Thanks to Randi, for helping and editing. Any and all mistakes in this story are mine, and mine alone. As always, I returned to make changes post edit. So, my fault. I will offer full refunds to anyone who finds the grammar issues a distraction.
"Kushla, no, please tell me you are fucking joking?" I didn't quite stomp my foot, but, boy I was mad as hell.
"Come on, Marcus, it will be a fantastic opportunity."
"You know I hate all that new age namby-pamby shit."
"Marcus, there will be other couples there, a chance to meet other people and make new friends."
"How much did it cost?" I demanded.
Defensively, she grumbled, "Does it matter? Babe, we both agreed we needed to do something, that we are in a rut."
"No, Kushla, you said it. I just agreed to get some god-damned peace. The last thing I want to do is spend the weekend with a bunch of liberal goody two shoes tree hugging dipshits."
Frustrated, she said, "Please, babe, there are lots of cool workshops and there is massage, hot tubs and group sessions." She smiled sweetly, "Please, babe I promise, you won't be sorry... I will make it worth your while."
"I can't believe you went ahead and paid for this without even talking to me," I hissed through gritted teeth.
I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. "Marcus, I've been trying to talk to you for months. I begged you to go to counselling with me. You keep palming me off. Everything is a joke to you. You totally disregard and brush aside my concerns. You have to believe me, Marcus, I'm at my wits end. I'm ready to walk away."
"What do you mean 'walk away?'"
"I mean, I've had enough. If you won't take me seriously and listen to my concerns, I'm not sure there's a future for us."
"God damn it, Kush, you're just being melodramatic."
"No, Marcus, you make light of everything, treat everything as a joke. I know that's your defence mechanism, but it depreciates me, makes me feel unimportant."
I watched as she sucked in a big breath, adding. "Marcus, as much as I love you with all my heart, if things don't change, I'm leaving."
"Leaving, do you mean like divorce?" I asked.
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I do love you, Marcus, but I'm sick of the way things have been between us lately. I hate the fact you never listen to me. You trivialise all of my concerns."
I could see there was going to be no shifting her, she was fixated on it. The massage did sound good, and it would be nice to relax in a hot tub. "Yeah, okay Kush, I will see if I can finish early on Friday."
She shook her head. "No, babe, if you are serious, we have to leave Thursday night; it's a three-day weekend."
"Ahhhh fuck, so now I have to take annual leave as well," I whined, disgruntled and irritated.
Her sweet smile and bright eyes softened my heart. She was always able to twist me around her finger. "So, who is having the kids?"
She clapped her hands like a performing seal. "Mom is taking them for us. If you can get home early Thursday they will already be gone, then we can drive up slowly and enjoy the drive and spend some time together."
So that is how Kushla my wife and I ended up at this bloody couples retreat weekend. Jesus, I couldn't think of anything worse.
Anyway, we rocked up at this four-star resort style property late Thursday night because I couldn't get away early. Kush was furious, but hey, what can you do? You have to put food on the table and I could only imagine this was costing a bomb.
Kush is a tax consultant at a little agency. They mostly do personal income tax, although there was a bunch of small businesses, as well. She had no trouble getting time off, which is handy with the kids, but I don't share the same luxury.
We had been married for going on eight years, and if I was honest, Kush was right. Over the last couple of years, we had sort of gone off the boil. Our two baby twin girls dominated our lives. I figured that's just normal and every couple went through this. Yes, I missed the intimacy, as well as the sex, really. Recently, we were lucky to find the time or energy twice a week.
I am not one of those guys who buy into all this therapy crap. Psychologists and psychoanalysts, in my mind, are just slimy money sucking fucking parasites. Every single asshole has a theory: do this do that, men are from Mars bullcrap. In my opinion, It was all just baloney, fucking world gone crazy social media shit. These day's, people are more interested in celebrity than actual depth.
Still, as we walked into the resort, I spotted the hot tubs off to the side and thought, 'yeehaaaa.'
I whispered in Kush's ear. "Hey, Kush, let's get changed and jump in a hot tub."
She kissed me on the cheek to placate me. "Later, babe, first thing is a meet and greet. We are already late. We missed the dinner, but we can go in and meet everybody."
"Fuck," I grumbled silently.
A really cute redhead met us with a bow and led us to our room. "Please hurry, the first session is nearly starting; we thought you weren't coming."
"We are so sorry, but traffic was terrible." Kushla lied.
Well, at least the rooms were nice. I glanced around; it was very plush. The bed was enormous.
Kush stashed her bag, touched up her makeup and dragged me reluctantly down to the meeting room. The redhead met us and led us through a set of huge double opening doors. Inside, there was a group of about twelve couples, all seated on rugs spread around the room. Most were sitting cross legged in the lotus position. There was a lot of interest as we walked in, with Kush announcing our apology to all and sundry. We were welcomed in and shown to our rugs. Kushla slumped down in a heap and I gently sat beside her, although I decided to stretch out and lay back.
I took the opportunity to take a quick glance around the room. The other people were a mix. I noticed one couple struggling in the legs crossed position, a couple of what looked like old hippies, except they weren't old, just dressed that way, and the rest seemed pretty ordinary people, mostly about our age.
They all looked happy enough, hanging off every word that floated out of the facilitator's mouth.
She welcomed us to the group. "We were just about to start without you."
As we settled on the mat, the woman leading the group, who introduced herself as Melody, addressed everyone. "All right, I like to start with introductions, so I will go around the room and ask each of you to introduce yourselves to the group. I would like you tell us all a little about yourselves, what excites you and why you decided to come along."
She started on the other side of the room where this gorgeous tall slender leggy woman stood up and introduced herself, explaining that she and her husband were here to find themselves and to learn more about each other. They were having problems in their relationship and were hoping this weekend would help.
I laughed inwardly as one by one all the other couples pretty much reiterated her sentiments. I was irritated when Kushla stood and laid it on the line. We were here because we had drifted apart and had fallen into a bit of a rut. Jeez, this was none of their business and her public admission really riled me up. When I stood up I groaned. "Well, I'm only here because my wife bribed me with the promise of a massage and hot tubs."
There were some sniggers from some of the men and an annoyed angry glare from Melody.
Next, it was the same again, except this time it was to be a deeper unveiling. Everybody was expected to stand and talk for fifteen minutes about themselves. This was more intense. It was to explain their likes, dislikes, hobbies, passions, fears and most importantly, what they felt the biggest hurdle was in making their marriage work. I sat back with a huge sigh as I listened to all these arseholes spouting on and on about what they loved and hated, and then opening up about their marriages, some of them breaking into tears. Fucking hell, what a massive fucking bore. After the second couple, I just switched off.
I couldn't believe how into it Kush was. When her turn rolled around. she went into detail about her job, the kids and even me. When it was my turn, I simply explained my job and that I like to play golf before sitting down. My statement took about fifteen seconds and again drew a scorching glare from Melody.
After the introductions, Melody announced that we were now free to mingle meet the other attendees and enjoy the facilities. The moment she turned away, I jumped up and lifted Kush up off the floor. "Come on, babe, let's get a hot tub before somebody else beats us to it."
"Whoa, slow down, Marcus, let's talk to the others, get to know them."
"Nah, let's get to it. It was a long drive and I had a big day; let's go."
I physically dragged her after me; she stumbled past the others who were obviously trying to say hello.
"Jeez, Marcus, slow down. That was so rude. Some of those people wanted to talk."
"Fuck that, did you hear them fucking tree hugging new age way-out eccentrics? Let's try to stay well clear of them."
"Babe, that's why we are here; to meet people and talk out our issues. All the people here are here for the same reason."
"Let's just keep our issues to ourselves... I am not discussing our personal lives with them. You know what they say about airing your laundry in public."
We got changed and I had to physically drag Kush with me. Once we were in the tub, she relaxed. There were a whole bunch of hot tubs, all in little alcoves. The lighting was intimate and the water was hot. We were just relaxing when another couple appeared and the guy asked, "Can we join you?"
Kush was about to speak, but I beat her to it. "Sorry, bud, but there are plenty of other tubs, no need to crowd in."
He looked at his wife disappointedly and they moved down the other end. Kushla hissed angrily, "Marcus!" She glared angrily at me, her eyes burning holes into me. "That was downright disrespectful. It would have been nice to talk to somebody else, find out a little about them. Fod, that's what we're here for."
"Kush, you aren't listening, don't you get it, I don't want to talk to them. Let's just enjoy the facilities. Hopefully, we can find the bar after this and get a drink."
She nestled against me with a disbelieving shake of her cute head. "Yeah, a drink would be nice. Hopefully, we can meet some of the others there."
As we soaked in the tub, other members of the group strode in, the couple down the end waved to them. As we soaked there was laughter aplenty from the group. I noticed Kush looking on enviously. Damn, she was so gullible.
We soaked for a while and I tried to get frisky, but although she was prepared for some light making out she was not going to push the boundaries.
We went up to our room and changed, wandering back to the bar. Unfortunately, the bar was full of the whacky bastards. Kush dropped my hand and scurried away to chat to a group of women gathered at one end of the bar. I got us both a drink and delivered hers before wandering away to a quiet corner.
It wasn't quiet for long. A tall gangly long haired guy wandered up to chat, sticking out his hand for a handshake. "Hi, I'm Brad, my wife is Cindy." He pointed to a particularly curvy brunette who was amongst the women Kush was talking to.
I mumbled, uninterested, "Hi, I suppose you are thinking what I'm thinking, what a fucking waste of time, huh? Fucking women, all this new age mumbo jumbo."
