home by eleven. I wasn't sure if she was drunk or not, but it no longer made a difference. I faked being asleep and it took forever for her to come to bed. I was waiting for something, anything to see if there was even a chance to save what we once had but nothing happened.
Saturday morning I think she tried to start to say something to me a couple of times but stopped before anything came out of her mouth. It did shock the hell out of her when I put on my best suit and got ready to go out while she was preparing dinner. I even put on my favorite cologne and sprayed two squirts into the air to make sure Heather would notice.
