Chris's friends were Bill and Jeff, and the two of them shared the apartment we went to. It was a two-bedroom, but the kitchen was integrated with the large living room, separated only by some standard height cabinetry with a countertop, lending the apartment the feel of a studio. Everything was neat and orderly. Bill and Jeff obviously kept things clean, and Bill even asked us to take off our shoes when we entered, which we didn't mind at all. As Chris had mentioned, there was a ping pong table set up on one side of the living room. The other side was filled with a three-cushion sofa, a matching easy chair, and a television. The bathroom was just to the left of the entrance, behind the kitchen, and the two bedrooms were to the right of the entrance, their doors near to the ping pong table.
There in the apartment, Lisa and I hung close to each other as we normally would. The five of us were all drinking cans of beer from the fridge, just joking around and getting to know each other. As always, Lisa facilitated the conversation. Music played in the background, not nearly as loud as it had been playing at the pub, a welcome change for me.
Not long after we arrived, I started thinking about how Chris would - or even could - make his move on Lisa. The layout of the apartment would allow them little, if any, privacy, so I wasn't sure what he was thinking by bringing us here. Really, Chris's only objective to make this happen would be to get Lisa alone with him for a significant period of time, but in a sense, he had more time alone with her on the pub's dance floor than he could have here in this apartment.
The way I saw it, there were three possible strategies behind whatever Chris's plan was. Option A: He may intend to have me leave the apartment for a while, perhaps alone or perhaps with Bill or Jeff or both. Option B: He may intend to go somewhere together with Lisa for a while, leaving me here with Bill and Jeff. Option C: He intends to get her alone in the apartment while we are all here, but I could think of only one way to accomplish that: unconsciousness. Under some circumstances, the first two possible strategies would be the most likely, but they run counter to my interests. If they leave the apartment, it would be difficult for me to excuse myself and follow or to even find them after they've gone, plus I would be headed into an uncontrolled environment that may allow me no way to see them without being seen myself. On the other hand, if I leave and they stay, then I would be completely cut off from being able to see them within the apartment. Therefore, no matter Chris's plan, the only plan acceptable to me would have to be one that uses the third strategy: unconsciousness.
Luckily for me, our particular circumstances greatly reduced the likelihood that Chris could successfully execute under Option A or B. Lisa and I are a married couple in an unfamiliar neighborhood with three men we just met. Chris must know that either Lisa or I - or both - would object to being split up from each other, and even if Chris doesn't know that, Lisa does. Lisa also knows how absurd it would appear to me if she would even attempt to go along with that sort of plan. Besides, the fact that Chris invited me to come here along with Lisa is an acknowledgement that she and I have to remain together for him to get what he wants.
So it seemed that Chris and I were both better off with Option C. But just in case I was wrong, I knew I had to take control rather than leave the plan to him. Plus I did not yet know how actively Lisa would be assisting him. I concluded that I needed to help create opportunities and circumstances that were in my favor as well as theirs, but I also had to avoid being obvious about any of it. If they figured out that I knew what they're up to, it would all be destroyed.
The first game of ping pong was Bill against Jeff. While they played, Chris, Lisa, and I talked in the kitchen. Chris told us that he just moved back to the city a couple months ago after having graduated college.
"I didn't think you were so young," said Lisa.
"Well, I'm not that young," he replied. "I didn't start college right after high school, and I took several semesters off along the way. I wanted to do some traveling before I begin a real career and look to settle down."
"Travel, huh? Where did you go?" she asked.
"Ontario a couple times. I know that doesn't sound too exciting but I have some family there and the wilderness is untouched in so many places. I get a lot of shit when I say this, but I absolutely love the winter. I don't mind the cold at all."
"Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that before," laughed Lisa. "But I did hear that Ontario is beautiful. Quebec, too."
"Totally. I managed to visit Montreal and Quebec City a few times. They're top notch. Reminded me of Europe a lot."
"You've been to Europe?"
"Wouldn't miss it. That's actually where I spent the most time. Iceland, Norway, Scotland, England, France, and a few days in Belgium. Oh, and a weekend in Amsterdam."
"OK, I'm officially jealous."
Mentally I smirked at Lisa's comment and thought, "As if she knows anything about jealousy." In hindsight I realize that it wasn't so much the three of us talking in the kitchen; it was more like the two of them talking while I stood there sipping on my beer, nodding and listening. I had to give them credit, though, because if I hadn't seen them together in the pub, right now I would have no idea that this whole conversation was just part of a ruse. By all appearances, they were just two strangers getting acquainted.
When Chris saw me tip my can high to sip it, he was quick to offer another. What a great host! That's when I knew he was going for Option C: unconsciousness. Perfect.
"Yes, if that's OK. This beer is so good. Is it local?"
"Yep. Jeff works at the brewery, actually, so he gets it on the cheap, and this fridge is always stocked." Chris grabbed another cold one from the fridge and handed it to me.
By my count, Lisa had four Blue Devils at the pub, but she didn't get very far on that fourth one before we left, so this beer that she has in her hand is really her fourth drink. I saw Chris with just one drink at the pub, so this is presumably his second, or maybe his third. I had nearly four full beers at the pub, and had just finished my first one here, for five total. As Chris handed me this sixth beer, it did indeed look like I could easily be set up as the guy who passes out first.
"Thanks." I cracked it open and took a sip. "Bathroom's over here, right?"
"Door's right there."
I did actually have to piss. While in the bathroom I poured most of my beer into the sink. I felt bad about that, but it's one of the sacrifices I was willing to make.
Back in the living room, we gathered by the ping pong table to watch the last few points of the game between Bill and Jeff. Then Lisa played a game against Chris while Bill, Jeff, and I watched and chatted. Lisa won easily, of course. I knew she would. I figured her tennis skills would transfer, plus she has a serious competitive streak in her when it comes to sports. I pretended to drink most of my beer.
"Good game," Chris congratulated.
"I got lucky," replied Lisa. Always the modest winner. I loved that about her. "Who's next?"
Jeff volunteered to give Lisa her next win. I made sure that Chris would notice when I finished my beer. Like magic, he offered another, and I accepted. As he went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, Lisa took her eyes off the game for just a moment to look in his direction, allowing Jeff to score a point. I think she looked at Chris again when he handed the beer to me. After being married for over two years and together for about four, she had an accurate sense of how much alcohol I could handle. I was at or over my limit by now, if she was counting correctly, but she said nothing.
Soon I took another bathroom break and poured out most of this beer, just like the last one, then rejoined as a member of the ping pong audience. I was actually becoming more sober by this time, but they all seemed to think I was getting fairly shitfaced, so nobody pressed me for conversation while we watched the game.
When Jeff finally lost, Bill suggested we play a game of doubles. With five of us present, I volunteered to sit this one out.
"I'll play the next one," I said.
Of course, nobody objected, and their game got underway. Jeff and Lisa played against Chris and Bill. I watched for a little while, pretending to be interested, but I was really just trying to figure out in my head the best place to pretend to fall asleep. The easy chair to my left wasn't an option because it faced away from the ping pong table and toward only the television. The floor is just too weird, plus too uncomfortable to sustain for a duration. I was limited to the sofa. The sofa of course faced the television, but its length ran perpendicular to the ping pong table's, which meant that I could sit and face the ping pong table to watch the game. The transition to passing out would be seamless, and I'd still have a view to about half the room if I opened my eyes. I worried that my movement to the sofa might draw some commentary, but nobody seemed to care as I settled in to watch the game from its far end, leaning against its arm behind me. Again I pretended to take a swig of my beer as I enjoyed the game.
Soon I realized they were all either engrossed in their game or had decided to ignore me, so I put myself into a comfortable and sustainable position, resting my head against the back of the sofa so I could still see the ping pong table. I put my feet up, wedging my heels between the middle and far cushions, and then stabilized the nearly empty can of beer between my legs at my crotch. Comfortable, I pretended to fall asleep.
Jeff and Lisa eventually won the game. It was Bill who first seemed to notice I was asleep.
"Chris, you got him?" he asked.
"Yeah, he's fine. I'll take care of him. No worries."
"OK, cause I gotta get to bed. Sorry. I've had enough punishment for the night."
"Me too," added Jeff. "Do you mind if I crash? I actually have to get up pretty early for work tomorrow. I shouldn't have stayed up this late."
"Of course not. It's cool with you if we hang out and play another game? I still need a rematch one on one against this girl after that embarrassing loss earlier." The double entendre was not lost on me, and probably not on Lisa, either.
"That's fine. Let me just turn down the music a little."
