What are you wearing?
It doesn't matter, just go one with your story.
Anyway, it was a little tight dress, I guess.
Well, that's good.
So, I knew we had no plans, I thought she was going out with her friends. So, I told her you looked good and asked her.........
Hi Kim. You look good!!! Going out with the girls tonight? Remember your married. I don't want some guy's hands all over you and then you come home all horny thinking you gonna have sex with me. I'm not that kind of man.
Tom, we need to have a talk. "I knew this wasn't going to be good." Tom, I have a date.
What do you mean you have a date?
I'm going out for a dinner and maybe a little dancing.
Are we getting a divorce?
No Tom. I just need to get out and have some me time.
Me time. So how is that going to work? Since we are going to continue to be married, will you boyfriend be pulling his weight too. Is he going to pay half your car payment and half your insurance. Did he buy you that dress so you could look sexy for him or did we pay for that? Am I supposed to have some me time too? Do I get to ask other women out or just you? What about your mom, dad, the girls and our friends? Have you told them that you were going to be dating another man? I don't think it would be right to just blindside them like you did to me. One day you're out having dinner or at a bar and a family or friend sees you. "Hi Kim, where's Tom? Oh, Tom's home, this is my friend................"
That won't go over well. And what about the holidays? Are you going to bring him to your parents for Thanksgiving dinner? He better be a Dallas fan or your father will be pissed. At least tell him to buy a Dallas Jersey. And warn him about sitting in your father chair. He let me sit in it once only because you mom hit him and told him it wasn't his chair. But I got the hint. Especially when he told me to get the fuck out of his chair. But he grew to like me after he saw that I was gonna be around for the duration. Maybe he'll accept your knew boyfriend too. And your sister's husband. I hope he's a good listener.
Cause Bob is a nice guy and a hell of a good golfer, does your boyfriend play golf, but Tom can talk. Just tell you boyfriend to head Bob to a topic that your boyfriend is interested in. Bob's an expert on everything so I'm sure they can find something to talk about. Oh shit, make sure your boyfriend drives an American made car. Even though GMC, Ford, Jeep isn't entirely made in USA, your father doesn't believe it so he's save it he drives those brands. I learned my lesson when I told him the Dodge Challenger is made in Canada. Just make sure it's a truck.
Also, while Tesla is "supposedly" made 100% in the USA, tell him not to pull up in one in front of your parent's house in one. Your dad doesn't trust electric cars and he would never buy one. That's just an argument waiting to happen. Remember when Bob pulled into the driveway in his Toyota? He tried to tell your father that it was a Japanese car, but it was made in Kentucky. The land of good old American whiskey. I kept my mouth shut. Bob was right, but I wasn't gonna get involved. He made Bob, park his car down the street and walk back to the house. Your mom, she's a saint and will accept anyone you bring home.
And your sister, if she can marry and put up with Bob, your boyfriend will have no problem with her either. Now your brother Billy and his wife Karen, that's gonna be a problem. Bob is my best friend. He's how we met remember. Anyway, you remember the girl he dated in college, what was her name Mary, I think. It's been so long. Well anyway, she thought it would be ok to date Billy and that other guy. I have no idea what his name was. And I don't think it lasted to long before Billy put him in the hospital and then dumped his girlfriend. I told the cops he was with me all day and all night so he wouldn't end up in jail. You better keep your boyfriend away from Billy.
And Karen. I know it's not exactly the same thing because you told me you were going out on a date before you actually went out on your date. This is your first date, right? Whatever, it doesn't really matter if it's happened already, I can't change the past. Back to what I was saying. Karen's first husband cheated on her. So, she won't tolerate a married woman or man dating someone else while they are married. Remember that one night we ran into your friend Laura and Timmy when we were all out at the bar. They started talking about their great swinger lifestyle. It didn't sound like Timmy was getting much out of the lifestyle. It didn't sound like they were going to swinger clubs either, it sounded more like Laura was dating and Timmy was just sitting home waiting for Laura, but I guess he was happy.
