Tomorrow Is Another Day 2

Watching my husband drive away, I thought, "Shit, did I just throw away a 25 year marriage? And for what? Some steamy mediocre sex in cheap motels? How stupid am I?"

I was so careful, I told no one. How did he figure it out?

We barely talked five minutes total after the shit came out. The first time he didn't seem angry; he could have been telling me about tomorrow's weather. But he wasn't; he was telling me our marriage was over.

It wasn't how he said it, or even what he said that scared me. It was his eyes. His eyes were dead. His eyes lacked that spark. If eyes are the window to your soul, then last night I saw a crushed and life-less soul. And I did that. My stupid, selfish, tawdry fling destroyed the soul of the only man I have ever truly loved.

I traded a wonderful marriage to a good man for some cheap sex. But it was just sex. I'm 50: I'm not getting any younger. How many good-looking 30-year-olds are going to hit on me? I mean, I am still good looking, I still catch the male eye and I know it, but age is unrelenting. I have been faithful for 25 years, it was only going to be one fling and if no one knew, what was the harm?

I should have been more careful with my phone. I should have changed my password. He never looked at my phone before, why now? I must have done something to make him suspicious. I must have gotten sloppy.

I was obsessed with my young lover. I was like a teenager falling in love. But it wasn't love. It was just sex. It was good, forbidden and naughty sex, but that was all it was. Did I bring that school-girl crush attitude back home? Did I treat my husband like a schoolgirl treats her parents: acting all dreamy like, then getting angry when questioned about it and sneaking out to see him?

Oh, fuck, who cares. He is probably upset that I can still stir up a hot 30-year-old lover and he can't. Not that he's bad looking, but he just isn't interesting anymore. And Jason was a hot lover.

Who am I trying to kid. Jason was a selfish lover. Damnit, I was going to end up with TMJ if I stayed any longer with that young twit. I mean, the human jaw isn't designed to give that many blowjobs. George was a good, imaginative lover. And a generous one. I threw that away because of a little sweet talk from a mindless player.

I am so confused. And I am scared.

Both of my kids are so very angry with me. They are telling me that I cruelly hurt their father and destroyed our family. I am out of their lives. Kim even called me a slut and hung up on me.

And my home. Since George inherited before our marriage, I will have to move out. Damn it. What have I done?

I do love George, and he must still love me. I know I have hurt him. But George is a good man, he can forgive me. He must forgive me.

But he was so angry today. When I said he had poisoned my children against me, he became so angry. He has never talked so mean to me the whole time we have been married. I could hear the loathing in his voice and see it in the look he gave me.

He even brought up how I destroyed Jason's family. How is that my fault? I never meant to hurt his wife and his young children.

I don't even know where George went. The kids will know, I'll get them to tell me. I can convince George to come back to me. He still loves me. He must. Maybe I can even convince him to let me have the occasional fling with Jason or some other young stud. I know I can, it is just sex, a bit of fun, is all it is. I have convinced him so many times before to buy me something he told me we couldn't afford. How is this different?

I know I can fix this. But how? I'm so confused.

...Fuck it, I won't think about this right now. I'll think about it tomorrow.

I'll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day.