The Wife Disappears
MONDAY
It's morning and someone is pounding on my door. Looking out the window, there's an unmarked police car in my driveway. I take a big swallow from the bottle of scotch from my bedside table and head downstairs yelling. I opened the door and the plainclothes detective said he needs to ask me some questions. He winces as his nose smells my breath. We sit down at the kitchen table, and I offer him a cup of coffee.
As we drink our coffee, he pulls out a little notepad and starts with his questions:
"When was the last time you saw your wife?"
"Friday night at the sports bar."
"Why haven't you reported her missing?"
"On Friday night, I walked past the dance floor on my way to the bathroom, I saw my wife humping this guy while her tongue was down his throat. Here I have a video."
I played the 15 seconds of her humping the guy and stops when she sees me.
"After Jesse saw me filming her, she started yelling it wasn't what it looked like, do you believe it. What do you think it looks like. We were yelling over each other; she was trying to make it through the mob. I yelled at her not to come home. I guess she heard me."
"What happened after you told her not to come home."
"I ran out of the place. Once I got out into the cold, I remembered I was on my way to piss so I went behind the building and pissed on the garbage cans. I thought I heard her calling my name, so I stayed by the trash cans until I thought it was safe. I didn't want to face her."
"And then I came home and started drinking."
"You haven't heard from her?"
"No. I thought she would call or text me on Sunday, but she never did."
"And you didn't try and contact her?"
"No, I wasn't going to call that cheating slut. I only want to call a divorce lawyer,"
"Did you have any idea beforehand that she was cheating on you?"
"I had absolutely no idea. Looking back now I'm sure that there were some clues that I missed. We haven't had sex in maybe a month. She was never in the mood."
Just as the cop was getting ready to leave, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a man asked me my name, handed me an envelope and told me I had been served. I opened up and my wife was suing me for divorce for irreconcilable differences.
I was honestly shocked and collapsed on the couch handing the divorce paperwork to the cop. To be served today, that shit was prepared early last week.
"So, officer, can she be missing and still file for divorce?"
TUESDAY THE WEEK BEFORE.
My wife and I had been trying to have a baby for months. I wasn't complaining because I thought she was going to fuck me to death. But I decided to see if I was shooting blanks, and I was. They said my sperm count was less than zero. I decided to put off telling her until the weekend.
WEDNESDAY MORNING THE WEEK BEFORE
My wife is drinking her coffee and playing with her phone. I guess she didn't hear me come in because she jumped, and her phone slipped across the table. As she stood up, she covered her mouth and vomit leaked out the sides of her hand and out her nose. She ran to the bathroom as I grabbed the mop. I picked up her cell phone and she had been texting some guy she called Boo. The texts were pretty explicit on their sexual antics and a picture of my wife with someone's cock in her mouth. They also had plans to meet at a sports bar on Friday. I sent them to my phone and deleted the sends.
When my wife got out of the bathroom her phone was closed on the table, and I was almost done mopping the floor. I put my best face forward and asked her if she was ok. She assured me she was.
Somehow, I muddled through work. I am employed by a gas company. Nothing ever exciting, mostly turning people on and off for not paying their bills or responding to gas leak calls. In the afternoon I had a call to turn someone back on. They are usually happy to see you. If you're doing a shut off you need an armed guard in some places.
I knock on the front door for the turn-on and this huge black guy answered the door. He was the size of the door and not happy to see me.
