The Wrath of the Wiced Webcam

Two weeks after Jocelyn left away I was offered a Director's position with a good sized hospital. Being an experienced administrator who has a reputation for always paying attention to the "bottom line" and the efficient utilization of services made me a very competitive find. In the current economic market there simply weren't too many jobs that I was tailored for, in terms of education and experience. Hospital administration was a perfect fit for me and I was gainfully employed.

I hired a nanny to come in afternoons to be with the kids and prepare the evening meals. Logistical issues due to not having Jocelyn home forced me to begin using a couple of different babysitters. Sitters would stay with the kids on weekends when I was called in for an emergency situation (which was rare). Usually a Physician or Nurse (on-call) would be called in for an emergency surgery. As the administrator I am usually just notified of emergency cases.

Jocelyn began calling the kids at 8:30PM every evening. The regularity of her calls helped her and the kids be prepared and look forward to the conversations. For the most part the calls, usually on the kitchen's speaker phone, consisted of telling Jocelyn what they did in school that day, what they had for dinner or what they had planned for the weekend. Sometimes I would stand around the corner and listen in on the calls to doing what I believed was a father's job to monitor the exchanges. I wanted to make sure the content of the calls was appropriate for children and that Jocelyn wasn't denigrating me or our family. After the webcam display I was "gun shy" and wanted to make sure my children did not become unsuspecting receptacles, so to speak, for the problems Jocelyn and I were experiencing.

There was never an inappropriate exchange that I overheard. I also heard the "mother" in Jocelyn emerge in a way that made me a little relieved. I wasn't sure why I felt this way; it was probably they way she began talking about the kids and me.

"Don't you love us anymore?" Jimmy, my seven-year old toe-headed wonder asked with eyes wide and near tears. As the youngest he fell into that category of always being picked on by his older brother, John, and then rescued by his older sister, Karen. When Karen would intercede to defend little Jimmy John always backed off and apologized. Yes, they are great kids. Karen could mediate in a way that Jocelyn and I, as the authoritative parents, could never do.

"Of course I do Jimmy. And I miss you so much! It is important I do a few things to make sure we can always be together, and this is taking me time. Please be patient with me." Jocelyn sounded sincere, like the wonderful mother she has always been! Her sincerity helped address my fears and anxieties.

"Then why did Dad make you leave? Don't you love Dad anymore?" Karen was a very perceptive girl all of nine years old. There was no doubt in my mind she would go on to college to do something scholarly, maybe even become a psychologist. I almost felt guilty as I eavesdropped on their conversation but needed, at least for my own sense of self-confidence, to hear her response.

"Karen, you need to believe me, it is nothing your father did. It is something I did that hurt your father, something I will regret for the rest of my life. I am spending time alone trying to figure out how to make things right with your father. Please help your father as much as you can. He is a good man and not at fault for me not being home." Even though Jocelyn had chosen her words carefully I did not believe she was feeding the kids a line of bullshit.

"Mom, what did you do that was so bad?! If you love Dad, and he loves you, what's the big deal?" John, my oldest, was never one to mince words and was straight-to-the-point. Tact was not something he considered as important and that is probably why he picked on Jimmy only to be chastised by his sister.

"John, let's just say I did something that hurt your father terribly. It was my entire fault and I am struggling to find a way to make it up to him. I did something I am not proud of and need each of you to understand you mean the world to me." I knew John, now 14, had discovered the internet. Even though his time on the computer, located in the family room, was limited and supervised, I wondered if he'd discovered live webcams. I was hoping this thought entered Jocelyn's mind as it did mine.

As I listened in on the kids conversation with their mother I wondered where we would be now if I had not discovered what Jocelyn was really doing when she went to "work"?

I didn't need to hear anymore and was a little afraid my kids would learn I was listening in on the conversation. I was just relieved Jocelyn was not trying to push this off onto me or was shrugging her responsibility. Aside from Jocelyn's calls to her children I spoke to her, albeit cordially, only when I picked up the phone in the evenings.

It was almost seven weeks since Jocelyn had left when a letter arrived. In that time I had not worried about where she was or tried to find out. I knew that, on some level, she was OK. Her calls to the kids told me this. I also did not want to do anything that would appear my resolve was weakening. The letter had two sheets of paper inside. The first was a hand written note from Jocelyn.

Dear Bobby, God I miss you so much! And hope you are well. These are the test results, all negative, you requested. It took so long because the HIV/AIDs test will not show any definitive results for up to six weeks. Love, Jocelyn

The results only proved she had no disease which was a relief. She could be using a condom and spermicidal to make sure she is "clean", yes? The test results did not prove she had not actually had physical sex but I conceded to myself that she had met one of the conditions for returning. Reading the official looking test results reminded me of the fact we had not touched or kissed in, (I was trying to do the math in my head and failing!) close to 13 weeks! I'd been so busy with the new job and kids that the lack of affection was beginning to be almost natural. Natural? I don't have any idea what is normal or natural! Could I really live without Jocelyn in my life? I was beginning to believe the kids and I would be OK if I never saw Jocelyn again, that our lives would move forward.

Two days after receiving Jocelyn's test results a set of four DVDs arrived. They were from Jocelyn and their labels told me they had been made every two weeks over the last seven weeks. Had she gone back online to again? As I asked the question the next question that entered my mind was more logic than anything else. If Jocelyn was using the webcam again, whose computer was she using? Then I wondered if she was using the same computer set-up she did before?

Each CD was labeled 1-4 and so dated giving me a chronological history that started a week after I'd asked Jocelyn to move out until about a week ago. So I started with DVD #1. In the first DVD Jocelyn was fully dressed in a pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt. She wore no makeup and her hair hung straight to her shoulders and looked like it had just been washed. She looked like the middle-aged mom she is. It was also clear she was at the same computer she was at when she had gone through the masturbation scene.

It would haunt me until I knew whose computer, and where, she was accessing the website. I did not feel relieved with this thought at all.

"Hello." She greeted her audience civilly.

The barrage of people wanting her to "take-it-all-of-and-show-us-your-tits" began almost immediately.

Repeatedly Jocelyn would type her response that she was a married woman and was not going to strip for lonely perverts who had nothing better to do than watch someone beat off. She would repeatedly type a response or say, "there is no reason why we can't be polite and respectful." For almost an hour this went on before Jocelyn broke the connection asking everyone to pray for her. She was now asking people who sought a cyber-sexual experience to pray for her?

Jocelyn had never been a particularly religious person at least not that I could remember. Was she now doing a Twelve Step program to address a cyber-sexual addiction? Again, I did not have an answer.

It was bizarre, at best. If she was going to prove something to me I would have to monitor every webcam website all day every day. I had not done this because I was not going to waste my time getting upset with what I found or did not find. She could easily move to another webcam site and there must be hundreds of adult chat rooms for her to move to. It was not my job to "police" my wife.

The second DVD was similar to the first one except I noticed Jocelyn had cut her hair fairly short. She also was not wearing any makeup but looked like she had been getting a little sun. Her tan gave her skin a health kind of glow and she was smiling more. I couldn't tell but it looked like she had lost a little weight. The conversation she had with her audience of men and women, many still hoping to get a peak at her naked body, also took a different turn.

"Sorry folks, I don't get naked for anyone other than my husband." I was trying to do the math in my head, again. This was the second DVD, made two weeks after the first one. Add a week since she left home and three-and-a-half weeks since she last was affectionate with me and you had approximately six-and-a-half weeks since I'd even caught a glimpse of her naked. I was beginning to wonder what she looked like naked and I was her husband! But she was speaking about me in a positive and supportive way and this made me feel good, even if it was may male pride and ego that was being addressed.

"I'm willing to talk to folks. If you are respectful and understand I will only honor my husband and family, I will chat with you. If you want to chat about how important these things are then let's talk. Otherwise don't waste your time or money on me."

I was a little surprised that a few of the viewers logged on to her webcam site stayed to chat with her.

One man talked about how his wife had "fucked him over" and how angry he was. Another person, someone who gave me the impression it was a woman, said being "fucked over" happened to women too.

One person who was logged on to the site asked how she was "keeping it together". Jocelyn responded that being able to talk to her children every night was the glue that kept her going. Jocelyn explained her children and husband were her life and then she was afraid she'd lost the most important things in her life because of her using the live adult webcam.

What happened next surprised me. Several of her chat room viewers tipped her! The tips weren't outrageous, and I still don't know how the token tips translate into cash, but she was being recognized for her commitment to her family and not for her fat ass and hairy cunt, and this was on what I was now referring to as the wicked website.

Again the DVD ran only about an hour with her chat room nearly half full of people who seemed to be more supportive than demanding she "take it off." Those visitors who got belligerent and accosted her for not stripping were quickly pounced on by other members in her chat room.

The third DVD showed the image of a person who had clearly lost weight. Her face and neck seemed to have gained tone and definition and her hair appeared on her as most natural. I liked it. She wore no makeup but did not need makeup. She was a little tanner and appeared to be more physically fit than she had for years.

By the conversation she was having with her audience Jocelyn had developed a following, which told me she had returned more often than the four DVDs she was sharing with me. The thing that continued to bother me was that it was still an adult website, it was still a place where people got naked and cyber-fucked each other. People began to refer to conversations they had with her last night or the day-before-yesterday. Jocelyn still wore the sweat clothes but was sitting up straight and with a sense of dignity. Her audience did not try and get her to strip or ask her to commit lewd acts for them. When someone did become lewd and crude other chat room members ran that person off as if in defense of Jocelyn

After watching the third CD I had the feeling I knew what an AA group was all about. I was also surprised so many people were tipping her and tipping her big time. Where she was once tipped 10-50 tokens Jocelyn was now being tipped 100-250 tokens at a time. People were thanking her for such good advice, for helping them see how what they'd done had been hurtful to someone they loved.

The fourth DVD was more of the last one only at the end of the DVD Jocelyn said it was the last time she would be online. She looked like she was healthier than she had been at anytime in her life. She sat up straight and looked confident. She definitely looked 20 pounds, maybe more, lighter than she was seven weeks ago. She now wore a shiny black running suit (rather than the drab grey sweat pants and shirt) that did allow some of her new figure to be displayed. Jocelyn was visibly very attractive. She spoke looking directly into the camera rather than watching the monitor.

"Bobby, I have never loved anyone the way I do you and have come to the realization earlier today that displaying me via this webcam broadcast is what got me into trouble to begin with!" The number of people all trying to send her messages was constant. I wasn't paying attention to what they were trying to say. "So this is going to be the last time I ever talk to an anonymous audience. If, when I see you next, I cannot convince you of my love and fidelity then I will accept the consequences without question and grant you a divorce. Before God and all of these people you need to know that since I said I would marry you, you have been the only man to ever hold me and to make love to me."

The connection then was ended and a blank webcam screen stared back at me.

Could I believe what she was telling me and the world? I didn't know. I was confused and my resolve was beginning to crumble. I knew it was time for us to talk, for Jocelyn to make her pitch for staying together or formally bringing to a close a chapter in our life. The one thing I still did not know was whose computer she'd used and where.