I have always had kind of a fucked-up fantasy world and warped mind when it came to sex. Taboo thoughts have never been far from my mind. I never had the guts to talk about it with anyone other than my brother, and he and I used to talk a lot about it, and used to steal Playboys from a friend's house. That's how we would get access to "porn". Reading my mom's cosmos were another way. Other than him, I had never met anyone like me before. He and I never had anyone else to turn to or ask questions to. Our parents weren't the kind of people to answer questions and when he first came to me asking questions, I didn't have the answers because I had my own issues to work through. Over time, we lived, learned, and shared our experiences with each other, helping to navigate a world that wasn't talked about. More than brothers, we became friends and confidants.
I was 27 and my wife was 22 when we started dating. My brother actually hooked us up. Prior to her, I had been married (damned near sex-less married) with children for 8 years. The single scene was a blast for me, although I never embarked on my fantasy's. I just couldn't bring myself to indulge in real life for fear of having to say it out loud. He however, did. He's lived his life the way he's always wanted and I had to sit back and listen to his stories and imagine it.
When my current wife and I began dating, it was hot and heavy from the get-go. She liked to make love, but what we usually did, would be more appropriately described as fucking. The sex was sensational and exciting. I get bored easily and like to talk and imagine, but as I said earlier, I never opened up to any of the girls I dated, or even my ex-wife. There was something about her though. Her scent, the way she moved... maybe it was that everyone that knew her, knew her as this perfect angel, and I knew her as a real-life Aphrodite. She isn't open to talking like I am. She talks with her body and willingness. Yet, there was something that gave me comfort. Something that gave me confidence to open up, to push the envelope. I was at a point in my life, where the desire to explore fantasies and to share them with someone, other than my brother. However, I couldn't come out guns a blazing. I needed to see where she was at. I started asking her to describe her fantasies. She of courses said, "I don't have any. You're my fantasy." In a weak moment though, I was clued in when she mistakenly told me she wanted to be watched. Bingo. She's the one. She's the one I had hoped and dreamed of. Now, how to proceed when we aren't in the throes of passion. It was time to get a ring on her finger and get this legal.
