This is the story of how a simple gift bought for fun, destroyed my happy marriage, my family and my happy life.
I suppose I better introduce myself. I'm Darren, 54, married for 28 years to Caroline (known to me as Caz) 55. When I met Caroline I was 24, already teaching art at the local High School. No, we're not American, we live on the Yorkshire coast in the North of England.
I remember the first time I saw her. She had this short skirt on and I remember thinking "I never realised I was a leg man". She had a beautiful pair of legs and although only a 'b' cup she had this way of arching her back to look very buxom. She was bubbly and giggly and I thought that she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She never believed that she was beautiful though. I did and planned to spend the rest of my life making her feel beautiful. She just couldn't see what I saw. She saw a round chubby face and a nose that was a little larger than it perhaps should have been. I saw her beautiful blue eyes that turned green when she cried at soppy films, I saw her beautiful smile and cupid bow lips. I saw perfection.
Me, well I'm tall, 6'4'' and tower over Caz's 5'4". I have dark hair, now streaked with grey, green eyes and I'm still nice looking, so I'm told. Caz doesn't give out a lot of compliments, she reckons I know I still look good. When we first met she called me Clarkie as she said I looked just like Clark Kent with my dark hair and glasses.
It took me a while to convince her to go out with me. I always remind her that I've loved her longer than she has loved me. When we finally did get together though, it was love. We were engaged after three months -- madness I know. We were married the following year, but I never had those pre wedding jitters. I simply adored her. Simple as that. She wasn't perfect but then neither was I. She had a terrible temper and could be selfish, but she was perfect for me.
28 years later we were celebrating our son Scott's 21st birthday. We struggled a bit to have him, it took us years and we never managed to have any more. This was something that we still found painful. We couldn't complain though as some people are never blessed and our Scott was a real blessing. He was a son that any man could be proud of. He was the type of child you could also take anywhere. Now as an adult he would talk to anyone, make them feel at ease and had a funny, engaging personality. From babies to old folk, our Scott charmed them all.
Scott and I were very close and shared the same sense of humour. He would often say what I was about to say, before I had chance to say to. We spent a lot of time together and he called me his buddy as well as his dad. I know that you have to be your child's parent, not their friend, but I hope I have done both. How would I not want a kid as brilliant as him to be my pal?
We might be very similar in personality but we didn't look alike at all, all fathers want their children to look like them, I think it is some Neanderthal thing, but Scott didn't. Caz's side of the family had exceptionally strong genes, they all looked alike. Caz and her cousins looked more like siblings. Scott looked like his Mum, her dad and everyone else in her family. When we looked after Caz's sisters children, our nephews, we could never convince strangers that the three cousins weren't brothers and that Caz wasn't Mum to all three. We loved those times with the nephews as it gave us a glimpse into what life might have been like with a larger family.
Oh well, A larger family was not to be. We were very lucky, we had no real money worries. We loved spending time together. Caz and I could never understand those couples who spent their weekends apart. We used to watch our neighbours taking it in turns to go out with friends whilst the other took a turn to look after the children. We loved spending our time together, we were that sort of couple.
I still love her as much as I ever had and found her very attractive. She certainly didn't look her age, we both looked like a couple in our forties rather than fifties. This was helped by Caz's hair that still didn't have any grey in it. This was another family trait as her dad had been just the same. Their hair faded to a softer shade rather than going grey or white.
The only blot on our marriage in recent years had been a somewhat dead bedroom. We had always had a very active sex life. Caz had only had one boyfriend before me and though not a virgin when we met was quite inexperienced. I however, had been rather busy at University and Caz was very receptive and surprised at my sharing of skills. One of my favourite things sexually is to perform oral sex. I love it. It's my kink, I suppose, being a cunning linguist. We never made love without Caz coming on my tongue -- ever. I was amazed that she'd never done that with her previous boyfriend. Apparently he thought it was dirty. I think it's the most wonderful thing a man can do for women and any man who doesn't is rather questionable.
In recent years, since Caz had hit the menopause she'd lost all interest in sex. Penetration was painful and she complained about my girth. I didn't want to hurt her, so I continued to perform oral on her instead. We both enjoyed that but it was rarely reciprocated. However, soon any sexual contact became a rarity. This upset me greatly and did cause some frustrations in our marriage. I suppose it made me feel less of a man and less attractive too. Caz would just display her legendary temper whenever I tried to broach the subject, I found it so difficult because not only did I still find her so attractive, and I had still had a rather teenage libido too. So, at 54 I was still taking myself in hand, so to speak, on a daily basis. Apparently it is essential for a healthy prostate.
Anyway, I loved I loved her so much, it was something that I reluctantly learned to live with. It hurt, but I wasn't going to step outside the marriage. Fidelity and trust was all important to me. I had an older colleague once, Trevor. He was in his late 50's at the time and recently divorced. He got very drunk at a staff do and I was nominated to see him home. Home was now a rather bare little flat and over a coffee he told me his story. He was very much in love with his wife but when he started to suffer from some erectile dysfunction, she decided to fulfil her needs elsewhere. She looked at it as entirely separate from their loving marriage and seemed beyond shocked that Trevor had divorced her.
Trevor's ex-wife now lived alone in another flat, still shocked that her lack of loyalty to her husband could result in her new life. The sad thing was a simple change of blood pressure medication later solved all Trevor's problems in that department. Too late for his first marriage but just in time for his second that provided him with a very happy retirement. I could never be unfaithful to Caz just to fulfil my sexual needs. My beautiful Caz had given me a wonderful son, home and memories. I owed it to her, to deal with this new stage in our lives in a loving way.
One of the things that Scott and I shared together was a love of genealogy. We were very excited to find that we were related to royalty. Yes, my 30th Great Grandfather was a King! Yes, I know along with many thousands of others, but still exciting. We ended up with thousands of names on our family tree. Caz wasn't interested. She said it was just a list of dead people. We tried to interest her, but she really wasn't bothered. When I got my DNA kit a few years ago, I offered to get her one but she had one of her legendary tantrums. She was very much against it, saying 'they' would know all about me. I wasn't quite sure who this big brother like 'they' was and what they intended to do with those information about a rather ordinary secondary school teacher? Anyway, I let it slide. It just became my thing and it was Ok to have a separate interest, for once.
Anyway, a few years later, Scott and I still occasionally dipped into the ancestry website, particularly after an interesting message popped up. Our interest had lessened a little after we realised we weren't going to find any more illustrious relatives. Scott did like to check on my DNA matches from around the world that popped up often as more people joined. I suppose that it was my Irish ancestry that ensured matches across the globe, So many people had scattered after the potato famine. So, I decided that as an extra little present for Scott's 21st I would get an ancestry DNA testing kit. The fact that it was on special offer probably helped too. Being a bit busy in the lead up to his birthday, I ordered it a bit late. When it eventually came a few days after his birthday we quickly completed it and I posted it on my way to school. I didn't mention it to his Mum as I knew her feelings on such things. Anyway it was one of my things with Scott. I certainly didn't want her to start all the big brother type 'they' stuff again, who would be watching Scott now too.
I realise that all you people out there have realised long ago what is about to happen next. Looks obvious, doesn't it and you would be right? All I can say is that it wasn't obvious to me. In fact when I came home one night a few days later to find my life as I knew it had ended, I couldn't have been more shocked. Caz was crying on the settee in the conservatory. Crying as though her heart was truly broken. My first thought was to wonder who had died. I rushed to her and held her in my arms, she couldn't speak for a while, so I just held her, begging her to tell me what had happened. She eventually manage to stutter that she had been talking out the recycling and seen the cardboard box the DNA testing kit came in. At this point I started to feel a bit sick, this was a major overreaction, even for Caz. I was starting to panic and I felt like my stomach had hit the floor. I could barely take it in when she said,
"Scott's yours Darren. He is. You're his Dad, but someone else got me pregnant. I did it for us -- I swear."
Silence seemed to surround me for a second until I found myself heaving, I rushed to the door of the conservatory and brought up the contents of my lunch all over the steps down into the garden. Caz actually stroke my back as I was ill, soothing me, like she cared. Eventually I calmed down enough to turn to her and I screamed at her
"For us?"
"Yes, to make us a family," she said quietly, then the old Caz was back and she shouted back "It had been so long Darren".
