The Wolf Wears Fleece

My wife was known for her imagination. She was also known for her ability to get what she wants. She was also sneaky as hell. Stir these three facts into a preamble about fantasies and I was instantly on guard.

How dare she? Here I was on this sunny Thanksgiving afternoon. I had cooked the turkey for her. I had been polite to her friends and family who came to eat my feast. I cleaned up while she and her peeps adjourned to our deck to enjoy the unseasonable warm weather. Now I was alone, quietly enjoying my just desserts, a slice of pumpkin and a glass of the new Beaujolais on the same deck while she said goodbye to the last of her guests. She could at least let me finish the pie.

"Why yes," I responded in a most professorial tone. "Sometimes I fantasize being the first to climb Mount Everest, or pitch in the World Series for the New York Giants. But alas, Everest has already been done many times, and the Giants moved to San Francisco decades ago."

I knew she meant something sexual. But I also knew she was bringing this up now in response to something her perverted friends had said while I was cleaning up. The crew she had was a little wild, and never let an opportunity go by to try to provoke each other into something outrageous, even if just verbally.

"Honey, you know I don't mean that. You know we are a little conservative in bed, and I was just wondering if there was anything 'out there' that you want to try."

She even had the nerve to crook her fingers on her 'out there.' I hate that. I don't know why, I just do. Maybe it rings of my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Fanning, who always had the need to draw punctuation marks in the air. Well props to Mrs. Fanning, she got the job done. But that's exactly the reason no one else ever needs to do it. She already got the job done.

"No Dear. I don't have sexual fantasies, at least nothing "out there." I mean if you can bring me a couple of movie stars or arrange for a doc to give me a 30" schlong, I'm game, but..."

"Daniel, you know what I mean. We were talking, and everybody thinks we're awfully square..."

"Everybody. You were discussing our sex life with everybody?"

"Well, yes. Daniel, you know these guys. Somebody's sex life always gets discussed. When you left us to clean up some of the guys just..."

She smirked. The guys said something about me that was worthy of a smirk.

"Oh I see. I went to clean up while you talked with your family that avidly dislikes me and your friends who think I'm queer..."

"They don't think you're queer. Well, a little bit. But we all go out to talk and you retreat to wash dishes from a gourmet meal you just cooked and they just thought you were being a little...domestic."

"Domestic. Hmmmm. Nice choice of word. Now tell me what you really think."

"Oh stop. You know I don't think that. I love your cooking, and everything else about you. But Doug made a crack about you being a housewife, and then started probing about our sex life."

"Tell me, Linda. When Doug said this, did you say anything to counter it? Did you defend your husband? Or did you laugh along?"

"Oh don't be ridiculous. They raved about your cooking, you heard them at the table. Everyone jumped to your defense."

"Not about my cooking dear wife. When he challenged my manhood."

She answered by not saying a word.

"So tell me Linda dear, what does it feel like to be married to a pussy?"

"No one called you a pussy!"

She was adamant, but she stopped to think. Which let me know someone had indeed called me a pussy.

"So who said it?"

"Ralphie, but he was just joking."

"...and you defended my honor by saying what?"

She looked down and said nothing.

"I see. So what did you say about our love life? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing! It's just that you are the only guy I ever had sex with. So I didn't have much to compare it to. They badgered me with questions, and after a while it was easier to answer than to deal with the flak. So I told them everything. I told them you were conservative, and..."

"That was between us. That was personal. Now all of my secrets are out in front of everyone. Who knows who they know and may talk to. So now my loving wife is asking me about my fantasies. Well, let me tell you. You. You are my fantasy. You are my only fantasy, and I am fortunate live it every day. I have it all to myself. At least I think I have it. They way you are talking, I'm a little unsure."

"Oh nonsense. I love you, and nothing will change that. Everybody was telling me about things to try and things they loved. And most of them involved other partners."

There it was. Other partners. She wanted to sample other men.

"I see. So your friends have convinced me I'm not enough for you."

"Nooooooo! It's not that! I love you in bed. It's just that you are my one and only. They said I should try some other guys. They said if you really love me, you'll let me."

"If I really love you, I should want you all to myself. That's why I married you. One man, one woman, until death do us part. I loved being footloose and fancy free before we met. I had my pick of women and they never left me dissatisfied. But when you came around, I gave it up because I loved you. You are the best, so you are my only. Now I'm not going to be your only any more. Everything is uncertain. Everything is changed."

"I haven't done anything yet!"

"Right. You haven't. But at this point, if it's a strong enough feeling for you to bring to me, it's strong enough that you'll go behind my back. Maybe you already have!"

"Nooooo!"

"Right. Who is to say you didn't suck Ralphie off right there just to scratch an itch. You had time, and that crew has done worse."

"Daniel! I never! I wouldn't cheat on you!"

"Wouldn't? Or haven't? How bout won't? Better yet, how about 'Don't want to.' But that's not true. You do want to, don't you."

Again she answered by not answering.

"You already have someone in mind, right?"

Quiet.

"Ok, go ahead. But I have conditions. So tell me, who, when and where?"

Quiet again. A tear slid down her cheek.

"Come on Linda, this is your idea! You've obviously given this some thought. From the looks of it this is not the first time your little circle has knocked this around. I'd bet good money that today was more about 'have you told Daniel yet?' than it was a first time conversation. Right?"

It wasn't quiet this time. She was sobbing openly.

"So answer me. Who, when and where?"

She sobbed a while longer, then sucked it up and gathered herself.

"You don't know him. Ralphie and Doug both wanted it to be them, but they have a deal with their wives. If they play with a woman, they get her man."

"And?"

"Well all that talk about you being queer..."

I laughed. I laughed hard and long.

"I see! They felt they'd be getting the raw end of the deal."

She nodded.

"Well, it's good to know what your friends think about me."

"No! Jerry's wife Donna liked the idea. As long as you cook her a meal first."

"Right. A way to a woman's heart is through her taste buds. So, they told you, if I really loved you, I'd do this."

She nodded.

"Ok."

It took her a while, but when she realized I was agreeing to let her experiment fucking other guys, her face brightened. She rushed me and locked me up in a hug. It didn't break until I avoided her kiss.

"Baby, kiss me.'

"No."

"Why?"

"Things have changed. I'm giving you what you want, and I'm allowing it as you say, because I love you. But I don't want to do this. I'm risking our marriage here."

"No baby, this is just sex. I love you!"

"You know that's a cliche, right? The "sex vs. love" cheater's defense is as old as monogamy. But you're saying it to someone for whom sex IS love, and it always will be. I don't have sex with you, I make love. And since I'm going to be making love to other women, I have to put some emotional distance between you and I."

"Making love to other women? Who said anything about you..."

"Your friends of course. Ralphie and Doug have this arrangement with their wives, I expect nothing less. Only since I'm doing this in response to your idea, you have to risk more than me."

"Why? Fair is fair? We should be risking the same!"

"No. I had this life before I got married. I rejected it. I wanted a one and only woman as my partner, and I found you. Now my partner wants to go explore that life, so there's no reason I shouldn't go back to it too. If you'd rather explore the entire buffet, I'm not going to sit home waiting. But I'm risking more. You haven't done this and you don't know how quickly a relationship can develop over sex, and then fall apart over everything else. It would be easy for you to fall in lust, think it was love, forget what we have, and ditch me. Then a couple of months or a year later, I could have you at my door wanting what you gave up.

We have it good, Linda. You don't know how good we have it, because you never played it any other way. That's past. You can't go back without changing things, and things have changed."

"Daniel, you'll see. You can put your emotional distance between us, but I'm always going to come home to you as hot as ever."

"NO!"

I never raise my voice, so when I objected this strongly, she was taken back.

"No. You are not coming back from a date hot for me. Put that out of your mind. I don't want anything to do with you after another guy has had you. If you ever come to me with sloppy seconds, that will be the end of our little game, and the end of our marriage!"

"Baby! Don't knock it til you try it! Jerry says..."

"Jerry! The same Jerry who doesn't want Donna anywhere near me!? No baby. That's a condition. I want at least three days between your being with another man and making love to me. Three days."

"Fine! You'll be crawling to me. You can never go three days! I'll have you begging for sloppy seconds. What other fucking conditions are you going to insist on!? Are you spying on my dates too? Do you want to watch?"

She was pissed. I was glad. Pissed people make mistakes, especially when they are passionate about whatever pissed them off. And Linda was definitely passionate about fucking someone.

"No. I don't want to. I don't have to. I know what fucking looks like. Here are my conditions. First, I want you safe. So any guy who is going to be with you has to pick you up here and meet me, and when you have sex, it has to be at his place."

"Meet you? Why!? And why can't I bring him here."

"He can't come here because this is my home. The man provides the place, and it shouldn't have to be a sleazy motel. If some guy is going to have you, he needs to provide comfortable surroundings. I'm risking losing you over sex with some guy, he has to measure up as a provider."

She looked thoughtful. After all, these conditions were all about her. She calmed down and accepted my proposal, and even thanked me for keeping her in mind. She reiterated that I really wasn't risking anything, that she wasn't going to leave me.

"Ok, then, you won't mind me taking another safety precaution. When I meet him, I'm taking a picture of his driver's license."

She gasped sharply, but realized it was a good deal. Someone who could be easily identified was less likely to hurt her. She didn't realize, that if I could ID him from a license, I could find his home, speak with his wife, if he had one, and verify he wasn't a predator."

"Finally, if you ever stay overnight, he has to supply his wife as a replacement while you're gone. And to cover my risk, if his wife agrees I'm better than him in bed, the swap stays intact for a month."

"WHAT!? NO FUCKING WAY!"

She ranted and raved and carried on for a good 15 minutes, but said little more of importance than "No!" Ok maybe "Hell No!" Finally she did calm down, though.

"My conditions are not negotiable. They both agree to this condition, or no date. I'm risking losing you in spite of what you say. You need to worry about losing me just as much, and you don't get it yet. This condition will also mean any serious dates have to be at least a month apart, so you'll have time to consider things, like how we are changing as a couple, how I compare to other guys, and what happens next."

"A month apart!? Why?"

"Because if we are to survive this, you'll need to take time and not just get addicted to strange cock. If that happens we're through."

"What about you? Won't it affect you the same way?"

"That's your risk, although it's not as great a risk as you might think. Remember, I've already done this, and I chose you instead. You haven't chosen me over other guys like this."

"Fine! You can have your month, but when we're apart for a month, you can't dictate when I see someone else. I could just cheat you know."

"That's true. But if we get to that point, our marriage is already dead. There will be tears."

"What about you? You'll be stuck I the same situation!"

"Yeah, but I've been there, and it worked. I lived with three female roommates at the same time, and we wound up only sleeping with each other. It worked fine for the whole year. Guys are different about sharing their lovers than women. Plus, they are less likely to play with each other than women."

"You're trying to cause fights!"

"I could argue the same thing about your friends putting you up to this. All I'm saying is put up or shut up. You know if we adopt this lifestyle, we are going to get around to swapping with them. You know that's why they are pressing you on this, don't you? Those guys want to fuck you, and they always have. I'm in their way. They seemed to think I was an inconsequential wuss, but they are worried about their wives sleeping with me. If I'm such a wuss, they wouldn't worry about me making an impact on their marriages. You seem to think there will be no emotional downside, so I'm saying put up or shut up. Call 'em all now. Set up the dates. Start with your man of mystery, then line up all the guys smack talking me. Jerry, Ralphie, Doug, even Joe and Tony. Skip the bullshit and cut to the chase. You want me to wife swap with your friends."

"I never said anything about Joe and Tony!"

"Maybe not. But they were here, and you also never said they took my side. If they're all so sure, they have nothing to lose. But my conditions. Wives get picked up at home. Driver's licenses get photo'd. Males host at home. Any wife likes me better at sex stays for a month, and you stay with the date that lost her. Call. But I'm warning you, I'm good at this."

She went into the house, and I remained behind on the deck with my wine and pie. An hour and a half later, it had cooled off and the sun had set.

"They're all in. The guy from work isn't married though, so he doesn't have a wife to bring. The guys want a side bet. They don't think any of their wives are going to pick you, so if you lose, you have to throw a party. You cook, serve the meals wearing a waitress dress, and then give them all blowjobs naked while serving desserts and after dinner drinks. They say it's a fair wager considering how much you want their wives to do."

She was smirking again.

"Ok. You're laughing at the image, but I'm not. I know what I can do to a woman. You do too, but you don't know how other guys work it. So it's a bet. Put the dates on the calendar. Oh and your mystery man date? Go ahead an book it. I'll give him my terms in lieu of him being single when he gets here. He should be prepared to leave alone if he can't accept my offer. Tell him that. Oh, tell your buddies they neglected complete terms on the side bet. I'll give them their party if they win. But if they lose, they throw the party, complete with cross dressing and blow jobs. And there will be cameras present."

She looked a little less sure of herself. I was confident I would win, and her smirk was history.

"When do we start?"

"Saturday night."

Two days.

No sweat.

I spent Friday and Saturday getting ready. I helped Linda move into a spare room. If I wasn't going to kiss her, I sure wasn't going to do anything else. I enjoyed a steak while Linda got ready to go out. She came downstairs dressed to the nines, but wearing a dress I had bought for her to wear to a special occasion. She saw my questioning look, and went on immediate defense.

"I know what you're thinking. You bought the dress, and the lingerie I'm wearing beneath it. But it's what I have, and I should be able to make the best of this. When this is all over, I'll wear whatever you want any time except at work or with my family, just to make up for it. Please Daniel, let me do this right?"

As much as I wanted to send her upstairs to change, I relented.

"Fine. Just never wear any of that for me again. I can't see you in it the same way after this. No wedding rings though. Take 'em off. Right now, you aren't married, and have no right to wear my rings."

I slid mine off and walked over her to trade. I could see her clouding up as I placed mine in her hand, and when I slipped her rings off her finger, she started to rain. I felt bad, but I turned away from her and slipped her diamonds into my pocket. I looked back when the doorbell rang, and he mascara was a mess.

"Fix your eyes," I told her, "your boyfriend is here."

I greeted him, and brought him into the living room. He was annoyed that I demanded his license, but when I gave him the option of leaving alone he produced it. He was annoyed I wouldn't bring him a drink. Apparently he had bought into that cuckold shit and expected to be served. He was annoyed when I told him I would be checking on her to be sure she was safe, and I expected her to discreetly FaceTime me or answer my calls whenever I called her. He was pissed when I told him I expected him to host at his home, but finally agreed to that. When I asked him what he would be providing in exchange for my wife's company since he had no wife to trade, he was stuck. I produced a menu of services from a local escort service I had printed from the Internet and told him I expected equal or greater value than the market rate for Linda's time. To my surprise, he pulled out his wallet and produced the amount listed for an evening event.

"Home by 2:00 AM, or bring the cash for a full night."

He was pissed, and red faced by the time we heard my lovely wife's footsteps on the stairs. His eyes bulged when she came into the room, and I couldn't blame him. The dress hugged her curves like paint. Her generous cleavage begged to be ravished, and her legs went on forever. They barely noticed me as they walked out to his Camry, but Linda did notice me when I backed the Mercedes out of the garage. We didn't drive it often, only on weekend jaunts and date nights. It was Linda's turn for her eyes to bulge. I stopped beside his car and rolled down my window.

"Remember Wilbur Franks of 1312 Wilson Lane. I know where you live. You've agreed to my conditions, I expect you to live up to them. So when you decide to retire for the evening, I'll expect you to be at your home. Your car should be parked there when I check. Linda, have a nice time. And if he evades any of my conditions, especially hosting you in his home, I would suspect he is not as single as he appears, and has been playing you. He'll start making excuses to avoid taking you home, because his unsuspecting wife is there. But he should worry less about you than his wife, because I'm going over there to check on him before I go out to find my fuck for the night."

I pulled out, but not too fast. I wanted to watch what happened, and the scene that unfolded in my rear view mirror was a comedy. He burned rubber in reverse in an attempt to catch me. His car swerved as he raced after me, and I could imagine him juggling his attention between the wheel and Linda as the reason for his erratic driving. However, before he could catch up to me, red lights flared, and a local patrol car pulled him over.