Hello everyone. Sorry I've been away so long. Life has taken some twists and turns in the last few months - some expected, some less so. I won't bore you with all of that, but I will say that although my husband and I are still living separately, our relationship has developed into something I wouldn't have foreseen.
While we've been separated I've enjoyed some fun nights out - often involving some meaningless, one-time-only sex. It hasn't been that often, but I've ended a few evenings getting fucked by anonymous keen young things in various places (a pub car park, against a tree in a local beauty spot, that kind of thing). Nothing as adventurous as some of the things I've shared with you before, just your typical occasional drunken shag with a stranger, and usually over in about 30 seconds!
Hubby, in the mean-time, has apparently started seeing someone. I'm told by a mutual friend that she's of a similar age (around 50), divorced, and that she works "in retail" at Merry Hill (our local out-of-town shopping centre).
I have to admit to feeling a bit upset when I first found this out. It's only natural I suppose, but it's not as though he's cheating on me - and after all, neither of us really chose to become single. It's taken a little time, but I have to be ok with him taking that first step towards moving on. He deserves to be happy, even if it can't now be with me.
All of this is made easier by us still being the closest of friends. He still has a key, and drops in a couple of times a week. It's still his house too, and most of his belongings are here. He always calls or messages me to tell me if he's coming, and I still reapply my lipstick before he arrives (force of habit probably).
This week something different happened. On Sunday he called ahead to let me know he'd be round in the evening to get a couple of things he'd stored in the garage. Nothing unusual in that. Then he said:
"I'll have someone with me. I hope you don't mind"
"Oh. Who?" I asked.
"Erm..." he muttered, not knowing how to tell me.
"Is it her?" I said.
"I do know there's someone, and it's ok. I just wasn't expecting you to bring her to our home, not yet anyway." I said. He could tell I wasn't overjoyed.
"Our home? It stopped being our home months ago. And you know why." He responded, in an almost accusatory manner. He'd never done that before, as we'd agreed that we'd both been responsible for the things that had got us here. For the first time I felt that he blamed me - and he was probably right.
"Fine. Bring her. Just don't expect too much from me. It'll take time" I said.
We'd agreed that they would come round at about 8pm. It was now around 4pm so I had plenty of time to think about it. Should I prepare something? Shall I offer them drinks? Should I make an effort and get to know her or just throw on my joggers and make them wait in the hall?
Of course, I made an effort.
First I went to the nearby Tesco Local for a couple of bottles of wine. I always have some in, but I was going to need a bit of Dutch courage for this.
Armed with two bottles of White Zinfandel I returned home to plan what I was going to wear. I figured that she'd also be putting in some effort, so glass in hand (and half a bottle from the fridge) I went upstairs.
I must have spent half an hour swishing hangers around in the wardrobe. "Too formal, too boring, too slutty..." until I picked out a white fitted blouse, coffee-coloured leather skirt and nude patent heels. Perfect, I thought - your typical sexy wife look.
I showered, applied slightly more makeup than usual and got dressed. It was now about 7pm so I sat down with some more wine and caught the very end of the football (well done Lionesses!).
As time passed I felt a knot in my stomach, and it wasn't the wine. I was nervous. After all, this was a big deal. I didn't have time to worry much though, as a little earlier that expected the doorbell rang. I resisted the urge to look on the camera to get a first look and went to answer the door.
And there they were. She was stood behind him, clearly as nervous as me.
"Have you lost your key?" I said, perhaps a little sternly.
"I thought, under the circumstances..."
I didn't even let him finish.
"You'd better come in then" I said standing back into the hall.
He showed her in and they went into the living room, neither looked at me as they passed. As I came in they were both sat on the sofa. He poured wine into the three glasses I'd put out.
"Sarah, I'd like you to meet Kate. I think you already know we've been seeing each other for a short while" he said.
"I do" I replied, staring him down.
"It's nice to meet you Kate. I hope this isn't too awkward for you." I said, turning to her with what I hoped wasn't too insincere a smile.
"Oh, I don't think there would ever be a perfect time for this" she countered, standing her ground.
So with that we between us began to politely shoot the breeze, each taking large gulps of wine between sentences as if to hasten that feeling of ease only alcohol brings. Before I knew it we'd opened a second bottle, and Kate began to tell me about herself. To be fair, she's perfectly nice. I began to realise she's been around the block a few times, and doesn't suffer fools gladly. She said she knew that we are only separated, and that we remain close - which was something that she hoped would always be the case and that she wouldn't want to spoil that.
After a little while longer he stood up.
"Right, while you two get to know each other a little, I'm going to get that stuff from the garage and put it in the car, if that's ok with you?" he said.
"I think we'll be ok" I said, looking at Kate who nodded in agreement.
"Ok, I should only be 5 minutes" he said.
"No rush, we've got wine" replied Kate, coming out of her shell a bit more.
Left alone together I could focus a little more on Kate and what has made my husband go for her. She's a similar age to me, slightly smaller, slightly more blonde, attractive and dresses very nicely. She's intelligent and knows her own mind. It was, forgive me for saying, a bit like looking in a mirror. She was dressed a little more conservatively perhaps, but still sexy. Her top and skirt were not quite as close-fitting as mine, but her high heels and nylons (stockings or tights, I couldn't tell) were the giveaway - he loves those.
"So" I said.
"So" she replied.
We both looked at each other and smiled, knowing that we were going to at least have a civil relationship.
"I'm so glad we've met" said Kate.
"Me too, I was dreading this all day but you're lovely and I'm glad you're both happy even if it is early days" I replied, this time with a genuine smile.
"Look, this bottle's nearly empty. What do you say we open another?" I said.
"Sounds good to me".
I stood and left the living room for the kitchen. As I closed the fridge door I saw Kate had followed me and was standing against the work top.
"So tell me, how did you meet?" I asked.
"Oh, usual thing. I was in the pub with a friend, hew was in the pub with a friend, and we started talking. The two of us hit it off and here we are. Not very interesting I'm afraid" she said.
"Did he tell you he was still married?" I asked.
"He did, and he told me how things are between you now you're separated and all that".
"Ah, ok. Did he mention why we separated?" I asked, not expecting much.
"Yes, he has told me why you're separated" she said.
"Oh." I said. "Did he say much about why we're separated?" I asked, more nervously this time.
Kate looked deep into my eyes and just said "I know exactly why you separated Sarah. He's told me all about it. The car park. The alleyway. The post office. Over the back of that sofa I've just been sat on, while the delivery man watches you through the window. All of it."
"I need to sit down" I said, as a feeling of horror ran through me.
"You do look a bit flushed, to be fair. Let's go back in there and sit down." She agreed.
"I do have to say though," Kate added as she sat back down, crossing her legs and looking strangely pleased with herself, "Sitting here on this sofa, all I can think of is him doing you over the back of it while someone watches".
"Can we not talk about it please?" I asked.
"Hey, we've all got history" Kate said. "Anyway, I quite like the sound of some of it" she added quietly with a look of mock innocence on her face.
"I mean," she added "we've not done anything like what you got up to, but I know what he likes and do my best to oblige."
"I'm not really comfortable having this conversation with you if I'm honest Kate. He's still my husband." I said, feeling uneasy.
